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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:52 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 81
Hello everyone,

it has been a long time since I had posted anything. I am still very happy that I started this journey. I was very busy for the last few months and achieved a lot of goals that I set for myself. I am quite proud of myself for that.

Two reasons bring me back to this forum:

  1. I feel like I am beginning to become complacent and might slip.
  2. I am finally finding the time to finish this workshop.

Hence, before letting my life get out of bounds again I am returning to this workshop.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:11 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3881
Location: UK
Hi User
Quote:
I feel like I am beginning to become complacent and might slip.


If you did / do slip it would / will be only because you chose / choose to

Quote:
Hence, before letting my life get out of bounds again I am returning to this workshop.


This workshop brilliant as it is will not do it for you
it will guide
it and its community will support you but YOU need to CHOOSE

Actually that choice is so simple and you koow this

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2020 10:02 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 81
Hi Kenzo,
Quote:
YOU need to CHOOSE
You are right. And I choose to return to my good habits I adopted in the last few months. And writing down my thoughts helps me to improve. I somehow transitioned beck to make decisions based on my emotion instead of actively thinking about my values. The decisions I made were not terrible but I could sense that something is not right. I am not sure when this transition started.

Lesson 50

A) Anticipated consequences of a healthy decision

  • feeling proud afterwards due to making a healthy choice (positive)
  • strengthening a value/boundary (positive)
  • moving one step farther away from the addiction (positive)
  • feeling tired/exhausted from fighting against the urge (negative)

B) Anticipated consequences of following through with a compulsive ritual

  • strengthening the addiction (negative)
  • being disappointed and having another urge (negative)
  • feeling bad and, therefore, returning to strengthen my values afterwards (positive)

C1) Long term effects of value-based decision

  • strengthening my values and boundaries
  • developing a life I am happy to live

C2) Long term effects of emotion-based decision

  • tear down my values and boundaries
  • strengthening the addiction
  • leading a life I am not proud of
  • disappointing the people I love and value and myself


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2020 6:07 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 81
What happened?

A few months ago I was focused on only one single value since I had a difficult exam. I kind of started to neglect the development of the other values and stopped working on the rest of the workshop. At that time the decision/prioritization was in my opinion the right choice and I am happy with the achievement. However, it was quite difficult to restart focusing on the other values and the workshop. I mean to really focus on improving myself. I just let myself mainly react to situations without much thinking. Due to the progress I made the months before my reactions were mostly adequate. But thinks are starting to worsen. That is why I am trying to move in an other direction again and try to be more mindful.

I think the main problem was to stop the weekly monitoring. With that tool in place I would have seen this decline much earlier. Furthermore, I will update my prioritized values list.

Prioritized values

  1. Being a good partner
  2. Being a good father
  3. Being productive at work
  4. Taking the most out of my maths studies
  5. Being a good family member
  6. Being a kind and helpful colleague
  7. Being physically fit
  8. Living in a clean apartment
  9. Hygiene
  10. Using my free time for my hobbies and things I really like to do (music, reading, relaxing outside, hiking)

weekly monitoring (at the weekend)

  1. Over the past seven days, from what areas of my life did I derive the majority of my meaning and fulfillment. (Specific events)
  2. Over the past seven days, where did the majority of my energy go?
  3. Given the meaning that I derived this week and the events I had to manage — how well did I do in maintaining emotional balance through healthy means?
  4. Looking ahead to the next seven days, are there any significant events that I need to prepare for, so that I am not caught off guard?


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 30, 2020 7:52 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 81
Lesson 51

A) Compulsive ritual and options

  • Being alone at work in the office and feeling bored
  • Feeling the urge to waste time on the internet (Twitter, news, Youtube,...)
  • Going online 'just for one minute'
  • Getting lost, forgetting time, feeling disappointed...

After the second step I should consider the available options

  1. Opening the browser and going to Twitter/Youtube/news/...
  2. Leaving the browser closed and continuing/starting to work on my task
  3. Going to a colleague to talk about something
  4. Taking a short break but instead of going online I look out of the window to relax

B) Filtering the options

  1. Opening the browser and going to Twitter/Youtube/news/...
    • gets filtered out (I want to be productive at work and not waste my time on the internet)
  2. Leaving the browser closed and continuing/starting to work on my task
    • this option is not filtered out
  3. Going to a colleague to talk about something
    • value conflict
      • I want to be productive at work: This keeps me from continuing working on my project right away.
      • Being a kind and helpful colleague: Regularly talking to colleagues is important for the atmosphere at work and might be helpful for both of us. Furthermore, talking to a colleague might motivate me to continue working.
      • Solution: Going to a colleague to just talk is permitted once per day.
  4. Taking a short break but instead of going online I look out of the window to relax
    • This option is not immediately filtered out since taking a short break might increase my productivity at work.

C) Anticipated consequences

  1. Leaving the browser closed and continuing/starting to work on my task
    1. The urge will slowly go away after starting doing something useful. I would feel proud afterwards for not giving in. I would move forward at work.
    2. I would not directly move an inch forward with my work. I might feel disappointed.
    3. Everyone will think that I am productive and just do my work as I am supposed to. I will feel good about myself.
    4. I will just feel good about myself.
  2. Going to a colleague to talk about something
    1. I will feel ok. Talking might distract me from the urge. The urge might return when I return to my office.
    2. I will not miss much. Not acting out this option will not have a direct influence on my emotions.
    3. The boss might find it ok that we discuss our problems between colleagues. I will feel ok with this. I might feel a little pressure to return to my own work.
    4. I will feel better as if everyone knew.
  3. Taking a short break but instead of going online I look out of the window to relax
    1. I will have time to think without much distraction form the computer/work. I will feel ok.
    2. I will not miss anything emotionally.
    3. My colleagues will think I am taking a deserved break. But I will feel some pressure to go back to work.
    4. I will feel ok.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2020 8:35 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 81
Lesson 52

An example of a situation where isolating the emotions is beneficial is before spending a lot of money or quitting a job. Those decisions should not be based on emotions. They should be rational decisions.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 06, 2020 7:06 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 81
Lesson 53

A1) Masturbation as a destructive act
Using masturbation to kill some time or to avoid dealing with my responsibilities is against my values. Using masturbation in combination with fantasies is against my values as well.

A2) Masturbation as a healthy act
Using masturbation when I am in the mood without fantasizing or violating any other values is a healthy act.


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