Recovery Nation

Public education about SA
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Author:  partner [ Thu Apr 22, 2010 6:08 am ]
Post subject:  charity

Hello Dr.

I would like to know if any of the proceeds from your book and upcoming books go to an organization that helps partners and if yes, which ones?

Thank you!

Author:  Dr Barb Steffens [ Thu Apr 22, 2010 3:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Proceeds

I have yet to see any proceeds but its a nice thought! Books like this do not bring in very much for the author- I can't speak to what the publisher may do but I rather doubt it. I know much of my time working to educate and support partners is un-paid time (like getting to chat with partners here!)

Dr. S. :w:

Author:  Dr Barb Steffens [ Thu Apr 22, 2010 3:14 pm ]
Post subject:  Warning labels for porn

I have spoken to groups of college-aged men and women and have made that point with them- I told them I wanted them to be "informed consumers" and to know the risks related the use of the material. Unfortunately, I don't hold out much hope for such a label or warning since it is not recognized as a dangerous/addictive behavior. By telling our stories and seeking to educate in whatever circles we travel, hopefully we are sharing this important information to those who will listen. I am afraid that the next generation will demonstrate the long-term effects in droves, and then we may as a society have to pay attention....

Dr. S.

Author:  Pilar [ Fri Apr 23, 2010 2:18 pm ]
Post subject: 

Being a few years out from having been in a relationship with an SA, I sometimes still feel the urge to talk about it. A couple outlets have been some classes that I am taking/have taken recently. In a speech class, I wrote about my involvement with RN and explained what this organization is all about. In my psychology class, I wrote an essay about possible PTSD in partners of SAs (and was thankful I had Dr. Steffens' research to cite!). We all posted our essays in a forum so that we could read each other's and make comments.

Opportunities like these are effective in spreading the word even though it seems like a drop in the bucket. The feedback I received after my speech and from my essay was warm, empathetic, and interested. It's hard to talk about personal issues like these, but if you can, you just might make someone else aware. And growing awareness is a powerful force!

Author:  Violet [ Thu May 06, 2010 2:32 pm ]
Post subject: 

I would hope that intense public awareness would enlighten not only men, but the women that choose to work and therefore feed the industry. Perhaps being aware of the actual level of devastation that is wrought within a relationship might make women not want to participate. If she knew, then she would be willingly a part of the problem. Was there anything ever wrong with “niceâ€Â

Author:  olderthandirt [ Wed May 12, 2010 5:02 am ]
Post subject: 

Hi I'm kind of coming in late to these topics as I just joined the forum but I am not new to dealing with all this :( 21 years and counting.
I think the reason no one wants to acknowledge there is a problem with some people and sexual urges and actions is that many have inborn guilt that say's well if I like to look at or have looked at nude women that don't happen to be my wife or GF then that would also make me bad so I won't admit that there is a problem out there.
I have found that on the womens side of this question as far as the women that I have tried to find sympathy with over the years always shocked me in response to my accusation that my H was an SA they usually either ignored my problem or would say the usual "Oh well all men look" or "it doesn't bother me if they look or watch as long as they don't expect me to do it" and the classic one I will never forget was a mind blower when I said that his problem had turned off sex all together she said "Well have you told him he could go find another partner then" like his needs were all that mattered and I've heard something similar out of a few of them. All I could think of was you just wait till you are living and sure enough one of them who didn' t think much of catching her hubby doing himself in the shower a few times ended up crying to me when he was caught checking out matches on a hook up site on the net when they were not getting along very well! I felt bad for her but couldn't help replay her telling me basically that all men look and I was over reacting.
It seems now that everything is sexualized or violent I have tried to tell myself it is just my own perception of things now that I am so sensitive to it after living with an SA for 21 years but I think it really is and for the most part I see it growing more and more among women the way they talk and act they have lost most of the boundaries and if both side have no values then all is lost I fear just watch a few seconds of "Sex in the city" or "The girls next door" to get a hint of what I mean it's all about power sex is seen as power by both sides now and if a girl can turn on hoards of men then it gives her power! She never stops to think that she is robbing another women of her power in doing so though. Sad.
Then there is the group that just doses not want to deal with it at all so they bury their head in the sand and pretend it goes away or (sorry to believers here) try to pray it away and since those didn't work out so well then it must be the wifes fault in the end or a total exaggeration on my part! Many can't grasp it till it hits them in the face when a loved one hurts a child or goes to jail for inappropriate behavior and until that happens they won't believe it.
I can't tell you how many times I have stood in front of people who I have confided in and had them completely ignore my pain it has baffled me for years I used to call myself the "invisible women" I even started writing autobiography with that title because I was so confused at how people could not see the damage done to me in my tears and emotional problems, the anxieties the depression and wondered how they could just turn away and allow it to go on or at the very least just ask if there was anything they could do to help me! I am still baffled after all these years at how many people turn the blame on me.
I'm not sure I helped here but there is my 1 1/2 cents!
I would like to read your book but have not seen so far in the thread I've read what the title is! I may have read it already like everyone here we all have tried to fix the problem by educating ourselves when in truth I have come to understand that I can't fix it for him only he can choose to do that and in my case I don't think that will happen he is too narcissistic for that to happen all I can do is try to find healing for me that is why I am here.

Author:  ZackB4 [ Thu May 20, 2010 4:58 pm ]
Post subject:  Wow!!!!

Hey everyone...

:? I’ve been lost for a while but now the sheep has found her way back to the flock…

I’ve been really busy in school; I'm graduating in journalism in less than a month. I’m now working on my big final project and it’s about sex addiction. My intention is to spread awareness and information. To hopefully help someone else whose walls are crashing down.

What I found when my world came crashing down was that there’s almost no help or support available for a partner unless you’re willing to admit that you are a CO-something.

Members of this community who knows about me and my story, know that my American husband and I live in the north of Sweden, I’m Swedish. And up here there’s nothing. No rehabs, no counselors specialized in this area, no nothing. In the south it’s a little better, but far from good enough. We’re kind of behind a little bit even though research and studies are happening.

Anyway, I haven’t read the whole thread and I apologize for that. I just got so excited to see Dr. Steffens name here. It inspired me to write my first post since too long ago. Her and Marsha’s book, along with this wonderful community saved me when I was drowning. THANK YOU Dr. Steffens!!!! The book is a godsent since I've never been able to identify with the label co-addict or co-dependent.

I’m currently in Stockholm, doing interviews for my big articles. In one of the three I'm doing, I’m focusing on people on both sides who are, or have been, in a long term relationship. What help and support they got, or didn’t get. What they would have wanted as far as information and qualified advice and so on. AND at the same time I’m using this opportunity to spread the word about Recovery Nation and Dr. Steffens book. This is my mission now, and I’ve been recommending this site and the book at every opportunity.

I will read everything but I just wanted to say that this is wonderful. I am slowly getting back to my lessons but things have been rough at home and with school, teenagers and a little one I got drained. But I haven’t given up! And I AM taking care of me and my kids…. See you all soon. And a very warm welcome from the north of Sweden to you Dr. Steffens! :g:

Now I have to prepare for my interviews tomorrow and also get some sleep…

I’ll be back…

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