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PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 11:48 am 
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Lesson 34 Exercise:


A.

Listening to music
Masturbation and porn
Lying down and going on the Internet and youtube etc All immediate
Video games at an earlier age

B. As best as you can, describe the anxiety you feel when you are trying to NOT ACT on a compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Be specific. Compare it to other feelings of anxiety that you experience. The purpose of this exercise is to begin to define the limits of your emotions — and where your compulsive urges stand within those limits.

Feels like something is very wrong and I am resisting something my body “wants” and craving
Feel like everything will be shit if i don’t do it and the feeling will be unbearable every second that goes longer
Feel strong resistance all over body
Want to just act knowing how easy it is and physically easy it is
Deep breathes, heavy breathing trying to resist


Last edited by thewilloffireblooms on Mon Jul 30, 2018 12:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2018 12:01 pm 
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]Lesson 35 Exercise:


- Read vision and emotionalize the vision and why it’s important. (Visualize body and goals)
- Stretching and getting in tune with body, build awareness (silence)
- Meditating for 10 minutes
- Going to gym, doing 40-50 pushups, or running 10-30 minutes (an activity everyday)
- Cooking meal and eating while talking to family or watching an episode of something
- Socially talking to friends, going somewhere, etc


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:37 am 
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Lesson 36 Exercise:


I. Describe a scenario from your past where not having a well-defined set of boundaries has prolonged and/or intensified the personal consequences that you have experienced.

I knew a girl who was flirting with me and just playing with me and keeping me on the side for fun. They always asked to hang out at work but only to be their wing-man etc keep them company. This made me feel like a bitch and a loser who was attached but I kept thinking somehow that maybe she does like me. I would get encouraged when we would talk and she would laugh at one joke but she didn’t seem interested 75% of the other time. So I knew she really wasn’t interested in me but I kept deluding myself anyway that maybe she did and if I just waited along with it. There was no boundary of me being a man and allowing someone to just keep me there like that.

II. Describe a situation in your life where having solid boundaries will assist you in managing the event in such a way as to protect your value system.

Continuing from the previous example. I eventually just completely ignored her and stopped caring only for her validation. Regardless if she still wanted to be friends or cut me off etc, it did not matter to me. I stood my ground and when she wanted to hang at lunch I refused and said I was busy and she eventually got the message and started treating me differently. Asking more personally and showing more interest in the few times we met unexpectedly at lunch etc. There was a clear boundary of respect that I had as a man of being respected by the opposite gender.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:50 am 
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Lesson 37 Exercise:


IV. Share these in your recovery thread.

Being tenacious in my pursuit of school activities, class, extracurriculars / Pressure to accomplish
I always study or do something in pursuit of my school/career goals every single day. There is NEVER a day where I don’t do something, regardless if I “feel” like it or not.

Being respected as a professional by others / Powerful presence
Never allowing someone to disrespect me and also not having a personality of being a jokester but actually speaking and coming from a place and demanding respect and being taken seriously. This is backed up actions. Not being a class clown etc. This is insecurity at the end. This stretches out to other parts of your life. You matter, you provide value, so demand respect from people by actually dishing it out.

Strengthening my role as a friend to close people around me/Developing sustained friendships
I make sure to take a position of being not too forward and blunt to people as much as possible and take an approach of being a very supportive and helpful friend.

Physical Health
I always take a proactive approach to my diet and shape. Making sure I am losing body fat and not gaining weight.
Always doing something gym related whether that means actually going to the gym or doing 50 push ups or running 10-30 minutes. Making it an everyday thing. To pump out.

Awareness of actions/thoughts
Providing space for myself to relax and take it everything that is happening. Having a sense of grounding in life and the day. Meditating at least once.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 1:24 pm 
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Lesson 42 Exercises:

That the emotions you experience with any compulsive urge are finite. There is a limit to the intensity that can be experienced.

That developing an awareness of this finite intensity is important in reducing the fear and anxiety often produced in a compulsive crisis. This alone plays a critical role in allowing you to effectively manage an urge.

