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 Post subject: Mimi88's recovery thread
PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2020 11:15 pm 
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Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2020 3:39 pm
Posts: 32
Lesson 1:
A)my relationship with the recovery keys

1-actively committing myself to recovery: I actually made the decision to go through this workshop and read every and each word of the first lesson with all of my heart and conscious; I want to complete all the workshop and allowed it to help me have a better life I see the light and the hope here so I will be actively committed to my recovery and be honest with myself threw all this journey

2-Not allowing your guilt or shame to sabotage you: I know I am just human and human have desire but when these desires takes over our lives and takes us away from who we are ; we then start act like bad human then the shame kicks in . So shame is consequence of my bad act. so why should I concentrate on the consequence when instead I should focus on stopping the first act that leaded to it. It’s only logic not to let the shame or the guilt sabotage me in my recovery therefore I am able to forgive myself for my past and start over.

3- allowing myself time to change: well I don't think I am in a good relationship with this point since I hate failing .I don't have the patience to accept my own failure and give myself time to change ; Since I've learned to hate my failure so much during nofap and it felt like the right thing to do; but it only made things worse for me.

B)reasons why I seek to permanently change my life:
1-I want to invest my time in stuff that fill my soul ,make me happier and wiser ;like reading books ,help my family ...ext
2-I want to learn how to deal with my feeling in the right way
3-I want to be a good mother in the future
4-I wan to be able to look at others in the eyes and have nothing to hide
5-I want to be a woman with values;
6-I want to be a person who knows how to deal with pressure and social anxiety and panic attack in healthy way not just by numbing my feelings
7-I want to be better in my studies
8-I want to be honest and trustworthy
9-I want to have a clean heart
10-I want to love myself for the action that I will take from now on
11-I want to succeed in achieving what I scheduled
12-I want to feel intelligent again like I did in the good old days
13-I want to feel comfortable with whom I am; happy or sad doesn’t matter what does matter is staying in balance and be able choose the right thing to do
14-I want to be stable
15-I want to never ever in watch P in my life again
16-I want to have a life free from addiction
17- I want to always take care of myself and feel that I deserve the love and care
18-I want to focus on being a good successful person without being afraid of failing that lead to the addicting trap again
19- I want to be a strong independent woman who knows how to deal with problems
20-I don't want to feel that bad feeling that I get after relapse ever again

C) Find a picture of yourself when you were a small child. Do whatever you must to emotionally connect with this child because it is for this child that you are now reclaiming your life. It is this child who lost their way and you are the one now showing the courage to guide this child, who is you, back to health:
I found a cute picture of me when I was a little child I was so innocent with beautiful curious big eyes . I cried for that child and what he have become but that child is just too small too poor and venerable .that child still lives in some parts in side of me and I can save him ;I can let myself have healthy pure life again because I deserve to.

Note: English isn’t my first language I hope I was able to deliver my thoughts in clear and correct way.


Last edited by Mimi88 on Tue Aug 25, 2020 10:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 18, 2020 10:06 am 
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Lesson 2 : a healthy vision for your life

C. My vision:

I see myself in the future as women who:

Take care of my health and my eating habits because god gave me this body to take care of; always and in every aspect

Commit to my sallat and relationship with Allah since it has always gave me peace and calm

Be mature confident person who know my limits and not force myself to do what I don't feel comfortable doing

Read a lot of books ; even if the process of reading is sometimes difficult and requires a lot of patience. I find myself very happy when I finish the book and learn new information; I want to be friend with books; this is how I vision myself

To be humble person since I have struggled with ego in my past and it did put me in bad situations I now know that working hard is the only thing that gives results

Face my feelings no matter how much hard it can get: regret ,shame, love, hate , jealousy ,embarrassment.. I want to acknowledge them accept them handle them well and finally be able to move on

Be a person who forgive himself when doing mistakes and learn to move on

Be good at my studies and do my best in the learning process; because I love my specialization ,and so I can be good at my work in the future when I graduate

Be confident in my own skin and not just do stuff to impress people or to please them; I want to have the courage to speak my mind and communicate my ideas whiteout being scared

Have a family in the future ;I want to take care of my husband and children; but also I want for my future husband to give me some time when needed ; this time is for dealing with my emotion.

