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 Post subject: Shocked4 Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 29, 2012 10:02 am 
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Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:09 pm
Posts: 4
I sit here wondering where to start, staring at a blank box. I guess I will just say it without worrying about organization of events etc... I met my current husband after a horrific first marriage of only a few months. The first marriage was filled with sex addiction along with alcohol and cocaine. I was not in a very good place when I met him and my self esteem was very low. I also had a child less than a year old. When I met him he was as all american as I could find. Played college football, worked, very responsible, and seemed to adore me. Our sex life was intense, and crazy. I think I believed I thought that was all I had to offer. He wanted to have sex constantly, so I did. As life goes on that becomes impossible. I had another child and began to resent his constant need for sex.

His first "crush," what I used to call them was with a girl he worked with. He told me things like she took her shirt off in front of him, they went to lunch together as co workers, and one time he had to work with her until 2 in the morning. I needed to believe him. I had 2 young children and felt desperate. The one thing I find interesting is that, I have never cheated, he can become very jealous. The next incident came when I received a huge phone bill. He had been calling the 900 # constantly. A couple years later he had another crush. She was a single mother friend of mine. I am not sure about how much contact but I do know he bought her daughters christmas presents. About a year after I caught him on internet porn sights. There have been many "crushes." I do not know how far they went. I did catch a video of a naked girl on his phone. He said it was just guys at a bar being stupid.

He has always has been a workaholic. He has always had trouble with true intimacy, and we have always fought about sex. For the last few years he has worked 4 states away visiting only once a month

April 2011, he was randomly assaulted where he works. We were called at 1:00 to basically recover his body. By the grace of God he lived. He experienced a traumatic brain injury. After months of recovery he was able to return to work. The kids and I went to visit him about a month after he went back to surprise him. I had bought him a lap top to Skype the kids and to get on face book to see pictures etc... I was setting up his face book account, and with in minutes a girl friended him. I accepted the friend request, and then my world began to crumble. I pretended like I was him. I found out she live 5 minutes from my house and they had sextexting relationship and he went to see her when he was home. I had to leave the next day due to other commitments. When I ask him about her he claimed to not know what her. Then I begged for three days for the truth. He swore there were no other women in his life. Day three I busted into his voice mail. There was the current affair. She was saying how sorry she was that she had missed his phone call etc... This was after the brain injury.

He claimed he did not remember if he slept with her. I made him call her and ask. She first said no, then said yes. On his next visit home I used his phone and txted her as him. I found out he met her on New Years and they had sex. (my birthday). He is currently doing back flips to save the marriage. He says he doesn't remember anything do to the brain injury. I will say he he did loose a lot of memory, but I do not trust him on not remembering anything, considering he contacted her after the brain injury. Her name was in code on his phone.

A very difficult part of this was that my older kids found out when she tried to txt him while he was in I.c.u. My kids did not know if their father was going to live or die and they got the txt that she was pissed that he had not called her.


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 Post subject: My vision values
PostPosted: Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:11 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:09 pm
Posts: 4
I will have a Christ centered life. I will seek to gain only the approval of God. I will love through God the way he ask me to.

I will seek the guidance of the Holly Spirit.

I will pray and listen on a daily basis

I will learn to love fully not out of fear and brokenness

I will forgive and seek forgiveness.

I will love my husband fully and totally and not let his issues brokennes affect my spiritual emotional or physical health


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 Post subject: Lesson 3
PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 4:03 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:09 pm
Posts: 4
When we were dating seriously he went to party and his x showed up 45 min away from her home

After birth of 2 nd child he went to lunch w a girl (Kelly) that had taken her shirt off in front of him. When I called the company for unrelated reason i ask for my husband Kelly took call and told me she was not sleeping w my husband. That my husband had told her what was going on.

My aunt said she saw my husband w another woman in his truck

He went to local hardware store 2-3 times a week and would talk about the cashier relentlessly

When I introduced him to my personal trainer (she found me and wanted to train me) he could barely speak. Then explained he just knew her from an old gym. She got a divorce shortly after

200$-300$ phone bills to porn

Busted him on Internet porn

Always stopping at porn shop for toys for me. (I was not interested in)

Porn hidden in various places

His dad got drunk and confided that my husband was cheating on me

Found porn messages on phone when ever I actually saw it

Bought Christmas presents for message therapists children

Would go to Walmart and not come home for hours

While working out of town would fall asleep on sat nights and forget to call

Came up with wild story that he made his friend believe he was cheating on me That friend was going to tell me but it was just a joke

Protected his phone w his life while home once a month. He would hide it in truck and lock it. If I did pick it up he was furious

Found videos of naked women on his phone sent from woman. He said it was just men being stupid

All txt would be deleted when came home

He explained it all away. I went against instincts and bought it all


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 8:26 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5199
Hello shocked4 and welcome to Recovery Nation.

I am sorry for the trauma that you have experienced in your relationship. The workshop is an invaluable source for healing, as you may already be experiencing. The community support forum is an excellent place to communicate with others who have experienced similar events in their lives. While the “ingredients” that make up the addictions of our partners may not be the same, how we experience addiction is quite similar across partners. In other words--you are not alone.

Regarding your vision: what you have so far is limited. Think about including areas of your life such as parenting or being a mom, who you are as a friend, family member, contributing member of your community etc. The more areas of value that you define for your vision, the more stability and meaning there is for you to develop. For a comprehensive look at your vision, try these supplemental exercises: viewtopic.php?f=22&t=18712

Also, I have taken the time to merge your posts, as you had a separate thread started for each exercise. For instructions on how to add lesson responses to your healing thread (so that they are in one concise thread) and on how to post in the forums in general, visit this thread in the welcome center: viewtopic.php?f=80&t=10760 --you may also with to familiarize yourself with this site by perusing the other threads in the “Welcome Center” and the “Forum Rules” forums, found at the top of the board index. (Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it!)

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 03, 2012 1:53 pm 
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Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 4:09 pm
Posts: 4
Thank you so much. I am sure as many others it felt like a bomb went off in my life 6 months ago. I really struggled w my vision. I felt like I knew nothing for sure except for a better relationship w God. The break down has already started me on a clearer vision


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