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PostPosted: Wed Dec 04, 2019 11:28 am 
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Posts: 187
LESSON 44
URGE CONTROL: MY CORE IDENTITY
A. Describe the role a healthy core identity will provide
1. I will be honest with others and myself
2. What I do on the outside is what I am on the inside
3. I will make healthy decisions on handling life's decisions
B. Describe the role that value-based experiences will play in developing my core identity
1. I will respect myself more
2. I can be myself as who I am and not what others want me to be
3. I will not be in fear of making unhealthy decisions
4. I will gain respect from others
C. Examine my current core Identity
1. I am more aware of my feelings and actions when I am around other people
2. I have developed some boundaries around my values that help me make healthy decisions
3. If I make a destructive decision I feel guilty and shame and it motivates me me not to repeat the poor decision again
4. If I am caught in making a bad decision I will evaluate where I went wrong and work at correcting
the problem


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 04, 2020 7:33 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
Lesson 45
URGE CONTROL: ISOLATING THE EMOTION
Map a compulsive Ritual
On a previous compulsive chain every morning for a couple weeks I would look out my bathroom window hoping to see a women two doors down from my home that sometimes puts on her make up in the nude with her blinds open.
- I was hoping to see her in the nude (Anticipation)
- When I looked this one morning she was putting on her make up in the nude (Excitement) (Visual)
- I started touching myself to in cress the excitement (increased excitement)
- My wife is in the attached room asleep, I was afraid she would wake up and catch me (fear)
- My wife did wake and did'n catch me but I had to stop watching the women (relived), (frustrated)
- My wife left for work and I started fantasizing (fantasizing)
- I stared masturbating slowly ( excitement) (anticipation)
- I started using lotion to increase the sensations (higher excitement)
- I had an orgasm (satisfaction) (completion)
Point of no return
- seeing the women in the nude


Last edited by Recovery on Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:17 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
.


Last edited by Recovery on Sat May 02, 2020 2:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 1:51 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
LESSON 46
URGE CONTROL: ISOLATING THE DECISION
From previous compulsive ritual, I am to identify the element immediately preceding the point of no return:
In this situation I would look out my upstairs bathroom window around 5 am every morning hoping to see a female neighbor putting on her make up in the nude. I have seen her in the past doing this. I would do this every morning. I would fantasize about it before I got out of bed with my wife sleeping next to me, I would start getting aroused just thinking about it. Before I look out the window I worry about my wife would catch me. This adds fear but also intensify my excitement too. Then I stop before I look out the window because if I do this, it is the point of no return. It would have led me to masturbate.
I realize that this would break a few of my values. My value of not lusting. my value of not masturbating and my value of cheating on my wife even in a fantasize. After I make this decision I feel proud of my self for not acting on my impulses and also holding to my values.


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PostPosted: Sat May 02, 2020 2:51 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
LESSON 47
PRACTICAL URGE AWARENESS
1) Envision different realistic scenarios I may encounter compulsive urge in the future and document them. (in each of them)
a) Identify how I will know when the urge will begin
b) Identify the point of no return
c) When I would create the break
(Do this exercise in my head)
2) Anticipate the emotion with each urge, isolate the emotions from my core identity and prepare myself to make a value based decision.
(do this in my head)
3) Choose one and put in my recovery thread
I practiced 6 different situations that could possible happen regarding a compulsive urge.

The one situation that has happened in the past and could happen again if I am not prepared:
My wife and I go to a family function at her adult daughter's home. Her family are Hispanic and as the party goes on during the evening the men start drinking strong alcohol and they all start talking Spanish which I don't understand the language. My wife will only drink one glass of wine but she will be talking Spanish also and I usually only drink one or two glasses of wine.
At most I usually get bored after about 3 hours. At this point I want to drink more wine and I start paying more attention to what the women are doing and what the are wearing. This could led to me to start lusting.
1. The urge will begin when I start getting bored and it is also around 3 hours I have been at the party.
2. The point of no return will be when I start watching what the women are wearing.
3. The break is to leave the party at this time.
The emotion involved is getting bored. My core identity is not to lust. So when I get bored and I want to lust. I make the decision to leave the party and by doing that it enforces my core identity and also my value


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PostPosted: Sat May 30, 2020 5:59 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
LESSON 48
PROACTIVE/REACTIVE URGE AWARENESS
For 3 days I practiced Role Playing and Visualization different things that could happen and how I would handle them


