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PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2016 2:16 pm 

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:31 pm
Posts: 246
AS stated HOW do you know if you are in your REAL recovery or if you are so delusional that you believe that you are, but you are NOT???

Is it internal, external or....???

How do you REALLY know, or do you/can you????

PostPosted: Sun Aug 21, 2016 2:26 pm 

Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:52 am
Posts: 98
Location: Ger
In my opinion, you can never really know for sure. It's a process, you know? You start out with the best intentions, then you fail and you realize that it was all an illusion. Then you start again.. and again. And the more you develop, the more you learn about yourself, the more you go forward, you'll move towards actual recovery. Some day I've reached a point, where I stopped bothering myself about this question. I just accepted the fact, that this is a process of learning. I strive for clearness and honesty in this process, thats the best I can do. And the periods, where I feel like a scam - after acting a way for a certain amount of time, become less and less. They're still here, but they aren't as groundshaking, as they used to be. I think it's just the fact, that our emotions are so good in deceiving ourself. And having a 100% accurate perception 101% of the time is just not realistic - I think not even in a healthy person. That's kind of how I interpret the whole "do your best guess" part. You'll never know if something is 100% "real", since you filter everything through your perception - but it's possible to monitor this perception and to become more in control of it.

But in general, there should be at least some improvement over a few months. Everyone is different, that's for sure. But some day you'll wake up and even if you relapse, even if you struggle as hard as in the beginning, you know that there's no other way than recover.

PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 5:28 am 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:54 am
Posts: 1377
Hi 62

A good question - perhaps the only question here! Axel has given you a great answer thought. Recovery is a process. We are all in recovery here - some of us struggling, some of us succeeding, some of us having a good day, only to mess up the next day.

In a way this idea of good vs bad recovery doesnt really exist. Yes - you will have your own personal aims and targets. There are positive paths and very obvious pitfalls.

But as Axel says, everything is a learning opportunity. Trying to correct decades of addiction, of self-attention, of unhealthy, narcissitic behaviour will take years of committed work to change. But if we want health, to stop harmful processes that never help in our lives only distract us, then we have to risk facing our weaknesses, mistakes, vulnerabilities.

I know this sounds vague. I know you need a certainty right now - an answer, a switch to flick that turns recovery ON.

But when do we have have such assurances? What recovery means is learning a new set of skills to deal with the joys and uncertainties of life. Imagine leaping onto, say, a surfboard without knowing how to surf. What happens? Do you immediately know what to do and ride the waves?

The same here. We stand, we fall. If we are receptive - we learn, we practice and the process gets easier.

Here is an example from my own recovery. for a long time, I found sitting at the computer to do the lessons hard. I was addicted to internet porn - how do I sit at the internet?

I began by printing the lessons - reading them eleswhere where I wouldnt be tempted/ Where I could be calm and not distracted - not only by porn, but news sites or football news. I did this for a while. I would type up the responses in a word document then post them later. I had the bare bones of a structure. I started to try it online. I relapsed regularly. But slowly I began to notice warning signs, helped by doing the lessons.

I developed an action plan which i pinned over my desk. If I felt the urge, I WALKED AWAY. This stopped the ritual, allowed me to calm down and return with heart slow, and with my awareness sharpened.

I would relapse, but slowly I would learn. I would try again and improve - maybe 1% a month!!

Was I recovered? Was I in recovery? I dont know. I am still learning now, still being tested, still developing new plans.

My advice is. Don;t worry if you are in recovery or not. Work the lessons. Practice them out in the world. Fail, learn, improve. That is recovery. It is happening whether you join in or not.


PostPosted: Mon Sep 12, 2016 3:01 pm 
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3765
Location: UK
Great question 62
Perhaps there are as many answers as there are members of our community, and you have received two excellent answers already
perhaps looking at your question from the opposite end of the stick is easier and gives a more universal answer
how do we know when we are NOT in recovery

we just know!
we know with the same logic that brought us here after we removed the denial that we all start out with
sounds simple, because it is simple
as Shaw says, recovery is a process, if we are not participating in and benefiting from that process, then we need to implement change
if not we remain a prisoner of our own making
hoping that this finds you "knowing"

Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo

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