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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 9:12 am 
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Posts: 41
Lesson 23 Exercise:
http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_023.php
Quote:

share a brief summary of what practical uses the skill of measuring compulsive rituals can have in your recovery.


  • Become more self aware, break down acts into component parts.
  • understand the (potential) emotional stimulation being derived from the behaviour
  • be able to recognise compulsive behaviour and make decisions before acting
  • intellectually analyse compulsive behaviour, especially when emotionally unstable, thus avoid relapse
  • role play prep for anticipated situations
Quote:
when most people relapse, they do so in a state of mind that is emotionally unstable. They have lost the connection with the roles that their emotions play in their day-to-day experiences...and more importantly — they have lost connection with the role that their values play in managing their emotions. And so, as they begin to return to more artificial means for stimulation (e.g. porn, affairs, prostitution, fantasy)...they are falling further and further isolated from healthy life management skills.


Ive been applying breakdowns to my behaviour and already seen changes, I have lucid moments, mini epiphanies where i realise Im about to do an act, and can instantly see how the chain would play out, wheras previously Id be oblivious and lost in the behaviour. Its very interesting to watch how I work. Im not exactly sure why the compulsion loses power when I antcipate and analyse it.


Last edited by To_Be_Real on Tue Jun 13, 2017 5:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 11, 2017 10:53 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3312
Location: UK
Hello TBR

.
Quote:
Im not exactly sure why the compulsion loses power when I antcipate and analyse it.


perhaps because you are making choices based upon values rather than emotions
compulsive acting out is a coping mechanism
but now you are facing life :g: dealing with addiction , starting to recover
well done, but beware complacency

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 5:13 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2016 12:23 pm
Posts: 41
Lesson 24

TODO. Not complete yet

Quote:
Create your own Wheel of Sexual Compulsion

  • fantasy delusional
  • excitement (anticipation, suspense, danger)
  • discipline (power)
  • shame (power)
  • sensory
  • poly

Quote:
Choose a real-life example of EVERY major sexual ritual


Stressed/Anxious but Im not doing weird shit, fantasy or porn ritual
-This is where Im mostly at at the moment
-not genuinly horny but want to mb to feel good/escape
-try and mb to sensation only but end up using a 'shame' memory/fantasy snippet to orgasm.
-feel unhappy about the whole saga

Im listing recent rituals that *I think* are no longer compulsive

self Punishment Ritual (not happened for a month or two)
-self loathing, guilt for *whatever* reason
-might look at porn , read stories, or write one
-internal dirty talk / fantasy role play creation along b&d topics
-follow my role play 'rules' for the day(s),
-always involves t&d,
-pain infliction intensity varies according to -who knows what- self hate?
-might intensify with naked outdoors, which might bd intensified with task/bondage
-eventually orgasm, might be a few days or hours later

Depressed Browse Ritual (not happened for a few weeks)
-In bed, feel meh, laptop/tablet at hand
-might browse for a bit,
-then slink off into porn land for hours
-orgasm


Sketchy stroll ritual (actively addressing this now that Ive become aware)
Covered in previous exercise.


Online Kink Group Ritual (now stopped, account intentionally locked out)
-good source of new stimulation
-similar minded people, made me feel normal
-mebbe interact, mostly just mb to a hot vid/story/pic, perhaps role play along with video or chat/cam


Annoyingly Needy Ritual
-this one intensely compulsive, I think Im over it and then I am at it again.
-messaging 'R' on an email address I hope he doesnt read anymore or has me auto spammed. I could use a chat app if I really wanted to talk.
-todo: what exactly triggers this?
-masturbate to a memory, perhaps read old chat logs. Super intense and always works well.

Beach/forest/abandoned places/secluded areas
Always a compulsion to do something kinky, something fun.

Exhibitionism
Accomplishment
Excitement


Work/Study Ritual
At a desk, usually morning, zone out of computer based task at hand
Physically stim a bit, fully clothed
Bit of web stimulation, bit more phys stim
Interweave with work
Keep going for a while, increase intensity, play about with frequency
Allow an orgasm so I can concentrate again


Last edited by To_Be_Real on Wed Jun 14, 2017 2:22 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 5:15 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2016 12:23 pm
Posts: 41
Lesson 25

TODO. Ongoing in parallel


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 5:16 am 
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Posts: 41
Lesson 26

TODO. Ongoing in parallel


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 5:17 am 
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Lesson 27

TODO. Ongoing in parallel


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 13, 2017 5:18 am 
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Lesson 28

TODO. Ongoing in parallel


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2017 3:08 am 
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Posts: 41
Personal Notes:
Ive spent the last while slacking off the coursework but observing my behavior. I keep finding new compulsive behaviours, Im riddled with them.

I hadnt acted out for a while and it has been ages since I looked at porn etc and so I thought I was doing much better than I am.

