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 Post subject: Ed1043's recovery thread
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 8:33 pm 
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Posts: 63
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Recovery workshop contents -------
L24: elements of my rituals --------------------------------
L32: updated proactive plan 1 ----------
Latest lesson ---------------------------------------------

Page 1 / Page 2 / Page 3/ Page 4 / Page 5 / Page 6 / Page 7


Last edited by Ed1043 on Tue Apr 07, 2020 8:08 am, edited 4 times in total.

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 Post subject: Lesson 1 & 2
PostPosted: Fri Feb 21, 2020 8:45 pm 
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First lesson, laying the foundation: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_001.php
Summary: In recovery, YOU are the one to wield the weapon and fight the battle, you are the one to take action and make the recovery. The workshop will guide you but you are the one who needs COMMITMENT through recovery.

A. Three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery are:[/b]
1) actively committing yourself to change
2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
3) allowing yourself time to change.
Consider where you feel you are in relation to each of these recovery keys?

As much as I try to be proactive all the time, sometimes I do feel tired and have the desire to go passive as a 'break'. I have failed myself in commitment many times before, but if I can recover from this addiction then I will do my best.
Guilt and shame, I feel, have not been a problem when I clearly see and understand my objective and destination, but otherwise (if vague/ if in gray area) it does affect me, usually discourage. But here I understand that the guilt I experience from my addiction is to not get in my way.
Time, as I understand, is important as it is a key factor in a 'process' (change is a process), I think I'm good with this one.

B. Motivation - Look deep inside and list ten to fifteen reasons why you seek to permanently change your life.

1. I want to live with a passion knowing that is my driving force in life
2. I want to make better use of my limited time and life
3. I want to know the true feeling of desiring someone (non sexually)
4. I want to look at women as humans and individuals more, not objectifying them.
5. I want to be independent and free from porn, free from the daily pattern that drains me inside out
6. I want to live a more STABLE life, not always needing that release.
7. I want to be honest and transparent with myself and the world. To no longer deceive.
8. I want to feel 'alive' and no longer numb
9. I want to prove my ability to persevere and discipline myself.
10. I want independence in managing my emotions.

C. physical picture in album drawer

Establishing a healthy vision for your life: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_002.php
Summary:
Addiction isn't why you suck at life - addiction and health are opposite poles - but the addiction is merely a symptom that your life/health is not being managed well enough, and it is important to recognize that we must first improve your life management skills. Ignorance breeds powerlessness. By neglecting to learn the natural and logical process of addiction, it is the addiction itself that is empowered — often to the point of self-perceived helplessness. Ignorance breeds fear. Fear in recovery is like a match to gasoline. Pursue your vision with passion - but know that it can be overdone so do not equate the passion with the validity of your vision. A vision is important so that you have something to work towards to in life.

My Vision: (updated april-6)
I want to improve my attitude. Be more social and open, don't be afraid to be so vulnerable with your friends. I don't want to waste opportunities and chances, not going out and saying no to everything. Thing is, I know I enjoy it, so I know I should be saying yes to events and social stuff. I don't wanna simply stay in and be lazy, because it's such a waste of opportunities.

As for a longer-sighted life vision, I don’t ask myself to become a billionaire travelling around the world, I just want to live a fulfilling life where I have put my commitment and passion into my career, and make an ‘impact’, even if small in my field. It's okay to do so I guess, but I will try my best to avoid mediocrity. To be.. just ok. just average. meh. I don't want that. I will aim high, though I don't know what it is I will be doing in the future, I will aim as high as I can. I also want to find that special someone. My soulmate.

As a person, throughout my life I want to become more mature in my way of thinking and decision-making, and be more open, whether it is perspective or criticism. I want to be able to socialize without worry or self-doubt, and freely. I want to have a persona that people can look up to. Additionally, I want to ensure that I take care of physical and mental health, as well as continue learning in life.

I want to be in control of my emotions. To tackle and face my FEARS that give my anxiety, and be vulnerable with the people I care about, to accept frustration rather than trying to gain control over everything, and to not fall to my emotions. To have emotions simply as indicator of what I should do, rather than dictators of what I do.

Lastly, be happy. Laugh. Enjoy life. Love and worship God. God has done so much for me All this would be bullshit if I myself am not happy. I want to ENJOY and cherish small moments and experiences in life, be grateful and not worry too much forward, knowing that God has plans for me, and that I trust him. I want to be happy in my daily life. I want to have God in my life, trust him, and follow his ways of life.


