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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 10:12 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 17, 2013 6:31 pm
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Thank you for this guidance. I was feeling a bit like I was all over the place, like my vision wasn't concise enough or even doable. Now I realize it's going to take a bit more time and effort, but letting my ideas about my life 'run amok' is probably OK right now. I'm excited that I can still see so much going on in my life. Things that aren't just obsessively thinking about how much I've lost or how I just can't see life without my husband.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 14, 2013 9:04 am 
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Joined: Thu Dec 31, 2009 9:02 am
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I just completed my vision 2 days ago,(or so I thought). Reading this made me realize how incomplete it actually was. I am still struggling with my commitment to the process, and focusing and directing my thoughts and feelings. I am going to re-read this and give myself some time to write it again, starting with a blank sheet of paper. Thanks


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2014 9:52 am 
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Supplemental to the Vision and Values work:

In an earlier version of the Partner's Healing Workshop, there was a time management log exercise that I found immeasurably useful. I kept a copy, and every now and then I share it with members. Today, it occurred to me to post it here, so that anyone who is interested might have access.

I must admit, when I first came upon this exercise, I was overwhelmed and thoroughly unimpressed. But, fortunately for me, my commitment to healing was greater than my resistance, so I "tried it on" and I am so grateful that I did! In addition to showing me how I spent my time, this exercise showed me that I there is value in the mundane; it brought me down to earth, so to speak. The was able to see the value in chores that I did not enjoy-and even resented-doing. The effect for me was permanent. This in itself was a HUGE breakthrough, because there is so much of one's day that is spent on the mundane.

To illustrate, let's say I spend 50% of my day on the mundane (which is probably much lower than it actually is). This is 50% of my day that I would have been resenting/not enjoying. Now that I see value in that 50%, this is 50% more of my day that I enjoy and find meaning and purpose in!!! (I am still amazed by how powerful this was/is). This is not to say that I am never resistant to doing mundane things, as I have yet to achieve that level of consistent presence. However, what it does mean is that any time I notice my resistance, I can easily give it up by recognizing the value in doing. If you are convinced and want to give it a try, here are the activities:

Quote:
Time Management Log
For the next seven days, keep an inventory of all your actions that require time and energy to complete. This information should be documented on a fifteen minute basis, but YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DOCUMENT EVERY FIFTEEN MINUTES. You should, however, document every few hours to ensure that you obtain an accurate representation of your activities. Also, for major blocks of time spent on the same activity (e.g. sleeping, working), there is no need to document say, "sleeping" every fifteen minutes.
Where people most often struggle is in documenting only general activities--thus negating how this information will be used. Ensure that you document what it was that you were actually doing. Entries such as: "6:00-6:30 Dinner" or "7:00-8:00 Cleaned House" are not going to provide much value. Entries such as: "6:00-6:15 Searched through cupboards to see what to make for dinner. Decided on spaghetti. Out of meat, so ran to store to get some. 6:15-6:30 Returned from store. Browned meat, boiled noodles, set table, served dinner 6:30-6:45 Rounded up family for dinner, sent kids in to wash hands, served drinks, ate dinner 6:45-7:00 cleared table, loaded dishwasher, put away condiments" will provide you with the exact information that you will need in the next stage of goal setting.

Filtering the Time Management log through the Values List
With your values list in hand, review your time management log. As you do, pay particular attention to the role each documented activity plays in promoting your values. If you find that many of the activities that you engage in have little connection to your value system, you will also find that you are most likely experiencing life as a draining, stressful, boring/pressure-filled event. And, most likely, you will recognize patterns of rather significant anxiety, stress and/or other type of mental illness/addiction. Why? Because human nature demands that we replenish our emotional selves. That, when a significant drain to those emotional resources occur, that drain must be replenished through value-based activity. If such value-based activity is not available, or you lack an understanding/internal connection to such values...than addiction, mental illness, stress, anxiety, sociopathology, etc. occur. It's like running a car without the oil, transmission fluid, etc. Eventually, it breaks down.

