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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 3:51 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 1:
A:
1) I want actively commit myself to change, because i can only get rid of my addiction permanently this way. That means, only i can actively cause a change, i have to want it. There is no way back. No one else can take this off my shoulders. Just doing nothing leads to a relapse.
2) It has happend and i can't undo it anymore. I can only look ahead. If there are relapses, then they have happened and i have to learn out of them. It is important then to get rid of the relapse immediately.
3) It takes time to leave this addiction behind me. It it is not done from today to tomorrow. Relapses cost even more time. It does not matter how long, i have to go this way, there is no other way.

B:
- I get so much more of my life, i live the time much more intense.
- I have a bigger social environment, and a much higher social state.
- I can have again really good sex.
- I can reach woman with value, not only trouble candidates like borderliners.
- My work related success, my self-employment, will work much more likely with the motivation, that my addiction robbs me.
- The money is earned much easier with the new self-confidence.
- With my balanced brain, i can come out of conflicts much better as a winner.
- I have a nice morning wood again.
- I can much easier bring people to laugh and have interesting talks.
- I can remember much more with my clear mind. So i can do things more easy.
- I want to have back my superpower-mode, the charisma to outside, so that people notice me.
- It is such a nice feeling to have no headache.
- It does so good, to have no thoughts-carrousel, the enemies, that fight against me in my mind.
- I can have much more empathy with my fellow men.
- I have much more energy!

C:
i use a picture hanging on the wall in my parents house.
In this picture i am around 6 years old, have my sister in my hand and are standing in a green meadow with
some bushes behind. It sems to be summer. I was a lot of outside in the nature and in the garden of my parents.
I had a lot of joy playing with water and other things.
I recall ths child. And i can feel, how much protection my parents gave him. And how much he trusted his environment.
How much time they spend with him. What a nice childhood he had. And then, the way into isolation, how he lost the sense of wonder and joy in the world.
This child lost his way and i will guide this child back to health.


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PostPosted: Fri May 30, 2014 5:07 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3853
Location: UK
Hello sunbeam

welcome to RN


Quote:
I want actively commit myself to change, because i can only get rid of my addiction permanently this way. That means, only i can actively cause a change,


cause a change - remember that phrase, RN is not simply about recovery from sex addictioin it is about change

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat May 31, 2014 3:04 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 2:
My vision:
Living my own life. Living my life with a lot of nature, health and a respectful environment. A environment
consisting of friends and with a (my) girlfriend.

Job: I already started my self-employment as an engineer. I want to serve my customers and be a good and reliable consultant for them. Developing good and competitive solutions. Be responsible for the projects. Being able to find and keep new customers mostly by visiting exhibitions. Solving their problems in a reasonable time. Finding a balance between time spent in my home-office and at my customers.

Live: Having a fulfilled life with everything in balance. Going to my lake in the summer and to the sauna in the winter. Meeting my friends and acquaintances there and having good conversations. Riding my bicycle or walks mostly every day. Self-cooking meals at least a few days per week. Spending time with my parents and my sister. Helping them whenever possible. Further improving my house and get everything there like i want it.

Love: Being able to have a relationship again. Devotion to myself and my girlfriend. To deeply love here, sharing my deep feelings and intimacy with her. To experience a lot of with her, in a big comfort zone. To build a family with her and living a healthy life with healthy nutrition and sports. To develop emotional intimacy. To be vulnerable with her and provide space for her to be with me. To protect her and provide for her and support her. To pursuit a lot of adventures together, through travel, being active. To share toughts and romance with her.

Myself: To develop my own integrity and protect my integrity when others try to damage it. To be able to better manage emotional stress in critical situations with my "enemies". To share feelings even with people that are not my
friends.


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PostPosted: Sat May 31, 2014 5:11 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3853
Location: UK
Hello Sunbeam
like your approach to this but do you think that you might also broaden your spectrum?

Job: goes with security and ambition
Live:

Love: goes with honesty happiness vulnerability happiness fun friends healthy sex

Myself: goes with emotion and indeed whatever your aspirations are

good start but as said could show more of you , perhaps thing also of some whens a few short term goals might be useful down the way
my opinion but your call

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:11 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 2 Addon:
Outdoor festivals are a energy place for me. I want to attend this summer at least two more festivals, enjoy the time, spend time with friends and make new friends, dance in the sun and live in the nature and come back home with a lot of new energy.

I will establish a better connection to the people around me and exchange more feelings and thoughts with them.

