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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2020 12:07 pm 
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Today my emotional self was attempting to convince me to play video games. I was hearing that urge pull me to play, but instead my brain was able to evaluate the emotional desire and I asked myself how it would be or play a beneficial part of my day. On top of that I was than able to ask myself (my brain thought) "Is there something else more productive and beneficial that I could be doing that would support the healthy me?". Astonishingly, I'm choosing to clean my kitchen. Run a few loads of laundry. Prep dinner for the next few days. And focus on work and my recovery. I am not looking for applause or acknowledgement in this, however beyond this I am going to openly communicate this change in behaviour with my Wife.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2020 3:24 pm 
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Lesson 14

Active meaningful and relevant health monitoring checklist:

1.) Did I take at least 5 to 15 minutes to involve myself to connect with my inner spiritual side and understand the devotions/verses?
2.) Was I open to share my emotions with my Wife?
3.) Was I attentive and interested in what my Wife wanted to share with me?
4.) Did i Initiate conversations with my Wife that are valuable to her or both of us and not about myself?
5.) Was I able to recognize my emotional desires and think them through to find more healthy beneficial options that will provide more enjoyable conclusions?
6.) Was I attentive and interested in the conversations I had with my children?
7.) Did I purposely make time to spend with my children individually or as a whole and stay engaged?
8.) Did I make any gains on my tax audit so that it doesn't become a drain and cause negative effects?
9.) Was I able to recognize my emotional thoughts and reach out to my Wife and/or group members to talk them through?
10.) Did I remain in a healthy eating and exercise strategy making sure that I don't forget about my own bodies needs while I go through daily routine for everyone else?
11.) Did I have any negative intentions or emotional pulls to choosing to not engage in the above?
12.) IF I chose to play video games, did I complete all my more important tasks and work before doing so and was the purpose behind playing to disengage from anything emotional, mental or physical?


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 09, 2020 10:59 pm 
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Lesson 15

Looking back over these past few weeks i have come to the perception that my previous attempts at recovery were not like this attempt. With all of the tools I have at my finger tips, recovery is plausible and possible. I am not defective or damaged.

Recovery Nation helps me be accountable for my actions and assists me in learning how to live a normal healthy life making decisions based off of real life consequences. To be honest with everyone.

I can and do fit in.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 12, 2020 9:11 am 
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Over the past few days I've been thinking about my Wife and wanting to connect with her intimately. This is a new feeling for me. One I am excited about. I made mention of these feelings with my Wife and she recognized this conversation as new as well.

We planned for last night to be the night we'd make good on our plans. However, one of my past patterns of getting ready for bed and crawling into bed allowed myself to feel my exhaustion. I laid there as we talked for a few minutes with my eyes closed not making any advances. She took offense to this believing I wasn't interested. So needless to say nothing happened except a talk about how she was feeling in that moment and me talking about how it was an old pattern of mine and that I will work towards it never happening again.

It affected me when it happened. I felt horrible. My mind attempted to come at me trying to fill my head with negatives. I internally talked myself through it after talking with my wife. My exhaustion from the day took first priority last night and instead of communicating that and taking initiative to discuss our plans or postponing, I did neither.

I am looking at this through the eyes of change. It brought light to a pattern I had that filled my marriage with intimacy anorexia. My goal moving forward is to improve that communication with my Wife. To make sure I follow through on my verbal plans and goals that I've made with my Wife and to do so with excitement and intention. Never taking it for granted and always remembering how my actions make her feel.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 13, 2020 9:08 am 
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Coming into this recovery I knew my mind was going to come at me suited up in heavy armor swinging swords, axes and maces.

My Wife and I made another attempt at being intimate last night and again my need to perform to expectation rushed in and flooded my thoughts. It made my Wife feel all those old horrible feelings of me not finding her attractive, not good enough and many many others. Needless to say after her big sigh and after she rolled on her side facing away from me, my feelings came rushing back in. Unfortunately we went to sleep like this. I woke up this morning and felt for the first time that I didn't want to get out of bed and spend some time with her before work. Those thoughts kept hitting me over and over again for a few minutes. I made a choice to throw my blankets off me and go downstairs. I made her a coffee and some breakfast while she was finishing showering for work. After she was down I decided to open up my thoughts to her. I told her I put pressure on myself to perform up to expectations and when that happens it takes over the thought control in my head not allowing me to connect. I also explained that when she asks me questions like "what's wrong!?" " Is this going to happen!?", it enforces those worries in my head and then I lose all control with no hope of recovery.

