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 Post subject: my story
PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 3:49 pm 

Joined: Tue Apr 03, 2012 4:40 pm
Posts: 22
I discovered my husband has an internet porn/chat addiction 4 days ago. We have been married 14 years and have 2 daughters. My 10 year old has been sneaking extra computer time and when I caught her quickly clicking off the computer when I walked in the room I decided to check it out. There were some unfamiliar webpages visited that day. I called my husband to ask him if any were his and he admitted he has been viewing/chatting on porn sites for several years now. (Fortunately my daughters sites were completely innocent.) My husband even admitted to viewing it when he was home alone with my 2 year old in the room (saying he turns the screen so she can't see.) To add to the hurt, it began when we were trying to have a 2nd child. I went through a period of multiple miscarriages (5 total). My hormones were constantly up and down from the pregnancies, and the feelings of loss. I was not as interested in sex because I was fearful I would become pregnant and have another miscarriage. During this time he appeared to become less interested also, there was never much romance or foreplay when we did have sex so it was not as meaningful for me. I thought he was dealing with the loss in his own way and that things would get better eventually. After we did have a 2nd child, I went back on birth control and sex seemed to improve a little, but his disconnection from our family seemed to be growing. He started helping a female friend of mine begin a excercise routine and they began working out regularly together. I asked them to stop when my husband left our family vacation to drive 2 hours each way to workout with her. They maintain there was never anything physical, but their friendship did become too close. My trust for him was destroyed when they did not stop. He set up secret meetings, then continued calling/chatting with her. It took 5 months for that to come to an end, and I lost a friend over his actions. He seemed to want to improve our marriage and the past 3 months seemed to be going very well until this new revelation. I am numb to think he has been living this other life. He blames my lack of interest in sex for his initial "curiousity". I believe I am mostly to blame for that problem, but not for his choice in how he handled it. It is very hard for me not to feel responsible though. He never came to me about our problems, or looked for help for us. He chose self gratification over our marriage. He does not completely accept the term "addicted", and refuses to get professional help or talk with anyone. He has appologized to me and told me how ashamed he is of it. He stated he has tried several times, but can't seem to quit. He says now that I know, it will be easier for him to stop. On a good note, he asked me to put filters on the computer so he cannot access the websites and to not give him the password. His biggest fear is that no one else find out - he refuses to let me go to our pastor for counseling. I have been furiously trying to educate myself on what to do now. I am not convinced he doesn't need outside counseling. I have ordered some books for him to read about internet pornography and recovery - he did thank me for that. (though they haven't arrived yet.) I have told him this does not change how much I love him. I am just so very hurt now and need to focus on what we do next. I admit it's hard to want to just get out of bed each day right now.

 Post subject: Re: my story
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:15 pm 
Partner's Coach

Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:36 pm
Posts: 1291
Hi iwantmylifeback. I believe you want to post this in the self-help forum as it looks like your first lesson. A coach might be able to move it for you.

Anyway, welcome. Sorry you find yourself needing a place like this but glad you found it.


"What day is it,?" asked Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.

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