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PostPosted: Sat Jan 06, 2018 11:50 am 
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Lesson 1 Exercises

A) The three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change in early recovery


1) Actively committing myself to change: I feel that I am quite far along this road. This is not my first attempt at recovery. Nor is it my first attempt at initiating personal change in my life. But somehow, I remain on a boom and boost trajectory, a pattern that seems to span much of my adult life. This year I will be 50. I’m currently single and have been for several years now. But I’ll leave the story of my life to one side for now, and concentrate instead on my more recent recovery work in relation to porn and masturbation addiction. I first reached out for help when erectile dysfunction set in permanently. Even as the symptoms progressively worsened I couldn’t help myself from using p and m compulsively to medicate my pain and loneliness away. It was only when the thing practically stopped working altogether that I realised I had to do something about it. I researched online and eventually came to the realisation that years of habitual p and m was the cause of my ED. I eventually joined the NoFap forum back in July 2016 and found thousands of other people going through the same issues I was grappling with. With the support and inspiration of this community I went through several periods of total abstinence from porn masturbation and orgasm. Several month-long periods and one 3-month period, interspersed with periods of relapse. While the original impetus for embarking on recovery was to fix the consequences of my addiction i.e. ED, after lots of self-reflection through daily meditation, and more healthy, positive pursuits (e.g. exercise, yoga, Buddhism), and even attending local Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) meetings, I began to realise the depth of my addiction and role it had played in my life since my 20’s. I realised the scale of the task I was embarking on. It seemed that my whole life depended on it. And it still feels that way today. I have had some success and uncovered some insights about myself, my character, my limitations, my deficiencies, but I feel I still need to take a big step up in my commitment to ‘the programme’. To really see it through, so to speak. That’s why the ‘workshop’ approach of recovery nation seems so appealing to me. Now is the time for me to do the work, step by step, and reconstruct a better, healthier, more whole version of me. A true and permanent transition to health is what I seek.

2) Not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage my commitment to change: While I do feel shame, sometimes I think I don’t feel it enough. Otherwise, why would I relapse? The escalation of my porn addiction increased in frequency and intensity. The subject matter becoming darker and darker, very extreme and disturbing, to the point of questioning my own sanity. The psychological consequences of my behaviours became more apparent. On some occasions, I would have serious panic attacks, or there was just an underlying sense of impending doom or a continual background of low level anxiety. So not only was tackling my ED a motivation, but addressing the behaviours and tendencies that had mushroomed, resulting in these psychological consequences, became a crucial motivator too. I mean, who wants to live like that? My current issue with porn addiction really only involved myself, therefore my own shame which while it runs deep, at least it didn't affect anyone else. I think I'm yet to truly confront my shame though. But I don’t think it will prevent me from committing to this path towards recovery and health. I do have other periods in my life where my sex addiction did result in guilt in relation to my partners i.e. I was addicted to using escorts for many years whilst in a failing relationship. I've also been involved in one particularly damaging co-dependent love / sex relationship that literally destroyed me, so I have a lot of unresolved issues from that episode in my life, as well as a lot of associated shame with the fallout from that relationship and how it brought my life to a standstill. So yes, I have a lot of shame and guilt going back decades, but I'm ready to embrace it and accept it all, as long as I know a better life exists on the other side.

3) Allowing myself time to change: On the one hand, I know that real permanent change takes time, but on the other hand, I want the benefits of that change now. As mentioned above, I first reached out and started work on my porn addiction in July 2016 (18 months ago) and while I made progress it still feels like I have a long way to go. And at the same time, because I'm single and have been trapped in this mode of existence for several years, I feel the need to be with someone. I'm lonely for god’s sake. How much longer do I have to wait to cure myself? I want to be healed and addiction-free now so that I can attract a new lover and life partner. But I don’t think I'm emotionally stable enough yet for a full-on grown-up relationship. I'm still even questioning the type of relationship I want in the future. My sensible side says the only happy relationship is one based on love, understanding and intimacy with sex being the by-product of that. My addict side says all you need is good sex with the right kind of like-minded people, just go out and find them. Unhealthy addicted people attract one another, don’t they? Feed off one another. I've also been hurt badly in the past when it comes to relationships. I've been on the receiving end of a series of serious betrayals. And rebuilding myself after that takes some real deep, soul-searching, understanding and compassion. I accept that will take time to achieve, but at the same time I can’t put life on hold until I reach some magical nirvana and I'm fully cured. How to approach relationships during my recovery and transition to health is a big question for me. I know that patience is a must, but at the same time I feel the urge for intimate connection. I must tread carefully.

