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PostPosted: Wed Dec 03, 2014 10:19 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
Lesson 2 Exercise: My Vision

I want to be a good brother, son, uncle, and someday soon a husband and father. I am a believer in God and in right and wrong. I want to follow God’s will as I understand it.

The purpose of my life is to Connect to others and Find happiness and self-respect though good decision making.

I want to lead a life of honesty, integrity, generosity, hard work, industry, ingenuity, creativity

I want to leave a legacy of…
A man who made the most of what he was given.
A man who overcame difficult challenges.
A man who, in his own way, cared about those around him.

I commit to

Seek the truth about God, the world, and right and wrong, and live according those truths.

Marrying [name removed] and becoming the husband that she deserves.

Keeping in contact with and spending time with my family. Being a caring brother, son and uncle.

Choosing a career path, and work tirelessly to move forward on that path.

Developing my talents including athletic and musical ability

Learning, exploring, and creating!

Enjoy the fruits of my labors with family and friends.

Pick myself up when I fall. To recognize and correct mistakes. To repent and stay humble.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 04, 2014 7:03 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3355
Location: UK
Hello SB
I see you did not post your reasons for wanting to change
Perhaps you should as when your recovery becomes difficult and it will, you will want to refer back and remind yourself thus strengthening your resolve

so to your vision
frankly it appears to be "anyone" all it tells me about you is that you want to be good

why not say what you want , why you want it , how you will achieve it and when

example

Quote:
Enjoy the fruits of my labors with family and friends.

what fruits and what labours
I assume that you are young and hence have little experience of life but that should also give you the freedom to explore possibilities in detail
OK lecture over take it or leave it

meanwhile
welcome to RN
if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination


remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 05, 2014 12:04 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:57 pm
Posts: 316
Hi StrongBad,
Welcome to RN.
I had read your vision yesterday and felt a lack of depth in your post. I agree with Kenzo, this is an opportunity to write something down that you'll be able to reflect on later as your recovery progresses. Coach Boundless posted an example vision that may help.
http://www.recoverynation.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=21100

This is a critical time, starting to build a foundation that can help with the rest of your life.

Rel8ed2


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 4:18 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
Thanks for the feedback fella's. I'll take another crack at the vision and get more specific about how I want to accomplish the end goals that I set down. For now here is my Lesson 1 exercise.

Recovery Lesson 1 12-23-14

A. 1) Actively committing myself to change.

I have tried many times to commit myself to change. I would start making changes for awhile…a week, 2 weeks, perhaps even a month. Once or twice in the last 10 years I have made it 10 weeks without a recovery slip up. But I tend to keep slipping back into the same habit patterns. I get discouraged. I decide that what I’m doing isn’t working so I quit. I stop focusing on recovery and on making my life better and I drift though life in a fog, numbing myself with food, TV, internet, video games, and sexually acting out. After awhile of this I become miserable and decide to try and attack my problems from a different angle.

I know that until I face my problems and put in the right work to overcome them, my life will never move forward. I can’t speak for tomorrow, but today I am committing myself to recovery. I am doing so right now. It is my greatest desire that I will continue to commit to myself to change and recovery for the rest of the day. It is my greatest desire that I when I wake up tomorrow I will commit to the same. I can’t promise that I will never get side tracked, discouraged, or have set backs. All I can do is say that I am committed right now, and it is my most sincere intent to stay committed to the process of positive change.

A. 2) Not allowing guild or shame to sabotage my commitment to change.

I’m not aware that that these are the primary feelings that have held me back in the past, but perhaps I need to explore this further. It seems to me that my biggest obstacles are

i. Feeling overwhelmed. There is so much that I feel like I need to change and do that it just all seems impossible. So instead of facing it I dive into my addictions.
ii. Related to (i) in an attempt to over come my overwhelmed feeling, I work on my to do list and tell myself, “once (this) is taken care of I will have more time and energy to put into my recovery work.” But as soon as one fire is put out another starts and demands my time and energy. Recovery struggles to be my top priority.
iii. Feeling burnt out and tired. At times I will face my challenges and try to do everything right and I will have brief spurts of what I consider success. But before long, I feel exhausted and I don’t feel like I can continue to make good choices. I feel like I slip back into my old behavior patterns is inevitable.

A. 3) Allowing yourself time to change.

As I have mentioned I will have spurts when I really try to do my best to change and make all the right choices. But then I don’t see the benefits right away, or I won’t feel happy and I decide that all the work isn’t worth it. I hope that just being aware that this process will take time and effort, and then perhaps more time than I expected will be enough to help me have patience with myself.