That you can 'measure' the intensity of the emotions you experience and that, while this measurement is subjective, it nevertheless fulfills a practical role in helping you to understand compulsive behaviour.

That understanding your compulsive behaviour can best be understood in terms of the individual elements that stimulate your emotions; the combining of these elements to form single compulsive rituals; and the combining of these compulsive rituals to form compulsive chains.

That compulsive rituals are the driving force in the development of an addiction. The more they are used to regulate emotions, the more they are relied on to regulate them again.

That compulsive chains are the driving force in an ingrained addiction. They become the primary emotional management strategy employed by the addict.

That learning to measure the intensity of your urges is a mechanical tool used to help you 'demystify' the urge. But, that mechanical tool will quickly transition to a functional awareness of addiction and when it does, you will no longer need to measure your compulsive urges.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 1:26 pm 
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Review of Lesson 24

I. Create your own Wheel of Sexual Compulsion that is more closely related to your behavior. List these elements (associated with no particular ritual — but more your addiction in general) in your recovery thread.

Fantasy, Suspense, Sensory, Power, Accomplishment, Orgasm,Comfort


Element #1 - Come home from work or something that preoccupied my day
Element #2- Feel very bored and tired, drained. No clear purpose of what to do with day etc and no urgency so feel very chill
Element #3 - There may be some underlying task i need to do but I still have time (no urgency, not serious)
Element #4 - Slip into comfort and relax and busy myself with entertainment. Usually youtube and social media
Element #5 - Start fantasizing about the idea of masturbating pops into my head, how nice it would feel and easy access it is to me, comfort of being alone
Element #6 - Try to reject it but more and more thoughts and images of past things that have aroused me spiral
Element #7 - Eventually give in and start watching some very softcore things maybe on youtube
Element #8 - Build suspense with each and every video, imagine myself going deeper and deeper
Element #9 - After some time, depending on the time I have I go on to watching softcore porn videos. Fantasize about myself watching these acts in person, becoming more aroused and being free to do what I want
Element #10 - While watching I imagine myself with these women, thinking of how accomplished I am and how I am with them
Element #11 - The farther along I go, I turn into more graphic material with domination. I feel very much in control and powerful in these moments
Element #12 - I make it more and more powerful and hardcore until i eventually orgasm
Element #13 - After orgasm I feel some relief for a brief amount of moments and I have a sense of relaxation
Element #14 - I end up doing more and more entertainment with the underlying thoughts behind my head telling me what I’ve done etc running away from my action (can last up to 30-40 min)
Element #15 - Brings shame and I eventually face what I’ve done and feel immediate regret, sadness, and depression over actions of how I brought myself here

Thoughts:
It all starts from the beginning. Isolating urges will come to you and that’s where your life will stop them. From habit though, it stops when you actually have goals in life. That way, life starts to become seamless and the addiction serves no purpose. Obviously there is discomfort but with a vision and doing the actions to support that vision, it will go by fast. From element 2, there is no purpose, therefore you slip into the mode of IDGAF and don’t really care if you relapse. Element 4 and 5 as well, there is something to do but there is no foundation around you etc. No overarching vision.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 04, 2018 2:57 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3880
Location: UK
Hello Will of fire
Quote:
Feels like something is very wrong and I am resisting something my body “wants” and craving
Feel like everything will be shit if i don’t do it and the feeling will be unbearable every second that goes longer


perhaps now consider and note down the reality
some good work do keep it up

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 06, 2018 6:50 pm 
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Lesson 44 Exercise:

For a moment, imagine your life apart from your physical being...apart from your possessions...apart from your friends, your family and every other living being. What you are left with is your core identity. It is who you are. It is this identity that then allows you to relate to your physical self, your friends, your family... As you know by now, part of the role you must fulfill in transitioning away from addiction is to rebuild your core identity. This core identity — and your ability to isolate the addiction from it — is critical to urge control.


