Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Wed Oct 23, 2019 6:07 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 34 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 4:02 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
I realize I "didn't get it" on my first post, Sun Sep 21, 2008, so I've taken another stab at reasons why I seek to permanently change my life.

I realize I must actively commit myself to change as I do not like myself as this emotionally immature person. I believe I am a much better person, but became selfishly stuck in an unhealthy rut...and I will work to change on a daily basis;

I cannot allow guilt/shame to sabotage my commitment to change...

I will allow time to change

These are reasons why I seek to permanently change my life.

1. I want to end this addiction as it has skewed my sense of value and caused me to behave in ways I am ashamed of.
2. I want to live a good and honest manner and be proud of who I am.
3. I want to rid myself of lust.
4. I want to live one cohesive and well integrated life
5. I want to establish my faith in God.
6. I want to have a wholesome relationship with my wife.
7. I want my wife to love me.
8. I want to love my wife.
9. I want my wife to experience true happiness.
10. I want to end my occasional combative attitude and replace it with a simple confidence that results from one who has proper core values.
11. I want to stop being preoccupied with sex and balance my perspective
12. I want to improve myself and perform my job more effectively.
13. I want to be a good neighbor.
14. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see.
15. I want to protect my career. I have one of the coolest jobs a man can have. But my stupid secret, the result of emotional immaturity, is limiting my potential

My vision:

My vision starts with reestablishing my relationship with God and committing to the Catholic Church where I can actively pursue my faith. This faith will be the cornerstone of my rebuilding process, where fundamental characteristics such as honesty, devotion, trust, loyalty, courtesy, friendliness, obedience, helpfulness, kindness, cleanness and reverence are strictly followed.

I see myself managing my alcohol consumption and not ever lying about it. I see myself learning concepts in the Recovery Nation workshop I never before considered and achieving an emotional awareness I knew nothing about. This process is exposing me to ideas of how to better myself and establish boundaries that allow constructive and wholesome self-respect.

I see my wife having the time, energy and space to adequately heal from the hurt I caused and restoring the high self-esteem that she had and so deserves. I see our marriage reestablished and growing to levels never before experienced. This means we have established emotional intimacy together and she can look into my eyes and read my soul. I want her to see tenderness in her man who is ever so capable of protecting her. I want her to believe she is truly loved and that I am completely devoted to her.

I see many future family vacations with my children and their wives and someday, even grandchildren. I envision my children proudly showing their kids where they grew up and telling of the many fun times they had in the creek behind their house, at the rope swing and the tree house, with their beloved dog. I see those grandchildren there too one day, at the same rope swing and with a similarly devoted dog.

I see myself with my brother at our college football games as I always have. Sometime my father will join us. But now I see myself with a new outlook and perspective that appreciates the energy and kindness that my brother possesses. I will emulate that kind of goodness.

I envision me growing intellectually, by investing the time to read books and then discussing what I read with my wife. I want to hear her ideas and thoughts as she has positively strong insight and logic.

I see myself slowing down my pace, and not being rushed or compelled to be doing something, to appreciate the every-dayness of life and enjoy doing simple things. I will drive in a friendly state and avoid the stress of aggressive drivers. I will stay out of the left lane, most of the time.

I want to start planning to the future and stop thinking of and being in the present. I will contact my financial planner and assess my financial investments and make conservative decisions where best to place our money. I will stop procrastination of the things I donÂ’t like to do. But will establish discipline to do those things, and then reward myself when I have accomplished something and then do something fun and good.

My new role in my job requires I perform less technical engineering functions and more business and financial tasks. I will learn to read and understand accounting reports, including balance sheet, cash flow and income statements. I will sharpen by business skills by forecasting our business better and making professional presentations that I will be proud of. I will do this while I remain engaged in and sharpen my skills of the engineering and technical aspects of our core business functions.

I will resume my weight training workouts with the goal of maintaining my physical condition by using lighter weights and high repetitions to minimize injury to my high-mileage joints and will begin an aerobic program consisting of one 20 minute session at least one day per week and twice per weekend with my wife. I will finally schedule that stress test.

I will find a hobby.

I envision beating my addiction.