She stopped what she was doing and turned to me, listened, and then explained where she goes when she asks those kinds of questions.

This attempt at recovery I already understood that by this happening I was putting her back into the old relationship we had. However, she never before explained this to me, so this felt great having this conversation this morning.

We apologized to each other and embraced each other in a hug and we were able to then let it go and move on.

This felt like such a great end result. We worked through it this time instead of letting it eat us both alive.

I will continue to remain open initiating hard conversations that result in me being vulnerable and susceptible to feeling emotions, understanding those emotions, making positive decisions not based off of emotion decisions.

I will not let old patterns and habits continue. I will knock them down and retrain my brain and my heart.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 13, 2020 6:32 pm 
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Lesson 16

Over the past two weeks I can look back and see that my major take away from what I have done is that I am mentally, emotionally and physically able to overcome this pattern I've learned. I can live a normal life and make good healthy decisions. I am not defective or damaged.

My continued drive to remain open with my Wife sharing all that I feel with her and listening to how she feels and how she is affected has challenged my old habits of hiding from my emotions and keeping secrets from my Wife. Being honest open expressive and vulnerable feels so much better than being deceitful and keeping secrets.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 14, 2020 12:50 pm 
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Lesson 17

My compulsion begins with fantasy. My mind is in a constant state of attempting to find the most comfortable situation.

If fantasy isn't enough I often turn to a combo of danger and suspense but luckily thus far my state or desire to reach the level of stimulation I created was never to the stage of having to worry about doing something that would cause incarceration.

Sensory is my next big compulsion. Being touched in specific way or by having certain acts performed in specific ways, most demeaning to myself. To cause another to react to what I'm doing. There are many ways this comes into play.

Time and habituation are definitely the main cores to my compulsive wheel. I would spend hours on my phone creating the perfect scenario I even created a second account on my phone to hide what I was doing.

Lastly would be orgasm. I was one of those men who used the no orgasm or orgasm last to show my worth sexually. Bringing the other to orgasm before me gave me great satisfaction and a feeling of accomplishment.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 15, 2020 9:18 am 
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Lesson 18

Time - Thinking back to when this began, I struggle coming up with a pattern for Time. In times where masturbation was involved I had a bit of a pattern where I would stimulate myself to the point of near orgasm but would stop and let the feeling settle before repeating the process over and over. Another way Time was included was on chat sites, I would browse rooms until I "chose" someone I enjoyed visually. I would invest as much time as needed to grow a relationship with them in order for them to open up to me and share photos or videos with me. Once I got out of that what I deemed necessary I caused a rift between them and I allowing me to move on to the next.

Intensity - Intensity for me correlates to how graphic the pictures or videos were that I could convince others to send me. How willing I was to do things that demeaned me, because of my unfair and untrue feelings of my low self worth.

Habituation - The explanation above in Time about finding someone I "chose" in chat rooms and finding ways to invest in them and grow a relationship to get pictures or videos from them and only sticking around until I found something or someone "better", is definitely a repeated pattern of mine. My need to join multiple platforms to allow myself to establish as many "connections" I required to keep my needs satisfied.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 15, 2020 9:55 am 
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Last night my Wife and I got into another very deep and meaningful conversation.

It first began with us discussing our future. Employment options, consideration of a move, how our children's lives affect both.

This then lead into my Wife checking in on me, asking how I was doing with my recovery. I explained that I am in a very happy place. I'm currently working on RN and putting my efforts into understanding and working through each stage giving my whole to making sure I am getting out of it what RN expects us to get out of it, not just what I want to achieve. I am also going through my Dr. Doug Weiss' Sex Addiction 101. Reading the book and then going through the workbook questions. Putting as much effort into taking and getting out of that what it needs me too. I focus on each individually as to not confuse or overwhelm myself.

She was worried this might be too much at once, but I explained I have been able to separate yet focus on each individually.

With this she commented on really enjoying this new person she has in her life. She questioned how I was able to just "flip a switch" one day to change so many aspects of my life. This I wasn't really able to explain other than telling her I was able to think about how negative my life was becoming and had become. How easily angered i was. The hurt I was causing to everyone including myself. A member of the SA group I attend made a comment to me that makes sense of it. It was [i]I heard some one say "change only happens when the pain of staying the same over powers the fear of change"/i]. This is very true for me.

I will continue to be empathetic, making sure other people like my Wife and Children's feelings remain as important to me as my own. Being an aggressive driver puts fear and stress in my Wife's emotional core and by me doing so signals I don't respect her emotions or her physical well being.

