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 Post subject: My recovery thread
PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2015 8:27 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2015 2:05 pm
Posts: 36
1) Actively committing to change yourself

While following the advice on the recovery workshop, I realize that I hadn't been taking my recovery seriously. I always say that there is a book for anything that someone would want to get better at. I got books on relationships, business, communication and various others yet it never occurred to me to buy a book on overcoming porn addiction.

I also always tried to put life goals before my addiction, but I realize that it is erroneous. I currently lack the skill set to live without porn, and I wasn't even aware that I was suppose to develop one. The skill set needed to live a healthy life without porn is as paramount as not engaging the act itself. I realize that not engaging the act is enough in the beginning, but if one wants longevity, if one wants permanent change, one has to alter all behaviors and habits of thought that reinforce the unwanted behavior. One needs to develop the new habits that enforce a healthy way of life.

2) Not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change

When I put this into perspective, It is a fact that I used pornography to cope with discomfort (loneliness, shame, guilt, rejection...). Thanks to this book on relationships I've been reading, I've become better at dealing with them. I've come to realize that discomfort from rejection is part of the process of human interactions. Thanks to that I have started to put my values forward instead of constantly seeking others approval. I've come to accept and weather my shame and guilt with more maturity than I used to in the past. And it is becoming a lot easier, but I try to not let it get to my head and keep working on myself. I also realized that I got into porn because I had trouble with dealing with some of aspects my reality in my teen years.

3) Allowing yourself time to change

Time is the ultimate amplifier. I never understood it until I read a post of person that used this site. In that post, he referred to this site and to a book "The slight Edge by Jeff Olson". Prior to reading that book and being presented to some of the ideas on this workshop, I used to try to cheat time. Whenever I'd relapse, I used to masturbate without porn for a while because I had reason to believe that it made recovery faster. But even if that was true, I always failed unbeknownst to me at the time because I wasn't willing to give myself the time it would take to fully recover from this addiction. It is going to take time. It is something I once struggled to accept, but now I have come to understand the importance of giving myself time to change.


B.

I want the courage and self-esteem that comes from being able to deal with reality
I want a healthier body and more energy
I want to connect with women without objectifying them
I want self-discipline and the ability to delay gratification
I want to live a life dictated by values and goals instead of urges and compulsions
I want confidence in my ability to perform and a healthy penis functioning at full capacity
I want control of my life. It is the biggest win I can have over myself
I want to be able to enjoy sex fully
I want to spend my time on things that matter and that will actually make a difference in my life, like my goals
I want to channel my sexual energy proactively
I want to have inner peace
I want to overcome my shame and live honestly


C.

With this exercise, I realized that I was once a child that came to make the wrong choices. The only reason I am not overcome with sadness is because I have hope. It’s painful to realize that I had chosen pornography as a medium to deal with my sexuality. I have also been reading this book on the side while doing this workshop. It’s titled "Breaking the cycle: Free yourself from sex addiction… by George Collins and Andrew Adleman”. If you are dealing with porn too than you should definitely read it.

Thanks to this exercise and this book, I realized that there were 2 reasons behind my sexual compulsions. The first one was that I was religious until my mid teens. I felt shame for desiring women so it became easier to deal with my sexuality behind computer screens. The second one came into play after I started rejecting religion. I had had a traumatic experience with women, and through my pain I somehow came to believe that women controlled men because we want to have sex with them. Masturbating to pornography once again was easier to do than being open with my own sexuality. I no longer believe this thought to be true, but those experiences have led me to develop this porn dependency. In other words, I have been living in reaction to those two incidents and, if I want to live a healthy life, I have to learn how to live without pornography.


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