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2020 5:32 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
LESSON 49
HEALTH MONITORING 111: EVOLVING DAILY / WEEKLY
Started monitoring 06/01/20
- Communicate with my wife on a daily basis
- Don't spend hours scanning emails, news and politics for hours every day. check only 2 times per day
- When massaging my wife do it for her not to get stimulated myself
* Call my grandson once every two weeks
- Call my 4 children 2 times per month

I have been working on these things for one week at this point


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 19, 2020 3:10 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
LESSON 50
VALUE BASED DECISION MAKING
A. When facing a compulsive urge, what do I anticipate the consequences of using a healthy value-based decision to manage that urge to be? Thinking positive and negative consequences.
Positive consequences:
1. I will feel a sense of accomplishment that I did not act out.
2. I realize I am able to divert an urge and hold onto a value.
3. I feel encourage that I did the healthy decision and it will help me to do the right thing again.
Negative consequences:
I I would feel frustrated because I would not feel the rush I usually feel when I have acted out.
2.I would not get my immediate gratification.
B. Now consider having made the decision to continue on with the negative ritual. Think positive and negative.
Positive:
1. I was using the acting out to cover up some feelings I was trying to avoid.
2.I would temporarily feel good and distracted.
Negative consequences:
1 This would make it easier to act out again.
2. I could get caught.
3.I would feel shame and quilt.
C. For each decision (value based and emotional based)
What long term effects will these consequences have on my identity and values?
Emotional based:
1.) This does not lead to recovery.
2.) I would not be learning personal management skills.
3.) I would lead me deeper into my addiction.
Value Based
1.) This will help me to strengthen my values.
2.) This will help me to use better management skills.
3.) This will help me to overcome my addiction.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 23, 2020 8:13 pm 
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Posts: 187
LESSON 51
DECISION-MAKING: IDENTIFYING THE OPTIONS
A. Consider one compulsive ritual
Going to Spanish speaking family function and I don't speak Spanish:
When I sit down with the family I make sure if possible not to sit directly across from the female
guests. Everyone there does speak English but when the men start drinking heavily they all start talking Spanish. My wife starts speaking Spanish also. At that point I start getting bored after being there 3 hours. I usually only have one glass of wine but after about 3 hours I start having a couple more drinks.
I start watching different women's facial expressions or where they move around the room and finally I start looking at heir bodies which leads to me LUSTING.
What are my options
1. Try to join in with the men and see if one will talk English with me.
2. Try to distract my wife so we can talk.
3. Go outside to take a break.
4. Watch the women.
5. Lust
6. leave the party and pick up my wife later.
Which options would be filtered out
1. I should not start drinking more.
2. I should not start watching the women.
3. I should not lust.
C. Positive Consequences of my actions
1. If I decide to act on my actions
a) I would feel excited
b) I would not be bored anymore
c) I would still be at the party with my wife
Negative consequences of my actions
a) I would not be faithful to my wife
b) I would not be growing in recovery.
c) I would feel guilt and shame.
2. I make the decision not to act on This option
a) I would be growing in my recovery
b) I would be faithful to my wife
c) I would feel proud of my self
3. I act on the option and that decision becomes know to others
a) I would not be invited to family functions again.
b) My wife would be very angry with me and also very embarrassed.
c) My wife would not allow me to go to any family functions again.
d) My wife would not trust me in other things she feels I might be doing in regards to my lack of recovery


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2020 7:19 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
LESSON 52
DECISION MAKING: ISOLATING THE EMOTIONS
Consider a situation (outside of addiction) where this isolation of feelings/emotions might be beneficial:
When my wife accuses me of something I didn't do and when I say I didn't do it and try to explain she says I am lying. I become frustrated because I am just a liar and starts putting me down and the situation was something very small.
I become frustrated, angry and argumentative.
MY VALUE: IS FOR ME TO EXPRESS MY FRUSTRATIONS AND FEELINGS IN A CALM WAY.
ANOTHER VALUE: IS FOR ME TO BE HUMBLE AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHY MY WIFE WOULD BE UPSET


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 07, 2020 7:54 pm 
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Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:42 pm
Posts: 187
LESSON 53
Describe a situation where I consider masturbating be be against my values abd therefore a destructive act.
I find myself looking through my phone where women are being massaged nearly nude. If I start looking a a number of pictures and I masturbate, that would be against my values and boundaries.
Describe a situation where I would consider masturbating and it would be within my values and therefore a healthy act.
If I am massaging my wife and I become aroused and my wife doesn't feel like making love because she has been under a lot of stress. I will consider masturbating because I will not be able to sleep. If I cant sleep I might start fantasizing other situations which would unhealthy. So I masturbate instead.


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