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PostPosted: Thu Jan 02, 2020 3:47 am 

Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:39 am
Posts: 26
Ex 18
I’m now gonna apply the filters of Time, Habituation and Intensity to the compulsive behavior/ritual I described in the previous post.
It sure plays a big role in the ritual.
Because time can be intended as the amount of hours that I used to spend when I didn’t masturbate to collect pieces for my fantasy or to the span of the masturbation session it self.
Either case is insanely much.
I could spend my whole day at school doing that with my teacher and class mates and then go back home and spend hours divided in more than one session even everyday.
Of course I was looking for deriving the best out of the sensory stimulation, so the perfect combination of the image on the screen (or in my mind) and the state of maximum arousal required several hours at some point.

This relates directly with intensity.
The perfect combination for the best orgasm of course doesn’t exist, it only sets your threshold for pleasure higher, and you will require more and more time and stimulation.
The intensity was all those “strict” steps or requirements needed to get off the best, touching myself exactly in that way, edging and resisting as long as I could, stop touching my penis suddenly in order not to ejaculate too soon and so on.

Of course speaking of setting the threshold for pleasure higher and higher, was where the habituation came in.
I was absolutely desensitized, I couldn’t even imagine to get off for something that was different than my fetish, and I even got to the point that I had to escalate with the material and contents cause the ones I used in the former sessions just wouldn’t do it anymore.
It was hard to find something exciting and I had a utterly altered vision of sexuality, this is the biggest damage I believe.

PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2020 11:20 am 

Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:39 am
Posts: 26
Thoughts on ex 19
During these days that I’ve been monitoring my rituals I’ve noticed that the thing in common is fantasy, that’s the most recurrent element.
I guess it is some kind of mechanism to escape things that are unpleasant to me or out of my control.
I’m gonna give out 3 cases here.
The first one regards my life overall, so it is not strictly sexual.
It has more to do with realization, life goals and ambitions, so since I am not satisfied with what I am now, what I can identify myself with, what I represent to the others, I fantasize about an imaginary self in an imaginary world.
This world came out of all my influences like mangas, movies, books, video-games and so on.
It feels weird to write this thoughts out now but it is something I’ve realized recently, let’s say within the last year, but something that I’ve unconsciously been building throughout my life, as a mechanism to cope maybe with things I could achieve or accept e.g. I failed a test? Doesn’t matter, cause in “my world” I am still the lead role, super cool, full of super powers and that doesn’t ever fail.

Things that trigger this ritual are of course delusions, moments when I am doing physical activity and also music especially on headphones while I am walking.

The second is a sexual/romantic fantasy.
What of the things I am least satisfied with is my sexual/romantic life, not finding what I am looking for and the late realization that I have an emotional/romantic void that I try to fill out in the wrong ways, causes me a lot of distress.
Especially right before falling asleep, makes me feel so good fantasizing about cuddles with a girl (which can change from scenario to scenario) ,other romantic things and sex, romantic and passionate one.
This happens before falling asleep because it is the moment of the day when you sum up what you achieved during that day, if you brought to an end the things you wanted to and so on.
So probably it is the moment of the day when I am the most vulnerable to those kind of thoughts.
Also the thoughts that I am alone I would like a girlfriend triggers that.

Third case is a compulsory use of social networks, here’s a thin line that I am walking on, cause role of fantasy in not that clear at first, but the mechanics is really really similar to that.
So it’s about getting distracted from unpleasant thoughts and get lost in a this virtual, semi fake world, were there is always something going on though, something that can keep me distracted from taking responsibilities, exactly as the cases before.

PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2020 4:35 am 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 195
Hi Nathan046,

You said
I’ve tried unsuccessfully to recover several times, including a previous attempt with this workshop previously, that I never accomplished.

It has been awhile since you posted and I am hoping that you have not given up again?

If you commit to a health based recovery it will work, but you have to be determined and single minded.
Let's see if you can get back to the lessons and finish this course. Remember on RN you have nothing but support from us and all we want to see is your recovery.

“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu

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