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PostPosted: Sun Sep 21, 2008 3:57 pm 
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I. Choose someone in your life that you feel close to. A spouse. A child. A parent. A friend. Rather than assuming what boundaries they have; or what values they want protected...take some time to step into their lives. Refresh those perceptions that you have. Consider how you can HELP THEM reinforce those boundaries. Post a few thoughts about this in your thread.


I tried to put myself in my wife's shoe's while doing this part of the exercise. I tried to understand that, while she was in love with the good parts of me, she couldn't stand the sa part of me. She knew that she valued honesty, trust, intimacy and saw me violating not just the boundaries but ignoring the values that she held dearest. I was dishonest, untrustworthy, withdrawn, sullen... I could go on but you get the picture. This caused her great pain and anguish as I struggled with coming to terms with my problem.
I can help her reinforce her boundaries by first understanding the values that she holds dear and then understanding the boundaries that she has to protect those values.
The number one value of hers that I violated was honesty. I lied about porn, I lied about how I was feeling and anything that remotely had to do with anything that could possibly cause uncomfortable emotions .
I also violated the boundaries around intimacy (I was withdrawn, sullen), integrity (hiding, lying, keeping secrets) sacrifice (I was putting my porn before her and our relationship)

Quote:
II. Consider what you could do should YOU become aware that you have violated a boundary of theirs.

I would first apologize for doing so. I would then ask the person to give me as much detail as they can about how my actions violated their boundary. I would also ask what they think I should do differently to avoid a problem in the future.
I would take a look at my own boundaries and values to see if one of mine was violated. There is probably a good chance that violating someone else's boundaries would be a violation of my own. Then I would review my actions to see if a conflict between my values and theirs was the cause of the boundary violation.

Quote:
III. Consider your reaction should they tell you that you have violated a boundary of theirs. Think beyond defensiveness...keep working until you grasp a healthy reaction.

I would immediately apologize and thank them for being trusting me enough to let me know that I have violated them in some way. I would then try and take a step back and assess my actions leading up to the violation to see if there were any warning signs that I missed, both from the violated person and from myself. I would also look to see if I had violated any of my own boundaries. As in part 2, there is a good chance that violating someone else's boundaries caused a violation of my own.


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 3:05 am 
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re: "Exercise 40 - Respecting the boundaries of others"

Excellent job here. Continue to practice this with regularity. Not necessarily with such a formal approach--but get comfortable seeing the world through the boundaries of others. When you are out in public, watch someone stand in line. Imagine the boundaries they have in place and how the actions of others might violate those boundaries. For instance, a woman who, in the past, may have served as objectified sexual fodder for you is now seen as a mother, a wife, a sister...as a unique human being. Someone who has the right not to be objectified. Someone who has established boundaries in their life to protect their humanity.

Or observe a child playing. Consider the boundaries that that child has likely established without even knowing it.

One of the most powerful elements of managing one's life is to learn to respect boundaries--both your own and those of others. With what you have shared, you are starting to get this. Now gain the experience you will need to ingrain it.

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Jon Marsh
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PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2008 3:09 pm 
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Quote:
I. If there are any questions that you have about anything related to compulsive chains, rituals, elements and/or measuring emotions...ask them in the community forum and/or our next coaching session. It is essential that you have a working knowledge of these concepts--as they are fundamental to a health-based recovery.


My understanding is as follows:
Elements. These are the individual parts of a sexual ritual that I engage in. Individually they each add something to a given ritual and work to alter an emotional state. These are the outer ring of the wheel of sexual compulsion. They are passed through the filters on the inner part of the circle to further alter the mental or emotional state
Rituals. This is single action which can be broken down into elements. It is important because it is the combination of elements in a ritual that produces the alterations in emotional state that are the basis for an SA.
Chains. A combination or two or more rituals. They can either be concurrent or consecutive (or a combination if more than two rituals are involved)
Measuring. This is done to raise awareness of the changes in emotional state during a given ritual or chain. It is essential because a) it allows an objective look at the ritual and b) it allows me to start taking control of my emotional state


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 1:59 pm 
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I asked my wife to sit down and talk about her boundaries last night. It was a great experience for me. She started by saying she didn't think she was the right person for this as she didn't think her boundaries were very clear. I explained to her that I thought they were very clear and well defined and that was why she felt so bad about me violating them. I find that her boundaries are clear and they are based around knowing right from wrong.

