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PostPosted: Sun Dec 18, 2016 10:52 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:52 am
Posts: 98
Location: Ger
Hey,

for a lack of a better title, I want to talk about the spectrum of Cluster C Personality Disorders. Don't want to debate wether it's good or bad, to label yourself with a diagnostic, but I think these terms are quite helpful to define certain behavior. Even if you don't have a diagnostic or you don't think you're wired that way.

For anyone, how doesn't know about those personality disorders, this Youtube Video does a really good explanation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2YUhNg41M

Some backstory at first. When I started my journey, to get out of my miserable life (almost 4 years ago now, wow), I felt like my main problem was, being with other people and social skills in general. So I digged deep and realized that I'm an avoidant person. All my efforts from then on were focussed on how I'm incapable of forming relationships. At this time it never came to my mind that sexual/love addiction might be another problem as well. When I got into a very abusive relationship 3 years ago, I began to realize that I might have a problem with porn and emotional dependency in general. So that's what I started to focus on, since I conquered my social anxiety. So I was trying to put a new fire out. I focussed hard on the porn part and became almost completely abstinent for 2 years. In that time, I ended up in a highly romantic relationship, fueled by obsession. During that relationship, I was able to acknowledge the deeper parts of my addiction and compulsive problem. The thought of being an avoidant person was long gone and I saw my problems in a different area. I still had the same core problems (low self-esteem, fear of loss, etc.), but instead of having trouble with social skills, I had trouble with romantic relationships and porn. So in the beginning of this year, I started this amazing workshop. And during this year I slowly came to realize, how things work together (still trying to figure most of it out). But I had a huge paradigmen shift, in regards to core problems and problematic behavior. The more I moved forward, the more I was able to distinguish between cause and sympton. And now I've re-read some interesting things about personality disorders and I realized, that all the issues I have in my core, would define me as Cluster C. In the end it doesn't matter if it's this or that. It's just, that those patterns are fused to my core identity. So in the end I wouldn't say that I have one specific personality disorder. I just learned those traits, to deal with the situation in my early life. This realization helps me tremendously to gain a new perspective on who I am. For example, when I worked on my social anxiety I worked on the symptons, which of course helped me with my general self-esteem, but in the end I just prepared for common situations and so I became better at it. But the core beliefs are still there, not in every situation, but they still linger. They're there when things might get to intimate. Or they're there when someone doesn't pay attention to me, so I become clingy. And in the end they are there, when I believe that compulsion is the only way to go.

So my questions are, do you see yourself in that spectrum? I feel like people in that cluster are more likely to turn to sexual addiction or addiction in general. Do you have successfully overcome these type of issues (my guess would be, that by overcoming these problems, one would overcome his porn addiction as well)? And last but not least, do you see these patterns as a root for unhealthy behaviors like porn addiction? In my opinion, porn and love addiction can be symptons of those personality disorders. And to go a step further, I would say that personality disorders are attachment disorders. (Of course there are people, that developed their addiction just by following the sweet feeling of relief, instead of a prior traumatic event). I believe, that in the end these disorders, patterns, programms or whatever you want to call it, are the unhealthy attachments to the core identity, that evolved through our own personal history. They've evolved to fix something that is broken, but they fall short, when it comes to living a healthy life, based on longevity.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 28, 2016 10:32 am 
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Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:57 pm
Posts: 317
There is definitely a lack of self esteem that drove being avoidant. That and a clingyness that had turned into some form of a need for attention. These underlying issues remain and manifest in different ways. The need to be recognized for my contributions without getting too much attention which can become distracting. The recognition that I'm a strong contributor to my family, but have to live with the neglect or lack of attention I've given my loved ones in the past. The fear that, although my career success has been tied to the quality of my contribution, elevated expectations and self doubt can have a negative impact on my progress.
I think that looking at how all this interrelates is useful. How these personality traits tie into our feelings and our decisions is cause for contemplation and review.

Thanks for sharing


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2017 8:32 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Sat Feb 09, 2008 3:55 pm
Posts: 1209
I was diagnosed as Asperger's as an adult, post recovery work, and one of the things I had to come to answer was whether I was truly addicted to pornography and masturbation, or whether those activities were part manifestation of my Asperger's. I came to the conclusion that my experiences, my fear of abandonment, and my conditioning were the primary causes of my addictions, but that Asperger's made my ability to focus and obsess over my addiction behaviors much easier. I have come to believe that my addictions are a product of my environment and my experiences, but that my chemical and genetic make-up (whether it is chemical or chromosomal is irrelevant to me) helped to create a perfect storm of sorts. Once I understood Asperger's, it was like the missing puzzle piece was found. It did nothing to lessen the impact and damage of my actions, but it did help provide background coloring to the terrain I needed to learn to navigate.

Does this help yo with your question in regard to Cluster C issues?


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 03, 2017 3:29 pm 
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 9:52 am
Posts: 98
Location: Ger
Thanks to both of you for sharing those insights.

Rel8ed2 wrote:
I think that looking at how all this interrelates is useful. How these personality traits tie into our feelings and our decisions is cause for contemplation and review.


Absolutely, I think when there's the right time to do it, it can help a lot. There are times where I better not dig too deep. But in the long run, I feel like I made the biggest improvements when I faced those entanglements.

CoachSandalwood wrote:
Once I understood Asperger's, it was like the missing puzzle piece was found. It did nothing to lessen the impact and damage of my actions, but it did help provide background coloring to the terrain I needed to learn to navigate.


This is extremely powerful, the more I think about it. Sure, it's possible to relearn new patterns and become a healthier person, but really getting to know yourself and connecting the dots is another huge part, I guess.


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