Ive noticed that Im okay when life is stable but I act ... literally compulsively... when life gets stressy. Im left afterward asking wtf was that? where did that come from?. I cant believe how bad/unskilled I am at dealing with things that come up. I dont even notice while its building up, and then suddenly bam! Im acting out.
#todo I need to work more on anticipating situations and work on deconstructing the lead up to acting out.

A significant change has been attitude to self. Harshness has largely been replaced with gentleness/kindness. I think this has lowered compulsions.

The acting out is minimised compared to what it would have been a few months previously.

Part of acting out yesterday was an urge to look at porn. I got as far as almost loading the screen but managed click out because I checked if this is what I really wanted and briefly played out the consequences and how I would feel about loosing all my progress, loosing one of the the few things in life that make me feel proud. Luckily the decision process was faster than the page load. I didnt feel a need to view porn afterwards, there was no ongoing battle with urges.it was resolved almost instantly.

Unfortunately I cant say the same for MB, I used shame/fantasy albeit a brief snippet as opposed to an immersive fantasy.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 23, 2017 4:46 am 
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Lesson 29

A) General thoughts - i could conjur up any range of emotions dependent on thought.
Bliss, peace, joy, relief, excitement, contentment, anxiety, fear...

Compulsive thought exercise:
External Fantasy Emotions (expedienced as 'real'):
Anticipation, desire, excitement, escape/immersion, relief

Internal Fantasy (emotions projected within the fantasy as if I were there )
Desire, desperation, strong attraction, powerless, connection, inclusion, naughty, forbidden, peace, (from surrender), excitement, anticipation, desirable, power, humiliation, guilt, shame

==>>afterwards, horny, frustrated, energised, awake excited/anticipation. slightly cross, entitled, stress - tired, unfair, deserving, relief, escape

B) Extreme anxiety: BF leaving me on day I get made redundant , being unemployed and broke, freaked out about future options. Male parent beating me as a kid probably most extreme.

Least extreme: floating on a lilo in a pool on a sunny very hot day,. Slumbering on a beach. Falling asleep to the sounds and motion while sailing. Body massage.
Weirdly, nearly drowning in the ocean, exhausted, a sense of giving up. calm acceptance.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2017 4:30 am 
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Notes on 30

value-based emotions: feelings generated from thoughts important to your identity.

When your actions are consistent with your established values, positive emotions are produced.
When your actions conflict with these values, negative emotions are produced.

behavior-based emotions produce changes in the here and now.
Value-based emotions produce powerful, sustained emotions over time.
Space for both.

Emotional intensity is finite. PLEASE REMEMBER THIS, disconnect, take a step back and observe. Be adult about it, explore, learn observe. No pain no gain, whatever. Just remember this at the time.

As you develop a deepening self-awareness, you will gain valuable experience in managing the extremes of your emotional intensity and will come to feel comfortable in situations which previously triggered intense fear and anxiety

Our ability to comfort ourselves and provide emotional stability — comes from our ability to manage our emotions. Our ability to manage our emotions — comes from our ability to understand and commit to our values.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 27, 2017 3:26 am 
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Lesson 31 Exercise:

A. Make a list of all identifiable stressors that have affected your emotional health over the past week. For each, document whether it is a mild, moderate, severe or extreme stressor. Example: 1) Facing Possible Divorce: extreme; 2) Lost respect among friends and family: moderate

1) facing not being able to pay rent, severe stress
2) not getting responses to job applications, severe stress
3) guilt about crashing out .. diet/exercise/life focus/ this course, moderate
4) not putting effort into improving my work situation, moderate - severe
5) social isolation, moderate
6) unexpected extra bills, moderate

tbc...


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 2:16 am 
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Checking back into life. Ive been down for a few weeks and allowed myself some minimal acting out in order to feel better.
In a way its been like observing a third person and a conscious decision rather than an autopilot action but still I have to admit the urges are real and quite strong.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 5:21 pm 
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Depression causes recovery efforts to fade...you then relapse into addictive patterns...this increases your energy level and brings you (temporarily) out of depression...this allows you to recommit to recovery...

F.M.L.

I am trying hard. I have gained awareness and big changes.
Still, this is difficult and I have a long way to go.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 11, 2017 5:33 pm 
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Big shoutout to finite emotions ... in the midst of being overwhelmed and loosing sight, this has become a faithful beacon.
Now I need to work on the faithfulness a bit more


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 13, 2017 3:09 am 
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Joined: Thu May 19, 2016 9:57 am
Posts: 73
Hi TBR,

Just thought that I would share this quote with you from one of the supplementary lessons:
Quote:
The truth is that there is no 'unique path' to your addiction recovery process. The process that you need to experience in overcoming addiction is the same that every person with an addiction — and a desire to end that addiction — needs to experience. The wrapper may look different, but they will all include the same core changes being made to you as a unique individual.


Hope that you know that you are not alone in this recovery journey and although we all experience emotions and urges in different ways, there is a same path and commitment to take in recovery.

All the best! :g:


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