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PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 5:54 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 61:

Managing Slips.
Well, this lesson helped me much for further adjusting opinions about behaviors related to recovery.
I have not told anyone until now about my addiction. i shared sometimes some insights i got during
recovery about how emotional management works. My former girlfriend does not know what i was
suffering and could not understand my poor sex performance. Now she is a married lady. I do not want
to bother she with problems of the past. My next girlfriend... maybe i ill share some points. But not the
full nature of addiction and the bizarre sexual behaviors. I think i have mastered my life management
so far, that the remaining impact of addiction is so low that i can go this way.
Sharing the addiction and considering the political correctness is an very important thing.

Mentors section:
1.) I can remember how big the effort was to write down a vision that fulfills this criterias. I had to
start twice. It was very hard because my life was severe damaged by addiction at that time and i
had no real vision and energy because of the acute withdrawal phase.
But i want to say here, the example vision in the lesson (Example of a Personal Vision) is not a good
example. It is a good example for depth and clarity. But even if this values are his values, not mine:
This vision lacks of other values/areas of life. What if his wife leaves him? Then the majority of the
foundation of life breaks away. Only a few general values with little personality remain. I think you
should write this in the lesson.
2.) I have re-read my vision. It is now more than six months old. All areas still guide me, it was a good
work at that time. How it has evolved? Well, maybe it are subtile things. Maybe it could extended
in the direction of friendships. Irrelevant is nothing :)
3.) Cancelled.


Last edited by sunbeam on Tue Feb 03, 2015 3:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 2:17 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 62:

Developing 'most-likely' scenarios where i might face relapse:
#1: My self-employment fails, i get no new job and run out of money which brings much stress.
#2: Because of slips i make, my friendship base and environment collapses which makes me lonely.
#3: Because of complacency, i give up my health monitoring and keeping busy and fill the void more and more
with immediate gratification.
#4: The death of my parents leaves a big void and emotional imbalance.

How i will manage this situations:
- Detecting that i am off-track
- Stopping the immediate gratification
- Evaluating the available options and consequences, both short- and long-term
- Keeping busy by a daily to-do list, adressing as much values as possible
- Map out what brought me off-track and create an action plan for avoiding this in the future.

Exploring one unlikely situation where i might face relapse:
One of the girls i had sex-chats with is coming in my town and re-entering my life. She convinces me to
go back to camchat because it was so exciting, just fun with no limits.

Will my relapse plan allow me to manage it?
Well, this would cross boundaries. Especially integrity. And it would destroy the foundation
on which i make my decisions with pride. Destroy friendships. And what is the benefit?
Just a short immediate gratification. Relapsing is not an option for me anymore! There is no
more a get out of responsibility card for me anymore! I manage my own life.


Last edited by sunbeam on Tue Feb 03, 2015 3:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2015 7:58 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3859
Location: UK
Hi sunbeam
I see that you are posting on the threads of other recoverers
this is discouraged except by mentors and coaches
no harm done but please concentrate on your own recovery which does seem to be positive

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 3:08 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2011 2:49 pm
Posts: 1626
Hi sunbeam,

Regarding what Kenzo said...I know you were in touch with us to potentially do the mentor training. Did anyone get back to you on that? Just wanted to see if you'd cleared it with CoachTim or not before you started posting on other people's threads. Anyways, what I'd recommend first is to give people some feedback on the Community forums, or new members on the first 10 lessons of the workshop. Then we'll take a look at your posts and give you some feedback (and if Tim already told you all this, disregard everything I'm saying :s: ).

Cheers,

Boundless

_________________
"If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where do you expect to find it?" - Dogen

"Be a lamp unto yourself." - Buddha

"The obstacle is the path."


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 3:37 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
I thought that i should post to others threads as asked in the lessons in the Health Maintenance section.
Well, if you don't want this now i'll stop it of course.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2015 4:04 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 63:

i reviewed my current monitoring and come to the conclusion that it does for what it is intended.
The areas i am assessing are necessary and important. I am sure they are adequate to strengthen my
value system.
In addition i am monitoring and assessing important thoughts and events.