Be a lady who takes care of herself physically, spiritually and mentally;so eventually I will become that beautiful old calm lady when I grow old

Help people and give charity every chance I get because it's a beautiful thing that fill me with joy

Own a house with a beautiful garden so I could spend my evenings there, looking in the sky and feeling the wind.

Control my mind and stop myself from over thinking; because it is only going to hurt; I will give myself some rest when there is no thinking needed

Have some hobbies that I enjoy to fill my empty time

Help my family and take care of my parents and give them a lot of gifts because they've worked so hard for me

Stay in contact with my siblings always; because our relation is the one thing that will never change ;and they are the only people that I have been able to be myself around

Never use any type of act or substance that numb my feelings because I think that this is very immature and only make things worse

Live in a big town where there in some opportunities for me and my children in the future

Respect the other and expect respect from them as well because we are all human we deserve respect and love

Live upon good values and always think before acting in order to be able to choose what right to do and what is not

Think before saying hurtful things to my beloved one; treat the people close to me with love and patience


Last edited by Mimi88 on Tue Aug 25, 2020 10:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2020 11:46 am 
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Posts: 32
Lesson3

B. List out values from my life vision:

1.Taking care of myself
2.Physical health
3.Healthy eating habit
4.Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life(commit to salat)
5.Being considerate of myself
6.Developing patience
7.Wisdom
8.Curiosity
9.Humbleness
10.Developing emotional maturity
11.Connected to my own feelings
12.Intellectual growth, debate, communication
13.Providing quality in my work
14.Establishing competence in my field
15.Being recognized as an expert in my field
16.Sharing my true self with the world around me
17.Forgiveness
18.Instilling healthy values in my futur kids
19.Physical beauty
20.Feeling feminine
21.Being charitable, giving
22.Taking care of others in need
23.Bringing joy to others
24.Financial stability
25.Appreciating natural beauty/nature
26.Being dependable
27.Self-discipline
28.Living an exciting life
29.Risk-taking (danger)
30.Strengthening my role as a daughter
31.Strengthening my role as a sister to my siblings
32.Strengthening my role as a close friend to my 4 friends
33.Showing appreciation towards other
34.Loving others
35.Being respected
36.Establishing my legacy
37.Adaptability
38.Fidelity
39.Communicating feelings
40.Respecting Mother Earth
41.Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 22, 2020 9:50 am 
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Lesson4 : Prioritizing Your Values
B.Prioritizing my values:
1-Connected to my own feelings
2-Taking care of myself
3-Strengthening my role as a daughter
4-Strengthening my role as a sister to my siblings
5-Developing emotional maturity
6-Humbleness
7-Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life(commit to salat)
8-Developing patience
9-Wisdom
10-Establishing competence in my field
11-Living an exciting life
12-Showing appreciation towards other
13-Being respected
14-Adaptability
15-Bringing joy to others

16-Strengthening my role as a close friend to my 4 friends
17-Physical health
18-Healthy eating habit
19-Being considerate of myself
20-Self-discipline
21-Financial stability
22-Instilling healthy values in my futur kids
23-Physical beauty
24-Feeling feminine
25-Intellectual growth, debate, communication
26-Being charitable, giving
27-Being recognized as an expert in my field
28-Providing quality in my work
29-Taking care of others in need
30-Being dependable
31-Loving others
32-Appreciating natural beauty/nature
33-Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
34-Respecting Mother Earth
35-Communicating feelings
36-Fidelity
37-Forgiveness
38-Sharing my true self with the world around me
39-Curiosity
40-Establishing my legacy
41-Risk-taking (danger)


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 23, 2020 12:27 pm 
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Lesson5: top 15 Values

1-Connected to my own feelings
2-Taking care of myself
3-Strengthening my role as a daughter
4-Strengthening my role as a sister to my siblings
5-Developing emotional maturity
6-Humbleness
7-Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life(commit to salat)
8-Developing patience
9-Wisdom
10-Establishing competence in my field
11-Living an exciting life
12-Showing appreciation towards other
13-Being respected
14-Adaptability
15-Bringing joy to others


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 9:03 am 
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Posts: 32
Lesson6 Proactive action plans
three of my more simple values:

Taking care of myself
-avoid junk food as more as possible and try to cook my own meals
-take a lot of showers to stay fresh and clean
-use face mask and natural beauty product
-take a special care of my looks
-practice sport in group when possible
-eat my meals on time
-brush my hair