Last edited by Ed1043 on Tue Apr 07, 2020 8:01 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Lesson 3-5
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 9:21 pm 
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Lesson 3 summary: Values are concepts and principals that drive you, your behavior, and your decisions throughout your life. Without values, your life may feel meaningless and addiction can replace the non existent values. Values are your car engine and you need them in life. There are 2 types: universal & practical.


Lesson 4 summary: "So one of your goals in recovery is to throw away the ignorance card." You need to start making your decisions based on your values and not your in-the-moment emotions. Emotions can skew your perspective (hence why your addiction hasn't magically disappeared yet), whether they are bad or good - they are unstable, and 'have the capacity to numb reason(ing)'.


Lesson 5 summary: "Ensure that this list does indeed match the identity that you are striving to build. It is important that you take the time to root out those values that you are not ready to commit yourself to developing, to align your thoughts and actions with who you are committing yourself to be."

My complete list of my values: (outdated, updated in L31~)
1. Be proud of who I am. (Identity)
2. To have passion in whatever it is I do.
3. Be more socially active & proactive.
4. To understand & respect limits, including others' & my own (physical & mental)
5. Stay physically fit & healthy.
6. To dare to walk out of my comfort zone
7. Live and love music.
8. I want to read more books
9. Enjoy life more, don't worry be happy
10. Be more grateful for everything
11. Be more vulnerable and open yourself.
12. Becoming a 'participant' and not just a 'spectator'
13. Be more academically active & consistent.
14. Live with God's values (Faith)
15. Get into a meaningful relationship
16. Maintain a good mental health.
17. Being able to put commitment into something
18. Be less irritable when not in the mood
19. Be able to manage my emotions better
20. Balancing & managing time wisely
21. Fulfill my responsibilities
22. Ensure I take my opportunities & not miss them.
23. Be more patient and less reactive
24. Be more open to other perspectives & opinions
25. Become more mature in my way of thinking
26. Become more thoughtful & decisive when making a decision
27. I want my hobbies to stay as hobbies, not obsessing over them
28. Being more humble
29. Noticing and appreciating the small things


Last edited by Ed1043 on Thu Mar 19, 2020 5:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Lesson 6
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 9:27 pm 
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Building Proactive Action Plans I: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_006.php

Summary:
The idea that addiction is to be managed is wrong - life is to be managed. Unless you are able to manage and maintain a healthy life, you cannot remove addiction. In here, action plans come to the rescue - reactive and proactive.

"Proactive action plans focus on personal value development. They allow you to strengthen the foundation that is responsible for driving your life's vision. They allow the scattered mind to focus and the chronically disorganized to remain organized. Finally, these plans will serve as the building blocks for your Health Monitoring program — so it is important that you put sincere effort into their construction. -- Be careful to maintain an aura of practicality throughout this process. "

Exercises:
Of the top fifteen values on your Prioritized Values List, develop Proactive Action Plans for two or three of the more simple ones.

5. Stay physically fit & healthy.
* Jog every weekend when possible
* Join every frisbee extracurricular when possible
* Put your physical effort into PE
* Don't push yourself too much
* Ask for sub during frisbee if exhausted
* Don't use every bit of energy in exercise; save it.
* Sleep for 7,5 hours daily (minimum) 10.30 - 06.00
* Eat vegetables & fruits several times a week
* Don't consume too much fried foods, junks, sweets, etc.
* Don't over-eat
* Be mindful. If stomach says stop, stop.
* Estimate your portion with logic, not feeling
* Remember the possibility of your body reacting negatively
* Try to ensure sleeping (and sitting) with the correct body posture

3. To dare to walk out of my comfort zone
* Carefully think through every opportunity available
* see how you would benefit from it
* don't worry about the worst case scenario, they don't usually happen
* remember that you usually don't regret it in the end
* Look half/one/few year(s) ahead and see whether you would be proud of yourself for taking the opportunity
* Remind yourself that you have limits, and possibly may not enjoy the opportunity.
* it's not a must to do everything outside your comfort zone, it can get mentally tiring.

