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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:46 am 
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learningtorun wrote:
Hi BBfM,

Well done for repeating Lesson 17 and listing out the various parts of the ritual. Would it be fair to say that the ritual ends with you feeling bad about what you had done (otherwise why would you have come to RN?) That would also be part of the ritual. So perhaps your ritual would be (I have underlined suggested additions):

1.Often,before a relapse, I remember a porn image or video. (FANTASY)
2.I take my phone go to the room to search and find that image/video (SENSORY - sight/ACCOMPLISHMENT)
3.I start the masturbation,with the sensory stimulation(sounds,images,even smells) (SENSORY -sight/smells/touch)
4.I get the orgasm. (ORGASM)
5.I feel guilt and shame and promise myself I will not do this again (GUILT/SHAME)

I'm sorry to keep bringing you back to this lesson but I can't stress enough how important this one is. If you are able to see that your ritual is not just one event but rather a chain of different elements that are all hooked together by taking various elements of the Sexual Compulsive Wheel then you will find this really helpful as you go through the next few lessons.

You have done a great job on Lesson 18 identifying where Time/Habituation/Intensity have come into play. Well done and keep up the good work. I hope this has helped.

HAHAHA i was think to put that, but i didn't know if this was part of the ritual


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 05, 2018 11:04 am 
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Lesson 20
Well,the lesson 20 it is hard to me,lets see why.
1)The role that the addiction plays in my life is only one:PLEASURE
I ever had a normal life, i didn't have a trauma, like sexual abuse,divorce, etc.
The progression was very fast.When i see, i was masturbating 2/3 times in ONE DAY.I fantasized WITH anybody,professors,classmates, i have so much guilt and shame for that.90% of what i think have related to sex, i was a really pervert.I've seen an attractive women and when i got home i searched an pornstar who seemed with that women to masturbate.When i saw a women the first part that i looked at was the body,the breasts,ass.Today, I'm not doing this anymore, i'm really better know but not 100%
In general, i used the addiction to substitute relationships partners, i wasn't good with relationships.And the top of my addiction I really cared about it,but not today.I used the pornography as an easier way to substitute the seduction,talks,etc.
2)If takes into account the me of today,probably i wouldn't use the addiction to escape from reality,probably would be some relapse,but not as a way to escape from reality,but if the me of 1/2 years ago probably i would stay in my room for a really longtime.
I'm Buddhist today, so the death of a partner for instance, wouldn't affect me so much,not like 1/2 years ago.I know and i have the awareness that things are impermanent, and the meditation makes me have a stable state of consciousness.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 08, 2018 9:20 am 
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Lesson 21
Ritual Measured:Masturbation
Primary Elements Involved:
Fantasy=2
Physical Stimulation: 3
Moral conflict(guilt/shame):1
Orgasm:3
Filters applied:
Fantasy:
*Time:The fantasy occurs only in flashback,general,in a period of 10 minutes before a relapse.5
Intensity: Directly related to the type of thinking(memories of video,photos etc).8
Habituation: — As fantasies get 'played out', they decrease the overall stimulation that fantasy produces. I respond by expanding those fantasies. 6(From seminudes to real sex)
Physical Stimulation
Time:Progressively increases the stimulation until the end of the whole thing(from the start with the fantasy until the orgasm)9
Intensity:Progressively increases the different types of stimulation(sound,touch,sight).10
Habituation:Progressively increases with the boredom of a specifically sensory(e.g the boredom of the sight,takes to add the sound).8
Orgasm:
Time:When the orgasm is close,stop stimulation to start again to have an more intense orgasm.8
Intensity: Increases overall intensity of urge.The same sensory stimulations produces an less intense orgasm.10
Habituation:The same sensory stimulations produces an less intense orgasm,5
Moral conflict:
Time:time spent in conflict has no palpable effect on overall stimulation '1'
Intensity:The more moral conflict i do to myself(eg.''Why did you do it?'',''It only will make worster'')the more guilt/shame,sadness,regret I feel.7
Habituation: No real effect.1
50 overall stimulation rating


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 09, 2018 10:13 am 
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Lesson 23
The most important use of the skill of measuring compulsive rituals, to me, is the fact that i can guess the rituals of my compulsive behavior,like:*fantasy comes*,then i became careful,because i know that is the start of the rituals that comes before the compulsive act.With that skill, i can previne myself from relapses.This,take a lot of self-awareness to, stay conscious and don't let the light fantasy became an big urge.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 4:17 pm 
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I need help,yesterday i have relaps i feel two times in masturbation and porn,today once...I can't control my urges,but i don't can skip lessons to the urge control,do I? !D


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 4:35 pm 
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Lesson 24 Exercise
Fantasy
Sensory stimulation
Orgasm
Moral ConflictIn general,all my compulsive behavior actions derives from a same ritual which is:
Fantasy:I have a memory, from an movie,picture or something

Sensory stimulation¹(fantasy object,the trigger):This is the object of the fantasy.I use to be going to my room,get alone,lay on the bed(with the belly down).This is the trigger of all,from that start the urge.