B. List 10-15 reasons why you seek to permanently change your life? Phrase in the positive.

1. I don’t want anything to hide. I want to be open about all aspects of my life.
2. I want to experience the joy of marriage and family. I want to be a husband and father.
3. I want to feel happy about who I am and the choices I make. I want to feel like I make the choices that are best for my personal wellbeing.
4. I want to be confident around any person or group of people. I want the confidence that comes from knowing that I am making good decisions. I want to be friendly to all those that I come in contact with on a daily basis, and this is not possible when I am full of self loathing, shame, and grief.
5. I want T to be as happy as possible in life. I want her to be a mother and wife. I want her to know that I am faithful to her. I want her to be with the man that she deserves. I want her to feel like she has control over her life and that her life is not in the hands of my addiction. I want her emotional ties to me to be a positive thing for her and not a negative thing.
6. I want to feel good about myself independent of sexuality. I want to make peace with my past, and know that it is okay that women that I have found attractive to not need to find me attractive. I want to be free of the need to imagine fantasies where I am desired by all.
7. I want to be obedient to God’s commandments and to the principles of decency and wholesomeness.
8. I want to move out of the bay area an buy a home. This can only happen if I break up with T, or I marry T, and I want to marry her.
9. I want to spend my time, thoughts, money and imagination on things that make me happy and will make the world a better place. I want to focus my desires on dreams that can come true, not on lusts that will never satisfy.
10. I want to be able to evaluate the truthfulness of the LDS church without questioning my own motives, or having them questioned by anyone else.
11. I want to be healthy physically. The depressed feelings associated with addiction lead to overeating and vice versa. Seeking pornography causes me to keep hours that are not conducive to a healthy lifestyle.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 03, 2015 9:09 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
My Vision 2.0
2/3/2015


Why not say what you want, why you want it, how you will achieve it and when” – Coach Kenzo

What I want and why I want it

I want to explore. Ever since I was a child I loved exploring the world around me. I would wander around the neighborhood and into the neighbors’ back yards just to see if they had cool landscaping with a tree house or fountain or something. I love the outdoors, hiking, 4-wheeling and going off the trail. I love visiting new cities and seeing what they have to offer. I love to explore, and I always have.

Not only do I enjoy exploring the physical world, but I enjoy exploring fictional worlds through reading and virtual worlds through video games. These are fine supplements to real world exploring but they should not replace it altogether.

Now I find myself chained to a desk for work, and increasingly to a TV at home. Instead of planning trips and outings I am ruled by a to-do list that as I age and take on more and more responsibilities of an adult. I want to take time to explore to get away the grind and get back to discovery!

I want to create. Am an engineer by trade, and the most rewarding part of engineering is being able to see my ideas become reality. When something I have designed works right the 1st time it is wonderful feeling. My true passion for creating is in creating fun experiences for others. Ever since the beginning of college I have enjoyed creating new activities and ways for people to have fun. When I moved to the Bay Area I started creating parties and setting up new fun activities at those parties. I enjoy projects where the end result is fun for others.

I also enjoy creating music. I have played several instruments over the years and sung in choirs. There is nothing like creating good music and I want it to be a part of my life.

I also want to own a home that I can create a fun, inviting, functional space.

I want to compete. I am a competitive person and I always will be. I come from a family of 10 children and have 6 brothers. We were always involved in sports and even playing board games we were so competitive that we would come close to violence. I want to nurture my competitive side through athletics. I want to be competitive in my career. I want to be the best at what I do.

I want to learn. I have always been fascinated with the world around me. I have always wanted to know how things work. I know that education is the key to opportunity, but more than that I like to learn simply to satisfy my curiosity. When the people I know best used one word to describe me, that word was ‘curious.’ This is also why I like exploring.

I want to teach and coach. I get excited by the things I have learned and love to share them with others. Many of the people who know me think that I should be a teacher because I get excited about teaching others whenever I get the chance.

I want to connect to others. For much of my adult life I have felt empty and I see this same emptiness in others. I have felt like my life lacks purpose and direction. I pondered how this emptiness could be filled. I am Mormon and we have this idea of eternal progression, where we learn and grow and gain experience, knowledge, wisdom, faith and other attributes for eternity until be become like God. This eternal progression didn’t seem very purposeful to me. It seemed like climbing up a never ending staircase. Sure you get higher on the steps, but so what? Why are the higher steps any happier than the lower steps?