I will continue to understand time and being prompt effects everyone. I shouldn't make someone else late or make someone wait on me. It's selfish of me to think my time is the only important time.

I will be quick to forgive those who will and have offended me. No matter how offensive I think what was done is. I understand that through forgiveness I can let go of the emotional connection I have to that situation allowing me to be free of angst, stress, anger, fear. In doing so I am not required to like anyone or anything that was included in that situation nor do I have to keep a relationship or friendship pertaining to a situation where I felt offended.

I need to at the same time hold value in myself and my life. I am worth it all. I need to make sure I continue to eat healthy. Begin to exercise and keep it in my daily life. I am worth it. I have kept a healthy eating habit since my last relapse and I intend on joining a physical activity with my Wife.

I no longer take advantage of my Wife doing the majority of our household duties. Our roles have changed. She works so hard and since I work from home and have time and opportunity to take part, I do, have and will continue to do so.

Each day I make a mental note of tasks that I should complete. High priority to low priority and I work my way down the list. I don't set unreasonable expectations knowing that there is only so much time in a day and life comes up and interrupts those plans.

Life is so much more enjoyable for me. I can feel it and I can see it.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 17, 2020 9:52 am 
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Lesson 19

Rituals past and present:

Present:

1.) "Rubbernecking" as I pass or notice a beautiful woman or simply just because they're female. I believe I may be experiencing some immediate subconscious fantasy pleasures by doing this.
2.) Peering into every vehicle window to see if there is a beautiful woman in the car. Similar as above, but also looking for validity from a smile or a mutual glance.
3.) Going through an emotion of shame, guilt and remorse when my Wife and I watch TV and a scene comes up that is highly sexualized or touches on the subject of cheating or deceitful actions.
4.) If an intimate moment is possible with my Wife and I have time to think about it I put a lot f pressure on myself and often have negative thoughts on my accomplishment.

Past:

1.) All of the above were relative in my past actions.
2.) Being on my phone looking for females or males on sites like Craigslist, Kijiji or other. Looking for photos to fantasize over.
3.) Joining social media sites to "emotionally connect" with females that I found attractive to boost my self esteem. Nullifying issues I have in myself by seeking compliments or connections that would stimulate my gratification based on how my deceiving pictures would allow them to see me.
4.) Often coming up with excuses on why I should disconnect from my Wife and my family. Justifying them by coming up with non-realistic purpose or reasoning.
5.) Videogames were my initial escape from reality. I still play but I no longer play to escape my feelings and I am now able to control the length of time I play for. Previously I would play for up to 18 to 20 hours a day, every day.

As I continue through my trials and tribulations I will continue to post what I recognize.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2020 10:27 am 
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Lesson 20

Reflecting on my past:

Growing up as a young boy I was very self conscious, had majorly low self esteem. I judged myself harsher than others judged me, I'm certain.

I was a shy quiet kid with "beauty marks" or moles all over my face and one specifically on the tip of my nose. I reflect on this often when going through recovery. It was so significant to me as a child I forced myself to not leave our families RV while we were on vacation, even just to see wildlife where no other people were around. At the time of School starting I hid under my kitchen table clenching onto the kitchen table legs crying about not wanting to go.

As my fears either A. Came true because of their significance or B. Were over emphasized because I blew them up to a level I wanted them to be at. I was not popular at School. I struggled to make friends. In grade 5/6 I began to experiment with a male neighbour because of the self conscious thoughts of not being accepted. In grade 7 a female class mate groped me in class to compare me to others. Grade 8 to 10 I met another male through my brothers girlfriend who was gay, wasn't "out" yet but was very okay with his choice. We connected very quickly through hockey and music. Through this we eventually started to experiment a bit as well but I struggled. Because of this struggle he felt hurt. This caused me to push him away and I began to be cruel by sharing cruel things to other mutual friends we had, in hopes of furthering this distance. This led to him spreading rumours that I was gay as well and to scared to come out. This lead to my family getting phone calls all hours of the day threatening my life. I managed to get away from all this for a few years but I did so by finding online chat rooms.

My focus in chatrooms lead to me searching for girlfriends online. Dating and losing interest and moving on continuously. Creating lies to move past the previous women and move on to creating a new relationship with another. Sometimes these lies came to light as these groups were closely knit. This taught me to really plan out my lies to perfection so that it wouldn't come back to haunt me later.

