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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #29
PostPosted: Thu Jun 04, 2015 9:53 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Lesson # 29


1. A flurry of emotions from betrayal to pain and anger, and confusion not knowing what to expect next the black mail whom I would be passed to or made to do next

2. The least anxiety was knowing. what she was capable of what she would do for her pleasures.

3. The most anxiety I felt was knowing what they was about to do for their own pleasures no matter how I felt or the pain they caused. Remembering their laughter as I felt excruciating pain. Anticipating the pain I know is about to come.


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 07, 2015 11:19 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:56 am
Posts: 189
D_GOODS,

You're doing some good work here in RN. Keep it going, make this a priority in your life. This IS the most important thing you can do for yourself to lead a healthy life. I found RN in December of 2013, it has changed my life for the better.

I wanted to take a moment to touch base on your values. Establishing your values and ingraining them into your life is a critical component of RN. I would encourage you to make sure your values are positive and that they help support your vision statement. As you get deeper into RN, you will learn how to make your values support your decisions to live a healthy life; the life you're making reference to in your vision statement.

Some of the values you listed (see numbered list below), I would ask you to ask yourself if there's a different way to phrase the value. I've made some comments below regarding a couple of your stated values. I'm sharing some of my thoughts with you that have helped me in my own recovery. I'm not telling you to change anything, I'm just making a couple suggestions to help you think about moving forward...

1) Not allow my trauma and fears to control my life and dreams (We all carry the baggage of our past decisions and experiences; you're being involved with and learning from RN will help you gain the control you're looking for)
8) Reach my full potential (How do you know you've achieved this? Can you make this more specific?)
9) Connection to purpose and meaning for life (This is a deep concept; Do you make an emotional connection with this value? Can you be more specific about what this looks like?)
15) Feel good about myself and direction (Be true to your values and your boundaries, and you WILL feel good about yourself!)
16) To forgive myself (Show yourself you've forgiven you by living out your values)

As I put together my list of prioritized values, I recall thinking that I always did have a set of values. The problem I had, is that I allowed my emotional immaturity, selfishness and need for immediate gratification to decimate my values. It was horrific. I realized it was horrific when I went through this exercise myself. The guilt and remorse were overwhelming for myself because I finally realized the magnitude of my addiction. I'm not going to tell you it will be easy, but if you're honest with yourself, you put in the time, and you stay committed, you will move closer and closer to a healthy life.


Be honest with yourself and keep moving forward!

BetterLife


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 14, 2015 10:04 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Thank you Bitterlife, It works I do have some confusion on when a trigger stops being a trigger. I still have emotions about things out of my trauma but they no longer if I have one one by site I don't want or feel the need to porn or any anger


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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #31
PostPosted: Sun Jun 28, 2015 12:12 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Lesson 31
Emotional Balance and Stability


1. Hours at work to few Moderate.
2. Not enough money to provide for the family Moderate
3. Arguments with the SO. Not opening up soon enough. Moderate to Severe.
4. Not being able to provide the home the family needs Moderate
5. The challenge to show and talk about my improvements by my SO Severe
6. Being alone Severe
7. Not being completely transparent sooner causing doubt no trust Moderate to Severe at times.



A. Yes trying to keep the family together
B. Hiding from the past instead of facing it
C. Stress at work
D. Lying to my fiancée I have opened up to late I fear I have told her everything but my past lies have crushed her and she has the right to be upset even furious with me I have said this many times before.

E Yes helping the people around me is a good feeling and stress reducer.
I didn’t and still don’t talk to people the one person should have been my
SO other but I closed her out of my personnel feeling I still have problem talking on a personnel level but I have been trying more Life with out the ones
You love around you is worthless.


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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #32
PostPosted: Sun Jul 05, 2015 11:27 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Lesson 32
Evolving practical values

I have made several changes for some I need to learn to do, some I have learned habits (bad) that I have been getting away from as for honesty and transparency they are the hardest even though I set down to speak the truth completely my words I say will make it seem as if I’m leaving things out my main goal would be get rid of the addiction and to have full disclosure with my SO I have covered thing up and lies about things in the past of my recovery even after I buckled down and now my SO whom has been beside me thus far doubts everything even when it is the truth, I have hurt her so deeply I don’t know if there is any coming back I am truly sorry I am working on the present and future of being completely transparent and except full responsibility for my actions past present and future these are really hard to achieve.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 07, 2015 12:11 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Lesson 33
Developing Emotional Maturity
Mastering Your Emotions Master Your Addiction.

Woke up in cold sweat 4:30 am not caring for self. hope today maybe a better day
At work not a bad day can get home early maybe do something with my so
She isn't home felt alone.I thought She needs time to her self.
Finally heard from her she said she don't think she wants to leave the door open any more,I felt crushed all alone empty and devastated. and emotionally drain, and I thought dumb ass this is how you made her feel.
It's time for an early bed time alone.
even with meds I can't stay asleep thinking of any way I can begin to make it up to her with out losing her completely.
Damn how much she must hate me,I made her hate me.