I have come to the realization that my emptiness will not go away from getting faster, stronger, smarter, or richer. It will not come from throwing more parties, becoming a better engineer, a better basketball player, or musician. It will come from loving and helping other people. I believe that developing love for others is the only real way to get rid of the emptiness in ourselves. Of course this is only an idea I had and I can’t prove that it is true, but it feels right to me. It agrees with doctrine found in 1 Corinthians 13 and Moroni 7 that without charity I am nothing. To me nothing means empty, hollow and without purpose. With charity I can be filled and find true purpose.

How I will achieve this and when

As you can see almost everything I want to do will be an ongoing process for the rest of my life. But here are my immediate goals or achieving my purpose.

I will overcome my addiction to pornography. It keeps me from connecting to others. It is preventing me from marrying my sweet heart, who has patiently waited for me to overcome my addiction for several years now. She will not wait forever. I plan to spend 1-2 hours a day working on addiction recovery for the next 90 days in order to complete this workshop and over come my addiction.

I will make a decision about my church. As I said, I am Mormon and was raised in the church. Church members have been the core of my social circle for my entire life. However, for several years I have been unsure about what I believe and my commitment to the church has been weak. I need to put in the work and decide once and for all if I am going to stay in the church and really commit to it, or if I am going to leave it and commit to another path. I have been sitting on the fence for too long. The girl who wants to marry me is a committed Mormon and if that’s not what I’m going to be, we need to break up. I plan to make this decision by spending about 1 hour each day examining my concerns about the church and trying to resolve them. I also plan to use time during those hours examining other belief systems and faiths.

I will get healthy. I am obese and my weight saps my energy and makes everything more difficult. It keeps me from competing athletically, and from exploring. In fact the lack of energy makes everything so difficult that I spend way to much time watching TV, or wasting time on my phone. I plan on doing this by exercising at least ½ hour per day and by planning out my meals. I am going to avoid impulse eating and impulse grocery shopping. My goal is to lose 1 lb a week, and keep it up for 120 weeks (2 years). As I get healthier I will incorporate more of my favorite activities back into my life. I know this goal is idealistic, but I want a change in lifestyle, not just a short term diet.

I will find a job. I am currently unemployed, and while this is great for working on addiction recovery, faith building and exercise, it isolates me. There is shame in being unemployed. I need to go back to work. I will accomplish this by (1) spending about an hour a day studying engineering material to keep my skills sharp and (2) by spending time each day job hunting, applying for work, preparing for interviews, etc.

I will connect to others. For now I plan to keep doing what I am doing. I will spend time with my girl friend and friends. I will call my family more often (at least once a week). I need to work on my addiction, my faith, and my health to get myself in a position where I am more ready and able to connect.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 04, 2015 6:44 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3355
Location: UK
hey SB
:g: :g: :g: :g:
so much better

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 9:56 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
RN Lesson 3 Exercise – Values
Started 2-4-15
Completed 2-11-15

1. Extract values from your vision.
2. Write a comprehensive list of all the primary ways that you derive stimulation from you life. (50-100 items)
3. Add more values taken from sample lists
4. Add values that go into compulsive behaviors

List all of the ways primary ways that you derive stimulation from you life, or areas that you want to derive stimulation.

Things that I value

Spirit
1. Faith
2. Patience
3. Living with integrity
4. Responsibility
5. Thankfulness
6. Modesty of desire
7. Differentiation of right and wrong
8. Sexual fidelity & modesty
9. Meditation
10. Seeking spiritual knowledge, wisdom and understanding
11. Prayer – Communicating with God
12. Humility
13. Finding meaning and purpose in life

Emotions
14. Emotional maturity
15. Being unflappable in the face of opposition - dauntlessness
16. Overcoming and dealing with loss
17. Overcoming hardship and trials
18. Being positive / optimistic
19. Self Esteem
20. Managing expectations – being realistic

Mind
21. Ambition
22. Ingenuity
23. Cleverness
24. Creativity
25. Wisdom
26. Being logical
27. Being educated or seeking to become educated

Other People
28. Love
29. Being trustworthy and receiving trust from others
30. Honesty
31. Treating others with respect / being considerate
32. Receiving validation from others
33. Being admired, looked up to, well regarded
34. Concern for others, (Empathy, sympathy, compassion)
35. Selfless action (the result of concern for others)
36. Forgiveness
37. Kindness
38. Being genuine
39. Being candid
40. Reliability
41. Cheerfulness
42. Friendliness
43. Showing appreciation toward others
44. Being charitable – willing to share
45. Family
46. Friends – having friends, being a friend
47. Willingness to compromise / work with others
48. Being sensitive to others feelings and sensibilities