Activity: As you compare your time management log to your values list, circle each activity that IS NOT associated with your values. Should you discover that several values have been forgotten/taken for granted...add them to your values list now. Then prioritize them.
Remember that your values list is a representation of the things that are important to you. Many people exclude such mundane activities like cleaning the house or doing the laundry as being related to their value system...until they recognize what their life would be like if they didn't do these things: the social isolation/ridicule; health/living environment concerns; financial concerns (e.g. being evicted, house condemned). For most, such mundane tasks are certainly associated with your values, and your recognition of this will help to generate more fulfillment from each activity. If you are like most, you will be amazed at how many activities you take for granted in your life. And because you no longer make the connection with how a behavior such as 'going grocery shopping' or 'picking up the dog poo in the yard' is critical to some of your highest values, you become physically and emotionally drained when too many of these 'mundane tasks' are attempted without some sort of replenishment (e.g. recognition/appreciation from others being the most commonly sought; recognition/appreciation from yourself being the most valuable).
This taking for granted of many of life's tasks is the number one reason why people fail in goal management. Rather than including what it is they ARE doing in their lives, they see goals as what they WANT or NEED to do. This can have a devastating effect on time management and goal completion.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 10:48 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 28, 2014 10:18 pm
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Can someone help? I am trying to piece all of this together. While reading this, I saw reference to "question 5 from part 1". Where is this? Can someone tell me?


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PostPosted: Mon May 19, 2014 6:34 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
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Hi cottage,

Part 1 is the very first post of this thread, and "question" 5 (should read "exercise"--I will edit) refers to the numbered exercises/activities of that same post.

Hope this helps!

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Tue May 27, 2014 2:50 pm 
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Hello bgia,

Good question! I will post it to the other coaches and mentors.

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 6:01 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jun 17, 2014 5:59 pm
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Sorry to be so stupid, but I don't understand how this works. I looked at what I think is the first exercise & it's enormous. Ten different exercises & I should pick at least 3, including 5: can I do one at a time? Do I complete the exercise simply for myself or do I have to post it for all to read? Will only the coaches read my posts? I don't know where to begin or how to make my "thread" (whatever that is) & honestly, I am not up for so much confusion. I know I should jump right in with the work but am still reeling from the shock of my situation & all this homework does not seem to be what I need at the moment. I think I will log out & try another day. Maybe it's better I just find a therapist whom I can visit & have one-on-one talks with on a weekly basis. Considering my age & personality, technology is not my friend.


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 18, 2014 6:25 pm 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

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Please dont’ feel stupid! You really don’t have to do any of the exercises, but the more you do, the more you’ll get out of it. One at a time is fine. These are supplemental exercises to help you define your vision your life.

I am sorry that you feel overwhelmed and overloaded by this information/technology. A good place to start is reading the info available in the welcome centre. There, you will find instructions on how to post in the forums. When you create a thread, it will be publicly visible, so keep that in mind. There are other options, too, such as signing up for prioritized feedback, in which case you would have a private forum in which to post your work (that will only be visible to coaches). This option involves a nominal fee. If it is easier for you to work offline (and not create a thread), that is your choice. There is also the option of private coaching (via the telephone, or Skype which is the telephone through the internet). This will provide you with one on one support, but to be clear, it is not therapy. Each has it's advantages. Coaching (through RN) gives you the advantage of working with someone who has experienced a very similar thing as what you are experiencing. (Therapy has advantages, too, depending on the therapist and school of thought/method. It really is your choice).

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2015 7:00 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5200
Copied over from "Suggestions/Resources" in the Member's Corner. It fits here (left it there, too).

safeandsound wrote:
The link below deals with the idea of "Living Your Values" and why it has importance. It is a step by step guide to understanding and utilizing this understanding to harness the usefulness of developing and living your values.

I have come to believe that this is a cornerstone to healing for the person in recovery, the partners, and couples alike.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/li ... lues-1.htm

Happy Healing :w:

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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