7. I want to read more books
* instead of starting up a game, open up your book and read :D
* find more good reads on goodreads
* fictional thriller is always a fun read
* there are non-fictions worth your time
* remember all the books you 'want to read'ed on your list


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 Post subject: Lesson 7
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 9:34 pm 
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PLAN IS OUTDATED

1. Be proud of who I am. (Identity)
* Don't compare yourself to others
* some are better at one thing than others
* everyone has strengths and weaknesses of their own
* be open and remember that school isn't everything ; some people don't/can't show their abilities.
* Stop excessively focusing on the wrong/bad
* look at the good you've done as well, sometimes they balance each other out
* Know that everyone has flaws, some may just be good at hiding/concealing them.
* Remember that everyone isn't judging you every second, don't worry.
* Remind yourself that you are just an individual, just as everyone else is - nobody is higher or lower than another.
* Do note that humility is equally important. Don't get too comfy stroking your ego.

2. Be more socially active & proactive.
* don't overthink before & after every conversation that occurs
* remember people don't constantly judge
* most people probably forgot what you said, or won't think through it all that much
* just... be more social?
* don't isolate yourself, yknow?
* if that "doesnt belong here" feeling strikes, do note that is not necessarily how others see you
* don't be that all-so-serious guy, i hate that impression people have

3. To dare to walk out of my comfort zone
* Carefully think through every opportunity available
* see how you would benefit from it
* don't worry about the worst case scenario, they don't usually happen
* remember that you usually don't regret it in the end
* Look half/one/few year(s) ahead and see whether you would be proud of yourself for taking the opportunity
* Remind yourself that you have limits, and possibly may not enjoy the opportunity.
* it's not a must to do everything outside your comfort zone, it can get mentally tiring.

4. To understand & respect limits
* Physical limits
* don't push yourself too much, you'll trouble yourself
* stop when you need to
* Mental limits
* burnouts can and have happened, both short & long term
* If you study for too long, remembering becomes more difficult
* It's not the end of the world if you fail or don't prepare for a test
* this doesn't give you permission to procrastinate for an entire day
* Others have limits too
* jokes are fun and games until you start getting up their nerves
* Think perspectives. If you think someone bothering & poking you for 10 minutes is annoying then you should probably stop doing it to someone else

5. Stay physically fit & healthy.
* Jog every weekend when possible
* Join every frisbee extracurricular when possible
* Put your physical effort into PE class
* Don't push yourself too much
* Ask for sub during frisbee if exhausted
* Don't use every bit of energy in exercise; save it.
* Sleep for 7,5 hours daily (minimum) 10.30 - 06.00
* Eat vegetables & fruits several times a week
* Don't consume too much fried foods, junks, sweets, etc.
* Don't over-eat
* Be mindful. If stomach says stop, stop.
* Estimate your portion with logic, not feeling
* Remember the possibility of your body reacting negatively
* Try to ensure sleeping (and sitting) with the correct body posture

6. Live and love music / languages
1. Starting learning other instruments / other languages
2. Stop worrying about people judging your music taste / language choices.
* Music gives you driving force in life, screw them if they're bothered!
* chances are, those people can't speak the languages you do

7. I want to read more books
* "a window to the world" (debatable if compared but its true)
* find more interesting reads
* fictional thriller is always a fun read
* non-fictions can teach you things you never thought you'd learn
* remember all the books you 'want to read'ed on your list
8. Enjoy life more, don't worry be happy
* God is always there, constantly making plans for you
* it doesn't always align with your plans and ideas
* it doesn't always align with your timing
* Some things just aren't worth worrying for, or you can't change anything.
* Enjoy the moment > Worry for future
* Please don't forget that some things still require prior planning, worrying & planning are 2 different things

9. To have passion in whatever it is I do.
* noun | any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate. ; a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything:
* being forced to do something will cause you to hate it.

10. Be more grateful for everything
* Remember that God has a plan for you every step of the way.
* Problems aren't the end of the world
* 'Take a step back and with time it'll look small." - Will Buxton
* Look at the things you have that you could have lost, or could have never had in the first place.
* see that things could have been worse, not just better.
* sometimes we take for granted the small things in life. Home, food, education, your phone, etc.
11. Becoming a 'participant' and not just a 'spectator'
* Join in on whatever is going on.
* Don't just be the spectator watching the fun from the outside, not joining in.
* Most of the time, becoming part of what's happening is more fun and generally good
* Do note that occasionally you can sit back as you don't HAVE to join in.

