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 Post subject: Dealing with relapses
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2019 4:02 am 
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Joined: Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:39 am
Posts: 26
(from a pm to one of the coaches)

how can I deal with relapses?
I mean I am trying to change the environment around me, my habits and to visualize the lifestyle and the life goals I decided to embrace, and I am really focused on them.
How can a relapse happen if it is then only a choice that we can make?
Because I am sure that I made the choice to change, evolve and move to health.

My background is going from PMO few times a day to about 1/week, even though is a relative progress, it is absolutely not enough and every time relapse topic is brought up in this forum the spans are months, possibly years.
I really want to improve on this

How do you guys deal with relapse?
I know that feelings of judgment make it worse, but being too indulgent is not a good approach either.

This is a sincere question and I absolutely don’t want to sound provoking and I hope I do not, I am asking for advice and I hope you can help me to see something I don’t or show me a clearer perspective!


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2019 11:09 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 420
Hi Nathan,

I don't think that you are alone in your anxiety over relapses so it is a fair question to raise.

You are relatively early on in the workshop and later on in the programme this is covered by CoachJon. In the meantime though there is a balance to be struck. On the one hand, slips and relapses are not failure, and as CoachJon would tell you failure only comes if you give up on your recovery. As such, whilst you should not view slips and relapses as acceptable, you must use these as learning opportunities. If you relapse, immediately reflect on why you felt the need to do it and then how you feel about it afterwards. You will likely be filled with guilt and frustration but that should then drive you on to avoid going down that road again and to stick with your recovery plans which you will come to in the coming lessons. There is a fine line here though, as it would be very easy to use the view of slips and relapses not being deemed failure to give you a free pass to act out and it certainly is not that. You need to be honest with yourself. Another point to make is that is that you shouldn't view success or recovery based on length of abstinence. Someone who goes a few months before acting out has not recovered any more than someone who has only gone a few weeks before doing the same, both have acted out and therefore neither have learned and digested what they need to know. And abstinence is not recovery. Recovery is a journey, a change of the way that you choose to live your live with a set of defined morals and values, it is not a score being kept of how long you have gone without acting out.

This all probably sounds a bit daunting to take in. I would suggest you keep going with the lessons and this will give you the tools you need to recover. By all means ask questions either here or in your own thread if you get stuck or need clarity on anything. But be patient and keep in mind the reasons why you joined RN in the first place as this will help. Also remember what you said in the very first exercise when you were asked to look at a photograph of yourself as a young child. The purpose of that is to remind yourself that you were pure and innocent back then and therefore were not born a monster, you have learned bad habits along the way through emotional immaturity (like all of us and more of that in your coming lessons) and therefore what has been learned can be unlearned. So don't give in to your addiction as being something that you can't get out of. I wish you well on your journey and look forward to monitoring your progress on your thread.

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L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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