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 Post subject: Chealse Recovery Thread
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 1:45 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 06, 2012 8:13 am
Posts: 1
Exercise 1.
Two years ago l discovered my partner had been sending erotica to other women, and building flirty and sexually inappropriate relationships with women online. He explained this away and justified them as not being real as they were online and had never met. I accepted this explanation and due to the circumstances of the relationship at the time and my love for him l chose to forgive and move on. Since this time the number of women he has built relationships with online has hit the double figures. He has never admitted or disclosed anything that l had not already had proof of. I am struggling with the anger and hurt, l dont trust him, l feel as tho l was just a part of his addiction. That the love l felt was simply his lust.
I was aware of my partners high sex drive, we had often discussed his very "healthy" appettite for sex. He would masterbate numerous times per day, he was always preoccupied with sex and watching online porn. I had no issue with this, l often commented that l thought it was an unhealthy priority when it got in the way of other tasks however l accepted this for what is was.

Exercise 2.
I will build stronger and closer relationships with my children by spending half an hour a day quality one on one time with each of them as well as family time. By eating meals as a family we can reconnect and share our days. This is important to me as l feel that l have made my children less of a priority then my partner and his addiction. My role of mother is fulfilling and rewarding, l would like my children and l to develop a relationship of trust, honesty and open communication and believe a great start to that is me giving them my time and full attention.
I will apply my energies to my studies by devoting specific time to study l will feel stronger and a sense of accomplishment.
I see myself spending more time on the activities that bring me joy, l will spend one afternoon a week devoted to writing and sketching, this is something purely for me, l feel l have sacraficed and given so much that l should be worthy of this time just for me.

Exercise 3.
A) My partner would become distant and secrative, he would ask me 20 questions about what l had been doing and where l had been, my gut told me that generally those with trust issues are those that can not be trusted themselves.
My partner would change his passwords, security settings, facebook settings and such, when questioned he would either avoid answering or give me an explanation that never made sense.
My partner was preoccupied, he was less attentive and affectionate.
B) All of them except the last which occured two weeks ago. Before then although l would investigate and catch him out l would always accept his excuses
C) The mere medium in which we communicate is a trigger for conflict. The fact that we only communicate online as he did with them
Any of the above signs would trigger conflict as l no longer excuse them or accept them. My partner does not deal well with confrontation so my now drawing a line is a trigger.
At the moment l am unable to really identify behaviours or situations that are not causing conflict. I understand that this is all new to me and l am still in shock and feeling lost, however these emotions in themselves are causing conflict.

Exercise 4.
1) Very devoted father, always makes time for them and will make them a priority.
Has a good work ethic, has never been out of work.
Always supportive of his siblings and parents, will do what ever he can for them.
2) Always going to be a bit dodgy, its a family trait, honesty and openeness seem to be a choice.
He will never be a leader, he likes to tag along but will never plan anything himself.
He will always think more emotionally then practically


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PostPosted: Sun May 13, 2012 8:43 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5199
Hello Chealse,

Good start on your vision work. This is your foundation upon which you will be building ,throughout this workshop. It is my opinion that your vision is the most important aspect of creating and maintaining balance and stability in your life.

At the moment l am unable to really identify behaviours or situations that are not causing conflict. I understand that this is all new to me and l am still in shock and feeling lost, however these emotions in themselves are causing conflict.

This will subside, for you. However, as you gain stability and begin to set boundaries, this will likely cause conflict as well, as he may resist, especially if he is early in recovery, or not in recovery.

I am sorry that your life circumstance has brought you here, but know that given the circumstance, here is a very good place to be. Welcome to Recovery Nation.

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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