Life
49. Commitment to change or to a correct course
50. Dedication, devotion, passion
51. Being organized
52. Financial responsibility
53. Efficiency – getting the most out of life
54. Tenacity – Sticking to it.
55. Willingness to take risks
56. Willingness to try new things
57. Being adventurous
58. Independence
59. Freedom
60. Power
61. Humor and wit
62. Easy to find humor, quick to laugh
63. Spontaneity
64. Spunk, enthusiasm, spark for life
65. Competitiveness
66. Professional accomplishment, performance and growth

Body
67. Sexuality – masculinity, femininity
68. Athleticism – Speed, strength, agility
69. Physical skills and talents
70. Living a healthy lifestyle
71. Physical attractiveness
72. Being found attractive
73. Sexual intimacy

Activities that I derive stimulation from
74. Exploring the world
75. Reading good books
76. Enjoying good food
77. Getting things done that need to be done
78. Learning new things
79. Sharing things that I have leaned
80. Playing sports
81. Keeping myself in shape
82. Spending time with friends
83. Spending time with family
84. Adrenaline sports – 4-wheeling, snowmobiling, waverunning, etc.
85. Playing board games.
86. Service projects
87. Church service
88. Making music – singing and playing instruments
89. Improving my talents
90. Gift giving and receiving
91. Creating, planning and implementing fun games and activities
92. Listening to good music
93. Prayer
94. Meditation
95. Making money
96. Spending money
97. Putting in a good days work
98. Pushing through a difficult task
99. Home improvement projects
100. Engineering projects
101. Craft projects
102. Making Halloween costumes
103. Planning and organizing my life, schedule, etc
104. Writing
105. Helping someone out
106. Problem solving
107. Laughing with others!

Values that go into compulsive behaviors !D
1. Freedom – I want to do what I want when I want it
2. Sexuality, and intimacy – Pornography, lust, fantasy(creativity),
3. Desire to be found attractive – in fantasy I am desired by all women
4. Finishing / Completing things – When applied to TV, movies, books, & video games
5. Desire to be comfortable – take the path of least resistance.
6. Curiosity, desire to learn, explore – includes sexual material
7. Desire to learn – Leads to hours of aimless web browsing

Other Dark Side Values
1. Competition – leads to anger :no:


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 13, 2015 7:38 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
Prioritize your list in 15 minutes

Spirit
Emotions
Mind
Other People
Life
Body

1. Living a healthy lifestyle
2. Finding meaning and purpose in life
3. Self Esteem
4. Love
5. Dedication, Devotion, Passion
6. Family
7. Friends – having friends, being a friend
8. Financial responsibility
9. Freedom

10. Humility
11. Responsibility
12. Seeking spiritual knowledge, wisdom and understanding

13. Emotional maturity
14. Wisdom
15. Differentiation of right and wrong
16. Commitment to change or to a correct course
17. Independence
18. Professional accomplishment, performance and growth

19. Treating others with respect / being considerate
20. Being unflappable in the face of opposition – dauntlessness
21. Tenacity – Sticking to it.
22. Reliability
23. Patience
24. Being trustworthy and receiving trust from others
25. Being genuine
26. Being candid
27. Being admired, looked up to, well regarded
28. Being educated or seeking to become educated
29. Honesty
30. Faith
31. Living with integrity

32. Concern for others, (Empathy, sympathy, compassion)
33. Selfless action (the result of concern for others)
34. Sexuality – masculinity, femininity
35. Being positive / optimistic
36. Thankfulness
37. Kindness
38. Prayer – Communicating with God
39. Being of good cheer - Easy to find humor, quick to laugh
40. Overcoming and dealing with loss
41. Overcoming hardship and trials

42. Forgiveness
43. Power
44. Being found attractive
45. Spunk, enthusiasm, spark for life
46. Cheerfulness
47. Friendliness
48. Managing expectations – being realistic
49. Modesty of desire
50. Ambition
51. Efficiency – getting the most out of life
52. Being organized

53. Being logical
54. Sexual fidelity & modesty
55. Being charitable – willing to share
56. Receiving validation from others
57. Humor and wit
58. Showing appreciation toward others
59. Competitiveness
60. Ingenuity
61. Cleverness
62. Creativity

63. Sexual intimacy
64. Physical attractiveness
65. Physical skills and talents

66. Willingness to take risks
67. Willingness to try new things
68. Being adventurous

69. Meditation
70. Spontaneity
71. Being sensitive to others feelings and sensibilities
72. Athleticism – Speed, strength, agility