A) My motivations to seek permanent change in my life:

    I want to find someone to love again, someone who loves me back equally.
    I want an intimate, loving, sexual relationship with a new long-term partner.
    I want to live harmoniously where there is no conflict between my inner values and my outward actions.
    I want to align my higher values with my day-to-day actions.
    I want to live authentically, transparently, without hiding any aspects of my personality from anyone.
    I want to embody all the positive aspects of masculinity I admire.
    I want to feel sexual pleasure without guilt and shame.
    I want to make progress, to set and achieve goals in my life.
    I want to fix my erectile dysfunction permanently.
    I want to be content and happy in life.
    I want to share the benefits of a happy, healthy life with others.
    I want to love myself for who I am.
    I want to give more to this world then what I am currently giving.
    I want to learn the skills to create emotional stability in my life.

C) Looking into the eyes of my own innocence: Last year I meditated for several months with pictures of my childhood self in front on me while trying to develop a sense of compassion and loving kindness towards the younger innocent me. I have only a few pictures; me as a baby in my Grandfather’s arms, me and my best friend sitting in the cockpit of a fighter plane, me as a young mountain hiker sitting atop a triangulation pillar on some peak or other, me as a teenager sitting in my garden at home with my sister and my dog, and a strip of passport photos as a young boy. Apart from the baby picture I’d say that I’m around 9 to 11 years of age in the others. Today I’ve asked my mum if she can dig out pictures of me around 5 upwards.

First thing I noticed is how hard it is to connect emotionally with myself at present. I’m two weeks into a renewed period of celibacy and sexual sobriety and emotionally I feel a little empty at present. But I persevered and spent longer in meditation to try and connect with my inner child. It seemed impossible for me to connect with me as a baby. Physically, I’m unrecognisable. The baby could be anyone. I connect more with my Grandfather who’s holding me in his arms than I do with myself as a baby.

I have better luck with the other pictures of me as a pre-teenage boy. I see my passions and interests in life started young; my love for the great outdoors and nature, and for animals. I don’t smile much. I see even then a kind of very subtle sadness, a slightly subdued look. I had a very happy and full childhood with wonderful parents, yet I was always slightly reserved, holding something back. I’m still mostly like that today. There’s only one picture where I’m smiling, more with the eyes than with the mouth. I look fresh, pure, cheeky and somehow more whole. Fully present. Overall, I feel a little sadness with looking back at me as a child, as if early on in life I learnt to remain slightly distant, slightly aloof, partly closed. More introvert than extrovert. Not that I ever had any real social anxiety issues or inability to make friends, just that I always kept a small part of me hidden. Maybe I’m reading too much into the pictures, I’ve always clammed up in front of the camera, and still do today. I have a tendency to be self-conscious, something that has decreased with age but is still there when I’m in large groups situations. Going off track here I think. It also started me thinking about my earliest sexual memories, I started experimenting with girls my own age from around the age of 5 upwards. I didn’t have sex until I was 17, but I did have sexualised encounters from an early age, usually at the request of the girl. Maybe I’ve spent most of my life since then being open to the more sexually adventurous types, always subconsciously looking to being led astray. Also, maybe my life-long interest in foreign exotic girls started way back when I was 7 and lived abroad for a number of months. Almost all my girlfriends throughout my life have been ‘foreign’ in one sense or another. Anyway, I’m missing the point. I think this exercise is about connecting with the innocence of your inner child, and learning how forgive, love and listen to their guidance. So, with that in mind I’ll be repeating this exercise daily from now on to see what other insights emerge and also to incorporate the other younger photos that my mum digs out and sends me.


Last edited by Overfloweth on Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 07, 2018 11:05 am 
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Lesson 2 Exercise