Exercise 3
I. In the previous lesson, you were asked to write out your vision for the life that you want to live. If you have not yet completed this task, do so now--before completing this exercise.
II. On your computer, extract the values from the vision you have created and list them. See the example values list for guidance as to what you are looking for and examples of how to list each item.

Establish relationship with God
Establish boundaries that allow constructive and wholesome self-respect.
Established emotional intimacy
Kind & tenderness to wife.
Be completely devoted to her.
Live importance of family
Role with my brother
Emulate goodness.
Growing intellectually,
Appreciate the everydayness of life and enjoy
Doing simple things.
Planning to the future and stop thinking of and being in the present
Establish discipline to do those things.
Successful in my field
Skilled in the engineering and technical aspects of our core business functions.
Physically fit
Find a hobby.


Last edited by iwillchangenow on Tue Sep 30, 2008 4:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2008 5:04 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
III. When you have extracted every possible value that you can think of from your vision, do the following:

A) Review the example values list for any additional values that you may want to add to your own list. List them.

1. Establish relationship with God
2. Establish boundaries that regulate my emotions and cease being a hostage to them.
3. Establish discipline in control of my actions.
4. Become responsible for my behavior and the consequences it causes.
5. Establish organization and order in my life.
6. Live proactively by planning for the future and anticipate actions and responsibility.
7. Actively visualize wholesome behavior
8. Establish freedom from my blight
9. Visualize being clean.
10. Established emotional intimacy
11. Love & show tenderness to wife.
12. Showing vulnerability to my wife
13. Be completely devoted to her.
14. Live importance of family
15. Enhance role with my brother
16. Emulate goodness.
17. Growing intellectually,
18. Appreciate the everydayness of life and enjoy doing simple things.
19. Planning to the future and stop thinking of and being in the present
20. Establish discipline to do those things.
21. Skilled in the engineering and technical aspects of our core business functions.
22. Maintain and improve physical condition
23. Find a hobby.
24. Self-discipline
25. Fidelity
26. Accepting responsibility for living my life
27. Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children
28. Overcoming personal struggles
29. Live with integrity
30. Developing emotional maturity
31. Being judged trustworthy
32. Living with compassion
33. Encouraging my wife's independence
34. Sexual intimacy
35. Sharing my true self with the world around me
36. Strengthening my role as a partner to Jan
37. Being an inspiration to others
38. Being dedicated
39. Showing appreciation towards other
40. Being tenacious in my pursuit of Honesty
41. Being charitable, giving
42. Developing intellectual depth
43. Expressing spirituality in my day-to-day life
44. Enhancing my spiritual awareness
45. Integrating religion into my day-to-day life
46. Sexual contact
47. Feeling sexually desired
48. Feeling appreciated
49. Feeling masculine
50. Bringing joy to others
51. Providing quality in my work
52. Establishing competence in my field
53. Being respected as a professional by others
54. Being playful
55. Staying active
56. Being dependable
57. Being reliable
58. Working as part of a team
59. Honesty
60. Humbleness
61. Sense of humor
62. Sense of responsibility
63. Being considerate of others
64. Being considerate of myself
65. Putting otherÂ’s needs before my own
66. Taking care of myself
67. Being a role model for my family
68. Being a role model for others
69. Loving others
70. Being loved by others
71. Being challenged; overcoming challenges
72. Being competitive
73. Striving for excellence
74. Establishing financial freedom
75. Physical health
76. Being a teacher/mentor
77. Feeling empowered
78. Passionate about life
79. Being recognized as an expert in my field
80. Developing sustained friendships
81. Being respected
82. Feeling unconditional love
83. Developing patience
84. Being known as reliable
85. Wisdom
86. Connected to my own feelings
87. Companionship
88. Resourcefulness
89. Appreciating natural beauty/nature
90. Integrity
91. Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
92. Establishing my legacy
93. Organization
94. Adaptability
95. Personal independence
96. Feeling needed, desired, loved by others
97. Experiencing uniqueness
98. Curiosity
99. Improving my social interactions


B) Consider 'the dark side' of your decision-making. The compulsive behavior. The sexual behavior. Take some time to extract the values that went into those behaviors as well. List them as well.

