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 Post subject: Month 2 Week 4 Day 5
PostPosted: Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:30 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 2 Week 4 Day 5
Exercise 54
In your recovery thread:

A. Select a VALUE-BASED decision that you have made in the past year. What were some NEGATIVE consequences that resulted from that decision?

Example: Last month, I had the opportunity to take credit for the work of someone else. Because I value the importance of working hard to achieve personal success, I decided not to take such credit. The negative consequences that resulted were that I was not able to experience the accompanying praise from my boss; that I was not given credit that would have enhanced the probability of a promotion; that another coworker was seen as being more talented than me.
While playing golf with my boss, I added several penalty strokes to my score due to unplayable shots and hits out of bounds. I didnÂ’t score up to my talents and we lost the tournament. The down side is that I have to work harder now to prove myself to him.

B. Select an EMOTION-BASED decision that you have made in the past year. What were some POSITIVE consequences that resulted from that decision?

Example: While surfing the Internet, I was redirected to a site that offered a free week of unlimited online dating services. Though I knew that I had no business being at such a site, I clicked on the link and signed up for the free trial because it sounded like harmless fun. Lying about my marital status, I began searching for people to interact with...and engaged in several online affairs. The positive consequences that resulted were that I felt free and playful. My mind was filled with all sorts of fantasies and the online interactions were intellectually stimulating.
Work can be very stressful and having an opportunity to really stick it to a co-worker (with-in the work rules, etc.) I took the low road and appeared to look good to the boss and got some kudoÂ’s. It felt good.

The point to this exercise is to reinforce the reality that most all actions have both positive and negative consequences attached to them. When you evaluate the consequences of a particular decision, it is vital that you take into account all of the consequences--not just those that reinforce what you want to believe. In other words, do not fool yourself into thinking that all value-based action is healthy; and all emotion-based action is destructive. To do so is to destabilize the reality of the life that you are building and ultimately such thinking will lead you to disillusionment and regret.


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 Post subject: Starting Over
PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 7:02 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
I've had a relapse and I've decided enough is enough. I've signed up for personal coaching and will be posting here again, this time with a better understanding of who I am and the person I want to become.


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 08, 2008 7:47 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:13 pm
Posts: 90
Month 1; Week 2; Day 3
I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving. Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.

I feel I need to come clean here in that I’ve had a relapse. I have been deceiving myself & my wife with this relapse. I didn’t tell her about it and when she learned about it, I denied it.

II. If you are involved in a partnership, choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving them in certain areas. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are willing to jeopardize the future of that relationship by maintaining the deception; AND, admit to yourself that you are intentionally sabotaging your own healthy foundation by allowing such a huge crack to remain.

I don’t intend to continue to deceive anyone. With this relapse, I have to admit that I intentionally sabotaged my own values and boundaries and those of my wife.

III. If you are involved in professional coaching (or outside counseling), choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving those whom you are working with. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are not fully committed to ending your addiction. Acknowledge that you are choosing to 'go through the motions', rather than actively pursue real change.

While this is the first exercise in the professional coaching, I choose to be fully committed to ending my addiction and addictive ways and behavior and to be totally open and honest.

IV. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread. If you are uncomfortable sharing this in the forum, email or PM the list to me directly.

While I no longer have a stash anywhere, It’s been over 2 years since I got rid of the last of my porn,I’ll list the places I did have them.
File cabinet in my home office. Magazine basket by my chair. Desk file cabinetin my home office. Out in my workshop. Nightstand drawer. Dresser drawer.
Youtube was this relapse that just occurred.


V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.
Like the previous list, it is important to include all sources of compulsive sexual/romantic stimulation--no matter how long it may take you to complete.

1. Jane Doe/massage parlor/ she got naked to massage me, I didn’t have the money to go all the way. I used to fantasize – what if – early 1970’s.
2. Jane Doe/unknown/ last night of work (laid off), poker party at her house, helped her clean up the place – she took a liking to me – she wanted sex & I chickened out. I used to fantasize – what if?
3. B.C.’s 2nd wife/homemaker/nipples showed through swimsuit and pubic hair came out the sides of her swimsuit. Would fantasize about that.
4. Strip Bar/ with team members after city league basketball practice.
5. Kathy/legal secretary/friend & we talked a lot, she smelled good and I fantasized about her.
6. Housewife – neighbor lady drove up to the house, I walked up to her car to talk, her skirt was hiked up showing some panty – fantasized.
7. Women in general. She could be someone in a store, walking down the street, in a car next to me at a stop light, etc. and fantasize.


VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.

1. Home – watch porn and masturbate, some internet porn use.
2. Hotel – away on business – look at porn magazine & masturbate, sometimes rent videos and masturbate.
3. Malls – for fantasizing.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Nov 09, 2008 11:49 pm 
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Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
There is so much here that we will take the next two or three weeks to have several sessions a week to review it all. That will allow us to get caught up on the intellectual side of things before turning things over to what the workshop doesn't cover...the implementation of these insights into your real life.

_________________
Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach
RecoveryNation.com


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