Wisdom
-avoid conflicts with my classmate and not waste my energy on their arguments
-read books with patience
-listen to other's people opinions with respect
-take time to think before take any decision small or big
-not force my point of view on others
-not judge anyone for anything because we don't know what is going on with them
-stay calm and contented with what I have

Living an exciting life
-use the exiting chances that life gives me
-go out with my friends if I have nothing important to do
-participate in project with my university
-try new hobbies for example acting or playing an instrument
-stop being scared of love and give yourself the chance to fall in love
-be open to new friendship and new experiences


Last edited by Mimi88 on Tue Aug 25, 2020 10:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 25, 2020 10:45 am 
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Posts: 32
Lesson 7 Proactive action plans

the rest of my values

Connected to my own feelings:
-ask myself multiples times a day the following questions :how do you feel and why do you feel this way; and give myself time to think
-recall all of my emotions and thoughts and actions of the day before falling asleep; journaling by writing or recording myself
-Talk to my roommate about my day and what happened without being negative
-recognize when I don't like being with certain people and get out of there
-recognize my limits and in family and friend gatherings(since I am an introvert) and excuse myself to go when I get tired
-talk to one of my friends or sisters to help me understand my feelings when I am struggling with that

Strengthening my role as a daughter
-cook meals at least once a week
-help my mother in cleaning the house
-don't say no when she asks for floor cleaning even though I hate it so bad LOL
-be patience with them
-try my best not to be rude
-buy them what they need(I have to items in my mind)
-give them money when I start working
-take them to travel when I have enough money
-listen to their problems
-talk to my father more
-make them proud in every chance I get

Strengthening my role as a sister to my siblings
-stay in contact with them when I travel next month
-talk with patience and love to my little brother who’s turning to a rude teenager lately
-buy gifts for my little brother
-buy birthday's present to my siblings in 2021
-listen to my sisters struggle when they come to me and open up about them
-allowed them barrow my stuff

Developing emotional maturity
-Never numb my feelings
-know my boundaries and don't let people cross them
-forgive myself when I do mistakes or fail at something; don’t be so harsh on yourself
-learn from my mistakes and move on
-deal with my emotion calmly
-try to understand the environment surrounding me before doing anything
-stay calm when you don't feel like talking; it is OK
-know my limit and asks for pause when I need it

Humbleness
-respect other's opinion
-listen to what people have to say people
-avoid the mentality "oh I'm sure of this and you are all wrong"
-work hard because you're nothing special if you don't work hard you will not achieve anything
-ask questions when you get the chance
-be humble with everyone all the time

Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
-do my sallat daily
-try not to commit any sins
-take time from the day to reflect on god's creation

Developing patience
-Be Patient when dealing with my classmates
-Patience when learning new stuff
-Contain my anger and stay calm with everyone
-Try not to get angry in bad situations and distract myself a little bit

Establishing competence in my field
-study daily
-do all of my homework with special care
-Ask my teacher and friends for help when I don’t understand
-help my friend in their studies
-practice well for my next presentations to deliver the ideas well
-learn from my internship
-get better grades (without comparing myself to others)
-Read the books that teachers tell us about
-search about the interesting stuff that we learn on my free time

Showing appreciation towards other
-Say thank you
-Help those who helped you when you were in need

Being respected
-Be polite with everyone
-Remember to Respect myself and know my worth
-Stop Mrs. R from bullying me and defend myself
-Not let my aunties put me down
-Respect all of my classmates and wait for the same amount of respect from them as well
-I don't have to help my classemate in cheating;just say no

Adaptability
-handle changes of plans
-be open for new idea and unusual ways of working when I am on team working
-avoid nagging when things don’t go the way we want
-Try to adapt fast when I travel

Bringing joy to others
-tell others they look beautiful when I notice something nice in their look
-praise other’s good qualities without being witty
-cook meals for my roommate sometimes
-celebrate my roommate’s 2021 birthday
-lift up my friend’s spirit when they need it
-help those in need


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 26, 2020 10:09 am 
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Posts: 32
Lesson10