My Values


I very much connected with the material that discussed the concept of passion versus depth. I’d never come across it articulated in such a way, but it made perfect sense to me. It really struck home. The difference between constantly pursuing passions and projects, flitting from one to the next (as a self-professed ‘collector of experiences’ this is something I've done my entire life) versus developing a long-term, sustainable and evolving interest in one’s own character. People won’t remember you for the things you did, they will remember you for the person you were. Put another way, it’s not what you do, but how you do it, that counts. Perhaps collecting experiences is a younger man’s game, but as I approach 50, the focus must shift. The transition into middle age hasn't been easy for me. Relationships went badly askew and knocked me completely off track. But I'm here now, reassessing. The author points out that some might consider putting less emphasis on passions (i.e. experiences and projects) is limiting, but at some point in life you have to stand still for the roots to take hold and the tree to fully develop and bloom. I think I've embraced this fact over the last few years geographically speaking (I haven’t moved town or country for several years now), but only now have I made the intellectual leap to see that this concept applies to my entire psyche, and particularly how I judge my own success. By remaining stationary, yet true to our core identify we are not limiting ourselves, but instead allowing ourselves the space to grow. The flames of passion will eventually fade and burn themselves out, but developing inner depth is an infinitely evolving process and a wellspring that will always be there. Passions are like love affairs with outer things, depth is like a marriage to inner character. Very different endeavours, not mutually exclusive, but depth of character must take precedence over fleeting passions.

Anyway, the values that I admire in others are the values that I aspire to embody myself. It’s hard to write them down without unwittingly producing a pretentious list of idealised virtues. However, I did think long and hard about the qualities I’d most wish for others to see in me, if even just a little :)

I've also attempted to group my core values into categories of similar traits. Some of them overlap, and some are just difficult ways of expressing the same characteristic. So here goes...

GENEROSITY
Kind, caring, considerate, compassionate, empathetic, loving, open, approachable, nurturing, encouraging, supportive.

INTEGRITY
Truthful, genuine, authentic, transparent, dependable.

COURAGOUS
Drive, fearlessness, protective, striving, steadfast, committed, strong, unwavering, loyal, devoted, fortitude, resilient.

JOYFUL EXPRESSION
Light-hearted, playful, quick to smile, creative, engaging, curious.

WISDOM
Humble, non-judgemental, flexible, adaptable, skilful, centred, grounded.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 08, 2018 5:39 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
hello OF


and welcome to RN
Quote:
Actively committing myself to change: I feel that I am quite far along this road. This is not my first attempt at recovery. Nor is it my first attempt at initiating personal change in my life. But somehow, I remain on a boom and boost trajectory, a pattern that seems to span much of my adult life.


I believe that you appear to have made a good solid start lets hope that you keep this up and continue in that same vein

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination


remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:47 am 
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Lesson 3 exercise: The primary values I derive stimulation from

GENEROSITY
1. Kind
2. Caring
3. Considerate
4. Compassionate
5. Empathetic
6. Loving
7. Open-minded
8. Non-judgemental
9. Approachable
10. Nurturing, encouraging & supportive
11. Looking after my health
12. Looking after my well-being
13. Maintaining my fitness

INTEGRITY
14. Truthful
15. Genuine
16. Authentic
17. Transparent
18. Dependable & reliable
19. Having goals and a life-plan
20. Clarity of intention
21. Achieving financial security

COURAGOUS
22. Drive & determination
23. Momentum
24. Striving
25. Fearlessness
26. Protective
27. Steadfast
28. Unwavering
29. Fortitude
30. Resilient
31. Committed
32. Strong
33. Loyal
34. Devoted
35. Advocate for equality

JOYFUL EXPRESSION
36. Friendly
37. Light-hearted
38. Playful
39. Quick-to-smile
40. Creative
41. Engaging & stimulating
42. Curious
43. Inspired
44. Sexually expressive
45. Sexually desirable
46. Passionate
47. Showing gratitude
48. Spontaneity

WISDOM
49. Humble
50. Non-judgemental
51. Flexible & Adaptable
52. Skilful
53. Grounded & Centred
54. Contented & Simplicity
55. Self-aware
56. Spiritually engaged
57. Considered & thoughtful
58. Knowledgeable
59. Intellectual pursuits
60. Continuous learning

CONNECTED
61. In touch with my emotions & feelings
62. Finding a sexual & romantic life partner
63. Developing Intimacy; physical, mental spiritual
64. Maintaining a quality, small social circle
65. Enjoying nature
66. Environmentally responsible
67. Connected with family

COMPULSIVE
68. Hedonistic
69. Pleasure-seeking
70. Carefree & Heedless
71. Perverted
72. Complex
73. Over-thinking
74. Self-centred
75. Introspective
76. Scared & Fearful
77. Obsessive
78. In denial
79. Infatuated
80. Intense
81. Extreme
82. Intoxicated
83. Rebellious


Last edited by Overfloweth on Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:56 am 
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Kenzo wrote:
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best
Thanks for the welcome Kenzo and the kind words of advice. I do intend to see it through and maintain a steady pace as I work through the lesions :g:


