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 Post subject: ltr17 recovery thread
PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2019 6:30 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:59 am
Posts: 4
Hi guys,

So excited to start a recovery thread. Been lurking around and reading some of the posts on here for a while, and it's great to see people going through the entire program, lesson after lesson.
I have been kind of doing the exercises in a haphazard way and this will be a great way to document all the lessons in one place.

Lesson 1: Building a Healthy Foundation for Change

Committing to Change
Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:
1. actively committing yourself to change
2. not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3. allowing yourself time to change
 
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys.
 
1. actively committing yourself to change
I simply no longer see the need to hold onto addictive / compulsive behaviours as a way to manage my emotional life. I pretty much get on with life on life's terms regardless of the inherent chaos or frustrations/disappointments. I honestly don't see the need for this any longer. I think the only reason it was here is because I didn't see it as a huge problem as it wasn't stopping me, every single day, from being my most purposeful and powerful self. However, when I think about it, these addictive behaviours are not worth keeping around. Even now, they are causing more trouble than they are worth. They are not worth their weight in terms of the sparse little 'comfort' they provide. I know this addiction and other addictions are a way to regulate and mange my emotional state. And I have already come across some basic state management skills. That and the life management skills I will be learning in this workshop should give me more than enough firepower to destroy this and transition to health. I did not make it priority before as I was still somewhat controlling the usage…but I realise that part of me will always want to be reaching out to use this addiction, even if I have better state management and life management skills, until I make the decision to cut it out forever. The decision and the motivation to live an addiction free or healthy lifestyle comes first. I must decide to change the core of who I am and must start to live based on an evolving value system. But it will not be possible to transition to a healthy lifestyle, if I continue to play with the idea of using. The decision and motivation to live an addiction free lifestyle must form the foundation upon which you will start to deploy values based decision making and other life management skills.
 
2. not allowing guilt / shame to sabotage your commitment to change
I just need to make this a priority. But you've made this a priority before too right? Were you able to change before? No, I because I did not have the power I have now, nor the tactical know how, from this workshop, my chances of success now are exponentially higher than they were before. Making this a priority does not mean, that this has to be the only goal I pursue, just means that this is one of the primary goals. You are pursuing over 4 or 5 high impact goals anyway - becoming a master salesman, training as a developer, establishing prayer, building power and self mastery, getting a six pack. It needs to be amongst your top 4 goals, something you spend time monitoring on a weekly basis. Overall time investment will probably not even exceed 3 to 4 hours. Small price to pay for permanent change and self-mastery. Most important thing is deciding that you will conquer this no matter what. You won't stop until you own it.
 
3. allowing yourself time to change
I have made up my mind that I will make a full transition to recovery and then to health. I don't care if it takes me 1 year or 10years. I do not care if I am have a million other obligations and commitments or very few commitments. I don't care if my life hits rock bottom and I become homeless, I will find a way to crawl out and work it until I have recovered all parts of me. I don't care if I'm alone by myself or surrounded by love. Thanks to God, I have the being to thrive alone and with others. This serves no function for me.
 
 
Reasons to Permanently Change Your Life
Beyond an active commitment to change, another important factor in determining your ultimate success is motivation. Look deep inside you and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life. Don't stop at three or four obvious ones, really examine your life and what is important to you. Phrase these in the positive. For example: "I don't want to keep deceiving my wife" would serve you better if written like "I want to be open and transparent with my wife". Positive statements have much more power in our mindset than negative ones.
 
 
1. I want to control the intensity and duration of effort in all my strivings, whatever they may be.
2. I want to accomplish my goals whatever they may be, and I can best do that from a healthy and values based lifestyle. Sure it's possible to achieve even one or two big goals whilst holding onto some addictions. But think of the champions swimmer. The swimmer that wins it all is the one who optimally conditions himself. It is possible to swim half decent while remaining a smoker. But the swimmer that conditions himself accordingly - trains himself regularly and eliminates smoking permanently is the one who will win it all.
3. I want to maximize the joy I extract from my life. And the only lasting satisfaction can come from accomplishing worthwhile goals and living well. An addict is someone who does not live well. You cannot become a praticing stoic whilst holding onto addictions. A stoic learns to live effectively under all circumstances. He is the most effective ruler, statesman, politician. He is the most effective homeless man - accepting his circumstances without wincing, and gets busy making the most of even such dire circumstances. He still find some odd labour to survive, he can use all the extra time to prepare. Like Mandela in prison, who was preparing mentally to lead his country when he got out.
4. I want to be a good husband to my wife. I want to give the most of myself - all my physical and mental strivings to my wife. Part of that includes expending my sexual energy only for my wife.
5. I want to strive for excellence in my current job. Everything that is worth doing, is worth doing well. I must do my utmost to ensure my performance on the job is consistently effective.
6. I want to attain mastery in sales. I will need to put forth consistent effort and deliberate practice on a daily basis to attain this. No if's or but's about whether it can be achieved. Anything can be achieved with sufficent intensity and duration of effort.
7. I want to have coding skill equivalent to a junior developer within a year. I only know I need to get this done. I don't care how, I must make it happen. I need to be working at full capacity in order to manage these two major career goals.
8. I want to become a man that I can be proud of. A man who does not shirk from duty or responsbility. A man who takes on the challenge, no matter how monumental it is and strives at the utmost of his capabilities on a consistent basis.
9. I want to become a man of God. I don't know how. I don't know all the steps I would need to take, all the changes I would need to drive in my inner being. But for sure, I know this is an important part of the process. Taking responsibility for my life can only help, not hinder my kinship with Allah.
10. I want to build up immense reserves of personal power. I know that I would need reserves of personal to power to maintain the intensity and duration of effort across the major goals. I must build this up gradually and methodically. I must acknowledge that moving from a position of weakness to strength takes time, intense striving, calibration, and persistent application of brute force. Step1 of building up personal power is ensuring that I am maintaining a baseline level of wellbeing. Committing to recovery and values based decision making engaged in daily, will provide traction in maintaining this baseline wellbeing.
 