She also talked about not sacrificing boundaries for "keeping the peace" even with the family. This one brought up a discussion about an Aunt of mine who made a joke in very poor taste many years ago. It was targetted at my wife's cultural background and I had just ignored it, not even really thinking of it. It obviously mad an impression on my wife because she still brings it up now, many years later. She asked me what I would do differently now and I suggested that if it were to happen today I would politely let her know that comments like that were not appreciated annd in future please keep them to yourself.

The top values that she is protecting are:
Honesty, loyalty, integrity, self respect, self esteem, discipline

The boundaries she has for each of these are:
Honesty
Share openly
Lies - Blatant or of omission are not acceptable
Forthcoming. Talk without the need for questions

Respect
Treat others as though they deserve respct
Don't allow others to get away with not respecting you

Commitment
Don't let you mind wander to fantasy
Stop before it happens

Kindness
Don't put people down, not even humourously
Don't allow others to put people down

Loyalty
Stand by friends
Stand up for people
Know who you can talk to and what you can talk about


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 Post subject: Boundaries
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 2:29 pm 
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As part of my ongoing logging of boundary awareness, I'd like to share two (related) incidents from this past weekend.

27/9/2008
Event:
Drove my mother in law home. Driving her was not the stressful part. We had found out earlier in the week that her landlord had entered her apartment without permission or notification. He had broken in through the window air conditioner. He wanted to do some work on the heating system. He had mentioned that he might be visiting with an electrician to see about the feasibility of doing the work. He never mentioned to my mother in law that he ws going ahead with the work or that he had visited her apartment. We found out from my sister in law, who had found out when a neighbour of my mother in law phoned her. We arrived, surveyed the condition of the apartment and took pictures of the state of things. I suggested that she phone the police and tell them what had happened if for no other reason than to have a record of things. I know that is what I would have done if it was my apartment.

Reactions:
I was very angry that this had been done, to put it mildly. Not that the landlord had wanted to make changes to the heateing system, as he is within his rights to make any changes he wants to the place. What really pissed me off was the way it had been done. He broke into the apartment when she wasn't there because it was convenient for him. There seemed to be no thought given to the fact that my mother in law is a 71 year old widow, who is already anxious about living on her own.

Boundaries:
She was not treated with the respect and dignity that she deserves. Her right to safety, security and privacy have all been broached. If this had been a condo or a private home, this never would have happened. The only reason this happened is that she rents rather than owns. Her landlord assumes that since he owns the place, his rights supersede hers.

Effectiveness:
Not very. Her landlord did what he pleased and there don't seem to be any repercussions for him.

27/9/2008
Event: The above upset me, but this really pissed me off. I am listing it separately as it happened to me rather than my mother in law and I can express my observations with a more personal slant.
Before I left, I suggested that my mother in law phone her daughter (not my wife, the other daughter) and ask her and her husband to come over. It wasn't that she needed help cleaning but more to let them see the state of the apartment and give moral support. I live 3 + hours away and needed to get back on the road. When I left I phoned my wife to let her know the state of things and I told her that I suggested that her mother contact her sister. My wife then asked me to give her sister a call and talk to her about what had happened.

I got hold of my sister in law about five minutes later. I was very matter of fact about what I had seen and what I thought. She got VERY defensive when I was talking to her. I was trying to impress upon her that I didn't dispute that the landlord had a right to make repairs or changes to the apartment. What I have a major problem with was that he entered her apartment WITHOUT permission, breaking in through the air conditioner. My sister in law defended the landlord, continually saying 'well, it's his building, he can do what he likes'. I also was upset that they had not made any effort to go to the apartment (they live about 5 minutes away). I also had a very hard time getting a word in edgewise. She was very defensive, even though I was simply trying to put in my two cents worth.

Reaction:
After speaking with my sister in law, I was more than a little upset. I told my wife how I felt as soon as I got home.

Boundaries:
Respect
I was not listened to.
My opinion wasn't valued.
Improved relations with my extended family

Effectiveness:
Not very

Future:
Not sure what I could have done differently, other than phone the police.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2008 7:23 pm 
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Quote:
A. Describe in your recovery thread the role that your core identity will play in helping you to establish/maintain a healthy life.


What is my core identity? Well, it the set of values that I do hold dear. I have had trouble defending these values in the past but I believe I am on track to being able to. It will allow me to see whether an action I am currently engaging in (or about to engage in) actually meshes with how I want to live my life. I will be able to evaluate decisions not on how they will make me feel right now but rather on what is best for me in the long run. I do want to have an element of spontaneity but I will only allow that which is in line with my values

Quote:
B. Describe the role that value-based experiences will play in further developing your core identity.