A. Describe in your recovery thread the role that your core identity will play in helping you to establish/maintain a healthy life.
My core identity must concentrate and really dig deep and prioritize values that will help me get where I want to get in my life and overall align with my vision. The vision must be clear, concise, and the actions to make it a reality must be clear. The facets to rebuild my core identity are there but they must be further developed. So far they have been alive but dead almost. Experience and action are the teachers.

- My core identity must concentrate and really dig deep and prioritize values that will help me get where I want to get in my life and overall align with my vision. The vision must be clear, concise, and the actions to make it a reality must be clear. The facets to rebuild my core identity are there but they must be further developed. So far they have been alive but dead almost. Experience and action are the teachers.

B. Describe the role that value-based experiences will play in further developing your core identity.
Values such as being tenacious in my pursuit of school and extracurriculars, developing emotional maturity, living an adventurous life filled with excitement and a focus on physical health. All these things are filled with action and reality and having fun in reality. They involve not being surrounded by delusion and fantasy and my years of porn and masturbation are the exact opposite of that. That is why these value based experiences will help in developing my core identity. By not engaging in these activities, my core identity has been screwed and chopped up but by engaging and filling myself with these actions pushing forward these values my identity will shift until there will be no need for escape.

- Values such as being tenacious in my pursuit of school and extracurriculars, developing emotional maturity, living an adventurous life filled with excitement and a focus on physical health. All these things are filled with action and reality and having fun in reality. They involve not being surrounded by delusion and fantasy and my years of porn and masturbation are the exact opposite of that. That is why these value based experiences will help in developing my core identity. By not engaging in these activities, my core identity has been screwed and chopped up but by engaging and filling myself with these actions pushing forward these values my identity will shift until there will be no need for escape.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2018 10:01 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 308
WOFB,

Coach Jon writes in Lesson 3:
Quote:
In a healthy person, values provide the motivation that drives their behavior. They are the impetus for decision-making and provide a stable foundation for feelings and emotions. Without a foundation of values, our lives would lack even the most basic sense of significance or meaning. People would be reduced to nothing more than animals guided by whatever made them feel good in a given moment, regardless of the consequences. Which is why, as the progressive nature of addiction begins to take root, the values of the emerging addict diminish. And as that behavior continues to progress, the connection with their values can be lost altogether. Is it any wonder then, that people who have struggled with addictions over long periods end up living lives that produces little (if any) meaning?

There is a reason that values work is the foundation of this recovery workshop; values are the foundation to health and a life of meaning.

And here you've arrived:
Quote:
Values such as being tenacious in my pursuit of school and extracurriculars, developing emotional maturity, living an adventurous life filled with excitement and a focus on physical health. All these things are filled with action and reality and having fun in reality. They involve not being surrounded by delusion and fantasy and my years of porn and masturbation are the exact opposite of that. That is why these value based experiences will help in developing my core identity. By not engaging in these activities, my core identity has been screwed and chopped up but by engaging and filling myself with these actions pushing forward these values my identity will shift until there will be no need for escape.


Magnificent work. Your potential is there for the taking.

Be well,

Anon


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2018 12:24 pm 
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Lesson 45 Exercise:

A. Map a compulsive ritual that is based on your unique behavior. Ensure that you identify at least five elements that are involved in stimulating your emotions during this act. If you would like, use the following worksheet to help you: Mapping a Compulsive Ritual

