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PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2019 3:53 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 92
I am working my way through the workshop and finding all of it a major help in my recovery.
There is one area that I cannot seem to do or deal with and that is role playing the emotions of my past behaviours.
I find that I cannot put myself there, it feels like a nightmare that I cannot go through, when I think about it, I cannot bring back those emotions that led me to acting out, rather I feel the guilt, shame and upset that lives with me now.

Does anyone else have the same problems ?
Is there any advice ?

T


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 11, 2019 5:00 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3767
Location: UK
Hello T
Quote:
I feel the guilt, shame and upset that lives with me now.

of course you do
Why?
because you are guilty and ashamed and so you should be, we all are
As THE COACH says in the programme we need to put that guilt and shame to one side "for now"
We need to face our addictions and own our past
We are who we are and were who we were but going forwards we get to choose who we want to be, however in order to make that choice we need to understand ourselves

So please examine the you of yesterday and deal with your findings with openness and honesty anything other is simply putting plasters over open wounds
you are really making good progress in your recovery (IMO a tat too quickly but the journey hence choice is yours) so do not let guilt or shame, which are simply emotions and thus are both cyclic and finite, deter you fron becoming the you that you aspire and deserve to be

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2019 9:58 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 287
Theseus,
Quote:
Does anyone else have the same problems ?

Your post resonated with me big time. Fantasy is a major element of my acting out behaviors. Earlier in my recovery, the thought of engaging in roleplay to understand my addiction was terrifying. I wrote about this in my first response to Lesson 48.

You said,
Quote:
it feels like a nightmare that I cannot go through,

You recently completed Lesson 33 and learned how emotions are finite. We may interpret situations as being a 100/100 in the moment, but when you look back you realize that in reality it was anywhere between a 40-60. An emotion of 40 is manageable. With this knowledge, you can build your belief that the anticipated emotions can be felt without acting out to soothe.
As you're learning, addiction is a place for people to hide from pain/love/intense emotions. To avoid the nightmare is just another form of abstinence which is not true recovery. True recovery is learning to manage your life and emotions. Coach Jon says, "master your emotions, master your addiction".
Quote:
Is there any advice ?

Roleplay is NOT black or white. It is not all or nothing. It is not all bad. There are healthy ways to roleplay and visualize, and they will be key to bringing your vision of health to fruition. To face this 'nightmare' with the healthy life management skills you're currently developing is indeed scary, but we only grow when we are uncomfortable. Face the pain. CHOOSE to NOT act out to soothe the pain. You can face these experiences without acting out, because it is your CHOICE of whether to do so.

Be Well,

Anon


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 14, 2019 3:28 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 92
Thanks to both of you that have posted replies, as always I find them productive and helpful.

T


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