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PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2020 4:43 pm 
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Exercise 13:

My relationship with my family and friends has deteriorated to a point where I only see them on holidays, birthdays, or random weekends when I don't have to worry about my partner being home alone. This has been the most devastating change in my life for the past 4 years since my partner began working from home with me. I have tried to go out in the past to see my family and friends and each time I come home, my partner has relapsed which puts us back to square one and is one of the most mentally exhausting things to have to deal with. So to prevent myself from feeling that way, I have stopped going out like I used to. (1)

The way I look at other men has changed drastically. I feel like all of them would lie to me, or use me. I know deep down that all men are not the same, but I have a hard time with that knowing the anxiety that comes with deception. (1)

My relationship with my son is affected when I have to take out time to work on myself. I feel like a bad mother when I have to put my emotional well being before my son. Recently, in the last couple years or so, I have began using those emotions as fuel to realize in the moment that my son needs me regardless of how I feel, so I spend extra time with him to stay away from my partner when I am upset with relapses and such. For example, yesterday my partner relapsed first thing in the morning, so I followed my value from the healing contract and let my partner know that I need space for the rest of the day. I used my time wisely by playing more with my son, cooking for us all, and reading a few pages of the bible with my son at night. He enjoys it when I read from his children's bible to him. (3)

My self esteem has been affected to a degree that I do not know if I can come back from it all the way without having random moments of feeling down. Before my current partner, I was married back in 2009 for a year to my ex-husband. That marriage ended in 2010 due to him being unfaithful. My previous marriage was the first time that I had ever felt insecure about myself. I had to build up my self esteem while I was single. Little did I know that my self esteem would be shattered once again 2 years later on the first discovery day(Summer 2012) with my current partner. In the midst of it all, I have found God. I believe my worth comes from my creator, and not a human, so whenever I feel down now or feel insecure, I remember who made me and know that I am not worthless. Having this different mindset has changed the way I see self esteem, however, I am still a work in progress so I still have my moments of low self esteem when my partner relapses, or if I find him checking out another woman in public. I just have to bring my focus back to what really matters each time which helps overall. (1)

The way that I am raising my son has been affected in the sense that I do everything I can to make sure that my son respects women. I make sure to teach my son about respect and how to value a woman and never take any woman in his life for granted. He is only 10 years old, but I feel the need to push these values onto him early on which I believe is a good thing, but the place it comes from within me which worries me. As long as my son can just take what I say without thinking why his mother is saying it, would be preferred. I don't ever want him knowing that it comes from a place of pain and heartache from my own relationships. (2)

This one is the hardest for me to admit but I have been promiscuous back in 2013, 2014, and 2015 just to feel "even" in my relationship. My partner knows about these times because we were not technically together during those few weeks/months. Even though, they were just a one time thing, or just texting/flirting, it pains me to admit them because it is not who I am. The emotional pain that my partner had caused me during those times I talked to other men was unbearable and I was looking for attention from other men both physically and emotionally. I never had feelings for any of them, just used them to make me feel better in the moment. One of these men I met online because of an account that I had made. My partner has a fetish that we include in our relationship as well. Always have since it brings us together sexually. Back in 2015, I had discovered that my partner had created a secret instagram account to follow models who create content for his fetish. This discovery made me so angry, and eventually numb, that I went ahead and created an instagram account of my own with my pictures (without my face to save my identity). I also did it to see if my partner would find my account while looking through other accounts. I was just really frustrated and felt betrayed. The attention I was getting from men that had the same fetish made me feel good in the moment, but not in the long run because it went against my values. He never did find my account because I took it down within weeks because I could not put myself through that any longer. (1)

Procrastinating my personal goals for my career/business. I have a hard time focusing on my career when I have so much emotional baggage to deal with. I will say that I am proud of myself for making recent changes to finish up my courses. Surprisingly so, my partner has also been supporting this and pushes me to study on a weekly basis. (3)

Putting my desires of a family to the side. I know that I want more children, but I want to have them in a healthy relationship so that they can be raised correctly. My 10 year old son comes from my previous marriage from when I was only 19. Having more children is a desire for me but it also has to be made responsibly. I know that this is something that I should be thinking about more so I have made an effort to communicate this to my partner recently as well. I voice how I would like to settle down and have more kids, but need for us to be where we need to be mentally to even consider this idea. Thankfully, we are on the same page with this topic for the most part now. (4)

My health has changed in a way where I feel anxious and depressed some days. When I come across a discovery, my heart races so fast that I can hear the beats inside of me, my face gets hot and I cannot think straight out of so much anger and sadness. For the past 2 years, I have turned to prayer in those moments to help calm me down and bring my focus back to me. I have had sleepless nights because of my feelings which in turn doesn't help me cope the following days due to being so tired and exhausted. (1)

I am sure there are more things I can think of in the next few days so I will update this post, if needed...


