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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2016 1:51 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2016 9:42 pm
Posts: 6
not sure if im doing this right. i am new. i am mayacama.

1. i am not sure. I want so badly to be committed to seeing myself change. I am wary of the tricks i play, i play on myself. i have deceived and betrayed myself in the past. i have rarely finished anything I’ve started. the one thing i am proud of is at age 15, i did something that i saved money for and planned and got to do on my own. the joy, the independence, the wonder and adventure, i have never forgotten. and just now realize that i want this feeling back. so as i write, i realize that i can make this commitment to myself. that the year of planning and preparation for that wonderful trip is proof i can do it. so i commit myself to the journey of change. i will refer to this recovery process as that journey.

2. that is tough. because the guilt and shame have led me to try and control things i can’t. there are years of guilt and shame that have completely incapacitated me. i am going to really have to hunker down and move through them. they steal my sleep. they steal my joy. they kill my imagination.

3. instant gratification. can’t i amazon prime my recovery. one click deliver today. i am going to be patient. and slowly go at this as long as it takes.


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