I will improve my cooking skills. I enjoy buying healthy food and cooking but have not every day time for this. I want to integrate this in my day and find time for this at least 2-3 times a week.

Kenzo: Thanks for your post. Do you mean such things?


Last edited by sunbeam on Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:23 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 3:

B: List of primary ways i want to derive stimulation from MY life:
1. Living with integrity
2. Living with compassion
3. Sharing my true self with the world around me
4. Being dedicated
5. Showing appreciation towards other
6. Being an inspiration to others
7. Being tenacious in my pursuit of deep happiness
8. Being charitable
9. Bringing others to laugh
10. Being respected as a professional by others
11. Providing quality to my customers
12. Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
13. Enhancing my spiritual awareness
14. Staying active
15. Being reliable
16. Spending time with my friends
17. Honesty
18. Humbleness
19. Sense of humor
20. Sense of responsibility
21. Being considerate of others
22. Being considerate of myself
23. Taking care of myself
24. Living an exciting life
25. Living an adventurous life
26. Loving others
27. Being loved by others
28. Competition
29. Developing emotional maturity
30. Being challenged; overcoming challenges
31. Risk-taking (danger)
32. Pursuing my career as self-employed engineer
33. Creativity
34. Striving for excellence
35. Establishing a partnership w/someone
36. Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
37. Physical health
38. Physical beauty
39. Sexual intimacy
40. Sexual contact
41. Experiencing euphoria
42. Feeling sexually desired
43. Feeling appreciatedo
44. Feeling masculine
45. Feeling empowered
46. Passionate about life
47. Being recognized as an expert in my field
48. Developing sustained friendships
49. Being validated by others
50. Being respected
51. Being judged trustworthy
52. Feeling unconditional love
53. Indulging in creative inspiration, development
54. Developing patience
55. Living a humble life
56. Being known as reliable
57. Wisdom
58. Connected to my own feelings
59. Being identified by others as charming and warm
60. Resourcefulness
61. Appreciating natural beauty/nature
62. Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
63. Adaptability
64. Being solvent
65. Personal independence
66. Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
67. Power
68. Experiencing uniqueness
69. Curiosity
70. Experiencing the forbidden
71. Avoiding conflict
72. Improving my social interactions
73. Being a leader
74. Vulnerability
75. Fidelity
76. Building things
77. Intellectual growth
78. Communicating feelings
79. Experienced in conflict resolution
80. Taking care of others in need
81. Pressure to accomplish
82. Accepting responsibility for living my life
83. Be known as truthful and honest
84. Sense of accomplishment
85. Feeling challenged
86. Forgiveness
87. Realistic
88. Personal growth, development
89. Selflessness
90. Respecting Mother Earth
91. Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
92. Self-discipline
93. Raising a healthy child
94. Strengthening my role as a partner

C.2:
Values that went into compulsive sexual behaviours:
- Avoiding to solve real problems
- Selfishness
- Too much appearances, too less reality
- Dishonesty
- Lack of values
- Lack of visions
- Self destruction
- Immediate Gratification


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 02, 2014 4:44 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 4:

Priorized Values List:
1. Living with integrity
23. Taking care of myself
37. Physical health
82. Accepting responsibility for living my life
36. Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
19. Sense of humor
26. Loving others
27. Being loved by others
sexual gratification
20. Sense of responsibility
3. Sharing my true self with the world around me
29. Developing emotional maturity
4. Being dedicated
5. Showing appreciation towards other
72. Improving my social interactions
17. Honesty
78. Communicating feelings
58. Connected to my own feelings
21. Being considerate of others
22. Being considerate of myself
35. Establishing a partnership w/someone
7. Being tenacious in my pursuit of deep happiness
8. Being charitable
9. Bringing others to laugh
39. Sexual intimacy
2. Living with compassion
40. Sexual contact
66. Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
48. Developing sustained friendships
12. Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
52. Feeling unconditional love
14. Staying active
50. Being respected
15. Being reliable
71. Avoiding conflict
33. Creativity
43. Feeling appreciated (anerkannt)
42. Feeling sexually desired
44. Feeling masculine
24. Living an exciting life
10. Being respected as a professional by others
32. Pursuing my career as self-employed engineer
16. Spending time with my friends
18. Humbleness
11. Providing quality to my customers
28. Competition
34. Striving for excellence
67. Power
38. Physical beauty
41. Experiencing euphoria
45. Feeling empowered
46. Passionate about life
47. Being recognized as an expert in my field
6. Being an inspiration to others
49. Being validated by others
51. Being judged trustworthy
79. Experienced in conflict resolution
80. Taking care of others in need
53. Indulging in creative inspiration, development
25. Living an adventurous life
55. Living a humble life
56. Being known as reliable
57. Wisdom
13. Enhancing my spiritual awareness
59. Being identified by others as charming and warm
60. Resourcefulness
61. Appreciating natural beauty/nature
62. Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
63. Adaptability
64. Being solvent
54. Developing patience
30. Being challenged; overcoming challenges
91. Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
31. Risk-taking (danger)
65. Personal independence
92. Self-discipline
68. Experiencing uniqueness
69. Curiosity
73. Being a leader
74. Vulnerability
75. Fidelity
76. Building things
77. Intellectual growth
81. Pressure to accomplish
83. Be known as truthful and honest
84. Sense of accomplishment
85. Feeling challenged
86. Forgiveness
87. Realistic88. Personal growth, development
89. Selflessness
90. Respecting Mother Earth
93. Raising a healthy child
94. Strengthening my role as a partner
70. Experiencing the forbidden