Some of these lead to long term relationships. One of which was suicidal and pulled me into a highly emotional relationship causing stress. She attempted to harm herself and came over to my house while suffering. Another had me travel 8 hours to have her tell me she was not able to be faithful to just me. This broke my heart and I drove all the way back the next day.

My online chatting eventually lead to me playing video games. This eventually became my first major addiction.

It felt for awhile that my life returned to normal. I met a girl again online. We dated for awhile and were very close. Visited each other and started growing closer together. We eventually were expecting a child together. Shortly after the first trimester, she let me know she miscarried. I don't recall my reaction but I do know this caused an eventual drifting apart. This normal life I thought I had was a facade. The loss of my baby and my then girlfriend was devastating to me.

At the age of 21/22 my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I lost her at the age of 23. During this I began playing video games for more than 18 hours a day. I lost employment. Struggled to eat, didn't clean or keep good hygiene. I became very depressed. During my depression I met another girl online. I was living at my Dad's (my parents house) while struggling with depression but not realizing it's grip.

During this relationship I became ill needing a laparoscopic surgery to remove my gallbladder. With my several visits to doctors and hospitals my then girlfriend became annoyed and wouldn't drive me to the hospital. My brother took me and I was admitted for surgery. While I was admitted she did not visit. My sister went to the house to find that she made a mess in my parents house as well as our dogs. My sister evicted her. Shortly after my leaving the hospital she brought to my attention that we were expecting. She used this and kept it over me. Eventually she let me know she was cheating on me. This lead to her threatening to keep the child and not let me see it, to then having her new boyfriend threaten me. This then lead to her telling me I needed to sign my parental rights over to her and they were going to raise the child.

This caused such pain I retreated from everything in life for a long time. I ignored her emails and calls as well as her boyfriend. I still to this day struggle with this. My Wife and I have discussed this and have been unsuccessful in finding any information to locate them.

After this my Dad chose to sell our family house. The one I was living in. I moved in with a friend for awhile until I could no longer pay rent. My dad paid this for me. He then moved me to an apartment closer to him.

With no one around except myself I fell deep into my depression. I stopped paying bills and fell deep into debt. Eventually filing for bankruptcy. I met many women and had promiscuous unsafe sex repeatedly.

At the 2.5 year mark of my depression I scared my dad. He called me repeatedly came to visit me and I wouldn't answer my phone nor the door. Eventually he took it upon himself to get the caretaker to let him in my apartment. I was asleep in bed. He forced a therapist meeting on me.

Thankfully this helped nudge me into a bit of a positive change.

I met my now Wife just as I was accepted for Employment Insurance and I was making positive changes in my life. She added to this exponentially. She gave me drive in my life.

I moved in with her only 3 months after meeting. We've been inseparable ever since. But my video game addiction was still an issue. She pressured me to slow and stop playing as often. Sadly for me now, I recognize this change from video games transitioned to my sex addiction.

At the age of 35 I then lost my dad to terminal cancer as well. I had been through several attempts at sobriety of my sex addiction by this time. And subsequently would go through a few more tries. I have never felt the urge for a healthy life as I do now, nor have I allowed so many different aspects of finding a healthy recovery as I do now

I am no longer scared of the truth. The fear of me continuing to hurt my life, my wife and my children far exceeds my fear of telling my truth and continuing the lie my other life lead me to live.

I celebrate my recovery and path to a new healthy life with each and every day.

Part two of Lesson 20 will be in my next entry.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 18, 2020 10:54 am 
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Lesson 20 Part 2

My future possibilities:

As I look at my life right now and what the possibilities are for my future I see many situations.

Future option 1.) If I for some selfish reason lose focus or dedication to my recovery (that in itself is possibility number 1) I WILL CERTAINLY go through divorce.

Future responsible plan of action for option 1.) Look to my past. My lies and deceit were just that. My wife never regained trust for me. It built a rift between us. We were co-parents, not a loving married couple. My best life includes a happy healthy me. I can only rescue myself by continuing my recovery. By doing this myself, my Wife and my children will all benefit.

FO2.) I could lose my job for any reason. Especially with the uncertainty of the Covid-19 virus.

FRPoA2.) Any job/career has uncertainty behind it. My focus will move to furthering my skill set so that I am an asset to any company/business. Even giving myself a self employment or entrepreneurial opportunity. I will expand my education.

FO3.) Any financial burden or struggle in any form.

FRPoA3.) Already going to be working towards creating a budget to assist in paying down debt to better our future should something financial come our way.

FO4.) Illness.