Sensory stimulation²(Pornography):From the point that the urge is planted,i go to the cellphone and search for some porn video.

Sensory stimulation³(Masturbation):I start to masturbate to get the orgasm.

Orgasm:I get to the orgasm,but i don't have any pleasure, just guilt and shame,is like a reverse orgasm, I DON'T KNOW HOW I CAN ADDICT TO THIS.

Moral conflict:After the orgasm, i strat the drama, ''Why i did it?'', ''This make so bad for me'' "I'm horrible'' etc.I'm feeling that now :(


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 9:27 am 
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Posts: 411
Hi BBfM,

Quote:
I need help,yesterday i have relaps i feel two times in masturbation and porn,today once...I can't control my urges,but i don't can skip lessons to the urge control,do I?

What I would think would be more valuable is for you to reflect back on what happened, for example:
1. What frame of mind were you in such as angry, low, bored (note that these are all emotions so you should be aware that you are vulnerable to urges at those times)
2. Was it worth it?
3. How did you feel afterwards? I assume that you felt guilt and shame afterwards otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question. If so, the reason that you feel guilt and shame is because your lapse/slip violates your values. You must make sure that you make a point of reminding yourself how awful you feel after acting out before you make a choice on how to act. The brain of a SA is very good at trying to shield us from that thought because it can put us off.
You are in the middle of the lessons where the science of acting out is broken down so please keep going, in the meantime please think very carefully about 3. above. You always have a choice to make so make sure that you choose wisely.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 5:35 pm 
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learningtorun wrote:
Hi BBfM,

Quote:
I need help,yesterday i have relaps i feel two times in masturbation and porn,today once...I can't control my urges,but i don't can skip lessons to the urge control,do I?

What I would think would be more valuable is for you to reflect back on what happened, for example:
1. What frame of mind were you in such as angry, low, bored (note that these are all emotions so you should be aware that you are vulnerable to urges at those times)
2. Was it worth it?
3. How did you feel afterwards? I assume that you felt guilt and shame afterwards otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question. If so, the reason that you feel guilt and shame is because your lapse/slip violates your values. You must make sure that you make a point of reminding yourself how awful you feel after acting out before you make a choice on how to act. The brain of a SA is very good at trying to shield us from that thought because it can put us off.
You are in the middle of the lessons where the science of acting out is broken down so please keep going, in the meantime please think very carefully about 3. above. You always have a choice to make so make sure that you choose wisely.
Thank you for the help!Abou the first question,i don't need to be angry,low or bored to get urges,for instance,i've ever had a relapse that the urges have started at meditation...
But again!Thanks for the help!


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 6:52 pm 
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Lesson 25
The primary elements:
1#Have a memory about a porn picture, video etc.
2#Urges comes up
3#Slight moral conflict(it depends on the urge's intensity)
4#Intensify the fantasy
5#Take the cellphone
6#Search for pornography
7#Start masturbation
8#Practice the edging(When the orgasm is close, stop the masturbation)
9#Orgasm
10#Guilt/shame


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 12:18 pm 
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Lesson 26
In my last relapse(and the majority)the behaviors associated with the elements have been these:
#1 Fantasy:I have a memory of a film,picture or video,general, is a memory of real sex
#2 When the urge is planted, a moral conflict start with me,when i remember what the pornography and masturabtion did with me,and how it goes against my values
#3 Derived from the moral conflict, if i remember it, i try to stop the urge with pain or an insatisfatory feeling(smash my balls,cold shower etc)
#4 if the previous steps fail,I take my cellphone and go to get alone
#5 Start to search for pictures/videos of pornography,choosing the perfect one
#6Start the masturbation with the picture/video using the Edging to intensify the feelings
#7 Orgasm,which comes with guilt and shame and 0% of accomplishment
#8 Moral conflict and repentance, questionings about my values,my futures and about me,why i became this person, why I did it,blah blah blah


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2018 10:28 am 
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Lesson 27 Exercise:
When i've started the compulsive behavior, i've started with the pornography and masturbation together