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 03, 2014 4:20 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 5:
D:
Top fifteen values:
1. Living with integrity
23. Taking care of myself
37. Physical health
82. Accepting responsibility for living my life
19. Sense of humor
64. Being solvent
36. Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
27. Being loved by others
26. Loving others
20. Sense of responsibility
39. Sexual intimacy
88. Personal growth, development
3. Sharing my true self with the world around me
72. Improving my social interactions
47. Being recognized as an expert in my field


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 6:29 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 6:
Proactive action plans for:
- Physical health:
* Having a walk, a bicycle tour or go swimming every day.
* Cook at least 2-3 times a week and have a controlled meal. Taking care not to eat too much.
* A coke or fast food from time to time is ok, but not too often.
* Eat regularly to defined times
* Try to lose some weight, aroung half a kg per week
* Buy good ingredients for a barbecue session tomorrow

- Sharing my true self with the world around me:
* Go to the beach tomorrow and talk with the old friends, try to be honest and show real feelings
* Tell others when they damage my integrity
* When i feel not so good, tell this the people.
* Tell others gentle that i am not interested when they want something from me i don't want.

- Improving my social interactions:
* As recovery proceeds, i become more emotionally stable. use this for better interactions
* When there are conflicts, show the other side the own view. but don't overshoot
* Listen to the others carefully and don't let others distract me from the conversation
* Ask others. Questions are important to show interest. But be always gentle
* Non-verbal communication is important. Improve this with every conversation


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:32 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 3 once more:
B:
1 Living with integrity
2 Sharing my true self with the world around me
3 Pursuing my career as self-employed engineer
4 Being dependable (Zuverlässig)
5 Professionalism (Professionalität)
6 Being challenged; overcoming challenges
7 Concentration (Konzentration)
8 Academics (wissenschaft)
9 Ingenuity (Genialität)
10 Knowledge (Wissen)
11 Innovation (Erneuerung)
12 Competition (Wettbewerb)
13 Supremacy (Überlegenheit)
14 Sense of responsibility
15 Thoroughness (Gründlichkeit)
16 Simplicity (Einfachheit)
17 Success (Erfolg)
18 Balance (Gleichgewicht)
19 Recreation (Erholung)
20 Freedom (Freiheit)
21 Passionate about life (Leidenschaftlich leben)
22 Conversation (Unterhaltung)
23 Giving Understanding (Verständnis)
24 Giving Support (Unterstützung)
25 Fitness (Physical)
26 Speediness (Schnelligkeit)
27 Elegance (Eleganz)
28 Healthy Nutrition (Ernährung)
29 Personal growth, development
30 Communication (Kommunikation)
31 Excitement (Begeisterung)
32 Empathy (Einfühlungsvermögen)
33 mindfulness (Aufmerksamkeit)
34 Communicating feelings
35 Encouragement (Aufmunterung)
36 open-mindedness (Aufgeschlossenheit)
37 Devotion (Hingabe)
38 Feeling unconditional love
39 Sensuality (Sinnlichkeit)
40 Sexuality (Sexualität)
41 Sexual intimacy
42 Vulnerability
43 Giving Protection (Schutz)
44 Living an adventurous life
45 Experiencing Spontaneity (Spontanität)
46 Experiencing Joyfulness (Fröhlichkeit)
47 Being Crazed (Durchgeknallt)
48 Strengthening my Vigor (Lebenskraft)
49 Developing emotional maturity
50 Developing Serenity (Gelassenheit)
51 Connected to my own feelings
52 Perfectionism (Perfektionismus)
53 Mastering Transformation (Wandlung)
54 Improving my Self-esteem (Selbstwertgefühl)
55 Achieving Satisfaction (Zufriedenheit)