Last edited by sunbeam on Wed Jul 15, 2015 5:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2015 5:08 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 64:

I worked hard on life management skills. With health management i came a few times off track which
resulted in mood swings and emotional imbalance. But now i am back on track. My day is structured
and filled with healthy rituals. However i am behind with my health monitoring and started two months
ago fresh. I will strengthen it the next months. I have ingrained a lot of insights from this workshop.
I think addiction is no longer part of my identity. There are weak urges especially when a lot of energy
is drained, for example work is not going well. Links in newssites that entice with nude images or clips
are boring for me now. I see it with distance how easy it is to entice people to click on this links. It is
always the same game. Providing immediate gratification to people for temporary relief, at work, at
their sparetime, wherever.
The role my compulsive played... well, they filled my inner void, which is no longer existent. I enjoy
the life and i have a life. I accept my environment although not all is perfect. I do no longer escape from
my environment. When the compulsive rituals should return, what should not happen, then they would
suppress all the things that filled the void in my life, and creating this void again. Which is then managed
with compulsive rituals.
I would respond with my action plans bringing me back on track, like in the Managing Relapse lesson.
Since i recovered from relapse a lot of times, i think this would work one more time, too. But such a relapse
would have a high price for me and my life.
My overall balance and stability: I have a clear mind, i struggle from time to time a bit with a scattered mind
and mood swings, but they are not severe. The better i do my health management, the better my emotional
stability, i have realized.
I do no longer spend life time for fighting urges, managing urges, compulsively acting out. Recovery activities
include this workshop and some times forum visits at your brain rebalanced. But i am losing more and more
interest spending times in this forums. Maybe i shoud more, giving back energy to the people that need it in
their early recovery.
I spend most time now for just living. The upcoming spring will be a spring with no addiction anymore.
My identity with hyper-sexuality: Sometimes i still struggle with complacency and then i am objectifying women
(for example scanning them), but i realize it usually soon and then stop it. But this is not really prevalent. And diminishes the better i do my health management.
Value System: I do most decisions value based. It really works and brings me a lot of energy that suppresses
urges, mood-swings, a good balance and a wonderful clear mind.

Mentors section:
2.) Tha addiction section of this workshop gave me a lot of insights and brought me the realization what role
the rituals played in my life. And what has to be changed. For a mind that needs no immediate gratification
for a "quick fix" of unresolved emotional imbalance anymore. Because i can manage my life now, i have the
tools needed for this and immediate gratification is no longer an option for me.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 05, 2015 6:54 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3859
Location: UK
HI SB
Quote:
Well, if you don't want this now i'll stop it of course.

Mentors are always needed here so please dont give up. Follow the procedures
when I completed my second time through the programme I thought I was "home" but by becoming a mentor I both continued to learn and also put something back in return for what I had received

you can do the same

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 09, 2015 12:13 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 66:

a) My perspecitive towars potential triggers when i were in early recovery:
Fear, anxiety. emotional instability and headache. Sometimes angry for whomever exposed me to the trigger.
I can remember that i tried to remove all possible triggers. After acting out, i was angry with myself for failing once more.

Today's perspective: Concentrating on my goals and not letting distract by such triggers. Thinking of the past
how much time i lost by following such triggers. Thinking what i have gained in the meantime. Thinking why my subconscious mind brings me to think about this triggering stuff.

b) Five potential triggers that may lead me into a compulsive crisis:
- Being in complacency mode could trigger objectifying women and fantasizing.
- Being on beach or disco could trigger scanning.
- Walking trough locker rooms could trigger voyeurism.
- Walking trough market in summer when girls are only little dressed could trigger voyeurism.
- Talking with women in sauna could trigger sex talk.

I don't consider them as a threat to my values, because i am aware of them and my boundaries
together with action plans prevent me to return to old habits and playing out.
I know how much damage they could create when playing out and how much what i have gained
in the meantime is threatened. This helps me to protect and strengthen what i have gained and
maintain my boundaries.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 4:48 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 67:

a) List of most likely behaviors i need to monitor for potential switching:
- Biting in the hand or fabrik (e.g. blanket).
- Uncontrolled compulsive eating.
- Eating/drinking too much sugar.
- Scratching everywhere on the body, mostly hairs or head.

b) I just added this to my weekly monitoring list.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2015 5:55 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 68:

a)
Battle in the sauna:
#1 My enemies know of course my emotional immaturity and can count on bring me easily into emotional imbalance. So they used every occasion to bash on me (with words) in front of all others in the room (e.g. sauna).
#2 Because i was not emotional stable enough, i reacted nervous or anxious. Although i tried to hide this, others noticed this of course.
#3 The enemy escalated the alpha beta challenge by increasing the provocation level. This increased my anxiety level.
#4 After a while the enemy ended the challenge as a winner, i was left with lots of unresolved emotions
#5 At home, i got back my inner balance - by immediate gratification.