I just finished doing the reading of lesson ten(I did it multiple times). I feel like this lesson is not for me; I am not sure though
But I definitely need some help at this point
Instead of answering the question of this lesson's exercises with NO NO ,I am going to tell my story .
I discovered porn two years ago; I used my phone to watch it
Threw P I understood what sex is; and it happened two years after I turned to adulthood (maybe because of how conservative is our society anyway I didn't have any idea about how children are made before watching P LOL)
I am also a virgin; I have never been in a relationship just simple friendships.
Soon after discovering P, I noticed the rush of dopamine that P gave me; so I start watching it every day. It was a tool to escape: hardship, failure, depression, social anxiety, awkwardness, loneliness and all of the stress and issues;
But since the first day, shame and self hate were always there ; whenever I watch it, I just promise myself and my god that I will never do it again ,but I failed uncountable times
I couldn’t free myself; it turned to be an addiction .An addiction to escape real life and dive into darkness and suicidal thoughts. Because all of our bad emotions are not healed by watching that shits they are instead numbed; but they are still there hurting us. I discovered this lately and I know for sure now that this is an addiction. And It does nothing but destructs me and ruin my life;( basically it is my act so I am the one who been ruing my life)
The first few lesson of this workshop were amazing and definitely needed in my life
I still struggle with abstinence till this very day
So that’s my story.
I hope someone can help me with lesson ten’s exercises
Thank you recovery nation.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2020 6:06 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4026
Location: UK
Hello Mimi and welcome to RN


Quote:
I actually made the decision to go through this workshop and read every and each word of the first lesson with all of my heart and conscious; I want to complete all the workshop and allowed it to help me have a better life I see the light and the hope here so I will be actively committed to my recovery and be honest with myself threw all this journey

:g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g:

please do keep this promise to yourself it really is worth it but do be aware that competing the lessons is not enough, you need to learn from them and practice what you learn until it becomes second nature

but for now welcome to a proven well trodden path for recovery
if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path successfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your vision is good but as with all it could be better by adding to it as you go
IMO the vision is the cornerstone of recovery, so the more detail the better
your call


Quote:
I just finished doing the reading of lesson ten(I did it multiple times). I feel like this lesson is not for me; I am not sure though
But I definitely need some help at this point


believe me this lesson is for you it is for all addicts and you know that because you are here
it is not easy to admit addiction quite the contrary, but without honesty we will never admit this
so you have already started to stop that denial, " I am not really that bad"

Honesty is fundamental to becoming the best we can be so why not re visit lesson 10?
what do you have to lose

lets get committed totally committed and look forwards to being that better person
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2020 6:06 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4026
Location: UK
Hello Mimi and welcome to RN


Quote:
I actually made the decision to go through this workshop and read every and each word of the first lesson with all of my heart and conscious; I want to complete all the workshop and allowed it to help me have a better life I see the light and the hope here so I will be actively committed to my recovery and be honest with myself threw all this journey

:g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g:

please do keep this promise to yourself it really is worth it but do be aware that competing the lessons is not enough, you need to learn from them and practice what you learn until it becomes second nature

but for now welcome to a proven well trodden path for recovery
if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path successfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your vision is good but as with all it could be better by adding to it as you go
IMO the vision is the cornerstone of recovery, so the more detail the better
your call


Quote:
I just finished doing the reading of lesson ten(I did it multiple times). I feel like this lesson is not for me; I am not sure though
But I definitely need some help at this point


believe me this lesson is for you it is for all addicts and you know that because you are here
it is not easy to admit addiction quite the contrary, but without honesty we will never admit this
so you have already started to stop that denial, " I am not really that bad"

Honesty is fundamental to becoming the best we can be so why not re visit lesson 10?
what do you have to lose

lets get committed totally committed and look forwards to being that better person
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2020 9:59 am 
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Posts: 32
Dear kenzo,

First of all thank you very much for responding, I appreciate your help and your amazing words of motivation as well

I will try to add more points in my vision in the near future as you recommended

Based on your advice I revisited the lesson 10 again, and this did put it into a new light
So again thank you very much
Take care of yourself
God bless you


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 27, 2020 10:01 am 
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Posts: 32
Lesson10 (again)

VI- a list of all the places where I go to act out my sexually compulsive behavior:
Internet: surf for porn, chat rooms.