C.1:
56 Living with compassion
57 Strengthening my role as a brother to my sister
58 Being an inspiration to others
59 Being dedicated
60 Showing appreciation towards other
61 Being tenacious in my pursuit of deep happiness
62 Being charitable, giving
63 Developing intellectual depth
64 Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
65 Enhancing my spiritual awareness
66 Bringing joy to others
67 Being respected as a professional by others
68 Being playful (Lustig)
69 Staying active
70 Honesty
71 Humbleness (Demut)
72 Sense of humor (Sinn für Humor)
73 Being considerate of others (Rücksichtsvoll)
74 Being considerate of myself (Rücksichtsvoll)
75 Putting other’s needs before my own
76 Taking care of myself
77 Living an exciting life
78 Loving others
79 Being loved by others
80 Risk-taking (danger)
81 Creativity
82 Striving for excellence
83 Keeping financial freedom
84 Establishing a partnership w/someone
85 Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
86 Physical health
87 Physical beauty/attraction
88 Physical pleasure
89 Sexual contact
90 Experiencing euphoria
91 Feeling sexually desired
92 Feeling appreciated
93 Feeling masculine
94 Feeling empowered
95 Being recognized as an expert in my field
96 Developing sustained friendships
97 Being validated by others
98 Being respected
99 Being judged trustworthy
100 Indulging in creative inspiration, development (Frönen)
101 Developing patience
102 Living a humble life
103 Developing superficial friendships (oberflächlich)
104 Being known as reliable
105 Wisdom
106 Being identified by others as charming and warm
107 Being a survivor (Überlebenskünstler)
108 Companionship (Kameradschaft)
109 Resourcefulness (Einfallsreichtum)
110 Appreciating natural beauty/nature (Schätzen ...)
111 Integrity
112 Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
113 Establishing my legacy (Gründen meiner Hinterlassenschaft)
114 Organization
115 Adaptability (Anpassungsfähigkeit)
116 Financial stability
117 Personal independence
118 Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
119 Power
120 Control
121 Experiencing uniqueness (Einzigartigkeit)
122 Curiosity (Neugier)
123 Experiencing the forbidden
124 Avoiding conflict
125 Improving my social interactions
126 Being a leader
127 Sacrificing for others (Verzichtend für andere)
128 Fidelity
129 Walking the same path as equals (... seinesgleichen)
130 Masculinity
131 Building things
132 Intellectual growth, debate, communication
133 Experienced in conflict resolution
134 Taking care of others in need
135 Feeling happy and content (zufrieden)
136 Pressure to accomplish (Druck zu vollenden)
137 Accepting responsibility for living my life
138 Be known as truthful and honest
139 Sense of accomplishment (Sinn für Vollendung)
140 Feeling challenged
141 Friendship
142 Forgiveness (Vergebung)
143 Realistic
144 Selflessness/Altruism
145 Respecting Mother Earth
146 Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
147 Self-discipline
148 Raising a healthy child

C.2:
Values that went into compulsive sexual behaviours:
- Avoiding to solve real problems
- Selfishness
- Too much appearances, too less reality
- Dishonesty
- Lack of values
- Lack of visions
- Self destruction
- Immediate Gratification


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 2:10 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 5 once more:

A: "Does this reflect the person that I am committing myself to becoming?"
1 Living with integrity
76 Taking care of myself
70 Honesty
22 Conversation (Unterhaltung)
29 Personal growth, development
3 Pursuing my career as self-employed engineer
41 Sexual intimacy
141 Friendship
139 Sense of accomplishment (Sinn für Vollendung)
72 Sense of humor (Sinn für Humor)
78 Loving others
19 Recreation (Erholung)
77 Living an exciting life
135 Feeling happy and content (zufrieden)
50 Developing Serenity (Gelassenheit)
143 Realistic
34 Communicating feelings
55 Achieving Satisfaction (Zufriedenheit)
85 Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
96 Developing sustained friendships
49 Developing emotional maturity
95 Being recognized as an expert in my field
125 Improving my social interactions
83 Keeping financial freedom
6 Being challenged; overcoming challenges
56 Living with compassion
108 Companionship (Kameradschaft)
84 Establishing a partnership w/someone
47 Being Crazed (Durchgeknallt)
10 Knowledge (Wissen)
104 Being known as reliable
5 Professionalism (Professionalität)
66 Bringing joy to others
93 Feeling masculine
89 Sexual contact
116 Financial stability
105 Wisdom
7 Concentration (Konzentration)
131 Building things
17 Success (Erfolg)
122 Curiosity (Neugier)
123 Experiencing the forbidden
124 Avoiding conflict
4 Being dependable (Zuverlässig)
13 Supremacy (Überlegenheit)
64 Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
60 Showing appreciation towards other
18 Balance (Gleichgewicht)
20 Freedom (Freiheit)
53 Mastering Transformation (Wandlung)
54 Improving my Self-esteem (Selbstwertgefühl)
68 Being playful (Lustig)
12 Competition (Wettbewerb)
48 Strengthening my Vigor (Lebenskraft)
44 Living an adventurous life
45 Experiencing Spontaneity (Spontanität)
46 Experiencing Joyfulness (Fröhlichkeit)
36 open-mindedness (Aufgeschlossenheit)
21 Passionate about life (Leidenschaftlich leben)
51 Connected to my own feelings
2 Sharing my true self with the world around me
23 Giving Understanding (Verständnis)
16 Simplicity (Einfachheit)
69 Staying active
24 Giving Support (Unterstützung)
80 Risk-taking (danger)
25 Fitness (Physical)
133 Experienced in conflict resolution
11 Innovation (Erneuerung)
15 Thoroughness (Gründlichkeit)
26 Speediness (Schnelligkeit)
86 Physical health
27 Elegance (Eleganz)
28 Healthy Nutrition (Ernährung)
8 Academics (wissenschaft)
137 Accepting responsibility for living my life
30 Communication (Kommunikation)
31 Excitement (Begeisterung)
32 Empathy (Einfühlungsvermögen)
67 Being respected as a professional by others
81 Creativity
91 Feeling sexually desired
117 Personal independence
33 Mindfulness (Aufmerksamkeit)
35 Encouragement (Aufmunterung)
37 Devotion (Hingabe)
103 Developing superficial friendships (oberflächlich)
61 Being tenacious in my pursuit of deep happiness
38 Feeling unconditional love
111 Integrity
106 Being identified by others as charming and warm
136 Pressure to accomplish (Druck zu vollenden)
39 Sensuality (Sinnlichkeit)
40 Sexuality (Sexualität)
14 Sense of responsibility
42 Vulnerability
147 Self-discipline
119 Power
43 Giving Protection (Schutz)
2 Perfectionism (Perfektionismus)
57 Strengthening my role as a brother to my sister
58 Being an inspiration to others
59 Being dedicated
62 Being charitable, giving
63 Developing intellectual depth
65 Enhancing my spiritual awareness
71 Humbleness (Demut)
118 Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
73 Being considerate of others (Rücksichtsvoll)
74 Being considerate of myself (Rücksichtsvoll)
75 Putting other’s needs before my own
79 Being loved by others
82 Striving for excellence
87 Physical beauty/attraction
88 Physical pleasure
90 Experiencing euphoria
92 Feeling appreciated
94 Feeling empowered
97 Being validated by others
98 Being respected
99 Being judged trustworthy
146 Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
148 Raising a healthy child
100 Indulging in creative inspiration, development (Frönen)
101 Developing patience
102 Living a humble life
107 Being a survivor (Überlebenskünstler)
109 Resourcefulness (Einfallsreichtum)
110 Appreciating natural beauty/nature (Schätzen ...)
112 Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
113 Establishing my legacy (Gründen meiner Hinterlassenschaft)
114 Organization
115 Adaptability (Anpassungsfähigkeit)
120 Control
121 Experiencing uniqueness (Einzigartigkeit)
126 Being a leader
128 Fidelity
129 Walking the same path as equals (... seinesgleichen)
130 Masculinity
132 Intellectual growth, debate, communication
134 Taking care of others in need
138 Be known as truthful and honest
140 Feeling challenged
142 Forgiveness (Vergebung)
127 Sacrificing for others (Verzichtend für andere)
144 Selflessness/Altruism
145 Respecting Mother Earth

Yes, i think it does. With a few reordered to get the first 15 to 20 covering family-friends-hobbies-job.

