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 Post subject: Confessions
PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 12:02 pm 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 361
I recently posted feedback to a well-established member who had originally come to RN after having been caught acting out by his wife and I know that he is a very strong advocate of full disclosure without any drip feeding of information over time. As part of my feedback I asked how he thought he might have acted should he have found RN and started recovery prior to his D Day and whether he would have voluntarily disclosed his past acts if his wife was not suspicious of him at the stage.

Whilst I await his further thoughts on this I felt that it might be an interesting topic to throw out to the members via this forum. The natural instincts of an addict are to hide the secrets if they think they can get away with it. During recovery things are different though and there are usually commitments to honesty and openness but how far does that extend? Would you voluntarily confess or have you faced this dilemma? If anyone has thoughts on this please post a reply here.


A clean life; a clear conscience

 Post subject: Re: Confessions
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 3:54 am 
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3726
Location: UK
I am responding here in the community forum because I wish to broaden L2R’s question, I have elaborated further in my personal thread because I believe that honesty is one of the pillars of the foundation for recovery and I will be reflecting on my journey as I have done so in the previous times

I say yes now because my ex knows all and we still have a loving relationship

I say yes now because I know and accept that we all have the right of choice and she has that right to choose with whom she shares, or not, without the truth and the whole truth I would and indeed did withhold that right of considered choice and that is totally and fundamentally wrong, manipulative perhaps even evil

critical thought from THE COACH

Honesty is a value that you must choose to adopt on your own for no other reason than it exemplifies the life you are striving to build, only you can choose this for yourself

in the here and now I can and do say that I would have confessed voluntarily, however I admit that at the outset of my journey I did not have the balls to do so, I was weak, selfish , manipulative and wrong.

My drug of choice was centered around brothels hence in researching these the likelihood of finding RN was more than highly unlikely, those centered on porn ? perhaps more likely .I would be interested to know how and why those who were not found out, found RN, because for me to “wake up” required that cataclysmic event
Response to BOTH questions would be informative and interesting, so thanks in anticipation

Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo

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