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 17, 2020 7:28 pm 
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Exercise 14:

Over the next month, how much time do you intend to spend focused on managing, tracking and/or assessing your partner's addiction/recovery? List the role(s) you intend to play in his recovery. If none, say so. If some (and there are potential healthy roles for you to play), list them.
Only the bare minimum needed to make sure that we are on the same page with our personal timeline. We do weekly regrouping on Sundays where we provide a space to talk without distractions and work on our communication in general. This is the time that my partner usually feels comfortable sharing things with me since he already knows that I am calm, listening, and understanding.

How much time do you intend to spend secretly investigating his actions? If none, how will you manage those times of mistrust and/or doubt?
I have been working on this already since we started the workshop, and plan to make more progress in monitoring less and less. I told my partner that the more we work on our communication and trust, the less of a need I will feel to check on the devices. If I have doubt, I let my partner know and allow him a chance to "come clean" or reassure me, if needed.

What personal values are you willing to allow your partner to continue damaging over the next month? If none, how will you protect these values?
None. I go over my boundaries with him on a weekly, or biweekly basis, to make sure that they are known and not being taken advantage of. I will continue to let my partner know where I stand with my values so that he gets used to them.

Over the next two months, what mistakes are you prepared to tolerate from your partner and why? What mistakes (if any) are intolerable and will serve as the catalyst to end the relationship? Note: think with your head here, not your heart. You are no longer ignorant as to what to expect in recovery and so, define those true 'bottom lines' for you and your relationship.
I understand that my partner is working on himself, and is not perfect. No one is. Therefore, I will continue to make sure that we are communicating in case he needs to reveal something to me. If he does, I will follow the contract that I made early on in the Couple's lesson to ensure that I am respecting my own values regardless of relapses, mistakes, etc. We both have an understanding of where I would draw the line to end the relationship, and where I would continue working on us and moving forward.

How much responsibility do you intend to invest in changing your partner? Versus placing the responsibility for change on them? How do you envision communicating your observations about their motivation/responsibility — both positive and/or negative? For those positive observations, how will you make them seem genuine? For those negative observations, how will you make them seem non-punitive?
I do not plan to be held responsible for my partners recovery. I will be there for him as his partner, support him through it, and continue working on our relationship in general to show him that I love him, care for him, and desire for both of us to be healthy so that we can continue progressing as individuals, and a couple. We have an understanding on how we are going about this workshop individually. If I ever feel like he is slacking in his recovery, I just let him know casually by asking him how he feels the recovery is going for him, or if he feels the recovery is benefiting him, etc. He always responds casually and tends to share something with me to assure me that he is working on it.

Do you intend to motivate change in your partner by threats and/or rewards? Or by simply sharing your needs and allowing your partner to find the motivation to meet those needs? If the latter, how much clarity do you have in determining and communicating your personal needs?
I think I would casually motivate him by having simple convo about it while we chat, or regroup at the end of the week. I do not plan to motivate him with threats, or rewards as I do not think that this would be beneficial to him. I do share my needs with him so that he knows what I want from a relationship. When I do share them, I ask his needs too so that he understands that this is a partnership, not a one way street.

How do you envision moving beyond two individuals in recovery/healing to becoming a team in overcoming those areas of your relationship that have been damaged? What changes will YOU need to make in your own perspective to regain a sense of teamwork? What changes do you need to see from your partner for this to happen?
I think the best way for us to come together with recovery/healing is communication and trust. As his partner, I will continue to help us work on our communication, create a safe environment to talk in, and show my support for him to be healthy. The biggest changes that I will need to see from my partner is honesty, communication, affection, and to be more serious about our future.

Apart from your partner's addiction, identify the current major obstacles that your relationship faces. For each obstacle, seek out any patterns that will eventually need to be worked through as a team.
Communication: Our communication has always suffered up until recently. We will need to continue being open, honest, and true to ourselves when we speak to each other, but also being respectful and knowing boundaries.
Honesty: My partner still has a hard time being 100% honest with me which is highly concerning. I am hopeful that he takes Honesty as seriously as he possibly can because I won't be able to take deception for much longer than I have already endured.
Solidify our relationship: Our relationship has not moved forward to marriage because of the uncertainty that comes along with addiction. I would like for us to move forward and be healthy so that we can work on settling down/getting married/planning a family.