Element #1 - Come home from work or something that preoccupied my day
Element #2- Feel very bored and tired, drained. No clear purpose of what to do with day etc and no urgency so feel very chill
Element #3 - There may be some underlying task i need to do but I still have time (no urgency, not serious)
Element #4 - Slip into comfort and relax and busy myself with entertainment. Usually youtube and social media
Element #5 - Start fantasizing about the idea of masturbating pops into my head, how nice it would feel and easy access it is to me, comfort of being alone
Element #6 - Try to reject it but more and more thoughts and images of past things that have aroused me spiral
Element #7 - Eventually give in and start watching some very softcore things maybe on youtube
Element #8 - Build suspense with each and every video, imagine myself going deeper and deeper
Element #9 - After some time, depending on the time I have I go on to watching softcore porn videos. Fantasize about myself watching these acts in person, becoming more aroused and being free to do what I want
Element #10 - While watching I imagine myself with these women, thinking of how accomplished I am and how I am with them
Element #11 - The farther along I go, I turn into more graphic material with domination. I feel very much in control and powerful in these moments
Element #12 - I make it more and more powerful and hardcore until i eventually orgasm
Element #13 - After orgasm I feel some relief for a brief amount of moments and I have a sense of relaxation
Element #14 - I end up doing more and more entertainment with the underlying thoughts behind my head telling me what I’ve done etc running away from my action (can last up to 30-40 min)
Element #15 - Brings shame and I eventually face what I’ve done and feel immediate regret, sadness, and depression over actions of how I brought myself here


B. At what point in the chain is the 'point of no return'? The point where you know that you will be completing the act. Share this in your recovery thread. In the previous exercise, you were to reinforce your ability to identify separate emotional elements in a single compulsive ritual. Here, you will begin to isolate those emotions from your core identity.

Element 7 is the point of no return. Once I start masturbating, I get in a trance like state and it seems like I shut off that rational side of my brain.

C. Consider the element identified just prior to 'the point of no return'. This is the element that you will want to isolate and use as your primary trigger for breaking a compulsive urge. Eventually, you can isolate multiple elements, and thus create multiple points where a compulsive event can be effectively stopped, but for now we will focus solely on this one element.

This is element 6 where I try to reject the urges and images of past things and experiences that have aroused me. It is at this point where I give in, prior to this no giving in has happened. This is where the decision to masturbate begins. It makes sense that this is the element that should be isolated and used as my primary trigger for breaking a compulsive urge.

D. With the element isolated from the ritual, begin to see this element in terms of the role it plays in perpetuating the compulsive event. For instance, if the element is 'an attractive woman smiled at me in a public place'...and this element triggers the fantasies that lead to stalking, then it will be the emotional elements experienced with the woman smiling at you that will be your focus. This is the element just prior to 'the point of no return' — which in this case, happens to be the fantasizing. The role, then, that this element (the woman smiling at you) plays is to trigger fantasy.

For me the perpetuating element that triggers the idea to masturbate is of the following. Procrastinating the task I need to do and busying myself with entertainment which leads to masturbation and porn in 1 of 2 ways. I see something arousing that triggers the idea to masturbate OR I eventually grow bored of youtube etc and need something else for excitement, which then turns in porn. Makes sense for me. This is around Element 4 where it will happen.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 11:31 am 
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Lesson 46 Exercise:


Begin this process now by considering a previous compulsive chain, identify the element immediately preceding the 'point of no return' and then rewrite the remainder of the chain so that your actions are based on healthy values, rather than immediate emotional response. Share this in your recovery thread.