12. Be more academically active & consistent.
* Set and remember your targets
* Discipline yourself to be consistent in your studies
* force yourself to do the work
* stop relying on deadlines
* discipline is key to persevering through studying
* Stay active in class discussions
* don't take your marks and test results for granted
* Take the 'underdog' attitude to academics
* always work hard, mainly just cuz you'll need that behavior in the future
* Stay realistic, don't go for world #1
* Stay human, remember your limits and dont worry so much while you can afford it

13. Live with God's values (Faith)
* Read a segment of the Bible daily
* understanding of God comes most from the Bible
* commitment.
* Pray to God
1. Prayer is a dialogue, not a monologue
2. Ideally, pray before & after sleep, and before any meal
* Don't sin, if you catch yourself refrain from continuing
* lying is often overlooked. don't do it if you don't want others to lie to you
* Love God, and love your neighbors.
* pls start going to church

14. Get into a meaningful relationship
* = a relationship with love, care, sympathy.
* (i have no idea how to do this)
* this value focuses on meaning, not on getting girls
* Do note that this is your first time, take it easy follow your instincts don't sweat it
* Take your time, remember this isn't a race or a compulsory assignment
* Ask for advice from someone you can trust

17. Being able to put commitment into something
* it's remembering your objective in the long game that's important
* sometimes patience is required, when you don't see the results instantly.

18. Be less irritable when not in the mood
* Sip the shame rather than drown in regret, from Unglued
* sometimes you'll look back and think, 'that was unnecessary, i lost it over something insignificant'
* your present emotions aren't THE ENTIRE WORLD. once you get over it, you'll see it clearly.


Last edited by Ed1043 on Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:11 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Lesson 10
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2020 9:48 pm 
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Absolute Honesty in recovery: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_010.php

"One of the most important aspects of living a healthy life is your ability to share your true self with the world around you. That means that the life you are living is the life that others know you to be living. A life without secrets. A life without fear (of your hidden decisions being discovered). A life without deception. A life where you take responsibility for every decision you make and every consequence that follows." Lying or deceiving rids yourself from uncomfortable/unwanted situations temporarily, but in the long run, you are destroying your integrity and your 'foundation for growth'. Now, instead of seeing honesty as a reactive tool, you need to see it as a proactive guide.

"Sharing your true self with the world around you requires an understanding of another's expectations regarding honesty You must also realize that the deception itself often causes more destruction in the recovery process than the action being lied about. This does not mean you tell everyone about everything in your life, it simply means you don't paint a facade, lie, or deceive other people regarding yourself. Examples that violate this include hiding what really happened with "Nothing happened." when something bad happened (instead you can say "Don't wanna talk about that right now."

"In summary, the key to absolute honesty is to not hide behind deception in an effort to make yourself better in the eyes of those around you. Or in the eyes of yourself. It is to accept responsibility for managing all actions that you take in your life. And accepting all consequences of those actions."

Exercises
I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving. Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.

Well I've lied to my friends and family, all of whom don't know I have an addiction. I did in the first place because I did not want to face the consequences. The 'risks' include having people (friends) judging or making fun of me or my family seeing me differently. I am aware of the things I am doing by continuing this facade.

V. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior.
I have since deleted these stashes but in my recent relapses I still visited them.
* Private/incognito on browser: PH, XV, etc.
* Subreddits (including the porn list)
* Instagram accounts

V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic objects
* K & her friends
* a few pornstars whom I will not mention, in the hopes that I myself will forget these names.
* IG celebs


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 Post subject: Lesson 11
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 6:27 am 
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Assessing your compulsive behavior: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_011.php

Exercises:
I. Behavioral Assessment
The purpose is not to determine how bad your addiction is, but rather to separate the emotions from the behavior so you can work on them functionally & objectively.

MASTURBATION with fantasy (imagery fantasy, not completely delusional)
Patterns:
* split-second fantasies when seeing someone hot
* masturbating to someone, not using porn
* usually a particular scene in mind

Elements associated:
* fantasy ("it's my world")
* power & control ("I can do whatever I want here")
* satisfaction (temporary)

Ritual
* finding subject
* constructing & picturing the fantasy in my head
* masturbating to the fantasy

Cues/triggers
* not numbed by porn; urge to masturbate pops up
* seeing a triggering social media post
* fridays where girls wear revealing outfits

Boundaries violated:
* Integrity (shame, against my own values)
* Social (I can't look at the girl's eyes the same, knowing i jacked off to her)

