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PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2018 1:54 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:33 am
Posts: 8
Why I want to change:
1) I want to be honest with my partner
2) I want to experience a healthy sexually intimate relationship with my partner (something that I have never experienced)
3) I want to live in the present moment and not in fantasy
4) I want to be emotionally mature
5) I want to eliminate the shame that had caused my addiction
6) I want to get self validation from myself and not depend on others for validation
7) I want to control my urges
8) I want to learn to love myself
9) I want to have inner peace
10) I want to find my authentic self


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2018 1:57 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:33 am
Posts: 8
Lesson 2:

My vision for the future is comprised of the following:
Primary Relationship:
I want our relationship going forward to be based on mutual love and respect, honesty, intimacy, fun, and adventure. I want to experience what it feels like to be in a healthy, intimate relationship as my authentic self. I want to have healthy boundaries with my partner that allow us to both live independent lives but at the end of the day always look forward to spending time together. I want to enjoy the simple things in life with my partner (i.e. walks on the beach, sitting on the dock, laying out, etc). I want to be an emotionally mature partner that maintains her sense of adventure and love for having fun but not at the expense of doing things that compromise my values and/or my relationship. I want my partner to be the primary beneficiary of my best traits and make her feel special and loved. I want my partner to be proud of being with me and feel safe in knowing that I will always be honest with her.
Friends:
I want to establish a reputation of being an honest, trustworthy, loyal and fun friend. I want to build a social network comprised of both friends and acquaintances and have healthy boundaries for both. I want to find peace in letting go of friends that are unhealthy – especially those that are not loyal and envious of what I have. I want a small number of close friends that I can be vulnerable and open with. I want to have acquaintances to meet superficial social needs but develop boundaries that will protect me from being negatively impacted by these relationships.
Family (mother and sister)
I want a mature relationship with my mother where I no longer feel inadequate and “less than” because of my sexuality. No more feelings of guilt for not being who she wanted me to be. I will spend time with her when I want to and not out of guilt. I want to be immune to her behaviors and words. I want to accept that she is not going to change and find peace in knowing that I have been the best daughter I could be. I want to continue to improve my relationship with my sister by being more honest with her about my life and me. I want to continue to travel with her once a year.
Growth/Self-Improvement
I no longer want to be controlled by instant gratification, instead I want to feel my pain and deal with it in a mature manner. When I am triggered to “act out” sexually or co-dependently, I want to use my values to help me stop the behavior. I want to successfully graduate from Recovery Nation program and continue to attend CODA meetings one night a week. I want to continue to actively learn more about myself by reading books/literature on co-dependency and addiction. I want to become more spiritual by practicing meditation and mindfulness. I want to live in the present moment and be present with my partner, friends and family. With the help of Recover Nation, CoDA and counseling, I want to eliminate the shame that has controlled me and kept me from being at peace with who I am. Once I have a healthy self-esteem and no longer feel shame, I want to enjoy intimacy with my partner and find peace in eliminating unhealthy people from my life. I want to continue to make fitness and health a priority. I want to share what I have learned through CODA and Recovery Nation with other gay women that suffer from shame and co-dependency issues.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 19, 2018 1:03 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 411
Hi Mina,

Welcome to RN.

You have made a good and honest start with your vision and reasons for change and are at a good place to make that wish a reality. Commit , fully and completely. Work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand. Coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path.

The one thing I would mention at this stage is in relation to the exercise in Lesson 1. It asks you to look at a photograph of yourself when you were young and to go back and understand who they were and how they felt. This is an important start to the workshop for reasons which will become apparent as you progress through the lessons. It might be that you did not have such a photograph to hand at that time which is fine but I would strongly recommend that you go back to this.

Good luck and I look forward to monitoring your progress.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 2:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:33 am
Posts: 8
Lesson 3: Values from My Life Vision

Better Partner to my Significant Other; Develop Sexual Intimacy with my Partner; Being Honest and trustworthy; Become emotionally mature ;Inner-Peace; Become my authentic self; develop sustained friendships; Become more spiritual; Have Fun; Self Growth; Travel/Adventure; Good Health; Fitness; Giving/Bring joy to others; Being Loyal; Staying physically attractive; Financial Stability; Be Humble; Fairness; Sense of humor; Develop Patience; Overcoming Shame; Wisdom; Being connected to my own feelings; Personal Independence; Sense of responsibility; feeling sexually desired; vulnerability

Values that drove my bad behavior

Feeling sexually desired; risk taking; bringing joy to others; having fun; experiencing euphoria; power; experiencing the forbidden; vulnerability; curiosity; being loved by others; living an exciting life; physical pleasure; honesty; self discipline


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 2:23 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:33 am
Posts: 8
Lesson 4: prioritization of Values
1) Overcome my shame
2) Develop sexual intimacy with my Partner
3) Be totally honest with my Partner and close friends
4) Become emotionally mature
5) Become my authentic self/less Co-dependent
6) Become more spiritual
7) Become more emotionally mature
8) Develop sustained friendships
9) Personal independence
10) Have Fun
11) Vulnerability
12) Bring joy to others
13) Physical Fitness
14) Become connected to my own feelings
15) Develop Patience
16) Travel/Adventure
17) Good Health
18) Financial Stability
19) Loyalty
20) Wisdom
21) Sense of responsibility
22) Feeling sexually desired
20) Humbleness
21) Sense of Humor
22) Stay Physically attractive


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 25, 2018 2:28 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:33 am
Posts: 8
Lesson 5: Top 15 Priorities
1) Overcome my shame
2) Develop sexual intimacy with my Partner
3) Be totally honest with my Partner and close friends
4) Become emotionally mature
5) Become my authentic self/less Co-dependent
6) Become more spiritual
7) Become more emotionally mature
8) Develop sustained friendships
9) Personal independence
10) Have Fun
11) Vulnerability
12) Bring joy to others
13) Physical Fitness
14) Become connected to my own feelings
15) Develop Patience


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2018 12:00 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3860
Location: UK
Hi Mina
Quote:
I want to continue to make fitness and health a priority


recovery does require continuity and it has been a while since your last post
RN can help but you do need to help yourself
what do you have to lose?
Put that shame to bed and be proud in recovery

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2018 10:53 am 
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Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:33 am
Posts: 8
Lesson 6: Proactive Action Plans (bold is ongoing, non-bold hasn't been started and/or accomplished)

1) Overcome my shame
See a therapist once a week
Start seeing a Shaman
Read Shame related books and do exercises
Journal

2) Overcome my addiction to my affair partner
Stop all contract (phone, emails, text)
Write letter telling her that I will no longer chat with her if we accidently run into each other
Stop looking at her Facebook page
Stop looking at pictures of her

3) Maintain high level of Physical Fitness and health
Continue being physically active
Lose 10lbs
Limit Zevia soda to 2/day
Improve diet (less processed foods, more whole foods)


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