Decisions that I make based on my values will strengthen my core identity which will in turn give me more confidence that I can make the correct decisions. Which will lead me to making good decisions and so on...

Quote:
C. Take some time to examine the current state of your core identity. How in tune with it are you? When you engage in activity that is destructive, what role does your core identity play in that decision? How is it affected by the consequences of that decision?

I have not been that in tune with it but feel that I am becoming much more so. I am realizing why I am experiencing emotions, how my mood is affected and how my mood in turn affects my emotions. I had never really thought about this before nor had I bothered to think about the reasons why, say when I was feeling down, I was actually feeling that way.
I believe that the guilt and shame I felt when acting out were my core identity jumping up and down and waving to me, trying to get my attention. It was trying to alert me to the fact that something was wrong.
The fact that I still feel guilt and shame actually gives me comfort. It lets me know that I do have a foundation to build upon. It may be small and a little shaky but it's there.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 2:05 pm 
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Quote:
A. Map a compulsive ritual that is based on your unique behavior. Ensure that you identify at least five elements that are involved in stimulating your emotions during this act. If you would like, use the following worksheet to help you: Mapping a Compulsive Ritual


Ritual: Surfing porn on the Internet
Element # 1 Wake up when wife wife leaves for work
Element # 2 Go to office in basement.
Element # 3 Start computer and install Firefox
Element # 4 Enter search terms in Google
Element # 5 Select and open page from search results
Element # 6 Review opened web page.
Element # 7 Explore if a detailed page
Element # 8 Close page and return to results
Element # 9 Masturbate while surfing
Element # 10 Clean up (Erase internet history, remove Firefox, empty trash folder, shut down computer)
Element # 11 Feel guilt and shame

The same ritual with emotions attached. While doing this I found that there wasn't an exact mapping between the emotions stimulated and the actual mechanical parts of the ritual. I am not sure what that means. I think that it means tha I don't have one of them mapped correctly. I will continue to review but for now on with the lesson.

Element - Wake up when wife wife leaves for work, feeling anxious, want to view porn on the internet to soothe myself. (anxiety, anticipation)
Element - Feel bad because I feel it is wrong to view porn (anxiety, guilt)
Element - Decide to go check 'it' out, just for a little while. (anticipation)
Element - Go through the ritual of setting up my computer for porn (Steps 2, 3, 4) (anticipation, suspense)
Element - Surf porn based on results from searches (sensory sight, provides soothing)
Element - Masturbate while surfing, never reaching orgasm (sensory touch, more soothing)
Element - Zone out while looking at porn. Get into a kind of trance where I am numb (calming, soothing)
Element - Worry that my wife will return (anxiety)
Element - Continued to surf until it was time to get ready for the day (calming, soothing)
Element - Clean up computer to cover tracks (accomplishment)
Element - start feeling guilt over my actions (guilt, shame)
Element - Feel intense guilt and shame for the rest of the day (guilt and shame)

Quote:
B. For each element, consider the likely impact that removing that element from the chain would have on the remainder of the event. Remember, decreasing immediate emotional pleasure (through guilt, fear, suspense, anxiety) is a technique used to ultimately increase the overall pleasure experienced during the act.

Removing any of the single elements, even the ones that have 'negative' emotions attached to them, lowers the overall impact of the ritual. When I look back at my past porn use (going way back to high school) I see how I have added to the ritual over time. I used to become aroused just looking at magazines, moved to masturbating while looking at them, to reading, masturbating and then fantasizing. All the way to now where I have developed complex rituals, including negative emotions.

Quote:
C. At what point in the chain is the 'point of no return'? The point where you know that you will be completing the act. Share this in your recovery thread. In the previous exercise, you were to reinforce your ability to identify separate emotional elements in a single compulsive ritual. Here, you will begin to isolate those emotions from your core identity.

The point of no return for me is the self delusion that I am going to just 'check it out a little bit'. I didn't realize this when I did the original exercise but while reviewing it for this one I finally made the connection.

Quote:
D. Consider the element identified just prior to 'the point of no return'. This is the element that you will want to isolate and use as your primary trigger for breaking a compulsive urge. Eventually, you can isolate multiple elements, and thus create multiple points where a compulsive event can be effectively stopped, but for now we will focus solely on this one element.

