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PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:56 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 4
Obviously I’m new here but excited and scared to start this new journey with you all.

1) actively committing yourself to change
This seems so easy, because at onset I know I’m committed because I’ve joined due to a recent acting out and all the guilt and shame is really high. Early on this will not be an issue as I will be fully committed, it is down the road that has me concerned, when life becomes easier and the guilt and shame has passed. This is where I will have to be stronger than I’ve ever been, knowing that anxiety and depression will try and derail my recovery.

2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
guilt and shame will be great early motivators. I absolutely despise the guilt and shame I feel anytime that I act out, sometimes it feels I will never get out from under it. But why, knowing how bad that feels do I continue to engage in these actions. What will be tough is letting go of the guilt and shame, as I know I use it to punish myself for my actions, but to begin recovery I must forgive myself.

3) allowing yourself time to change
This will be tough, as I want it now. Recovery will take me a long time, and something that I will be doing the rest of my life. Not going to lie, it does make scared how long it might take. Commitment will be huge for me, taking my time to understand each exercise and not rushing to feel better

B.
I want to love and respect myself again
I want to respect women as a beautiful person not an object to get my next fix
I want to know love again
I want my wife to be the only object of my desires
I want to make love to my wife and not sex for my pleasure
I want to be a better person
I don’t want to waste any more time acting out and use this time more wisely
I want to be more selfless
I want to feel less shameful
I know longer want something to have control over me like sex and porn
I want to quit wasting my money on an addiction
I want to feel good about myself
I want a more stable life, without the ups and downs of guilt and shame

C.
Man this was tough. Hard to see how innocent I was and how great it would be to feel that innocence again. I do remember the first time I saw pornographic material and the extreme guilt and the loss of innocence. So it is hard for me to understand why I kept going back to it? Shyness played a role, as I had a hard time as a teen being sexual. I was scared that I wouldn’t live up to expectations and that I was letting my parents down if I did anything, so to avoid the shame and guilt I usually did not engage in any sexual acts with a girl. I would use pornagraphic material to ease this frustration, but that was always followed with guilt, shame and self hate. I do embrace the idea of reclaiming this innocence and learning to express my love and desires in a healthier way.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:40 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 4
Lesson 2
My Vision
I want to be at peace with myself which includes many of the following. I want to be a better partner to wife, give her the happiness she deserves. I want to be a more selfless person, helping and giving to others when I can. The selfless part means quitting my selfish ways of trying to make only me happy sometimes, which always backfires. I want to be content with how things are. Not searching for happiness, but enjoying it as it happens. Also to cope with all emotions better, less reactive and more riding the wave. I would want people to be able to say at my funeral, he was such a good guy, giving to others, respectful, loving and honest. For myself I would like to be able to look back and say that I took some bad decisions and learn to mature and grow from them. Being able to say I lived a good, valuable life and I was able to be a good member of society.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 12:31 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 251
Hello MR18,
Welcome to RN and your journey to health.

Quote:
guilt and shame will be great early motivators.


EARLY motivators is indeed accurate. For the time being, we'll let those be. As your health continues, you'll begin to find meaning and motivation from your always evolving vision of health (Lesson 2) I would recommend taking a quick look at CoachMel's Vision How To located at the top of the Self-Help Recovery Threads. Expanding your vision of health will allow you to reap benefits like free energy to pursue your recovery.

You cannot unknow what you now know—that your life has come to a point of dissatisfaction and that you’ve been managing it with unhealthy decisions. The circumstances which bring you here may indeed be unique, but the path you will take to recover from them is not. What am I saying? You’re not alone and recovery is possible.
Your firm commitment to your life beyond addiction will make all the difference—don’t forget that it is your choice. So if health is what you want, then commit to yourself with conviction and complete the exercises with absolute honesty. The path is long and hard, but it has been done countless times before you. Although we recommend completing around 3 lessons a week, we encourage you to read or post daily. That being said, recovery is not a race and it’s important to go a pace with which your body and mind can safely handle—many believe recovery to be a journey, not a destination.
If you find yourself challenged or have questions with one of the lessons, utilize the help forum as help is readily available. Coaches and Mentors are likely to drop by occasionally. If they don’t, no worries, it’s generally a good sign that you’re on the right path.

So, MR18, do you accept this invitation to your new life? The choice is yours.

May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease,

Anon


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2018 7:50 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 4
I’m disappointed to to say that I missed a week and a half of my recovery program. Last two weeks was busiest time for me at work the entire year and I didn’t schedule well enough to complete my exercises. This will be something I work on over next couple of days to ensure that I stay on track with recovery program as it needs to be most important to me now. I did take some steps today to help me get over my addiction. I’m currently using net nanny to block adult sites, and using their accountability manager (they control passwords) for added protection. I do think this will be helpful early on, and time to work through this program for lifelong benefits.

Exercise 3
Values
These are from my vision and ones that I want to incorporate. I also defined them for myself as I thought it would help to understand each value better.

