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 Post subject: Enough is not enough
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:47 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 1:38 am
Posts: 131
The road to ruin is paved with good intentions. Yes the recovery forum has value but it is not taking me where I need to go. I had hoped that making more time to be with "K" was the answer. In part it has been but there is still something lacking in me, my frame of mind, and my ability to fulfill expectations that I have unconsciously set up due to continued lack of focus. The end.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 11:46 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 10:26 am
Posts: 1806
inflight:
I'm not sure I understand this post. I quickly reviewed your recovery thread and it looks like you only made it to Lesson 13 since you started in April - Are you saying you've had enough, or haven't had enough? By your closing line, below, it looks like you've declared this the end of your time at RN. I hope that when you're ready to make the commitment to your recovery, you'll really give your recovery the best chance you can.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2009 4:49 pm 
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General Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:49 pm
Posts: 3957
Quote:
Yes the recovery forum has value but it is not taking me where I need to go.


The workshop is not meant to take you anywhere. It is up to YOU to take yourself where YOU want to go. The workshop gives you the tools to help you reach a health based recovery. It's your responsibility and motivation that will get you there.


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 Post subject: Enough is never enough
PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 9:31 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 1:38 am
Posts: 131
Coach Tim, Thanks for the reply. Was in poor mindset when I posted that last item. Had just got blasted from "K" because I missed a commitment the I had not taken to be as significant as she did. My mistake.
General issue at this point is:
* I have abstained from Porn and related activities since 2/08 and have minimal desire to return to that activity and have had no relapses; I consider this to be the major accomplishment.
* However, "K" points out that abstinence is only part of what she is looking for. To fully recover our relationship, her healthy frame of mind, and my moral compass requires in depth self analysis to uncover the drivers that allowed me to have a "secret life" and to uncover how that negatively impacted my holistic being.
* I have not made the time to make progress down this path of introspection. I have reprioritized and am taking all that recovered time and spending it with "K" and my kids. "K" feels this is good but only addresses in the moment. it does not address fundamental root cause of past addiction and moral lapse.
* I have never been an introspective person. So doing this has not come easy. I get some bursts of initiative (often triggered by push from "K") but then allow my attention to go to other life priorities. I have found the RECOVERY Forum and workshop of interest, but was not getting a whole lot of additional benefit. I recognize that value returned is often a measure of time/energy put into an effort. Thus minimal in = minimal out.
* My current self assessment is that I have moved away from the PORN addition/habit/desire, yet recognize that I do tend to have an addictive personality prone to substance abuse -- be that porn, alcohol, golf ... I do recognize the value that can be gained on getting a better understanding of my internal drivers. All I need do now is put more time into acting on that.

Yours was the first true response I have ever gotten to one of my postings. I truly appreciate the fact that you took the time to care and respond. Gives me a feeling that I do not necessarily need to do this 100% on my own.

Look forward to hearing from you again as I pick back up with my recover / introspection efforts.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2009 9:37 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 17, 2009 1:38 am
Posts: 131
Coach Cheryl, Point taken and internalized. Now just needs to be acrted on.


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