This is where I feel bad (anxiety, guilt and shame) and I understand now that this is a warning sign that I am crossing a boundary.

Quote:
E. With the element isolated from the ritual, begin to see this element in terms of the role it plays in perpetuating the compulsive event. For instance, if the element is 'an attractive woman smiled at me in a public place'...and this element triggers the fantasies that lead to stalking, then it will be the emotional elements experienced with the woman smiling at you that will be your focus. This is the element just prior to 'the point of no return'--which in this case, happens to be the fantasizing. The role, then, that this element (the woman smiling at you) plays is to trigger fantasy.

As I have found out, the guilt and shame that I was feeling was a warning sign. I also understand now that it increased my emotional imbalance (it caused negative emotions) which in turn made the ritual stronger.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 10:21 pm 
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re: "As part of my ongoing logging of boundary awareness, I'd like to share two (related) incidents from this past weekend."

These examples are not just excellent ones relating to boundaries (not just yours, but your awareness of your mom's as well), but of the emotional challenges that life brings...and of your responsibility to manage them with integrity and from within your value system. That is what I hope you take with you from this...experience in facing normal, intense emotions...unpleasant emotions...and recognizing that managing these challenges are just a healthy part of life.

re: "The only reason this happened is that she rents rather than owns. Her landlord assumes that since he owns the place, his rights supersede hers."

Actually, this is not necessarily the case. No landlord has the right to enter anyone's rented property without explicit written notification offered at least 24hrs in advance...unless there is a potential life-threatening situation. What he did was criminal and the police should indeed be notified. As well, your state has a renter's board that you need to contact--if you are desiring to take this further. He DOES NOT have the right to do what he did...and in fact, what he did was criminal. Doesn't matter that he 'was trying to fix something'.

re: "I found that there wasn't an exact mapping between the emotions stimulated and the actual mechanical parts of the ritual. I am not sure what that means. I think that it means tha I don't have one of them mapped correctly."

In looking at this ritual, I agree that if you are missing the emotional connection...then something is being misidentified. Why? Because by definition, you want each element to be identified BECAUSE it produces some sort of emotional stimulation. Doesn't have to be overt or positive...but it does need to elicit a change in emotion. I think I know where you have missed the boat here...make sure we review this in our next session.

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Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 10:20 am 
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CoachJon wrote:
re: "As part of my ongoing logging of boundary awareness, I'd like to share two (related) incidents from this past weekend."

These examples are not just excellent ones relating to boundaries (not just yours, but your awareness of your mom's as well), but of the emotional challenges that life brings...and of your responsibility to manage them with integrity and from within your value system. That is what I hope you take with you from this...experience in facing normal, intense emotions...unpleasant emotions...and recognizing that managing these challenges are just a healthy part of life.


I took several things from this. That I can confront uncomfortable emotions and situations, that I can talk about my feelings even when they are uncomfortable, that I am starting to understand when boundaries (not just mine) are violated, I feel anger and indignation and that it's ok to feel that way.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:12 am 
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re: "That I can confront uncomfortable emotions and situations, that I can talk about my feelings even when they are uncomfortable, that I am starting to understand when boundaries (not just mine) are violated, I feel anger and indignation and that it's ok to feel that way."

Those are some pretty powerful insights to take away. Store them somewhere in your 'life management' toolkit so that you can rely on them more and more in the challenges still to come.

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Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach
RecoveryNation.com


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:39 am 
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This next step in urge control is quite simple. It is the transition in thinking from the identification of a time where action can be taken, to the realization that action will be taken. It is the realization that you are in control over whether you continue engaging in your established compulsive ritual, or whether you engage in alternate behavior that will establish new chains--preferably, ones based on values.

A. In the long run, addiction is eliminated by altering the existing compulsive behavior (destructive, based on immediate emotional needs) to more stable, constructive chains that solidify the foundation of your life in a progressive manner. Before such compulsive chains can be reversed, it is necessary to begin mastering the ability to reverse single compulsive rituals.
Begin this process now by considering a previous compulsive chain, identify the element immediately preceeding the 'point of no return' and then rewrite the remainder of the chain so that your actions are based on healthy values, rather than immediate emotional response. Share this in your recovery thread.