FRPoA4.) Illness has played a major role in my addiction. I am going to a therapist now to really dig deep in both the loss of my parents and the possible children I could have had in my life. I hope to be able to be better prepared for illness and loss in the future. Allowing myself to properly grieve and process change in the future. I am also scared of death myself. Another thing I am going to find help with.

FO5.) This list can be never ending. So many negative possibilities out there. My mind has begun to transition from not focusing on the "what ifs" to focusing on the "what can i do nows".

FRPoA5.) Continue focusing on the honest truthful positive aspects of life and let go of my past and the negative. Stop allowing my emotional side to put negative spins on everything.

If I think of anything substantial that I wish to add to this I will certainly add them.

My future plan of action is to not make decisions based off of emotional responses. I will continue to think of both good and bad ramifications. Making decisions based off a path of healthy goals that I wish to achieve here and now and into the future and be honest and open immediately if I make negative choices and accept their consequences.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 19, 2020 12:02 pm 
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Lesson 21

Part A

The largest goal I have ever made in my life was to become a Video Game creator and Graphic Artist. I failed because I mentally and emotionally talked myself out of it because I felt I wasn't qualified or as good as any other person who may have been in that same course. I sold myself short before I even committed. My drawings weren't good enough. I didn't know anything about it. Whatever excuse I could come up with, I used.

Part B

I purchased my first car on my own even without a co-signer. I researched what I wanted and searched for it until I found the one I wanted. I drove 6 hours to buy it. I fixed it, i maintained it and I added improvements investing time, sweat and money. I also paid it off in full. It was a flashy car that I felt got me attention. Anything to boost how my appearance was perceived by others. However no matter the negative reasons in getting it, I achieved getting the loan on my own through hard work and dedication. I successfully obtained the ar I chose to buy out of all options available.

Part C

I will be making a few goals I want to achieve. As I go through my thoughts I will edit and add additional points or goals I can reach to achieve said goal.

1.) I will complete my Recovery Nation workbook before my Wedding Anniversary of June 29.

* I will complete a minimum of 3 Lessons per week, by reading and understanding what is being asked of me.
* i will reread my entries and previous lessons and edit them with any new thoughts and ideas every 2 weeks.
* I will adjust my goals should situations arise that are beyond my control and remain positive and determined.
* I will dedicate a minimum of 30 minutes to an hour each day to Recovery Nation.
* I will continue to do check ins and remain diligent on my action plans to remain in a positive place so that my continued recovery remains focused.


Last edited by FreedomRequired on Tue Mar 24, 2020 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Mar 22, 2020 12:19 pm 
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As of 3 days ago my Wife who is a Licensed Practical Nurse and began feeling chest pain and tightness. No other symptoms but after calling our Health Links line she has been ordered to isolate for another 11 days.

I'm happy she's home away from the environment she was working in. Nurses here in Canada are left unprotected. Unlike some of these other countries where their nurses are in full hazmat suits ours are left to work with nothing. They are not even allowed to use masks or gloves.

We are all isolating together since we have been in contact with her through out those 3 days.

Today has been a challenge. Our Costco ran out of our dog food and remained out over the several attempts I made at getting one. Today now that I'm under isolation they finally restocked. No one I know is responding to my request for assistance or responding to my texts.

I am leaning to prayer and deep breaths to remain calm under the pressure. I hope that we all make it through this and that we all do this together.

I pray for health and safety for all but we all need to do this together.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 24, 2020 1:57 pm 
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Lesson 22

After reading the exercise in Lesson 22, I feel confused. I've looked at a few examples others have posted but that did not clear up my confusion.

I have three experiences I'd like to use for this exercise but need a little coaching to do it correctly.

_____________________________________________________________

Experience 1.)

Finding an attractive women in public and finding or creating a perfect moment to compliment her on her looks.

Sensory (Visual), Fantasy, Suspense and Accomplishment.

Values Assigned:

Visual Sensory - 1
Fantasy - 2
Suspense - 3
Accomplishment - 3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Visual Sensory (1) through
Time - 6
Intensity - 1
Habituation - 9

Total Value = 1 x 6 + 1 x 1 + 1 x 9 =16 ÷ 4 = 4

Filters applied
Visual Sensory:
Time - Visual sensory remains low during the entire process. But reaches it's peak the moment I find "the one" I desire to compliment. At it's peek it would be a 6
Intensity - Visual sensory and it's intensity during this compulsive behaviour remains pretty flat during the entire process. Leaving it as a 1.
Habituation - I mark this as a 9 in habituation because I wasn't able to ever go to the store and not have this occur. I always looked. Visual sensory through habituation is a 9.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fantasy (2) through
Time - 1
Intensity - 6
Habituation - 8