This was me one year ago. In the meantime a lot of increased. I am much calmer in such challenges and the challenges are less frequent. However a lot of can be improved - for example answering not immediate and
answering slower. There is no need anymore to use immediate gratification after such a challenge.

Cooking:
#1 I start to cook, and although i like it, it starts already with emotional imbalance. Mood swings, bad inner game and so on.
#2 With everything not working as expected, like something is scorching, energy is drained.
#3 When i eventually eat, i use the compulsive ritual uncontrolled eat (binge) for immediate gratification.
#4 After compulsive eating i realize that i ate too much - which drains again energy and so on...

b)
At least at the alpha beta challenges i fire back instead of de-escalating which intensifies the stimulation
which is experienced by anger.

c)
I think taking a break upon awareness will slow the situation enough. But this works only when emotional
maturity is developed enough and enough emotional energy is available.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 15, 2015 11:19 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 69:

1) Taking Responsibility for my past
My addiction had my biggest impact on my social life.

Work: Work was not really affected, maybe i have chosen this type of work (engineering) because of my
emotional immaturity - a work where i deal with technical problems, not with people (where i would have
failed because of my mood swings). Maybe climbing up the career ladder was prohibited by my addiction.
I can remember others being surprised why i had so low responsibilities although my great technical
knowledge. With my transition to health and my self-employment i can change here a lot of. I have a lot of
responsibility and need a lot of emotional management - when things don't go as expected.

Social life: I was unable to develop strong relationships. I frustrated some girls by objectifying them. I was
unable to give former girlfriends a fulfilling sex life. And my family suffered of my large mood swings. The
same as my environment. During recovery, i caused a lot of pain to the people believing in me during my
relapses.
I think the amends for my parents is, that i will help them a lot of when they are too old and unable to
maintain their household anymore.

2) Accepting the life i am living
i can remember how frustrating the efforts on recovery were at the beginning - accompanied by a lot of
relapses. In the meantime a lot of has changed. Developing strong relationships, being a role model, realizing
my full potential, living a more fulfilling, stable life, developing a more substantial meaning of my life - this are
all elements i am full aware of. I have gained a lot of - but there is still a lot of to do.
I have ingrained this looking where i want to be.

Yesterday i had a very fulfilling disco visit with friends. I was smiling longer parts of the time and dancing like
crazy. I had a lot of energy and a lot of nice talks and kisses. There are still behavior patterns that need to be
adressed. Now i look ahead to the next partys and festivals in the coming summer - last summer i destroyed
some of what i have gained (friendships) by crossing boundaries of others - mainly sexual ones.

3) Embracing the life i am living
This are wise words. I will continue working on this. And i hope there will be a lot of remaining years of my life.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 17, 2015 3:53 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 70:

I can clearly understand this. For me, most applicable is the guilt and shame feeling, when i crossed the boundaries of someone and then the fear that the person is telling this others and the hope that the person will not do this. Life
is so much easier without the fear of being caught.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2015 5:12 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 71:

This workshop is coming to an end and i feel great improvements in my life quality, it feels so good
people noticing me more and more and i can handly difficult situations.
At the moment i have only little stress, e.g. from business, although most of the days are grey (no sun)
and i feel good. I have to continue the work on personal growth of course.

A Permanent End to Addiction
Emotionally detaching myself from a situation, this is so true. During addiction i could not understand why
others detach emotionally because feeling the emotions was so good. What an emotional cripple i was this
time. I never ever want to feel the withdrawal pain again and never ever want to lose what i have gained.
So an ongoing awareness for warning signs is indeed what has to be further developed.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 20, 2015 4:21 am 
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Joined: Sun May 04, 2014 6:39 pm
Posts: 126
Lesson 72:

I have now switched to monthly monitoring for three months now.
It works for me and i will continue this for the next years.
I consider me now post-addict and remember the important sentence of this lesson:
The more natural your monitoring becomes, the more complete will be your transition.


Last edited by sunbeam on Tue Sep 08, 2015 8:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

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