The original compulsive behaviour is:
Element # 1 Wake up when wife wife leaves for work
Element # 2 Go to office in basement.
Element # 3 Start computer and install Firefox
Element # 4 Enter search terms in Google
Element # 5 Select and open page from search results
Element # 6 Review opened web page.
Element # 7 Explore if a detailed page
Element # 8 Close page and return to results
Element # 9 Masturbate while surfing
Element # 10 Clean up (Erase internet history, remove Firefox, empty trash folder, shut down computer)
Element # 11 Feel guilt and shame

and re-written to take into account values
Element # Wake up when wife wife leaves for work
Element # Feel urge to surf porn
Element # Counter urge by creating a break. Find list of values to review.
Element # Review list of values
Element # Identify that the boundaries protecting my integrity value would be violated if I surfed porn
Element # Identify that the boundaries protecting my honesty value would be violated if I surfed porn
Element # Identify that the boundaries protecting my self respect value would be violated if I surfed porn
Element # Phone my wife at work and tell her what has happened. Discuss it with her.
Element # Get up, shower and get ready for my day.
Element # Write the incident in my boundaries awareness log


B. Initially, this may feel awkward. The emotions derived from a compulsive act is often much more intense than that capable of being achieved through long-term values. And while there are ways to address this, know that it is similar to switching from Coke to Diet Coke (or Pepsi!). It may taste unappealing at first, but stick with it and you will soon wonder how you could have ever liked the taste of the original.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 1:50 pm 
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This past weekend was thanksgiving here in Canada. As part of my ongoing boundary awareness logging, I wanted to share several incidents. They are not complete (I haven't done the 'what will I do next time part')

My parents were visiting and staying with us. It caused me a great deal of stress and I am starting to understand why. Not that I am dealing with the stress but at least I am starting to understand the cause...

Anyway, here they are:

11/10/2008
Event: Out at a family dinner.
My parents were visiting and Mom wanted to take out the extended family for supper. After a long wait due to four extra people showing up and having to change tables, it was time to order. I had been purusing the wine list, asking people what they were having to eat and I had made a choice for the wine. I had also been joking that I was going to order a very expensive bottle since Mom was paying. I placed my order and then before I had a chance to order the wine, my father asked my brother if he had selected a wine.

Reaction:
I was momentarily in a state of dismay. My family knows that I am into wine as a hobby. I also normally select the wine, especially at this restaurant as it has an extensive wine list. I looked at my wife and then at my dad. My brother quickly said that he hadn't looked at the wine list. I then said the I had chosen a wine and gave my choice to the waitress.

Boundaries:
Respect
Despite knowing that I am into wine and having made it clear that I had chosen the wine, my brother was asked.
Not acknowledging my knowledge or passion for wine

12/10/2008
Event:
Family dinner at my house:
As above, my parents were visiting. My wife and I decided to invite my brother for dinner to have a family meal. Several time over the course of the meal I was interrupted or ingored when trying to engage in the converstation.

Reaction:
I felt ignored, unwanted, unappreciated. I stopped trying to engage the conversation, chosing simply to sit and listen. Also felt frustrated

Values
Respect
Courtesy

Boundaries:

Respect
Despite the fact that I am intelligent, well spoken, thoughtful and have opinions and stories to tell, I couldn't get a word in.
I felt as if I wasn't wanted at the table
Common courtesy
I was interrupted several time by all the people at the table

10-13/10/2008
Event: Various points during the weekend
At various times during my parents visit while trying to talk to my wife alone, either my father or mother would interrupt us, trying to engage us in conversation.

Values
Respect
Coutesy

Boundaries
Respect
They were imposing themselves on me and forcing themselves into my conversations, not respecting my reight to privacy
Courtesy
They were being impolite butting in on my conversation


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 5:38 pm 
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1. Just as you have with your values and your emotions, it is time to transfer the knowledge that you are developing to a practical application in your day-to-day life. This cannot be done without first developing an awareness of the times when such information is applicable. Over the next 48 hours, envision at least ten different REALISTIC scenarios where you may encounter a compulsive urge in the future and document these in your recovery thread.