Activities that I derive stimulation from

1. Spending time with family
2. Spending time with friends
3. Laughing with others!
4. Playing sports
5. Helping someone out
6. Keeping myself in shape
7. Improving my talents
8. Learning new things
9. Creating, planning and implementing fun games and activities
10. Prayer & Meditation
11. Exploring the world
12. Gift giving and receiving
13. Adrenaline sports – 4-wheeling, snowmobiling, waverunning, etc.
14. Problem solving
15. Reading good books
16. Sharing things that I have leaned
17. Getting things done that need to be done
18. Pushing through a difficult task
19. Planning and organizing my life, schedule, etc
20. Putting in a good days work
21. Spending money
22. Playing board games
23. Making music – singing and playing instruments
24. Service projects
25. Listening to good music
26. Enjoying good food
27. Church service
28. Craft projects
29. Making Halloween costumes
30. Home improvement projects
31. Engineering projects
32. Writing
33. Working on professional development
34. Making money


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 Post subject: A new beginning
PostPosted: Fri Jul 21, 2017 4:16 am 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
2017-07-21 RN Lesson 1

(1) Actively committing yourself to change

From the intro lessons I understand that I not only need to commit myself to ending addictive behaviors, but I need to do much more to change and manage my life. I need to begin an active recovery and not just go through the motions of doing a lesson a night.

I need to change attitudes and beliefs that have kept me in a state of despair for so long. I need to break out of the never ending cycle of recovery and relapse. I need to expect that emotional intensity will fade and I need to replace it with real life skills.

(2) Not allowing guilt and shame to sabotage your commitment to change

I am over shame. I am over self loathing. I’m just tired of it. I know that I don’t have to change. I know that I can live some kind of existence with my addiction in tact, but I don’t want to.

My greatest shame is losing Tricia. When people ask why I’m not married I know exactly why I’m not married. It is because of my addiction. This is painful and embarrassing. I am embarrassed to be as old as I am without a family. But it could be worse. I haven’t been divorced. I don’t have children. The only thing stopping me from moving forward is me.

I know I need to commit myself to change and that change is not just my behaviors, it is my attitudes. Specifically I need to quite the voice in me that says “You’re a piece of shit.” I have value. I have worth. Calling myself names won’t help anything. I need to change the inner dialogue that holds onto every mistake I’ve ever made and crushes me for it. I need to take each day as it comes and manage it with what I’ve got. I don’t have to fix every mistake I’ve ever made or face all my bad decisions.

(3) Allowing yourself time to change

I can expect to not act on my addiction again, but I know it will take time to develop life management skills to really transition into true recovery and then from recovery into healthy living. It won’t be quick or easy, but I really want to put the tools in place and have a process that keeps me from entering complacency. I want to fully commit myself to never relapsing, but also have a plan in place in case it does happen.

Right now I am committing myself to keep working, even when discouragement sets in. To keep working no matter how many times I fall. To keep fighting when it feels like I am losing my mind, and I want to resort to my addiction for relief. I don’t know how long it will take, but I will keep working as long as it takes.

B. 10-15 reason why you seek to permanently change your life.

1. I want to get married in the temple. I want to be a worthy member of the church.
2. I want to feel worthy of getting into a serious relationship. I can’t feel this way as long as this addiction is part of my life. I’m so tired of being alone. I hate the feeling of sleeping alone each night. I hate waking up alone. I want to have someone in my life.
3. I want to have the self respect that comes from a value focused life.
4. I want to eliminate the moral conflict of doing something that I believe is fundamentally wrong.
5. I want to have more energy and a natural sex drive.
6. This addiction is a shameful secret. I hate not being able to open up to people completely. I hate the fear that no one who knows me completely could love or respect me. I want to live an open and free life. I want to be open with those that I love.
7. I don’t like that my addiction supports and industry that ruins lives, and supports sex trafficking. I want to eliminate the guilt of supporting something so perverse.
8. I seek to permanently change my life because family and kids are missing. I want to have sons and daughters that can look up their father.
9. I want to leave my mark on this world, and I will never be able to do that while my mind is consumed with getting its next ‘fix’. I want to focus on my goals and dreams.
10. My life has been stagnant for the past 10 years. I want to move forward with purpose and clarity. I want a purpose driven life. I don’t want to just wander around following bodily appetites. I want to see a clear path forward and know that I have the what it takes to walk that path.
11. I want to permanently change because if I don’t I’m going to fall into despair and kill myself. I’ve been close to the edge and I don’t want to live there.
12. I want to feel good about myself; to be able to look people in the eye with confidence, knowing I have nothing to hide, knowing that my past while tragic has been overcome.
13. I want to be at peace with God and my own sense of morality.
14.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 26, 2017 3:04 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3355
Location: UK
Hello again SB
and welcome back
I do hope for the long haul :pe:

Quote:
From the intro lessons I understand that I not only need to commit myself to ending addictive behaviors, but I need to do much more to change and manage my life. I need to begin an active recovery and not just go through the motions of doing a lesson a night.

