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PostPosted: Wed Feb 27, 2019 7:38 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 6:26 am
Posts: 61
Location: UK
1. Over the past 7 days where did the pleasure and joy in my life come from?

1. Binge watching Game of Thrones lol!
2. Spending some quality time with my baby grandson.
3. Having a new tattoo done.
4. Intimate time with my H.

2. Over the past 7 days was there any major negativity in terms of emotional drains or time consumption?

1. Financial pressures.
2. Overwhelming feeling of sadness due to flashbacks and mind movies.

3. Looking at the pleasurable parts of my life, along with the negative parts, was my management adequate?

Yes.

4. Is there anything on the immediate horizon that I need to take into account for effective management of life management skills?

1. Financial issues
2. Possible family issues - time will tell.

1. Over the past 7 days have I managed to eat healthily?

Yes!

2. Over the past 7 days have I managed to boost my own self esteem

Absolutely not.

General Overview

The past seven days have really not been that great as my mind has been invaded and overwhelmed with mind movies concerning all the prostitutes my H engaged. It is like they are taunting me and no matter how hard I tried to ignore them, push them out of my head, replace them with positive happy thoughts, they just kept coming back. It was really getting me down badly, just feeling so sad and vulnerable. The last two days have been an improvement, not so much crap in my head.

I wonder if the fact I am a little stressed by other matters has allowed this to happen so severely? A weakened me let them in. All I can do is try to stay strong and positive, but nobody can do that all the time. I hate that I may just have to accept that this sort of thing is going to happen for a long time to come - that's a sober and depressing thought!

My H continues to talk openly to me, continues to be sober, contnues with RN and SAA meetings. I can see he wants to recover and be free from his addiction, wants to prove to me that he is a man worth being married to and loving. And I do love him back and want to continue to encourage his recovery, but sometimes, just sometimes, I fucking hate him, hate what he has done to me. Suppose I would be abnormal if I didn't.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2019 9:43 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 6:26 am
Posts: 61
Location: UK
1. Over the past 7 days where did the pleasure and joy in my life come from?

1. Attending my daughter's baby shower
2. Spending time with grandchildren
3. Starting a new job
4. Intimate time with H

2. Over the past 7 days was there any major negativity in terms of emotional drains or time consumption?

There has been nothing major, just general niggles.

3. Looking at the pleasurable parts of my life, along with the negative parts, was my management adequate?

Yes.

4. Is there anything on the immediate horizon that I need to take into account for effective management of life management skills?

Still a financial niggle I might have to deal with.

1. Over the past 7 days have I managed to eat healthily?

Yes and no ;)

2. Over the past 7 days have I managed to boost my own self esteem

Not really.

General Overview

This past week has been on an even keel really. Whilst I have had quite a few flashbacks and mind movies and a couple of triggers, I have dealt with them quite easily and have not permitted them to run riot in my mind. However, because I am feeling generally crap about my physical self for a number of reasons, I have found myself more than once thinking why would H want me when he can have younger and better looking prostitutes if he is willing to pay the price. I KNOW this is totally unreasonable thinking and I try very very hard to shove it out of my head immediately. I also find myself wondering why out of the 4 serious relationships I have had as an adult, why did three of these men cheat on me? I KNOW it is them, their problem, and that none of their behaviours had anything to do with me or how I am, but it doesn't stop me wondering if I provoke these behaviours. Unreasonable, I know. But on the positive side - I have not let any of this drag me down. I am dwelling on the positive aspects of my life and will NOT drown in the past, a tainted past caused by OTHERS, not me!


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