Should you find yourself struggling to manage your own life (intense emotions, undefended boundaries, deteriorating values, neglected values, etc.) how do you envision getting yourself refocused and back in balance? List this general plan.
I will revert my focus back to my values and remember what I should be doing.
I will focus on God's word and apply it to my life.
I will pray about my struggles so that my faith can help me move forward.
I will work on my art projects to release stress.
I will take out time for myself to be alone and have an open space to think through my current situation and move forward.

What signs will you look for in your partner to generate confidence in the sincerity and stability of his/her recovery?
If he continues to regroup with me on a weekly basis so that we continue to be on the same page.
If he continues to keep blockers on his devices to prevent relapses.
If he works with me to plan out dates a few times a month so that we can have quality time together.
If he continues to work on his recovery without me having to question if he is slacking or not.

What unique signs will you look for in your partner over the next few months to generate warning of imbalance and/or insincerity?
If he becomes distant.
If he becomes irritable.
If he becomes defensive when we talk.
If he shows a lack of commitment to our relationship.
If I ask him something that requires the truth, and he seems disingenuous, and I end up having to check the software to see if he was lying or not, and it shows up that he did lie, then that would be an issue for me.
If his responses are too short as if he does not want to deal with the matter at hand.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 20, 2020 3:01 pm 
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Exercise 15:

A. Make a list all of support resources (people only) that you currently have available to you in helping you to deal with this current crisis? How many of these people have you already turned to for support? What have you found beneficial in their responses? What have you found to be disruptive?


Due to privacy reasons, I will not give out names.
-Friend 1: And older and wise friend that I have who knows both me and my partner so she is always unbiased in her advice. She supports our relationship and so I feel comfortable talking to her if I feel down, anxious, or just need advice on how to approach a situation. She is very involved in her faith, so she prays with me and offers wisdom.

-Friend 2: This friend does not know the depths of the situation, but she knows enough to give advice and comfort me through words of wisdom as well. She is like my older sister and her stance is also unbiased since she knows both of us. Most times, she is helpful, but sometimes her advice does not line up exactly with what I need since I have not told her the details, just surface level stuff due to embarrassment on my end.

B. List all resources (not people) that you have available to you in developing a balanced, healthy support system. This list should contain at least eight items. Put an asterisk in front of each resource that you are currently using to help you through this crisis.

-The Bible, the reading plans on my Bible app, and my devotional books given to me from my partner's mother. I am trying to lean more on God, than on people because I believe He knows best and will help me better than any human can.*
-My arts and crafts activities. When I get stressed, I tend to start a project that will take my mind off of my current problems. I haven't done this much lately due to too many things going on these days but I plan to start that up again this coming year.
-Reading books. This is a way that I escape my own life. Reading helps me focus on fictional things and takes me away from reality, but only temporarily. Reading mystery books brings an excitement that my life currently does not have.*
-Cooking and baking. Focusing on a recipe and trying something new helps me feel refreshed and accomplished.*
-A group chat that I am in for the past 5 years with a few of my close friends. We all live in different states, but we keep in touch daily - sharing family stories, telling jokes, sharing memes - just simple stuff to stay connected, be there for each other, and just have heartfelt conversations between women.*
-Spending time with my son. He brings so much joy to my life that it helps me escape my problems. He is a great distraction for me since he is very playful and loves to talk and tell me stories.*
-Eating healthy and working out. When I have a nutritional diet, I feel healthy overall. Being tired and lazy is a detriment to my mental health so I make sure to stay healthy physically and mentally.*
-Working out. I used to turn to working out a lot to get rid of stress too. If I stay in shape, it also helps me stay secure in myself which makes me a happier person overall. When I stop working out, it does affect me both physically, and mentally. I plan to start a workout routine soon to get myself back in shape.

C. Discuss a time when you were a part of someone else's support system. Was it a positive or negative experience for you? What made it so? Is there anything that you would have done differently? How can you use these insights to further define your own support system?