Side notes: Yesterday I concentrated on how much the lesson is about partners (couples) ,that is why it didn’t made so much sense to me
But reading it again I understand more how being honest with ourselves is very important and fundamental in our recovery
And my dishonesty with myself is one of the reasons I was not able to beat this addiction for so long
And this quote from the lesson is incredible:
"Historically, the more intellectual you are (intelligence without wisdom), the harder it will be for you to share your true self with the world around you"
And the harder it is to share your true self with yourself
I will do my best to be honest with myself and others people around me from this day on


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 30, 2020 12:26 pm 
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Lesson11 :Assessing my compulsive behavior

1)Fantasies
-Common Patterns: 3-5 second sexual fantasies that occur as part of a daily routine ,Setting aside time to fantasize where such time is considered an actual event in my life, Consciously using triggers to promote fantasy — as in the use of pornography, romantic novels, chat rooms... ,Increasing sleep patterns to trigger an increase in fantasy/dreams

-Elements Associated: Fantasy, Accomplishment [when achieving temporary relief from an emotional imbalance (stress/depression, anxiety)]

-Elements Found in a Ritualistic Chain: Sensory (especially physical/visual), depending on the fantasy, Orgasm (especially when masturbation is involved)

- Cues/Triggers: Pornography, Stress (especially related to low self-esteem), Boredom, Feeling unappreciated, taken for granted, Media (TV, songs, books, Internet, etc.), Lack of intimacy, Visual attraction, Social situations/Public places (social anxiety),

-Boundaries Violated: Intimacy, Identity, Meaning


2)Masturbation
-Common Patterns: Self-stimulation (manually stimulating genitalia) ,kissing, sucking or otherwise stimulating the breasts

-Elements Associated: Sensory Stimulation, Orgasm, and Accomplishment (when fulfilling the «need» to achieve orgasm

-Other Elements commonly found in a Ritualistic Chain where Masturbation is the Primary Behavior: Fantasy, Pornography

- Cues/Triggers: Life Stressors, Emotional imbalance (especially depression, anger),Objects (especially visual stimulation), Unfulfilled romantic/sexual encounters

-Boundaries Violated: Self-respect (behavior is followed by guilt/shame),Intimacy (not emotionally sharing the experience with others),Autonomy (behavior is compulsive, feeling like life is outside of own control),Order (when time spent masturbating interferes with the completion of life goals, time management),


3)Pornography
-Common Patterns: Stimulation by the use of pictures (explicit pictures involving sexual genitalia or sexual acts found in Internet), Stimulation by the use of sexually explicit video( erotic movies produced for public, home movies produced by self or other private citizens that involve sexual acts or nude modeling), Stimulation by the use of sexually explicit art: cartoons, comic strips

-Elements Associated: Sensory (visual),Accomplishment (in the attempts to find the most stimulating images),Orgasm

- Elements Found in a Ritualistic Chain where Pornography is the Primary Behavior: Fantasy, Masturbation

- Cues/Triggers: Life Stressors, Emotional imbalance (especially depression, anger, anxiety), Boredom, Curiosity, Masturbation (when orgasm cannot be achieved without additional stimulation),

-Boundaries Violated: Self-respect (when behavior is followed by guilt/shame),Intimacy (in the objectification of the people involved),Autonomy (when behavior is compulsive, feeling like life is outside of own control),Order (when time spent engaged in pornography interferes with the completion of life goals, time management),


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 31, 2020 10:22 am 
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Lesson12 : Recognizing Unhealthy Recovery Patterns

I. Identifying those patterns that I currently recognize in myself in relation to an unhealthy recovery (some observations):

The common patterns seen in recovery workshop participants:
I won’t indentify myself as part of group one or two because I joined this workshop only 13 days ago and till this moment I am committed to the recovery and I am working hard on each lesson and exercise
But I am not going to the extra mile for asking questions
It is like I am changing but only on the appearance
‘Though they are sincere about wanting to recover, they keep the workshop separate from their "addictive identities"’
For example now a question popped into my head: how can I not separate the workshop and my addictive identitie?
I usually tend to leave such question in my head and try to find the answer over time instead of searching and asking for help now
So I identify myself as part of the group 4
But I will try to join the group three from now on, so I will be able to recover from my addiction totally and gain a healthy life
Group three take their time and focus on each and every lesson and try their best to apply it at themselves ;in order to get the most benefits ; and so they can have the healthiest recovery.


