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PostPosted: Fri Jul 01, 2016 1:53 am 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
I am at a point where I hear a lot about individual healing and I understand that healing and recovery is about the person recovering first because without healing there can be no relationship . . . but after the healing . . .is there anyone out there that has repaired their marriage after being involved in the pornography and prostitution and affairs?
Just want to know some stories beyond the individual recovery . . .


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 8:39 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:55 pm
Posts: 1209
I am still married. I can say it took a lot to get to the point we are now in our marriage. I cannot speak for my wife, but I certainly can say the work and struggle has been worth it. I am at a much better place in my life after a lot of trials and effort, and I am hopefully getting better at being the husband my wife deserves. It is still work to move forward, but we are happy far more often than we are sad or angry. It took therapy, a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome, weekly discussions, and even medication for peripheral issues, but I am a much better person and I have a genuine belief my marriage will survive my addictions, as will I.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 05, 2016 5:33 pm 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
Thanks . . .anyone else out there?


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 10:06 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3642
Location: UK
DB
the simple answer is yes
many marriages / relationships do survive the trauma of discovery / exposure
but many dont
For sure IMO for the relationship to not only survive but to blossom then recovery is a pre-requisite
recovery however certainly does not guarantee that relationship, but without recovery, without honesty , without empathy, without sincerity, without faithfulness , without ..........................................
ask yourself, wearing a partners shoes, would you want to take that leap of faith?

Healing takes longer, much longer
is healing required for the marriage to survive?
I guess there is no one size fits all answer to that one as each wife / partner is unique bonded by a common pain and mistrust

I wonder why the question?
is it that you are looking for hope (no need to answer)
I am now going to generalise not specifically relating to you

suffice to say that any addict who's main reason and focus in recovery is the continuation of a relationship has his/her priorities wrong
many if not most of us do start that way but we soon recognise that we need to recover for us

My own situation
I suggested that my ex divorce me shortly after D day
I supported the fact that she had the right to choose, remembering that she had discovered that she was married to a stranger, someone she did not recognise
Today
I hope and pray, indeed believe, that we will re marry
We deeply love each other but still she does not trust, hence her healing continues

hope this helps a little

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 06, 2016 11:06 am 
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2015 7:14 pm
Posts: 215
Thanks for sharing . . .recognizing that it has to be me recovering first, without that the restoration of relationship would be fruitless, but also living with the hope of that restoration.


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