I feel like all of my life, I have been a part of someone's support system. All throughout middle school, high school, college, and even today, I have friends that turn to me for advice. I was always the introvert, so I had many extroverted friends that would love to talk to me and share their problems. I would always be there for them, and still am today. I take friendships and relationships very seriously and do the best I can to be there for my friends. The only issue I have faced with this, is that it can be very draining for me. I only have a couple people that I talk to, and even still I don't think anyone knows all of my problems in my life because I don't think many people genuinely care. Therefore, I just tend to be a loner, or share things with my partner. We are both introverts, so we understand each other better. I wish that I could find some introverted women friends that would better relate with me so that I could open up more.


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PostPosted: Mon Dec 21, 2020 5:28 pm 
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Exercise 16:

A. Create a list of at least ten core values that represent the person you want to be. You should be able to rely on this list with confidence in guiding decisions, actions, prioritization, etc.
1. I see myself becoming stronger in my faith and trusting God with everything I have. I want to continue growing in my walk with the Lord and focusing more on His will over my own. I want to focus on evangelizing and spreading the Word of God through my community. I also see myself going on missions around the world to bring the bible to communities that don't have access like we do in the Western world.

2. I see myself being the best mother to my son, raising him in faith to be the strong, loving, and powerful man of God I know he will be. I also see myself having more children to grow my family and raise them in the Word. I know one of God's purposes for me is to create a legacy with my children.

3. I see myself being more healthy physically. I want to make time to be more active and make working out a part of my routine.

4. I see myself working on my career to become a successful interior designer. I plan to start the course in 2021 and start my interior design business by 2022.

5. I see myself becoming a home owner in 2021. I want to get out of apartment living and take the step to own a house to raise a family.

6. I see myself getting married, whether that is with my partner who is in recovery, or someone else that God has planned for me. I want to settle down and be a wife to a good, strong, healthy, and powerful man of God.

7. I see myself spending more time with my parents, and friends. I want to be able to go out without having to worry what my partner will do behind my back while I'm out. I want to be able to put my parents high on my list to make sure I see them often. I don't want to have to make sacrifices for the sake of my relationship.

8. I see myself loving myself more and more each day. I want to be able to have good health mentally as well, and be able to handle my emotions when something triggers me. I want to heal and be the woman I need to be to fulfill God's purpose in my life with no distractions.

9. I see myself expanding the non-profit organization that I started with my cousin July 2020. I want to spread the movement as far it can go and focus on helping others with our care packages.

10. I see myself spending more times on things that I love - art, reading, decorating, etc. I want to be able to have the time freedom to focus on my hobbies.


B. In your own words, how can you use these values to guide you through this current crisis (or a future crisis)?
All of my values that I have listed will help me focus on who I am and what I want/need to do in my life. My values will help me to strengthen myself emotionally, and not let the current situation with my partner affect me like it has been. Focusing on my values gives me the opportunity to live out a life worth living.


C. Compare this list to the vision that you created in Stage One; Lesson Two. Are they similar? They should be. In fact, they should be practically identical — with your vision serving as a narrative for the list you have here. If they are not, change whichever is inconsistent with the life that you want to lead. Your vision must be forged from your core values or you will continue to struggle with imbalance and chaos.
From Lesson two, I had 8 values, that are still present in this lesson today. I have added 2 more values to the list to make 10 to focus on while I heal. They are all consistent and practical so I do not see any issues with focusing on them.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 23, 2020 8:16 pm 
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Exercise 17:

A) In Stage Two; Lesson One, you created proactive action plans for three values to help you begin the process of stabilizing your life. You now need to expand this to the remaining values listed in Exercise Sixteen.
B) For each, think about the meaning and fulfillment you are getting compared to the potential meaning and fulfillment available.
C) Develop a specific plan that will allow you to maximize the potential in each of those remaining values.
D) List the 'next two or three steps' you will take to begin strengthening each value. Note: you will not be expected to begin taking all of these steps. The goal here is to gain clarity in what steps to take and to have a plan of action ready for times when you have either lost focus or have some extra energy.