I do have many of the negative thoughts mentioned in the lesson, I recognize that they are unhealthy and I need to correct them
Some of the patterns that I definitely had in the past and I am trying to change are:
1)I used to jump from addiction to addiction:
- I am still doing it for example in the past few days I have spend more than 6 hours a day watching a series
-in the past months when I was on nofap I did spend so much time on instgram and facebook and youtube , after that I deleted them because they were very triggering and caused me to relapse
- after that I became slightly addicted to another app for singing and talking to strangers maybe for two months but I was relapsing also so I deleted it eventually
-Before discovering nofap, meaning last year, I also had from time to time hyper-religiosity, as a way to stop the addictions;
Well all of these patterns made things worst
So I need to watch up for myself and not fall from one addiction to another

2)I had the thought that I am suffering from a disease that is beyond my control, but not anymore

3) I believed that I am defective in the sense that my emotions, urges, impulses, etc. are experienced with much more intensity than "normal people". And this puts me at a disadvantage for living a "normal life": well yes I thought that am different than the people that I know and my sexuality is very active so I am in disadvantage but obviously that is very wrong and I do not have this thought anymore

4)I perceived a limited powerlessness over my urges: very true because when I kept failing in abstinence; I had moment losing all the hope in myself and thinking that I will never be able to control my urges

5) Relapse triggers are feared, and so my lives continue to be altered as a result of addiction, yes I am scared of myself ,scared of the internet , scared of all the social media because of the triggers found there

6) A lot of the time I see life in episodes — with beginnings and endings — rather than as a process, I have this thought too because I think that the world care only about results

7) I consistently measure the success of my recovery through abstinence, rather than emotional stability and personal satisfaction. I think I still have this thought but I am learning to get satisfaction from working up on my proactive action plane and improving my life in general

8) I am experiencing extreme emotions in relation to acting out —depression, anger, hatred. Or very mild emotions — I am trying to be patience and release those emotions in a healthy way ,sometimes in the wrong way by fighting with some of my family member (which is wrong I know I will try to stay calm)

9) I tend to hyper analyze my actions, thoughts and feelings...and make the possibility of living a "normal" life all but impossible. Yes I have this too

10) I continue to identify myself with my addiction and cannot imagine a life without such an association. When reaching a relatively good record in nofap (20 day free) I experienced this fear

So these are some of the negative thought that I had in the past and I still have some of them; So I will try to control them from now on , and not let them prevent me from having a healthy life


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 01, 2020 9:54 am 
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Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2020 3:39 pm
Posts: 32
Lesson13 :Healthy Recovery Patterns

I. Identifying those patterns that I currently recognize in myself in relation to a healthy recovery (observations):
I think that I am in between early recovery and middle recovery, but mostly on middle recovery "Actual Recovery",
These are the patters that I recognize in myself for the moment:

1) In early recovery, extremely negative emotions are the norm: especially as they relate to depression, anxiety, hopelessness.

2) I have accepted that I have struggled with certain immoral behaviors that contradicted my values, but I realize that what matters is what I am doing, not what I did. I realize that no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present.

3) My motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that I can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that I can be proud of.

4) I make decisions based on what I believe is the right thing to do, rather than on what I think I can get away with. I know that whether these decisions end up being the right ones or not is irrelevant. That all that matters is that they were made with the right intentions in mind.

5) I perceive "powerlessness" as a temporary term that more accurately describes my lack of skills in managing my urges.

6) I identify my future with a healthy person that once used addiction to manage my life; not as an addict that is managing my life with healthy behavior.

7) I take a long, hard look at anything associated with my destructive past, and voluntarily make the decision to remove these objects from my life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc.

8) I tend to have an emotional relapse in terms of the consequences that I have effected on others — especially those closest to me. This frequently triggers true remorse, temporary depression, and temporary helplessness— but is soon resolved with a commitment to making it up to people in other, healthier ways.

9) Significant others tend to experience these individuals with cautious optimism. They can see the changes taking place, but remain unable to commit to their partners fully — as they continue to doubt their own judgment (a consequence of the shocking discovery of the addiction's reality).

10) I am starting to recognize that the feelings that I am experiencing are the same feelings that others deal with every day in many different situations.


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