Total Value = 2 x 1 + 2 × 6 + 2 x 8 = 30 ÷ 4 = 7.5

Filters Applied
Fantasy:
Time - Fantasy through time remains low as it doesn't create or cause the need to hide from an emotional state like I would otherwise. Remains a 1 throughout.
Intensity - The intensity can become as high as a 6 due to imagining the reaction I may receive. At it's peak would be a 6.
Habituation - The habituation process always remains high as it is a compulsive habit I repeat every opportunity I get so it at it's peak would be an 8.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Suspense (3) through
Time - 5
Intensity - 9
Habituation - 7

Total Value = 3 x 5 + 3 x 9 + 3 x 7 = 62 ÷ 4 = 15.5

Filters applied
Suspense:
Time - The suspense created by the "build up" I create while finding "the one" can generate a moderate value due to the moral battle I have while searching and talking myself down while comparing it to how much time I may have to complete the task all while wondering what kind of reaction I'll get.At it's peak would be a 5.
Intensity - The intensity can build to a 9 at it's peak just due to the unknown of the reaction from the victim once I "complimented" them.
Habituation - At it's peak would be a 7, habituation seems to be the pattern of my compulsive behaviour. The suspense was always a highly reactive level to my compulsion.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Accomplishment (3) through
Time - 10
Intensity - 10
Habituation - 6

Total Value = 3 x 10 + 3 x 10 + 3 x 6 = 78 ÷ 4 = 19.5

Filters applied
Accomplishment:
Time - The moment I was able to provide a well worded compliment and receive any gratitude towards my compliment and the quicker I could make it happen would give me a higher value grading it a 10.
Intensity - The intensity of reaching the goal I set out for at it's highest peak would be a 10 providing I was successful.
Habituation - The repetitive rituals I performed always cause a moderate to high value. If I didn't accomplish my goal the value would remain low. I always set out to accomplish my task. At it's peak in accomplishment this would be a 7.
_____________________________________________________________

Experience 2.)

Finding an attractive woman in a chat group and creating opportunity to become connected with her to exchange pictures or videos while in a "delusional" relationship.

Sensory (Visual), Fantasy and Accomplishment.

Values Assigned:

Visual Sensory - 3
Fantasy - 1
Accomplishment - 3

Visual Sensory (3) through
Time - 3 (x 3 = 9)
Intensity - 3 (x 3 = 9)
Habituation - 5 (x 3 = 15)

Total Value = 33 ÷ 3 = 11

Fantasy (1) through
Time - 5 (× 1 = 5)
Intensity - 5 (x 1 = 5)
Habituation - 3 (× 1 = 3)

Total Value = 13 ÷ 3 = 4.3

Accomplishment (3) through
Time - 6 (x 3 = 18)
Intensity - 8 (× 3 = 24)
Habituation - 7 (× 3 = 21)

Total Value = 63 ÷ 3 = 21

Experience 3.)

Searching craigslist or other sites to shop the perfect experience to assist in giving another male the sense of orgasm providing me the sense of accomplishment.

Danger, Suspense, Fantasy and Accomplishment

Values Assigned:

Danger - 2
Suspense - 2
Fantasy - 1
Accomplishment - 3

Danger (2) through
Time - 3 (× 2 = 6)
Intensity - 1 (× 2 = 2)
Habituation - 2 (× 2 = 4)

Total Value = 12 ÷ 4 = 3

Suspense (2) through
Time - 1 (× 2 = 2)
Intensity - 7 (× 2 = 14)
Habituation - 2 (× 2 = 4)

Total Value = 20 ÷ 4 = 5

Fantasy (1) through
Time - 1 (× 1 = 1)
Intensity - 2 (× 1 = 2)
Habituation - 1 (× 1 = 1)

Total Value = 4 ÷ 4 = 1

Accomplishment (3) through
Time - 5 (× 3 = 15)
Intensity - 10 (× 3 = 30)
Habituation - 8 (× 3 = 24)

Total Value = 69 ÷ 4 = 17.25

These three scenarios are my most prominent in my addiction and compulsive behaviours. They would lay the best ground work for me to achieve my health and recovery.

I will post in the Community forums to look for assistance on this lesson. Please feel free to assist if you feel you can lend a hand in my understanding on how this should work. Thank you


Last edited by FreedomRequired on Sun Apr 05, 2020 12:03 pm, edited 13 times in total.

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