B:
Decision to study a technical subject:
Values involved: I wanted to be an expert and tried to get acknowledgement solely by knowing everything in this field.
Today i would maybe choose a less technical subject. Being an expert is important for me but i have broadened my horizon in the meantime so there are a lot of other things that give me acknowledgement today.

Decision to leave my religious association:
Values involved: In a elbow society which lacks of values, i no longer wanted to be a member of a religious association which members behave completely hypocritical.
Today i would decide equally. However I need values, but for my vision non-religious values are better suitable
and i think my practical and universal values are broad enough to lead to emotional stability.

Decision to move in my own house:
Values involved: Living my own life, personal independence, being alone.
Today i would decide equally but maybe not because of being alone (which makes it easier to go through my addiction-related mood-swings) but maybe to live someday together with a girl.

I think my priorized values list reflects the choices i would make today.

C:
I think my values list is realistic and does not contain values because they "sound good".

D:
1 Living with integrity
76 Taking care of myself
70 Honesty
22 Conversation (Unterhaltung)
29 Personal growth, development
3 Pursuing my career as self-employed engineer
41 Sexual intimacy
141 Friendship
139 Sense of accomplishment (Sinn für Vollendung)
72 Sense of humor (Sinn für Humor)
78 Loving others
19 Recreation (Erholung)
77 Living an exciting life
135 Feeling happy and content (zufrieden)
50 Developing Serenity (Gelassenheit)


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:31 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:56 am
Posts: 849
Location: Sweden
Sent you a PM on your reworked vision and top 15 values as per request.

:g:


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 9:12 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 10:

IV)
* A naked art calendar behind my textbook
* One naked art picture in a encrypted container on my harddisk
* Lots of naked art like bodypainting i attended.
* Naked pictures of my ex
* Lots of non-porn movies that contain nude scenes

However i deleted already in my long reboot all videos/pictures i used for my
compulsive behaviour from my harddisk. I have thrown away all DVDs bought
to satisfy my addiction
I do not use the above listed for compulsive behaviour, but i could use them to
relapse if urges become too strong.

V)
* Student woman in the flat in my neighborhood: Peek in her window.
* Sophie in whatsapp: Used as fantasy object to talk about her body. Abandoned.
* Some girls in a chat about nudity: Used for fantasy. Abandoned.

VI)
* Internet: Chatrooms

Much more in the past, but have given up this/deleted accounts for a long time already.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 9:18 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 12:

Unhealthy recovery patterns i recognize in myself:
* I actively prepared my environment for successfull acting out by manipulating others "My mood swings are the aftermath of a LSD-Trip" and so on.
* I believe that i am uniquely defective and damaged as human beings
* I believe that i am suffering from a disease that is beyond my control, but not beyond all hope.
* I believe that i am defective in the sense that my emotions, urges, impulses, etc. are experienced with much more intensity than "normal people". And this puts me at a disadvantage for living a "normal life".
* I fear relapse triggers, and so my lives continue to be altered as a result of addiction.
* I continue to identify myself with my addiction and cannot imagine a life without such an association.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 05, 2014 12:27 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 13:
I)
* I realized that what matters is what i am doing, not what i did.
* My motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life i can be proud of
* I make decisions based on what i think is the right thing to do
* I am not focused on controlling/ending my past behavioral patterns, but on developing new patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction
* I perceive "powerlessness" as a temporary term that more accurately describes my lack of skills in managing my urges
* Relapse triggers are experienced not as a threat, but an opportunity.
* I recognize that the feelings that i am experiencing are the same feelings that others deal with every day in many different situations. I am not "defective", but "deficient".
* I identify my future with a healthy person that once used addiction to manage my life; not as an addict that is managing his life with healthy behavior.
* I see my live as a continuous process of growth and development, rather than an episodic book of starts and stops.
* I took a long, hard look at anything associated with my destructive past, and voluntarily made the decision to remove these objects from their life. This refers to my erotic clip/pictures collection, DVDs, my webcam, internet accounts.

* I have complete confidence in my ability to manage my life and am moving forward with my dreams in a rational, planned manner.

II)
At the moment i am far away from the "Late Recovery" phase. But i see already big improvement especially the
dealing with triggers. Adressing the procrastination problem, finishing things, taking care to be honest, personal development lowered the compulsive urges considerably. On the other side, not following links is based on the
"not interesting for me / waste of time" decision.


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