 
 
 
Reclaiming Your Life - The picture exercise
I have to do this at this at some point.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 18, 2019 2:28 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Hello ltr

and welcome to the programme
Quote:
I have been kind of doing the exercises in a haphazard way

OK that is so much better than doing nothing but is it enough?
only you can answer that to yourself but please do think on this
RN is a proven roadmap but it is only a roadmap


So if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path sucessfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2019 8:08 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:59 am
Posts: 4
Hi Coach Kenzo,

Nice to meet you. You are absolutely right, my goal was to do the exercises in the prescribed manner.

What is your perspective on recovery being a priority when life feels extremely uncertain?

I was progressing at a slow but steady pace.
One of the insights that I've derived from the program is that without a healthy foundation of values, there is no recovery... and my 'foundation of values' seems to be getting chopped and churned like crazy these days (sudden unexpected unemployment and finding out that my wife is pregnant). And it's not just the sudden unemployment, that's easily solved. The unexpected coming of the child puts my life plans into severe disarray (or so I seemingly believe) as I lack clear direction in my career and my career was always going to be the priority.

There seems to be very little motivation to work across the breadth of values that I set up (religion, getting in shape, being a good husband to my wife) until I have found another suitable job. Not that it's not possible to jobhunt effectively and work the recovery program, but I feel a deep lack of stability without the job and hence these values are not currently having a sufficient pull on me.

So I put the program on hold because I am not actively developing these values anyway. But on the flip side, relying on just one value of 'finding the job' and ignoring everything else is also not providing the emotional balance and stability as all my stimulation is being derived from this one value. I intellectually get that we must have a good base of values (plural) to draw fulfilment from... but struggling to put this into practice.


Any insight or perspective you have would be seriously appreciated.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 25, 2019 10:16 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 391
Hi ltr

Sorry to hear of your news on the job front and you will clearly need to channel your efforts into getting re-employed. But you also mention more positive news about your wife being pregnant. No-one here will tell you what to do but i would suggest that recognising your values (surely your wife and unborn child are at the centre of those?) and wanting a healthy recovery are more important now than ever? If you ignore your recovery then you risk losing more than just your wife now.

The RN workshop is a long road but it is up to each person how they wish to tackle it. Some want to put lots of regular time into it and others less time. There is no right or wrong way but earmarking at least some time each week to start working through the lessons will give you the feeling of pursuing the solution whereas putting it on hold will only guarantee no recovery during that time. I say you have nothing to lose by keeping going in some shape or form with whatever time you can spare and having a connection to this site will keep it at the forefront of your mind which can only be a good thing.

Your choice though at the end of the day but choose wisely. In the meantime good luck with job hunting.

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L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 16, 2019 11:51 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:59 am
Posts: 4
Hi L2R,

Thanks for your input. Appreciate the honest feedback. Yea I've decided to get on the with the program as well. I thought I'd wait till the situation stabilizes a bit, but that hasn't happened. Moreover, I think there is tremendous benefit in grinding through the program during the most unfavourable of circumstances as I feel that would embed the fundamental concepts deeper within me and would also allow me to test the efficacy of the applied exercises in shit circumstances. Have decided to persist with the program no matter what, even if I end up homeless, divorced and my career goes down the drain. (Of course, I don't intend to let that happen).

Will keep posting the exercises on here starting today.

Regards
ltr17


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2019 1:09 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:59 am
Posts: 4
Lesson 2 - Establishing a Vision for Your life

To live and die in accordance with my religious principles. To believe in God and the Last Day. To meet God with a sound heart.
A career / business that I'm satisfied with, based on the long term skills I want to develop as well as my permanent values.
To be a father that my kids can be proud of, someone who has built himself into a character that thrives on adversity and challenge, who can find meaning under varying circumstances and adhere to good moral values. All the values I want to impart to my kids, I want to be able to live and demonstrate through my own application. This program is part of the process. To practice and eventually embody some values like Ben Franklin used to do - discipline, work ethic, honesty, resourcefulness, compassion. To develop good, productive relationships and a good social network (really lacking in this regard as I have neglected it for aeons.)


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 27, 2019 7:00 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Hi ltr
Quote:
This program is part of the process.


really???????????? :pe:

it has been a while
what do you have to lose?
addiction is no friend

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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