I need to change attitudes and beliefs that have kept me in a state of despair for so long. I need to break out of the never ending cycle of recovery and relapse. I need to expect that emotional intensity will fade and I need to replace it with real life skills.



absolutely
so lets get on with doing just this

recovery simply cannot be compared with the alternative but you know that already
hence I say again
choose wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Vision Update
PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2017 10:37 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
Life Vision Update 2017-07-31

Who am I and what legacy do I want to leave?

I am Paul Andrus. I am smart, capable, but often my strengths are cancelled out when I am inconsistent, lazy, unfocused, unmotivated and easily discouraged. I want to utilize my strengths and continue to work to minimize my weaknesses.

I am dedicated to self improvement for I want to get married and have a family. I am not married now because of a number of deficiencies. I want to overcome those deficiencies including, weight, appearance, ambition and confidence.

My plan to take care of my weight is to get gastric sleeve surgery. This is a permanent change that I am making in order to progress toward physical health. I am also getting invisalign and teeth whitening to improve my smile, and I plan to look into hair treatments. I am making more efforts to dress better, and once I have lost the weight I am going to completely replace my wardrobe.

To increase confidence I am listening to Art of Charm podcasts and learning new social skills.
I put social events into my calendar regularly and will continue to do so. I have good friends, but not romantic prospects. As I improve in these areas I hope to turn platonic friendships into possible romantic relationships.

Of course my confidence will never be complete until I put PMO behind me. My goal is to be PMO free today and everyday for the rest of my life, and to complete this workshop by my birthday on October 2nd. I hope to put in place processes and strategies that will give me confidence in ability to manage all aspects of my life, not just my addiction.

After I have solved the problems that are keeping me from being in a committed relationship, I will have a whole new set of problems related to managing that relationship and making it strong. I will add new goals to my vision when I get to that point.

In the book the Happiness Hypothesis it summarizes that happiness in life comes down to relationships and work. I have addressed relationships, but I still lack a vision for my work. I am currently reading the book The Pathfinder by Nicholas Lore. It is taking my through the process of selecting a career. I want to have a clear vision for my career so that my talents and energy can have some focus. My goal is to complete this career planning process by Oct 2nd. Once I have done so my vision will be more complete than it is now. Without a career plan in place, there is a gaping hole in my life vision. My career plan will include where I want to live as well. I will work for the next 2 months to make this vision complete.

Another big hole in my vision is my commitment to my church. As the lesson material says “There is no more room for ‘I don’t know.’” I haven’t been fully committed to my church, but I haven’t left it either. If I’m going to stay I need to be committed. I can’t tolerate being in half way with one foot out the door. I am working resolving my concerns by studying problematic issues and examining my faith. I am praying daily, and looking to write down answers. For now my spiritual goal is to seek spiritual confirmation of a number of specific doctrines, get more involved in the church and record the results. If I don’t see any good come from increased commitment to the church, I will cut off that commitment and move on to something else.

So as you can see there is a lot of uncertainty in my life. For now my mission is to do everything I can to obtain certainty. I will update things as I make progress, but for now I want to get this down on paper and move on to Lesson 3.

I still enjoy projects, travel, music and all the fun things I love. But those things tend to take care of themselves. Right now, I my vision is to cut through the distractions and excuses - Improve myself, find love, find faith, and decide on a career path.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 9:36 pm 
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Posts: 17
RN Lesson 3.1 Exercise – Values
8-7-2017

Edited slightly from last time. Mostly because I felt like I had separated many things that were essentially the same thing. I combined things that are related so that they will be easier to prioritize.