1. Wake up with urge to masturbate
2. Wake up with urge to surf porn
3. Find myself alone with an unmonitored computer with no chance of getting caught
4. In shower with urge to masturbate
5. Tempted to buy a porn magazine at the corner store
6. Bored and frustrated at work. Have an opportunity to surf porn
7. See an attractive woman on the bus, have an urge to fantasize about her
8. Watching TV late at night and come across porn
9. Wife gone with daughter to visit her mother. Finish tasks on to do list, urge to 10 Wife gone to see a movie with friends, daughter in bed, urge to surf porn


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 6:00 pm 
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Quote:
2. With each scenario:
Identify how you would know when that urge/ritual would likely begin, when the likely 'point of no return' would be and when you would 'create the break'. Do this in your head.
Anticipate the emotions associated with that particular ritual, isolate those emotions from your 'core identity' and prepare yourself to make a values-based decision (versus an emotions-based decision). Do this in your head.
Choose one such scenario and document it in your recovery thread.
If you are in coaching, you will be asked to review several of these to make sure that you understand the concepts involved. If you are not in coaching, feel free to post additional scenarios for review.


1. Wake up with urge to masturbate
Wake up after an erotic dream
Recall dream - This is the start of the ritual
Erection starts
Have an urge to masturbate
PONR = Actually starting to masturbate
Break = Get up and go to bathroom, splash cold water on my face

2. Wake up with urge to surf porn
Wake up when my wife leaves for work
Have an urge to surf porn - Ritual start
PONR = Getting out of bed and heading for the computer
Break = Get up and take shower

3. Find myself alone with an unmonitored computer with no chance of getting caught
While visiting friends house they step out to go to the store while I wait.
I notice that they have left their computer on and are logged in.
Have an urge to surf porn - Ritual start
PONR = Actually going to computer and opening
Break = Shut down the computer
Further break = Do something helpful around their house

4. In shower with urge to masturbate
Enter shower after having finished working outside
Feeling a sense of accomplishment
Have an urge to masturbate while showering
Start to actually consider masturbating - Ritual start
PONR = Actually starting to masturbate
Break = Count to ten, turn down the temperature of the water

5. Tempted to buy a porn magazine at the corner store
Go to the corner store for milk.
Walk by the magazine rack and see the porn magazines.
Have a spontaneous urge to buy one
Pick up and look at the magazine - Ritual start
PONR = After looking at the magazine, actually making the decision to buy the magazine
Break = Put down the magazine. Look for a magazine that is worth buying. Get out of store

6. Bored and frustrated at work. Have an opportunity to surf porn
Doing boring/frustrating work
Get an urge to surf porn as a diversion
Go to unmonitored computer - Ritual start
Start a Google search
PONR = Actually opening a page from the search results
Break = Get up from desk and go outside for fresh air

7. See an attractive woman on the bus, have an urge to fantasize about her
Riding the bus to work
An attractive woman boards at one of the stops
Watch her as she sits
Get an urge to fantasize about her
Start to fantasize about her - Ritual start
PORN = Actually staring to think about her in a sexual way
Break = Return to reading my book. Get off the bus at the next stop and wait for the next one

8. Watching TV late at night and come across porn
Wake up to let the dog out in the middle of the night
Watch TV while waiting.
While flipping through the channels, come across soft core porn
Start to watch the porn - Ritual start
PONR = Actually staying on the channel and watching
Break = Turn off the TV. Go to door and wait for the dog. Read instead

9. Wife gone with daughter to visit her mother. Finish tasks on to do list, urge to surf porn
Finish tasks on to do list
Have an urge to surf porn as a reward for my hard work
Go to the computer - Ritual start
PONR = Actually going to the computer and starting to surf
Break = Go out for a walk with the dogs, watch TV instead

10 Wife gone to movies with friends, daughter in bed, urge to surf porn
Log onto computer to finish some work after putting daughter to bed.
Work for a while
Feel the need for a break, have an urge to surf porn
Type porn search terms in Google - Ritual start
PONR = Actually opening a page of the returned search results
Break = After realizing that I am in a vulnerable state, turn off computer and get away from the computer.


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 Post subject: More awareness logging
PostPosted: Tue Oct 14, 2008 6:14 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 8:25 am
Posts: 126
Just so it's clear that I am not just doing the negative stuff...

12/10/2008
Event: My daughter's swimming lesson
My daughter has just started swimming lessons again. In doing the evaluation last Sunday, the instructor was pushing my daughter to do several things that she wasn't comfortable with. I could see the anxiety on her face during the lesson. I mentioned to my wife after the lesson was over that several times I noticed that my daughter looked like she was out of her comfort zone. My daughter didn't mention anything right away but it came out Sunday morning as we were getting ready to leave. She was very anxious and didn't want to go. We talked to her and told her that we would talk to the instructor about it (He was excellent and thanked us for letting him know). She had a much better lesson and is looking forward to her next lesson.


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