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PostPosted: Mon Jan 01, 2018 12:30 pm 
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Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:52 am
Posts: 16
Kenzo wrote:
Hello
Quote:
I recently had a large relapse which led to a 2 day bender of pure binging on porn and masturbation. Before I relapsed I tried to call on my values, but I couldn't remember what they all were, and the ones I could remember just didn't seem to matter at that time.


you now need to learn from this experience
analyse how you felt before during and after this event
how you feel now

dont be too hard on yourself but dont simply brush it off either
learn from your mistakes and ensure that they are not repeated


Thanks Kenzo, I'm trying to learn from my mistakes. I feel like I've been making the same blunders for 5yrs


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 8:58 am 
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Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:52 am
Posts: 16
Lesson 13

(i)
Experiencing extremely negative emotions- just this past week I have felt extreme levels of desperation, hopelessness and depression. I kept considering the past and how better I would have been if I hadn’t done certain things or relapsed so often. I felt depressed that my life was marred with social anxiety and a lack of friends and social opportunities. I felt frustration and a hopelessness that I would be stuck in a constant pattern of ‘recovery’ and the relapse and complete reset.
Seeking understanding of my behaviours- I often search for posts from people who are in similar positions to me and see what they did to get out of the problem. I feel this is a fairly healthy behaviour, as I recognise the problem I have and want to do something about it. Often though I might read and read these posts and then not take any action. This in itself may sometimes lead to frustration, as I confuse myself with a lot of information and no clear answers.
I don’t have an S.O, but I often feel like my behaviour could be seen as needy and pathetic. I will get very strung up on a girl very easily and will overreact to every little thing they do. This can lead to stress and frustration. I will often mope about in the early stages as well, thinking about how far I have to go to recover.
Focussing on creating new patterns- I have been making a more concerted effort to create new behavioural patterns rather than just controlling my old, destructive ones. Just yesterday when I was feeling extremely low, my mind wanted me to just go straight home from work when the opportunity presented itself. My desire to grow stronger and get in a good routine overpowered this old desire though.
I have looked at parts of my life where pornography was associated with it and done my best to remove myself from them as much as I can. I still have accounts on Facebook and Instagram, but I try not to use them for pointless browsing when I am bored. I have however, removed certain friends from my life, drinking alcohol and watching certain programmes.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:41 am 
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Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:52 am
Posts: 16
Lesson 14

Daily Monitoring List

1). Did I make an effort to speak when I wanted to?
2). Did I treat myself as a valuable person today?
3). Did I partake in any compulsive behaviour today?
a) If yes, was i aware of what i was doing?
b) Did I create a break in the ritual?
c) If no, did I roleplay a past or possible future compulsive ritual to ingrain confidence in my ability to manage my life?
4). Did I stick to my lifeplan schedule?
5). Was I honest in all my interactions?
6). Did I pray to God thanking Him for something this day?
7). Did I derive meaning from nurturing my creativity?
8). Did I make decisions and stick to them?
9). Did I do something good for someone today?
10). Was I aware of my emotions and did I handle them in a healthy manner?


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:53 am 
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Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:52 am
Posts: 16
Lesson 15

Over the past several week I've been using this workshop I have tried to make each day count. I feel like I know what is really important to me now and so I have a self improvement schedule worked out which I try to follow as much as possible. This has been helpful, as I feel more in touch with my goals, so when I am feeling lazy I can remind myself that I won't master any of these skills by lying in my bed or hiding from the challenge.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2018 1:17 pm 
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Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:52 am
Posts: 16
Lesson 16

Never thought I'd be doing anything like this, but here goes...

My fantasies helped me to be able to enjoy positive accomplishments in my life. They were comforting and I could never fail in them- I was almost able to see a life where I was the best I could be and what that should look like.

Porn was exciting, there was always something new and it could help me forget my worries for a short time.

Masturbation was also comforting, it put me at peace whilst I was doing it and could just put the worries of the day away for a short time.


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