1. Developing Christ like virtues: Faith, hope, charity, patience, integrity, mercy, forgiveness, gratitude, honesty, meekness
2. Self discipline of action and thought. Taking responsibility.
3. Sexual fidelity & modesty
4. Seeking spiritual knowledge, wisdom and understanding
5. Prayer – Communicating with God
6. Finding meaning and purpose in life
7. Emotional maturity: being unflappable in the face of opposition, loss and hardship.
8. Emotional discipline. I choose my feelings, they don’t control me.
9. Being positive / optimistic. Having hope for the future.
10. Self Esteem
11. Managing expectations – being realistic
12. Lifting up others
13. Ambition – I want to achieve something great!
14. Ingenuity, Cleverness, Creativity, artistry
15. Wisdom
16. Being logical. Being able to back up my ideas, opinions and beliefs
17. Being educated or seeking to become educated
18. Developing relationships of love and respect
19. Being trustworthy and receiving trust from others
20. Treating others with respect / being considerate
21. Receiving validation from others: being admired, looked up to, well regarded
22. Concern for others, (Empathy, sympathy, compassion)
23. Selfless action, service.
24. Being genuine, candid, open and a honest
25. Reliability
26. Cheerfulness
27. Friendliness
28. Showing appreciation toward others
29. Being charitable – willing to share
30. Developing and repairing family relationships
31. Friends – having friends, being a friend
32. Willingness to compromise / work with others
33. Being sensitive to others feelings and sensibilities
34. Commitment to change or to a correct course
35. Dedication, devotion, passion
36. Being organized, Planning and organizing my life, schedule, home, etc.
37. Financial responsibility
38. Efficiency – getting the most out of life
39. Tenacity – Sticking to it.
40. Being adventurous, exploring the world and trying new things.
41. Independence and Freedom
42. Power
43. Wittiness and cleverness
44. Sense of humor, Laughing with others!
45. Spontaneity
46. Spunk, enthusiasm, spark for life, a little bit of craziness
47. Professional accomplishment, performance and growth
48. Sexuality – developing my masculinity and increasing my level of attractiveness
49. Athleticism – Get in good enough shape to do anything I want
50. Physical skills and talents – Develop the skills that go along with athletic activities
51. Sexual intimacy
52. Reading good books
53. Enjoying good food
54. Getting things done that need to be done (taking responsibility, finishing things)
55. Learning new things
56. Teaching - Sharing things that I have leaned
57. Playing sports for fun and for competition
58. Spending time with friends
59. Spending time with family
60. Adrenaline sports – 4-wheeling, snowmobiling, waverunning, etc.
61. Playing board games.
62. Music, enjoying and creating.
63. Improving my talents
64. Gift giving and receiving
65. Fun: Creating, planning and implementing fun games and activities
66. Creative activities, costumes, home improvement, parties etc.
67. Putting in a good days work, getting in the zone
68. Perseverance Pushing through a difficult task
69. Home improvement projects
70. Engineering projects
71. Craft projects
72. Writing
73. Helping someone out
74. Problem solving

Values that go into compulsive behaviors
1. Freedom – I want to do what I want when I want it
2. Sexuality, and intimacy – Pornography, lust, fantasy(creativity),
3. Desire to be found attractive – in fantasy I am desired by all women
4. Finishing / Completing things – When applied to TV, movies, books, & video games
5. Desire to be comfortable – take the path of least resistance.
6. Curiosity, desire to learn, explore – includes sexual material
7. Desire to learn – Leads to hours of aimless web browsing
8. Relaxation. I just want to take it easy, eat 4000 calories and PMO. Let my guard down and give into my appetites.
9. Desire to feel good. The shot of dopamine.
10. Competitiveness. Rooted in pride and insecurity. It causes me to be angry and alienates me from those around me.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 9:55 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
RN Lesson 4 Exercise – Value Prioritization
2017-08-07

My organization is different than suggested, but I find this more useful for my purposes. I can’t say if a value that relates to personal relationships is more important than one that relates to personal development, or professional development. The fact is the most important areas of my life are:

Relationships
Work (both personal and professional)
Personal development

Within personal development is learning to manage my life so that I my relationships and work can be satisfying. In that regard it is the most important area, because it makes the other areas possible, but in another way it is the least important, because it is a means to an end whereas the other areas are the ends that want to achieve.

Top Priorities

Managing my life (necessary to be able to live by my values)
1. Finding meaning and purpose in life
2. Ambition – I want to achieve something great!
3. Emotional maturity: being unflappable in the face of opposition, loss and hardship.
4. Emotional discipline. I choose my feelings, they don’t control me.
5. Being positive / optimistic. Having hope for the future.
6. Self Esteem
7. Commitment to change or to a correct course
8. Dedication, devotion, passion
9. Being organized, Planning and organizing my life, schedule, home, etc.
10. Financial responsibility
11. Efficiency – getting the most out of life
12. Tenacity – Sticking to it.
13. Managing expectations – being realistic
14. Getting things done that need to be done (taking responsibility, finishing things)