At home coming from work or school, have idle time to myself
While browsing internet, see a provocative image or an image pops into my head giving me an urge to masturbate.
Perception of Event
- Picture or thought is very erotic. = Excitement, arousal, shame, guilt, fear
Emotional Reaction
- Emotional imbalance since now there is an urge I am facing and my body is craving it and physical symptoms such as increased heartbeat
and heavy breathing may automatically happen
Review Options
- Continue to look and start mastubation ritual (Worst option in accordance to values)
- Stop looking immediately and focus on what I need to do in current stage of life (studying, responsibilities) (Good Option)
- Recognize the free time available to me and work on daily habits that add significance to values (Go to the gym, Work on Extracurricular
Activities, Call up a friend and make a plan, Talk to parents etc.) (Good Option)
- Can cook, clean, read, do things that are meaningful to me and pushing me forward and that I have genuine interest and desire to do and
to do more (Solid Option)
Value/Boundaries
- First option completely goes against my values and boundaries, brings me shame, allows me to go into comfort and not build emotional
discipline. Goes against my value of physical attraction and fitness.
- Second and third option which cover almost everything else I could do work well within my values of working hard at school and
extracurriculars. Going to the gym works on phyiscal vitaly and is something that excites me and gives me a sense of growth. Staying on
my diet as well.
Assess Potential Consequences
- First option has catastrophic consequences for me in multiple fields. It takes away from my health and adds to destroying my brain by
large amounts of dopamine. Taking away my energy that NEEDS to be used for my other responsibilities in life etc. Takes away my ability
to connect with other human beings and have sex and ability to communicate to the fullest with my friends. Goes against all values in
one way or another and 100% diminishes the ability to work on them to the fullest. Worst option to engage in for my life.
- Second, third, and fourth option is a great option. Consequences is that I may not 100% feel great doing the work or homework during
the moment but later on will add confidence to my psyche that I did the right thing. Showcasing growth in myself and getting that
feedback loop to do it again. This will occur if I do homework, go to the gym, cook healthy food for myself, call up a friend or go
socialize with someone, help out parents and talk to them.
Decision to Act
- Immediately realize that engaging in the first option of masturbating goes against every single factor in your life and all the values in it
and your core identity as a human being. Engage in the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, option. This case, you get up and realize you have to go to the
gym. Take 5 minutes and get everything ready and go to the gym and work on your fitness. Come home, cook and eat healthy food,
admire the work you're doing on body and how good the body looks and will continue to look and better, representing you as a person.
Assess Emotional Consequences
- First option you will feel amazing for a brief amount of time. You will then have immediate guilt, shame, sadness, anger, fear, anxiety,
confusion etc. Will feel absolutely DEVASTATED afterwards and likely for the next couple days. Extremely terrible emotional consequence.
- 2nd, 3rd, 4th option. Will feel okay will doing it first and better as time goes on. By the time activity is over, will feel great sense of
satisfaction and overall happiness. This will only increase the more you do it.
Core Identity
- By doing the 2nd, 3rd, 4th option. You give a feedback loop to your core identity that makes you happy, proud, and showcases signs of
improvement and growth. This grows your self belief in yourself. This grows your confidence to engage in other difficult things, knowing
you can count on yourself. This allows give the feedback loop of feeling great while doing and therefore makes it so you will do it again
and improve.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2018 9:16 pm 
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Lesson 47 Exercise:


Scenarios:
Coming home from work/school and you’re home alone.
Having nothing to do on a friday/saturday night and feeling lonely and bored.
Having work to do and feeling extremely stressed over it, want to procrastinate and relief.
On the weekend and you have absolutely nothing planned and the house is quiet. You eventually get an urge to masturbate.
Come straight from work and you feel very tired and feel like relaxing in bed. Next thing you know you get an urge and start masturbating.
Start watching a youtube video or movie or tv show and see something that arouses you, triggers urge to watch porn and masturbate.

Come straight from work and you feel very tired and feel like relaxing in bed. Next thing you know you get an urge and start masturbating.
- I know the ritual begins when I start watching youtube videos and just ease myself up, when there’s no urgency whatsoever etc.
- The emotions I feel are panic and fear. Deep breathing and increased heartbeat. The course of action then is to take deep breaths, align
myself with my vision. With my values in life. Then take it as a sign that I’ve deviated from what I need to do. From there on, understand
what the urge is and move on and do something that aligns with my vision and something I probably planned to do that day.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2018 10:31 am 
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Lesson 51 Exercise:

To make a healthy decision — to master the skill of making healthy decisions — you must gain confidence in quickly and accurately identifying what options are available in any given situation, recognize the consequences of those actions, and ultimately, trusting yourself to choose the option best suited to promoting your values.
Share the following in your thread:

A. Consider one of your specific compulsive rituals. Or, if you feel comfortable, consider an entire compulsive chain. Identify the point in that ritual/chain when you should begin considering the options that you have available. What are these options? (consider reasonable options only)
The point at which I should consider the options that I have available is after i have inadvertently gotten an urge to masturbate and I am aware that it is affecting me.
Options are :
- Masturbate and start compulsive ritual (Violates boundary of emotional control, physical health and sexual desire/attraction, not tenacious in pursuit of school/work), worsens relationships with friends since more social anxiety etc,
- Leave task and continue doing something like going to the gym (physical health, pressure to accomplish, sexual desire, powerful presence)
- Speak with other family members (Strengthening role with people around me, developing sustained friendships)
- Study (tenacious in pursuit of school activities/work etc., being respected as a professional, hard work and mental discipline)
-Call up a friend or hang out with people (developing sustained friendships, strengthening role as a friend, actively planning events)


B. Of the options listed above, which would be automatically filtered out because of your boundaries? What would you do in the case of a value conflict? (i.e. when the same option would create both positive and negative influences on your value system)
First one, masturbating completely violates my boundary of self respect, being seen as a professional, makes me more sick, brain gets fucking friend, more socially anxious, physically drained and weak etc, crosses the boundary of essentially degrading myself to a worse version of myself from all sides of life as a human being.

- Of course if I go for the first option it will feel great at first but I am masking the guilt and shame of that decision and will feel much worse afterwards. The other options all have differing degrees of resistance depending on the situation etc but will feel much better in the long run from 15 min to multiple hours afterwards. There will be no shame/guilt but rather the feelings of accomplishment, satisfaction, growth, maturity, and happiness.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2018 9:37 am 
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Lesson 52 Exercise:


Consider a situation in life (outside of addiction) where this 'isolation' of feelings/emotions has been known to occur and/or might prove beneficial. For instance, certain Eastern practices where people can isolate the physical pain they are experiencing from their spiritual selves and thus, manage that pain with ease. And no, you can't use that as your example! There are thousands of such potential applications — albeit not as dramatic. Share this in your thread.

- Meditation. Accepting the urge, seeing the urge for what it is. THEN going on with your life and doing something else. KNOWING it is there and accepting it. Absorb those feelings. Similar to the time where you let your foot cramp instead of adjusting. The pain comes. It comes and comes and comes … then it hits an apex of pain and THEN…….. It just slowly goes away and the pain is almost unnoticeable. This is probably the exact same as an urge. You have adjusted to reacting to the urge when really you just have to relax and face it and go on and make a value based decision. Isolate the urge and see it for what it is.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2018 12:23 pm 
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Lesson 55 Exercise:

Were you aware that you were experiencing a compulsive sexual event at the time?
- Yes. I rationalized it and told myself I would stop etc in 1 min etc but never did. I always knew and the deeper i went with the urge the more i shut off that rational side of my brain.

How intense were the emotions that were triggered by this event — BEFORE you chose to act on it?
- At first they were not intense, just feelings of discomfort.
Once I allowed myself to go ahead with the urge and start looking at provocative imagery the feelings got much much worse and my perceptions became more skewed.

At any point did you look to your values in a sincere effort for guidance in your decision-making?
- Prior to learning about all this, no. There was always thoughts and reasons why I shouldn’t but I would just gloss over them quickly. Would be much more focused on the imagery the urge pulled me into.

After making the decision to act on this sexual event, how long did the emotions elicited from the event last? Hours, days, weeks, years? (e.g. affair lasted two weeks)
- Usually 45 min-2 hours.

In the aftermath, did you make a conscious effort to evaluate the consequences of your decision? If so, what did you conclude? If not, do so now. What were the consequences — even if benign?
- No I did not. I would usually be too drained to evaluate and conclude that I would do it tomorrow or something.


If there were consequences, how intense were the emotions elicited from those consequences? How long did they last? Hours, days, weeks, years? (e.g. guilt continues two years later; was caught by wife, distrust continues two years later, lost friendships continue, etc.)
- They would last intensely the rest of day and morning if it was late night. Lasts a max 2-3 days.


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