Living with integrity- I want to live my life with high moral principles and and honesty
Living with compassion - helping people to relieve their suffering
Being giving - helping in people’s time of need
Being considerate of myself and others - treating others with decency and respect and same for myself
Being dependable - reliable, consistent and steady even in difficult situations
Being reliable - being trusted by those around me
Being patient - dealing with restlessness and annoyance when faced with delay. Not becoming irritated or losing my temper when faced with misfortune
Self discipline -to pursue what is right despite temptation to abandon it
Forgiveness - excusing someone from blame for a misdeed
Self forgiveness- excusing myself for a misdeed
Honesty- telling the truth and backing up with acts
Being spiritual - being loving to myself and others and all that is on this planet
Education - continuing to acquire skills,values, knowledge, beliefs and habits
Personal development - enhance my quality of life and contribute to my dreams and aspirations
Maturity - responding to my environment in an appropriate manner. Behaving correctly
Love- having strong affection for my wife, family and those around me
Selflessness - being concerned with others needs over mine
Financially responsible - living within my means, spending less than what I make
Healthy -taking care of my physical and mental state
Purposeful life- this would encompass all the values I have listed
Companionship - fellowship among my companions and colleagues
Dedication - being committed to my tasks and purposes, unwavering
Optimism -having hope and confidence about the future. Positive attitude
Tolerance- enduring hardship, allowing differing beliefs and practices of others without negative response
Adaptability- being able to adjust to new circumstances
Wisdom- using good judgment
Guiding and role model- being a good example to those around me
Respectful- being polite
Active- not sitting still and letting life pass me by
Kindness- being kind hearted
Appreciation- recognizing the good qualities of something or someone
Gratitude- being happy with what is good in my life
Devotion- being devoted to something or someone even when it is tough or painful
Unity - working together to solve a problem
Humble- not being too proud

Dark-side values
Physical pleasure- letting physical pleasure drive my decisions
Experiencing euphoria- wanting to be happier than I need to be
Boredom- filling my time with bad habits
Lack of self control- knowing I will feel bad afterwards and still doing it
Loneliness- filling alone time with bad habits
Selfish- satisfying only my desires
Financially un-responsibility- spending beyond my means to satisfy a negative value
No respect for others
No respect for myself
Immaturity- not responding to my environment correctly
Objectifying women- using women for my pleasure
Dishonesty- not being truthful to myself and others


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2018 8:37 am 
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Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:12 pm
Posts: 4
Lesson 4
Re-ordered list

Living with integrity- I want to live my life with high moral principles and and honesty
Self discipline -to pursue what is right despite temptation to abandon it
Honesty- telling the truth and backing up with acts
Being reliable - being trusted by those around me
Being dependable - reliable, consistent and steady even in difficult situations
Maturity - responding to my environment in an appropriate manner. Behaving correctly
Love- having strong affection for my wife, family and those around me
Financially responsible - living within my means, spending less than what I make
Personal development - enhance my quality of life and contribute to my dreams and aspirations
Purposeful life- this would encompass all the values I have listed
Forgiveness - excusing someone from blame for a misdeed
Being considerate of myself and others - treating others with decency and respect and same for myself
Living with compassion - helping people to relieve their suffering
Being giving - helping in people’s time of need
Healthy -taking care of my physical and mental state
Being patient - dealing with restlessness and annoyance when faced with delay. Not becoming irritated or losing my temper when faced with misfortune
Tolerance- enduring hardship, allowing differing beliefs and practices of others without negative response
Self forgiveness- excusing myself for a misdeed
Being spiritual - being loving to myself and others and all that is on this planet
Education - continuing to acquire skills,values, knowledge, beliefs and habits
Selflessness - being concerned with others needs over mine

Companionship - fellowship among my companions and colleagues
Dedication - being committed to my tasks and purposes, unwavering
Optimism -having hope and confidence about the future. Positive attitude

Adaptability- being able to adjust to new circumstances
Wisdom- using good judgment
Guiding and role model- being a good example to those around me
Respectful- being polite
Active- not sitting still and letting life pass me by
Kindness- being kind hearted
Appreciation- recognizing the good qualities of something or someone
Gratitude- being happy with what is good in my life
Devotion- being devoted to something or someone even when it is tough or painful
Unity - working together to solve a problem
Humble- not being too proud


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2018 9:36 am 
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Joined: Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:20 am
Posts: 110
myrecovery18 wrote:
Lesson 2
My Vision


Hi MyRecovery18,

Looks like it has been a while on here. I hope you are doing well! With your vision, I'd encourage you to revisit this when you return. It looks like you could expand it a bit and be more specific. Really sit down and close your eyes and get a clear vision of yourself recovered. When you do that, lots of little things will pop up in your mind. Interactions you have with those around you, places you go, things you see, etc. Use that to flesh out your vision a bit. It can be such a big help with keeping your motivation going.

Cheers,
--River


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