1. Physical pleasure
2. Sexual contact
3. Experiencing euphoria


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 5:42 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
When you have completed this priority list, post it into your Recovery Thread.

1. Establish relationship with God
2. Establish boundaries that regulate my emotions and cease being a hostage to them.
3. Establish discipline in control of my actions and be responsible the consequences.
4. Establish organization and order in my life and plan for the future.
5. Actively visualize wholesome behavior and be clean.
6. Be a husband to my wife
7. Enhance role with my brother & sister
8. Emulate goodness, honesty and fidelity
9. Enhance intellectually depth
10. Encouraging my wife's independence
11. Appreciate the everydayness of life, slow down and enjoy doing simple things.
12. Maintain and improve physical condition
13. Find a hobby.
14. Accepting responsibility for living my life
15. Raising a healthy child
16. Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children
17. Planning to the future and stop thinking of and being in the present
18. Sharing my true self with the world around me
19. Being playful
20. Sense of responsibility
21. Overcoming/surviving personal struggles
22. Living with integrity compassion
23. Providing quality in my work, Being recognized as an expert in my field
24. Taking care of myself, Personal growth, Developing intellectual depth
25. Strengthening my role as a partner to Jan
26. Connected to my own feelings
27. Putting otherÂ’s needs before my own
28. Establishing competence in my field
29. Being a role model for my family
30. Improving my social interactions
31. Being a role model for others
32. Friendship
33. Being respected as a professional by others
34. Forgiveness
35. Striving for excellence
36. Establishing financial freedom
37. Communicating feelings
38. Developing patience
39. Physical health
40. Being challenged; overcoming challenges
41. Feeling happy and content
42. Be known as truthful and honest
43. Walking the same path as equals
44. Feeling appreciated
45. Open-minded to the beliefs and values of others, tolerance
46. Being dedicated
47. Sense of humor
48. Being considerate of others
49. Experiencing uniqueness
50. Passionate about life
51. Developing sustained friendships
52. Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
53. Being a leader
54. Showing appreciation towards other
55. Taking care of others in need
56. Selflessness/Altruism
57. Appreciating natural beauty/nature
58. Experienced in conflict resolution
59. Being charitable, giving
60. Bringing joy to others
61. Feeling challenged
62. Being dependable
63. Being reliable
64. Working as part of a team
65. Humbleness
66. Loving others
67. Being loved by others
68. Being competitive
69. Being a teacher/mentor


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2008 5:59 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
I had difficulty limiting 75% of my life's meaning to 15 values. It may be because I'm duplicating some values...but today the top 15 are the most important in driving me out of my ditch.

Exercise 5: Take the top fifteen values that you have currently listed and post them in your Recovery Thread. To be successful in recovery, you will need to learn to derive about 75% of your life's meaning and fulfillment from these values across any given week or so.

1. Establish relationship with God
2. Establish boundaries that regulate my emotions and cease being a hostage to them.
3. Establish discipline in control of my actions and be responsible the consequences.
4. Establish organization and order in my life and plan for the future.
5. Be a husband to my wife
6. Actively visualize wholesome behavior and be clean.
7. Enhance role with my brother & sister
8. Emulate goodness, honesty and fidelity
9. Enhance intellectually depth
10. Encouraging my wife's independence
11. Appreciate the everydayness of life, slow down and enjoy doing simple things.
12. Maintain and improve physical condition
13. Find a hobby.
14. Accepting responsibility for living my life
15. Providing quality in my work, Being recognized as an expert in my field
16. Sharing my true self with the world around me
17. Putting otherÂ’s needs before my own
18. Establishing financial freedom
19. Communicating feelings
20. Developing patience
21. Feeling happy and content
22. Be known as truthful and honest
23. Connecting to purpose, meaning of life
24. Being a leader


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2008 6:36 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
Exercise 6

1. Establish discipline in control of my actions and be responsible for the consequences.
• Be honest with self and accept no compromise to behavior and actions
• Acknowledge the good feeling of clean conscience
• When an emotional event occurs, count to 30 before responding
o While counting, think of the need to control the situation
o Keep it in perspective
o Formulate a proper response to achieve my new objective
• Keep a list of challenges and record results.
o Monitor on a weekly basis


2. Establish relationship with God
• Enroll in the RISC class & commit to the Catholic Church
• Attend services every week & actively pursue my faith.
• Commence active prayer on a daily basis.