1. I see myself becoming stronger in my faith and trusting God with everything I have. I want to continue growing in my walk with the Lord and focusing more on His will over my own.
- I will start Bible plans in my bible app and read the Word daily to keep my focus on my faith.
- I will turn to prayer whenever I am feeling stressed or anxious.
- I will make sure to thank God daily for the things I have, for the blessings he has bestowed upon me and my family, and for the simple things in life as well.
2. I see myself being the best mother to my son, raising him in faith to be the strong, loving, and powerful man of God I know he will be.
- I will make sure that my son is reading his devotional before bed.
- I will sit and read a few pages of the bible with him 5 days a week.
- I will make sure to speak over his life and pray for his present and future.
3. I see myself being more healthy physically. I want to make time to be more active and make working out a part of my routine.
- I will take out 3 days a week to work-out/walk for at least 20 minutes.
- I will make sure to stay focused on healthy cooking and eating to keep myself and my family healthy.
4. I see myself working on my career to become a successful interior designer. I plan to start the course in 2021 and start my interior design business by 2022.
- I will work on starting the course in 2021 so that I can finish it by the end of the year.
- I will work on networking with other Interior Designers who do E-design to build my network and learn from others.
5. I see myself becoming a home owner in 2021. I want to get out of apartment living and take the step to own a house to raise a family.
- I will continue saving money for the down payment of a house.
- I will start research on neighborhoods near me that will work for me and my son.
- I will continue researching ways to get a house without it being financially insecure.
6. I see myself getting married, whether that is with my partner who is in recovery, or someone else that God has planned for me. I want to settle down and be a wife to a good, strong, healthy, and powerful man of God.
- I will work on exploring the relationship I have with my partner in recovery and give my all all while being true to myself.
- I will continue to have serious conversations with my partner to see if he is ready to settle down.
7. I see myself spending more time with my parents, and friends. I want to be able to go out without having to worry what my partner will do behind my back while I'm out. I want to be able to put my parents high on my list to make sure I see them often. I don't want to have to make sacrifices for the sake of my relationship.
- I will continue strengthening my relationship with my parents and close friends.
- I will make sure to check in with my parents on a daily basis, and see them a few times a month.
- I will continue reaching out to my friends and building stronger friendships with them.
8. I see myself loving myself more and more each day. I want to be able to have good health mentally as well, and be able to handle my emotions when something triggers me. I want to heal and be the woman I need to be to fulfill God's purpose in my life with no distractions.
- I will continue doing this workshop a few times a week until I finish it.
- I will focus on myself and put myself before the problems in my life to make sure that I evaluate them correctly without sacrificing my value system.
9. I see myself expanding the non-profit organization that I started with my cousin July 2020. I want to spread the movement as far it can go and focus on helping others with our care packages.
- I will continue building our social media to get outreach and spread the movement as far as it can go.
- I will continue working with my cousin and build a stronger relationship with her to make sure that we are on the same page and working hard on our movement.
10. I see myself spending more times on things that I love - art, reading, decorating, etc. I want to be able to have the time freedom to focus on my hobbies.
- I will start taking out designated time for myself to do art.
- I will continue taking out time to read and learn.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 01, 2021 4:57 pm 
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Exercise 18:

A. Provide an example of a value collision in your own life. How did you handle it? What resulted from this collision (e.g. compromise, resentment, suspension of the issue, etc.)?

Earlier in our relationship, back in 2014 when we moved in together, my partner and I were trying to resolve the issues in our relationship. The biggest one was his addiction. My value system says that watching porn is inappropriate, especially when one is in a relationship. His value system back then disagreed with me. We thought of many ways to compromise to try to see if our relationship would work out in this regard too. One of the ways he tried to "fix" the issue was involving me in his porn addiction. He asked me to watch porn with him. At that time, I unfortunately ignored my value system for his sake and agreed to watch it with him. The situation turned out to be a bad one. After the event, I felt ashamed, disgusted, and used both physically and emotionally. I communicated to him how I had felt and we never did that again.

B. What current values do you hold where conflicts can be likely anticipated? (Use your history in relationships as a reference)

Honesty
Communication
Faithfulness
Respect
Commitment
Family

C. What values, if any, are you unwilling to compromise under any circumstances? Give a thoughtful response, not a prideful one.

Honesty - because I am at a point in my life where I do not want to be the victim of deception, so if someone lies to me, I will hold my value of honesty high and gage on how I need to go about a situation.
Communication - without this, there is no point for me to work something out with another individual.
Faithfulness - I have been dealing with unfaithfulness for too long and do not wish to be in a position to be hurt like that again. It is just not worth it to me.
Respect - I will give respect to those around me, and if the other person does not give respect back, then I will just distance myself and choose myself first.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 07, 2021 7:02 pm 
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Exercise 19:

A. Make a list of rules that you can use to help define the boundaries of your most important values. Like goals, each rule should be specific and measurable.

Trust
Rule #1: I will be honest with my partner, and expect honesty back.
Rule #2: If there is ever a time that I am not honest for any reason, I will come clean as soon as possible and make amends.
Rule #3: I will make sure that my partner knows that he can trust me.
Rule #4: I will make sure that I feel safe in my relationship - that I can trust my partner.
Rule #5: I will not take silly reasoning or excuses to defend a point from either end.