Last edited by D_GOODS on Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:43 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #33 day 2
PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 8:35 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
LESSON 33
Developing Emotional Maturity
Master Your Emotions Master Your Addiction


Day 2 already full of emotions no sleep to speak of even with the meds, Emotions and thoughts running wild again not sure how much I can handle she is stronger than I.
I am scared to be alone and I only want one not sure how to evaluate these emotions at this moment.
I’m not sure I have so much rushing around in my head a few days ago an emotion clicked with me because of a word my SO said to me and she has said it more than a few times you Betrayed me this time I was looking right into her eyes I could see the hurt and the pain was deep and here I had done to her what hand been done to me I could see the pain the anger and something some one said to me came back into thought A PERSON CAN SEE AND STILL BE BLIND A PERSON CAN HEAR AND STILL BE DEAF CAN TOUCH AND NOT FEEL I such a fool.
I have realized just by my readings and studying my emotions and breaking them down
In a sense I have been half dead. For to long I owe some a lot more than I ever gave back
My turn hopefully she will except and allow me to show prove grown and build my trust with her I know this will take along time. By proof and not holding nothing back no matter how small I think it might seem could be hug to her.


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 Post subject: Re:Need new start
PostPosted: Sun Jul 19, 2015 9:47 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
I have been lying and half assing all this time through RN. I decided only a few days ago to come clean with my SO I ended up going in the hospital possible stroke or heart attack. Because of my lies she hates me I told her in the hospital that RN was half assed I only spoke of certant things especially when I got caught But in the past few months I got more serious but not completely I was still holding something back I never told her or RN that I masturbated and I did I told her this and i know she was hurt and betrayed now she knows and so does RN I feel I can start with a clear slate no more lies.


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 Post subject: Re: Urge awareness
PostPosted: Tue Aug 04, 2015 8:22 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
Women in slinky dresses,revealing (string laced sides).
Cowgirl type females,tight jeans and blouses,western boots.
Women in long skirts with splits that show stockings,high heals.
Asian type long dark hair mid to lower back,tall.
Blondes athletic type,tan,tall collar to shoulder length hair.
Females in wet clothing tight fitting.


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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #1 New
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2018 8:25 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
I have not been here in some time, to be honest I thought most of this to be a joke. I half a__ it. I only used what I needed or wanted. I have moved forward. I have even been to a therapist and a psychiatrist. But the people in my life still don't believe because I have lied so often to cover my addiction and used them wrongly I didn't include them in most of my healing/recovery. I am here now to prove to myself what I have truly learned and to better myself even further. I do believe in myself and know where I want to be.


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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #1 New
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2018 9:33 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
Hello again D
Quote:
I have been lying and half assing all this time through RN

hence you are where you are

Quote:
I do believe in myself and know where I want to be.


but do you know how to get there?
I do hope so
RN is certainly not a joke, but it is also not a one off quick fix for all

Recovery takes time commitment and effort
RN can give guidance as it really is like a roadmap
the journey is yours
good luck in which ever route that you decide upon, but please do choose wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #1 New
PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2018 3:58 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
I have looked deep into the eyes of the child. there was innocense and confusion, that was the time my mother left my father. we seen her very seldom and when we did it was me and my brothers that caused the separation, I became angry at my mother and all women. but yes I do remember a simpler time happiness. and I do know it wasn't all women.


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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #2
PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2018 4:55 pm 
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Joined: Wed Apr 23, 2014 8:04 pm
Posts: 73
To regain and keep control of my life try to earn back respect I lost long ago.To be able to buy a house/home to be proud of to raise the family and be there for them when needed, to fulfill dreams I have along with my wife's dreams to be there for my wife and kids to be depended on again. To give all that I have left in me to honesty and closure,to be there for those that have been there for me


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 Post subject: Re: Lesson #1 New
PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2018 5:21 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
Hello D back in 2014 your vision was
Quote:
Respect
Respect for myself and the ones I love respect and transparency to my wife and family,to be unselfish and supportive in their choices Devotion and complete honesty to my wife, to earn back her trust in me so we can build a foundation our relationship can stand on and build from for a newer better beginning,to share our emotions together. To give my SO the life she wants and deserves
to really be there for her and my family when they need me for them to be able to count on me and to have true intimacy with my SO to have a solid foundation to grow from.Lesson 2
Establishing a Healthy Vision for My Life
I have the Motivation and power to change.


Find another part time job or a better full time job, so I can provide a better home for the family. To rid myself of the addiction and build trust with my spouse I would like to take the family to the ocean they have never seen it in person. To be able to have fun with the family go places and do things to remember. Look back and say we have done this. To help other people and family, so I can say I done my best, and be honest and forth coming and generous, no surprises for the family after I am gone no secrets or lies,
In the past I was reluctant to take peoples advise, I thought I could do it on my own with bits and peaces of reading and doing it on my own, That was an excuse to fall back on when I didn’t understand something I could interpret it my own way. I want to do it right to achieve respect, not have any out standing lies I have to try to remember or secrets that come back just when you think everything is good. I want to be able to look in my SO’s eyes and see happiness not pain. I am committed to becoming healthy and free of my addiction, to be there any time needed .To be happy in the life I have chose and strive to make it better each day. I have realized that I had much more in reality than any Temp fantasy can or could give.


So much more and better than your more recent “life in three lines”

Establishing a healthy vision for one's life is the single most important tool a person can develop in their recovery. That single vision--when backed by clarity--is capable of serving as both the beacon for change and, a means of contrasting what is healthy and what is a threat.
A good vision should be both general and specific, idealistic and practical. that vision is about you and your whole envisaged life to come

You recognised that previously you "half arsed", dont repeat that mistake
You can recover, we are there for you, deserve that support and lets get this done

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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