3. Enhance intellectually depth
• Set a schedule to read book and then discussing what I read with my wife
• Sharpen my skills in the engineering and technical aspects of our core business functions
• sharpen my business skills
o Learn to read and understand accounting reports
o Improve knowledge of PowerPoint application


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 12:37 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
re: "These are reasons why I seek to permanently change my life."

Very good. Positive and sustainable.

re: "your vision"

Excellent. I wish everyone would put such thought/effort into their initial vision. The one area I would challenge a bit as 'useless' would be 'I envision beating my addiction'--which isn't a vision at all. That is the point of all of this, to envision your life without addiction. And even, to envision the path that you will take (in terms of effort, commitment) to beating that addiction. So with this one in particular, you have laid out the general goal...but did not actually share the vision for how you will do that.

On the other hand, if you want to know about 90% of how you will do that...refer to everything else you shared in that vision. :wink:

re: "top fifteen"

Ok, I'm not sure what you put in your Wheaties...but you are hitting every nail on every head. Your top fifteen have a wonderful balance between practicality and variety. In reality, you won't be limiting your life to 'the top fifteen values'...so don't worry too much about those that didn't make this initial list. As your awareness deepens and as your perceptions change, so too will your priorities.

re: "2. Establish relationship with God"

Generally, your proactive action plans hit the right tone and depth. If there is one weakness...and it is slight...it is that many of your actions are goal-oriented. This is okay as long as you have an emotional connection to achieving those goals. If, on the other hand, you think that achieving/maintaining the goals themselves will allow you to strengthen the values they represent...you will find these plans to be empty and unsustainable over the long-run. But again, as a starting point, these are good.

_________________
Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach
RecoveryNation.com


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2008 5:53 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
Jon, Thanks for the comments. I have a question, though. I am an engineer by education and vocation and had to put a bit of effort to establish my response to this emotional / value based challenge, which is okay. But I'm not sure what your comment "really" means.

You wrote:
re:"2. Establish relationship with God"

...action plans hit the right tone ..."This is okay as long as you have an emotional connection to achieving those goals".

I understand the context, I think...But I have to build these values first. So isn't this the "chicken and egg" philosophical dilemma.

It seems to me that I must first get in the habit of behaving in a certain good way, until it becomes ingrained into my soul.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 4:56 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving. Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.

It took me 10 days to work through this. I'm clean. No lies.



II. If you are involved in a partnership, choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving them in certain areas. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are willing to jeopardize the future of that relationship by maintaining the deception; AND, admit to yourself that you are intentionally sabotaging your own healthy foundation by allowing such a huge crack to remain.

Over this period, I believe I established a solid understanding of myself & what I've done and was then able to effectively speak with my wife yesterday. It went extremely well. It took 12 hours to do, but I had a completely honest data-dump of what I did, explained my lack of self control, the absence of values and recognition that was a major cause of my problem. The result: my wife believes we have a marriage to save and we both want to accomplish that. She's been working the RN site too.

III. If you are involved in professional coaching (or outside counseling), choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving those whom you are working with. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are not fully commited to ending your addiction. Acknowledge that you are choosing to 'go through the motions', rather than actively pursue real change.

I will not deceive anyone: Not myself, or my wife, or a coach.


IV. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread. If you are uncomfortable sharing this in the forum, email or PM the list to me directly.

I have nothing stashed.


V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.

No people used as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object, Other than a fantasy involving my wife and porn sites.



Like the previous list, it is important to include all sources of compulsive sexual/romantic stimulation--no matter how long it may take you to complete.

Sources were internet porn, strip clubs, Hooters.


VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.