Communication
Rule #1: I will make sure to voice my concerns to my partner without holding back for fear of an argument.
Rule #2: I will make sure that my partner has a safe space to voice his concerns to me.
Rule #3: I will make sure that we are on the same page before making decisions that involve both of us.

Healthy Arguing
Rule #1: If I need to discuss something with my partner that we disagree on, Then I will make sure to have a healthy argument that does not turn into a fight.
Rule #2: I will make sure to be heard, and to hear my partner out as well.
Rule #3: I will not interrupt my partner and make sure I get the same respect back.
Rule #4: If my partner and I disagree on something, we will try to meet in the middle to get on the same page.

Respect
Rule #1: I will respect myself and what I want.
Rule #2: I will respect my partner and what he wants.
Rule #3: I will continue respecting my partners parent's as I have been, and expect my partner to respect my parents as well.
Rule #4: I will voice when I feel like I have been disrespected.

Family
Rule #1: I will make sure to spend time as a family, and with my family.
Rule #2: I will make sure to not let go of my desire to settle down and have more children.
Rule #3: I will make sure to take out time to see my parents by myself.

Parenting
Rule #1: I will put my son first and make sure to be there for him when he needs me.
Rule #2: I will make sure to raise my son in faith and wisdom.
Rule #3: I will continue spending time with my son reading him the Bible and reading devotionals with him.
Rule #4: I will teach my son to be a good man who respects others and has values of his own.
Rule #5: If I have more children, I will make sure to raise them in faith and wisdom.

Commitment
Rule #1: I will be committed to my partner at all times - both emotionally and physically.
Rule #2: I will expect my partner to be emotionally and physically committed to me. There is no point of having the relationship if there is no commitment to each other.
Rule #3: Having good communication will help any issues that arise.

Sexual Intimacy
Rule #1: I will be open with my partner about what I want and hear him out on what he wants to have an open and safe space to share intimacy.
Rule #2: I will not engage in sexual activity if I do not want to.
Rule #3: I will not take it personally when my partner does not want to have sex.
Rule #4: I will not do anything that makes me uncomfortable or feel disrespected.
Rule #5: I will make sure that my partner and I have a healthy sex life without one or the other feeling neglected.

Financial Freedom
Rule #1: I will continue progressing in my career path to have financial freedom.
Rule #2: I will continue saving money for a house.
Rule #4: I will continue saving money for an emergency fund.
Rule #4: Once my son starts middle school, I will start a college fund for him.
Rule #5: I will continue pursuing my interior design career to start my own business.

Faith
Rule #1: I will continue praying everyday for myself, my family, and my friends.
Rule #2: I will continue working with my cousin to promote our charity movement.
Rule #3: I will continue spreading the Word of God.
Rule #4: I will need to thank God daily for what He is doing in my life.
Rule #5: I will not let a man define my worth.

B. Describe a scenario from your past where not having a well-defined set of boundaries has prolonged and/or intensified the personal consequences that you have experienced.

I have struggled with my self-worth for as long as I can remember. I know it started in my childhood when I was felt like I was "never enough" by those around me. I get emotional even thinking about it now. I know that I have come a long way in knowing my self-worth. My parents, my friends, my boyfriends, my ex husband... everyone made me feel like I was never enough which slowly crushed me to a point that I thought there was no return. I have never admitted this to anyone but my current partner that I have attempted suicide a few times. This was years ago and not a concern for me now. The last time I thought about ending my life was before I had my child. Since I had my son, I have never thought about it again. I truly believe that was God's grace given to me through my child. God saved me by giving me a son who loves my unconditionally. It was after I became a mother when I started to understand how important self worth is and how badly I needed to work on myself. I am a work in progress. I have made mistakes in the past because of not seeing my worth in God's eyes. I would depend on others to make me feel whole, when all I truly needed was to let God into my life and help me. Having a well-defined set of boundaries now will also help me to respect myself and make decisions that won't lead to regret.

C. Describe a potentially realistic event in your life where having mastered the use of boundaries will assist you in managing the event in such a way as to protect your value system.

Respecting myself will help me to make decisions that may be selfish in a healthy way, but also allowing myself to put myself first without being taken advantage of, or feeling used. Knowing where I stand with myself, and others, will help me to make the right decisions with taking everyone in the picture into account.


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