In the start I not even needed a fantasy, just a light urge, like ''Hey,go see pornography'' and ''Ok''.Over time i was fully sexualized, the fantasy was with me 100% of the time, just i was thinking about pornography all the time,classmates,professors etc..that was the point that the urge was the fantasy itself.And it was a consequence of compulsive behavior as well.
The fantasy in the start was very short, but with the time going for 5 minutes,10 minutes.The fantasy actually was a memory of a video,but after,became scenes where I and the people who live with me was the ''actors'',which includes my classmates,professors, an attractive women that i saw in the streets...
In the start i just masturbated very quickly to get the orgasm,but with the time i did more slowly and when i was closier to orgasm just stop and restart again,and again and again.
With the pornography, I just search for ''normal'' porn, and even the same categories, but over time i was so habitued that i started to search for others category,orgies ,milfs,pov's, oral sex,inter racial etc....Masturbate with the other hand,both hands.numb hand...using lubricants like moisturizing creams,hair conditioner,
All this to INTENSIFY the STIMULATION in that COMPULSIVE CHAIN


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 15, 2018 5:25 pm 
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Lesson 28
1.I was meditating then a memory of a film came,the urge with that was very strong.I catch the cellphone and start to search for the video.In that case, was too fast that i can't even intensify the fantasy.
Well,the moral conflict starts, i was trying to stop the urge,with slow breath or thinking about the malfunctions, i even made push ups but was to late....I start the masturbation alternating with slowly,quickly and edging until the orgasm and then the moral conflict again, all that ''Why I did it, what I have turned'' bla bla bla.
3.I could using creams, like skin cream to intensify the masturbation and looks like a real sex.And about pornography I could search for others video,multiple tabs, for don't let the habituation come in.


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PostPosted: Sat Sep 22, 2018 4:55 pm 
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Hi guys!Sorry for my ausence, i have started to study to medicine :g: My values!Help others in need!
Lesson 31
A.The start of my oddisey to entrace exam!Is so much things to do,learning to learning then learning the material, and all things.Although i'm not stressed,maybe an mild stress but it doesn't affect me about the compulsive behavior


B.I really see it, my search to pass in medicine is an example of it,but it is not enough :( When the urge comes,my values just goes to hell and i cant deal with it.I really want to help others in every ways,but sometimes i don't have an opportunite to do that.


C.Yes I see it,ok my biggest stimulation is the artificial one but just remember that I can help people, that i can make a better world, that i'm here for a reason,that's encourages me so much.And i'm fighting to can save lifes and help people in need,not only in the professional area but in the whole thing.(food,giving money,etc)


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 26, 2018 6:13 am 
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Lesson 32
I will write here each value and make a review of each one.(the ''Yes'' means that i'm doing it my day-today life and i'm don't have anything to add)
1.Being what i am: Sometimes i make some things that doesn't make part of me,like speak something ''funny'' but that i don't agree just get attention(i'm 15, and me at this period need acceptance,which i don't allow with,but sometimes its automatic,like my body forces me to it.).But my dreams,my future are being what i really want to be,that's enough

2.Being dedicated:Studying like 3-4 hours(for more) it is being dedicated?:v

3.Loving unconditionally:This and anothers values i can't put in my day to day life(at least for now),not practically,but in the theory i'm doing it.How could i love unconditionally at the moment that i am?

4.Living with compassion:Yes :)

5.Living with integrity:Yes :)

6.Connecting to purpose, meaning of life:I'm looking for this everyday

7.Sacrificing for others:I want to do that,but i'm not having the opportunity,like the 3

8.Improving my social interactions:Everyday i'm trying to speak with strangers at least a ''Good Morning,how are you'' i'm trying to say

9.Taking care of others in need:Yes.

10.Putting other’s needs before my own:The single moment that i'm seeing myself in it, is when i let someone pass forward me in the row for the water drinker :V

11.Living an exciting life:Yes.

12.Living an adventurous life:Well i will change this value for now,it's something that i'm not looking for,now

13.Developing patience:Yes,this is part of my life

14.Going to others countries:For now,i'm can't do this.

15.Never stop being happy:Yes.

16.Being a teacher/mentor:Yes,i'm helping my classroom mates in the school matters and etc..)

17.Aprecciating the little things:Yes.the sky is so beautiful today

18.Wisdom:Yes,both learning about Buddhism,meditate etc and the learning about the entrance exam and school matters

19.Being charitable, giving:I will be so glad to do this,but for now my financial conditions isn't good for it

20.Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life:YES,meditating,praying,listen to the birds,seeing the sun at the morning...


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2018 6:42 pm 
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Lesson 33


Firstly i want to say that, I've forgotten some day to do that task.But the moments that i could do that.I can identify some interesting things
Well,when you antecipate your emotions,IT IS MORE EASIER to control them.I don't why that happen, and that doesn't happen only to me.It is very crazy.When i have a compulsive sexual thought and say to myself ''Ok,probably,after this you would have an urge''.The urge goes away,why?I don't know, but is very good.And that can be applicable to every emotions, angry,sadness,everything.That would be a tool that I'll use in my day-today.
Another thing, is that, you perceive how you would deal with the moments, like a decision-making procces.You can analyze and do the better thing to do in the moment.(Stop the compulsive thought,don't start an discussion with others,etc)


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