PORNOGRAPHY
> 'viewing any recorded sexually graphic material for the purpose of sexual and/or romantic stimulation.'
> One of the biggest consequences that pornography brings to the equation is its ability to zap the person of their emotional energy. It also effects their ability to produce the energy and strength needed to make the changes that need to be made in recovery.
> Pornography is an exceptionally difficult behavior to deal with, due to its ease of access & ability to create a mental library even after the source is physically removed

Patterns:
* occasionally, 'replaying, freeze-framing or putting into slow-motion those scenes which are found to be erotically stimulating'
* saving / looking over social media posts that arouse me
* visiting porn sites
* feeling bored or discomfort

Elements associated:
* accomplishment
* discovery (upon the arousing post)
* somewhat- fantasy (imagining myself in that place)
* auditory & visual sensory

Ritual:
* turning on VPN / going incognito or private
* finding and opening several links, pictures or videos (preparing & finding the 'ideal' video to masturbate to)
* watching and jumping through pages & sites

Cues/triggers:
* negative feelings/emotions
* in need for instant gratification
* boredom ; weekend boredom
* other external triggers

Boundaries violated:
* respect (objectification)
* self-respect / integrity


Last edited by Ed1043 on Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Lesson 12
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 6:31 am 
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Recognizing unhealthy recovery patterns: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_012.php

There are four kinds of people approaching recovery:
the one who leaves upon not seeing results,
the one who returns to the workshop but restarts every time,
the one who takes the extra step and does each recovery lesson sincerely with passion,
and the one at crossroads:

The one at crossroads, 'Though they are sincere about wanting to recover, they keep the workshop separate from their "addictive identities"...in that, they intellectually try to understand what they are learning...and physically try to apply it to their lives, but only in appearance...not in substance.' (like a Christian only being righteous on Sunday, and sinful on every other day), 'People in this group spend the majority of the workshop looking for proof that what they are doing is working, or that it will work — which prevents them from fully investing themselves in their recovery.'

Some other points:
* realize that it is not the workshop that is changing them, but their own decisions and actions.
* you will need to decide your commitment to recovery based on your desire of how you want to live the remainder of your life: with stability and health; or with chaos. And the choice is not an easy one...as people naturally prefer to remain in familiar situations: which in the case of addiction is chaos. It is the choice of stability and health that is the 'risk'

Exercise:
I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to an unhealthy recovery. it is not necessary to categorize yourself into one group in particular, though some of your thoughts may belong / be similar to some of the groups.

I have left and restarted the workshop several times since early 2019 (twice because of my unreadiness to commit) but this approach (currently november), though the slowest, has been steady and consistent, and I hope to finish this workshop without needing to restart or leave. I would say I'm in between the 2nd, and the 4th. I'm also doing it slow and steady (3rd), but after quitting several times, and now still I am unable to fully 'invest' myself in doing the workshop.

After a week or so, I have evaluated myself and now say that I am mostly the fourth group. The application of what I learn is not there, and how I think vs how I act are two completely different things, almost like "two seperate identities".


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 Post subject: Lesson 13
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 6:45 am 
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Healthy recovery patterns: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_013.php

Lesson 13 Exercises:

I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery.

Earlier in recovery:
* In early recovery, individuals often experience significant doubts relating to their ability to change.
* In early recovery, extremely negative emotions are the norm: especially as they relate to depression, anxiety, hopelessness and suicide.
* In early recovery, they perceive "powerlessness" as "helplessness" and "desperation".
(now)
* Their motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that they can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that they can be proud of.
* They will take a long, hard look at anything associated with their destructive past, and will voluntarily make the decision to remove these objects from their life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc. It does not necessarily refer to affairs where real feelings were experienced/exchanged.

Points to keep in mind:
* They are not focused on controlling/ending their past behavioral patterns, but on developing new patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction.
* (late recovery) They have developed the ability to produce the same emotional stimulation from value-based actions as they once derived solely from impulse-based actions.

II. Consider the values that surround both your healthy and unhealthy patterns. Are they consistent with your current prioritized values? If yes, wonderful. If not, how might this awareness alter how you are currently perceiving/managing your recovery?

Somewhat; it definitely reflect my intent to live with integrity and pride in myself. Previously, however, what with restarting the workshop few times, I wasn't able to put in commitment. But now I will make sure I do.

I guess some of my points here and in L12 also somewhat reflects my will to be proactive, rather than just being lazy/going with it. (if i wasnt proactive i wouldnt be going back 20 lessons and putting all this on the forum)


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 Post subject: Lesson 14
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2020 6:51 am 
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Health Monitoring I: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_014.php

Exercise Fourteen
I. Develop your Daily Monitoring list. Construct it in some sort of word processing document (Word, Notepad, Wordpad, etc.) so that you may update it as needed.