Places were home or office after hours, hotel on business trips.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:30 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:05 am
Posts: 1013
It can be dangerous to say this to someone, because it might be easy to encourage complacency, but you're doing impressive work. Keep going. Your honesty is particularly commendable.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 10:30 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
I wish to interject the following, as I believe it will have some historical significance in my recovery. This pertains to the exercise: Understanding Your PartnerÂ’s Needs:

It took me 10 days to work through this, but I was finally able to effectively speak with my wife yesterday, October 12th. It went extremely well. It took 12 hours to do, many hard questions, harder explanations, but I had a completely honest data-dump of what I did, explained my lack of self control, the absence of values and recognition that was a major cause of my problem. The result: my wife believes we have a marriage to save and we both want to accomplish that. She's been working the RN site too.

The next day: Wow, I feel IÂ’ve been gut-shot and know it is self inflicted. The night I spoke with my wife, we slept together for the first time. No sex, but tender intimate togetherness. It was great. We agreed to wait on sex, maybe tomorrow she said. She told me how much she missed me, how good I felt and to lean against a man, how happy she was that I “did not step over the lineÂâ€Â


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2008 12:11 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
Exercise 13

They have accepted that they have struggled with certain immoral behaviors that contradicted their values, but realize that what matters is what they are doing, not what they did. They realize that no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present.
• I feel this applies to me. In the past when confronted about my addiction, I was defensive and remorseful (that I got caught). The difference is the confession I had with my wife, in addition to my recognition that I had misplaced values which I chose to ignore.

Their motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that they can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that they can be proud of.
• Absolutely me. I will not die a dirty man, but someone that has respect and dignity.

They make decisions based on what they believe is the right thing to do, rather than on what they think they can get away with. They know that whether these decisions end up being the right ones or not is irrelevant. That all that matters is that they were made with the right intentions in mind.
• Strange that this is how I live my professional life. If I’ve said it in business situations once, I’ve said it a thousand times: my reputation is the most important thing I have. It now applies to my soul.

They are not focused on controlling/ending their past behavioral patterns, but on developing new patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction.
• I still have great remorse for being the pig, but know that the only way to change is through my actions today and in the future and implementing my action plans.

They perceive "powerlessness" as a temporary term that more accurately describes their lack of skills in managing their urges.
• It has been 45 plus days since discovery and IÂ’ve had no “urgeÂâ€Â


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 5:58 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:05 am
Posts: 1013
It's true. I don't know you, and I don't know if you're being honest. But my attitude, as a Recovery Coach, is to trust my instincts. My instinct is that you are working hard at this process and that you are sincerely committed to change.

Based on what you've written here, you have faced a deeply painful experience with integrity. While this does NOT erase all the harm you have caused --harm that will always be on your conscience -- it does mean that you can, I hope, see the ways in which you are beginning to grow as a human being.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Oct 18, 2008 2:29 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 10:32 pm
Posts: 4572
I agree with Monica. Having talked with you yesterday, you are digging your feet into solid ground. Granted, you still have to weather the hurricane, but you are beginning this process with the right mindset.

_________________
Jon Marsh
Recovery Coach
RecoveryNation.com


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 5:09 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
Things took a negative turn this weekend and I upset my wife with my actions. I drank a bottle of wine without my wife knowing, as I was stressed...so I blew that opportunity:

My wife asked why I had skipped Exercise 9; How would it feel if she did to me...

I skipped it as I felt it painful...a lame excuse. So anyway here it is:

Exercise 9

If my wife had done what I did, I truly believe the sickening sensations of anxiety and nausea that I have had in the pit of my stomache, that zaps my strength and frays the nerves, the past two weeks would be comparable to glorious ecstasy, in contrast to the feeling I would have if my wife had done that to me. I would feel I lost my soul, lost myself and lost my friend. We have been together 31 years and married 28 years, and to discover she had lived a secret life, watched porn and masturbated, burning her sexual energy without me, then allowed her behavior to escalate to attending strip clubs and escalate further to discuss having sex with a man…would destroy me. My confidence would be devastated, my sense of being lost. I would be jealous, angry & hurt.

If I could get past the jealousy, anger and pain, which I doubt, if there could be a sliver of a chance to reconcile, I would want to see sincere remorse and admission the behavior was wrong. I would want to understand the action, although it was a conscience decision, was due to past experiences that have affected her evolving value system and not because it was a conscience choice made by an adult selecting the behavior over me, as a healthy willing partner.