Relationships
15. Sexuality – developing my masculinity and increasing my level of attractiveness
16. Lifting up others
17. Developing relationships of love and respect
18. Being trustworthy and receiving trust from others
19. Treating others with respect / being considerate
20. Receiving validation from others: being admired, looked up to, well regarded
21. Concern for others, (Empathy, sympathy, compassion)
22. Selfless action, service.
23. Being genuine, candid, open and a honest
24. Cheerfulness
25. Friendliness
26. Showing appreciation toward others
27. Sexual intimacy
28. Developing and repairing family relationships
29. Friends – having friends, being a friend
30. Willingness to compromise / work with others
31. Being sensitive to others feelings and sensibilities
32. Wittiness and cleverness
33. Sense of humor, Laughing with others!
34. Spending time with friends
35. Spending time with family
36. Gift giving and receiving
37. Helping someone out

Work (personal and professional)
38. Professional accomplishment, performance and growth
39. Ingenuity, Cleverness, Creativity, artistry
40. Being educated or seeking to become educated
41. Reliability
42. Fun: Creating, planning and implementing fun games and activities
43. Creative activities, costumes, home improvement, parties etc.
44. Putting in a good days work, getting in the zone
45. Perseverance Pushing through a difficult task
46. Home improvement projects
47. Engineering projects
48. Craft projects
49. Writing
50. Adrenaline sports – 4-wheeling, snowmobiling, waverunning, etc.
51. Playing board games.
52. Music, enjoying and creating.
53. Improving my talents
54. Teaching - Sharing things that I have leaned
55. Playing sports for fun and for competition
56. Problem solving
57. Reading good books
58. Enjoying good food
59. Learning new things

Mental and Spiritual Development
60. Developing Christ like virtues: Faith, hope, charity, patience, integrity, mercy, forgiveness, gratitude, honesty, meekness
61. Self discipline of action and thought. Taking responsibility.
62. Sexual fidelity & modesty
63. Seeking spiritual knowledge, wisdom and understanding
64. Prayer – Communicating with God
65. Wisdom
66. Being logical. Being able to back up my ideas, opinions and beliefs
67. Being charitable – willing to share
68. Being adventurous, exploring the world and trying new things.
69. Independence and Freedom
70. Spontaneity
71. Spunk, enthusiasm, spark for life, a little bit of craziness
72. Athleticism – Get in good enough shape to do anything I want
73. Physical skills and talents – Develop the skills that go along with athletic activities


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:07 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
RN Lesson 5 Exercise – Identifying Incongruent Values 2017-8-7

Not sure if I'm doing this right, but these are the top 15 values that reflect who I want to be.

Top 15 Values (or goals really)

1. Discipline – necessary to accomplish all my goals.
2. Making myself as attractive as I can in order to date and eventually get married.
3. Developing a long term career plan so that I can derive satisfaction from my career.
4. Develop relationships with and spend time with my family and friends
5. Emotional maturity: being unflappable in the face of opposition, loss and hardship.
6. Seeking after spiritual truth
7. Furthering my education, formally and informally. Books, podcasts, etc.
8. Financial planning and discipline. Learning to make my money work for me.
9. Developing Christ like virtues: Faith, hope, charity, patience, integrity, mercy, forgiveness, gratitude, honesty, meekness
10. Learn to play the piano. Goal is to play Rachmaninoff Prelude in C# minor.
11. Being adventurous, exploring the world and trying new things.
12. Creating: Projects, crafts, and creative pursuits
13. Sports, hiking and athletics, the outdoors
14. Fun: Creating, planning and implementing fun games and activities
15. Service: Help anyone who asks for it. Looking out for those who need it. Community service about 1x per month.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:38 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:28 am
Posts: 17
RN Lesson 6 Exercise – Proactive Action Plan 2017-8-7

I know the instructions said to only write 2 simple plans, but I already had these plans in place.

Making myself as attractive as I can in order to date and eventually get married.
• Get gastric sleeve surgery and follow the doctors recommended diet
• As I recovery from my foot injury, work exercise back into my daily life
o At home gym in the morning
o Lunch walks at work
o Hiking once a week.
• Invisalign to fix my teeth
• Get hair treatment
• Go on more dates to get back into the experience of dating.
• Keep listening to Art of Charm podcasts to help with my social skills

Seeking spiritual Truth
• Seek personal revelation about the church through study 3-4x/ week and daily prayer.
• Get a temple recommend by:
o Attending church once a week
o Fulfilling a calling
o Abstaining from PMO.

Discipline
• Start waking up daily at 6am, and going to sleep by 10pm.
• Put in 40 hours a week at work.
• Plan my daily schedule out in advance and stick to it.
• Make time for RN lessons 3-4x per week
• As I make strides in time management, start practicing piano 3-4x per week.
• Track progress in my goals using Habit Bull App

Family relationships
• Call my parents weekly
• Call the rest of my siblings and nieces and nephews on their birthday’s and half birthdays.


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