(final, after about 3 weeks):
1. Did I live this day meaningfully and purposefully?
2. Was I proactive in socializing today?
3. Have I been honest and transparent with others and myself today?
4. Did I live the day with God's values in mind today?
5. Did you take (any) available opportunities today?
6. Have you maintained your health today? - exercise & diet
7. Have you been grateful throughout the day?
8. Were your mindful of your emotions and decisions?

deleted:
* Did you take your time to unwind and open up a game? unnecessary
* Did you proactively SEEK any opportunities to take today? (?!) unsure of readiness to commit here
* Did you manage your emotions well in situations today? unsure of readiness to commit
* did you do your prayers meaningfully? god's values already thr
* did you do your dailies?
* have you done your studying?

Note after 3 weeks: it's difficult at first to keep t rack of these every day, but as time went by i got used to it; though it wasnt any easier. throughout every day i would miss one or two points, usually different every time, but mostly i did ok


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 Post subject: Lesson 15
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 2:12 am 
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Perceiving Your Addiction: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_015.php

Summary:
There are two reasons for your addiction / compulsive behavior,
1. Practical reason - the role the behavior has in your life
2. Personal reason - past experiences/traumas

But it is also important to distinguish the difference between the reason for starting & the reason for continuing your addiction. The reason you started the compulsive behavior can vary. It could be trauma, experimental, accidental, different reasons with different people and different behaviors. But the reason you continue doing it is most likely because it has become a simple, efficient way to manage your emotions. From a recovery standpoint, what your behavior is doesn't matter, they're all the same.

My thoughts
My behaviors (fantasy, porn, masturbating) has been introduced mainly first from fantasy. Fantasies of BDSM, though I didn't realize what they were, then they stemmed to me finding more 'triggers' for my fantasies via porn. Then I experimented and stumbled upon masturbating, and that's when it all very clearly went downhill (though really, it went downhill from the fantasies, I just didn't know it could lead to this) as I started to do them monthly, then weekly, then every 2 days and well, here we are.

One aspect in my daily life, that I think I used to associate with this behavior, IIRC, was my anxiety at school around the same time back when this started - I also didn't know this, I just blamed on my friends 'being them' at the time.

Lesson 15 Exercises:
I. Take a minute to review what you have learned over the past two weeks. Of what you have learned so far, think of one example of how you have actively integrated that information into your day-to-day life.

In the past 2 weeks I've learnt (or, was reminded) that abstaining & urge control is not the entirety of recovering from an addiction. I've also learnt and will try to remember the emphasis in trying to APPLY what I've intellectually LEARNED to my life, or as the workshop says, "physically apply it in substance".

Lastly perspective, because looking at the behavior all helpless and desperate isn't going to be as much help as looking at it without the emotions attached; more objectively.


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 Post subject: Lesson 16
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 2:24 am 
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Understanding Addiction I: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_016.php

Summary:
At this point in the workshop, you should be starting to pull together several concepts of a healthy recovery:
* that the behavior you previously found to be "unmanageable" can (or should, soon) be managed fairly easily through emotional management techniques
* that one of the most important keys to managing your life is values-based decision-making
* that emotion-based decision-making is the main principle in immediate gratification, and that immediate gratification is the main principle in compulsive behavior
* that you are now faced with orchestrating a transition that will mark the end of your addiction and the beginning of the healthy phase of your life
* that your compulsive behavior/addiction has served a useful (yes, positive.) purpose in your life, but that there are more efficient ways to satisfy that purpose

If you balance your life stability off 2 values, e.g. games & food, if one of your values were cut off, like a leg: amputated, (or just injured / gone for a while), then in balancing yourself you'll most likely go all out into your value. e.g. when your laptop hdd breaks, you'll be eating 5 cheeseburgers to feel good again.

Masturbation and fantasy have many healthy roles to play in a healthy person's life: self-exploration; self-awareness; stress-management (yes, stress management...there is nothing wrong with managing your stress — even through "addictive behaviors"; the key is to manage your stress through a BALANCED approach that does not include behaviors with destructive consequences); self-esteem, etc.