I would expect her to take some definitive action and demonstrate she fundamentally understood there was a problem and she was making a dedicated commitment to change and then follow through with that action to assure the problem is eradicated.

I would demand that she never commits those acts again. I would demand complete honesty. I would demand total transparency. Any transgression, no matter how small would be grounds for leaving. As I write this I realize I am growing angry and realize the anger is directed at me.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Oct 21, 2008 5:36 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Sep 21, 2008 2:43 pm
Posts: 28
Exercise 7 Proactive Action Plans II
(completed a while back and posting now)

1. Be a husband for my wife
• Have I been 100% honest with her?
• Have we selected activities to do together?
• Did I call her from work to let her know I’m thinking of her.
• Have I left a note or provided some other indicator of my affection?
• Put her first in all circumstances
• Did I have a meaningful discussion with her?
• Express my emotions honestly & without guard
• Allow time for J to heal
o Encourage J to be independent
o Encourage her to speak about her pain and progress to heal
o Do not initiate any sexual advances, until she clearly indicates a wish for me to do so.
o Speak to her about my recovery process to allow her to understand my progress
o
• Show love and emotional intimacy & tenderness
o True intimacy in a relationship comes from a deep commitment with oneself and one's partner to kindness, compassion, presence, integrity, the intent to learn, responsibility for self, and faith in one's own and the others essential goodness. It is the sweet, comfortable, light, safe feeling that comes from knowing that neither of us is making the other responsible for us in any way - that both of us are fully present with ourselves, with each other, and with Spirit.
• Be devoted to her.
• Show vulnerability to my wife


2. Establish discipline in control of my actions and be responsible the consequences.
• Be honest with self and accept no compromises to behavior and actions
• Acknowledge the good feeling of clean conscience
• Continue abstinence and affirm success frequently.
• When an emotional event occurs, count to 30 before responding
o While counting, think of the need to control the situation
o Keep it in perspective
o Formulate a proper response to achieve my new objective
• Keep a list of challenges and record results.
o Monitor on a weekly basis

3. Establish relationship with God
• Enroll in the RISC class & commit to the Catholic Church
• Attend services every week & actively pursue my faith.
• Commence active prayer on a daily basis.



4. Enhance intellectually depth
• Set a schedule to read book and then discussing what I read with my wife
• Sharpen my skills in the engineering and technical aspects of our core business functions
• sharpen my business skills
o Learn to read and understand accounting reports
o Improve knowledge of PowerPoint application
o Improve knowledge of Outlook application

5. Establish boundaries that regulate my emotions and cease being a hostage to them.
• Learn to control my thoughts
• Set modest, realistic goals and accept my limitations
• Refuse to dwell on negative things that make me feel depressed or insecure
o Remain positive: I am still married to a beautiful woman
o By her actions, she shows she wants & is receptive to my changing.
o Remember my fortune to have the best job in the world.
o Be happy for my children
• Be around people who make an effort to control their anger to help me develop self-control
• With God’s help, I can learn to control my emotions.
• When a sudden emotion hits me, take a deep breath, calm down & count to 30.
o While counting, think of the need to control the situation
o Keep it in perspective
o Formulate
• Train my brain to function normally especially when emotions set in.

6. Establish organization and order in my life and plan for the future
• Organize my office
• Organize my desk and dump the junk
• Organize my computer
• Organize my bedroom closet
• Look at my schedule one week, one month and one quarter
o Record tasks, meetings and objectives in MS Outlook

7. Enhance role with my brother & sister
• Call them once a month
• Meet once a quarter for dinner

8. Appreciate the every-day-ness of life, slow down and enjoy doing simple things.
• When commuting, leave 15 minutes earlier and drive slower
• Do not let unimportant matters interrupt long term responsibilities


9. Maintain and improve physical condition
• Stay on my workout schedule minimum of 5 days per week
• Walk 2 miles four times per week

10. Find a hobby.
• Bike ride
• Marksmanship


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 34 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group