Quote:
The danger in masturbation/fantasy comes when the act begins to jeopardize long-term values for the sole benefit of temporary, short-term relief. The danger comes when the act is reduced to nothing more than the simple need for immediate relief or immediate pleasure. When this occurs, your masturbating/fantasizing are used just like any other drug. Like drugs, imagine: an endless supply of mind-altering chemicals, with unlimited access, available to you with nothing more than a thought or by viewing a single image. An instant, free cocaine dispenser for a drug addict.


Lesson 16 Exercise:
I. Consider the POSITIVE role that addiction has played in your life. What purposes has it served (think short-term, not long)? Understanding the functional role of your addiction is important in removing the power, mystery and fear from that addiction — to begin seeing it in terms of practicality, rather than as some kind of supernatural fate or disease that you are doomed to suffer.

It has definitely helped me ' reset ' my anxieties and worries away for a while, though in the end I did still have to face my problems. They've made me feel good many days, although short and with effects, I still looked at it positively for many years.
I think there is one long-term positive out of this, is that now that I have seen and experienced this addiction, if I do fall back into addiction (which, I hope shouldn't happen given I hold my values & manage my health consistently in the future), it's less likely for me to fall in completely blind and oblivious.


Last edited by Ed1043 on Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 6:15 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3893
Location: UK
Hello ED
man you are on fire, perhaps too much so
you are not in a race against time

each lesson tries to teach us something but we only learn when we reflect

for sure this is your journey and credit to you for taking it but in my experience slower usually works better

however welcome to RN

So if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path sucessfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 9:41 pm 
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Posts: 63
Kenzo wrote:

hi, thanks coach kenzo :g: don't worry i'm not running to burn myself out. i've done these in notepad for a few months, only putting them here now while tweaking a few things. thank you for the words


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 Post subject: Lesson 17
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2020 9:53 pm 
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Posts: 63
Understanding Addiction II: http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/ ... op_017.php (formatted apr 6 for ease of reading for self in the future)

The wheel: https://prnt.sc/r76fr8
* Everyone associates with the elements on the wheel differently and each have their own weights and roles in different people's compulsive behavior.
* By the end of this workshop, you should not only have mastered an awareness of each element of the wheel, but have begun to form your own personalized compulsive wheels — each representing your specific sexual/romantic behavior. From there, urge control and the ability to isolate emotions from values becomes a rather simple process.

    1. Sensory stimulation - each of the five senses can bring arousal uniquely. My personal focus seems to be with touch and sight
    2. Fantasy- exists as either(or both!) a. imagery or b. delusional, though a can lead to b.
    3. Danger - Danger is the calling card for your body's "fight or flight" response. When danger is perceived, your autonomic nervous system engages by releasing adrenaline into your body.
    4. Suspense - 'the gambler's high'. suspense, mystery, not knowing what will happen.
    5. (sexual) Accomplishment - The feeling is no different than when value-oriented goals are achieved — except that sexual accomplishment frequently come with guilt and are short-lived. Still, short term feelings of success can become quite intoxicating — especially when the alternative is to face a reality that is filled with perceived failure.
    Returning to the "cookie" reference, one only needs to ask themselves, "What good is baking your favorite cookies, if you don't get to eat them (or see others enjoy them)?" The answer is, there is some pleasure derived from the baking itself, but you baked those cookies with a goal in mind — for someone to eat them — and until that happens, the pleasure obtained will be short-lived.
    6. Power - Being in power OR under someone else's power.
    7. Past - the stimulation/feelings from this aren't necessarily positive (they can be negative), just intense is what usually.
    8. Poly-addictions - Sexual compulsive behaviors combined with other (non sexual) addictions. e.g. alcohol & masturbating, drugs etc. (explored later)
    9. Orgasm - additionally, the physiological changes that are produced during the time of orgasm are real. They are powerful. And they are addictive.

Conclusion
This overview of nine traits involved in sexually compulsive behavior is not meant to be either inclusive or exhaustive. You will soon be completing your own compulsive wheels and may have other behaviors that you want included, and even include non-sexual behaviors if you wish. To practically measure your stimulation produced, you will learn about filters in L18.

Lesson 17 Exercise:
I. Consider a particular compulsive ritual that you have engaged in. Identify the elements.
NOTE: ritual = any practice or pattern of behavior regularly performed in a set manner.

masturbation w/ porn:
* doubt, guilt, shame
* touch sensory
* visual & audio sensory
* fantasy
* accomplishment
* orgasm


Last edited by Ed1043 on Mon Apr 06, 2020 6:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

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