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 09, 2018 12:15 pm 
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Lesson 4 Exercise: Prioritizing my values

    1 Loving
    2 Nurturing, encouraging & supportive
    3 Humble
    4 Kind
    5 Caring
    6 Compassionate
    7 Finding a sexual & romantic life partner
    8 Developing intimacy; physical, mental spiritual
    9 Striving
    10 Looking after my health
    11 Having goals and a life-plan
    12 Momentum
    13 Loyal
    14 Looking after my well-being
    15 Maintaining my fitness
    16 Friendly
    17 Sexually desirable
    18 Authentic & genuine
    19 Truthful & honest
    20 Showing gratitude
    21 Spontaneous
    22 Considerate
    23 Fearlessness
    24 Self-aware
    25 Spiritually engaged
    26 In touch with my emotions & feelings
    27 Dependable & reliable
    28 Enjoying nature
    29 Grounded & centred
    30 Considered & thoughtful
    31 Engaging & stimulating
    32 Maintaining a small, close social circle
    33 Empathetic
    34 Open-minded
    35 Quick-to-smile
    36 Playful
    37 Creative
    38 Sexually expressive
    39 Pleasure-seeking
    40 Continuous learning
    41 Commitment
    42 Passionate
    43 Non-judgemental
    44 Rebellious
    45 Skilful
    46 Steadfast & fortitude
    47 Drive & determination
    48 Intense
    49 Resilient & unwavering
    50 Connected & close with family
    51 Clarity of intention
    52 Approachable
    53 Light-hearted
    54 Curious
    55 Inspired
    56 Environmentally responsible
    57 Carefree & heedless
    58 Flexible & adaptable
    59 Transparent
    60 Protective
    61 Strong
    62 Extreme
    63 Advocate for equality
    64 Content with simplicity
    65 Knowledgeable
    66 Devoted
    67 Achieving financial security
    68 Intellectual pursuits
    69 Complex
    70 Introspective
    71 Obsessive
    72 Infatuated
    73 Hedonistic
    74 Self-centred
    75 Over-thinking
    76 Scared & Fearful
    77 Intoxicated
    78 In denial
    79 Perverted


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:14 am 
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Lesson 5 Exercise: My top 15 value statements

    1. Striving to complete goals & life-plan; living with momentum
    2. Self-care; looking after my own well-being
    3. Being loving to others; kind, caring, compassionate
    4. Maintaining my health and fitness
    5. Being nurturing, encouraging & supportive
    6. Having a clear purpose in life
    7. Finding my next career move
    8. Finding a life-partner for sexual & emotional intimacy
    9. Being desirable; physically, sexually, emotionally
    10. Being sexually free & expressive
    11. Being loyal, dependable & reliable to friends & family
    12. Being friendly and approachable
    13. Being truthful, honest, authentic & transparent
    14. Being spiritually self-aware; in touch with emotions
    15. Showing gratitude to others


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 17, 2018 1:59 pm 
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Lesson 6 Exercise: 3 simple Proactive Action Plans

Goal: Improve my health and fitness Result: More vitality. More energy
    Schedule running in park every other day
    Schedule gym twice a week
    Book physio appointment
    Daily yoga to stretch and strengthen problem muscles
    Sleep early. In bed by 11pm.
    Wake early. Out of bed by 8am.
    Eat well and on time, prepare and cook in advance
    Find healthy snacks and treats
    Take vitamins daily

Goal: Have a clear purpose for daily activities Result: Reduce procrastination. Achieve more
    Write list of daily tasks each morning
    Allow for, but recognise down-time

Goal: Be spiritually self-aware; in touch with emotions Result: Emotional stability. Spot early warning signs
    Meditate daily
    Update NoFap journal at the end of each day
    Attend Sangha on Wednesday evening.


Onwards and upwards friends :w:


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2018 12:03 pm 
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Lesson 7 Exercise: Top 15 Proactive Action Plans

1. Striving to finish PhD with positivity & momentum
Result: Momentum in life. Sense of accomplishment
Find my reason / purpose. Write down pro's and con's.
Prepare slides
Familiarise with all data and chapters
Prepare timing plan
Commence writing Monday 29/01
Set and monitor daily word count

2. Looking after my own well-being; self-care
Result: Less stress. More happiness
Practice self-love & forgiveness meditation at bedtime
Read book to unwind at bedtime. Not iPad
Complete 90 day PMO reboot
Consider next step after 90 day PMO reboot
Bed is for sleep only; 11pm to 7am
Power nap when needed

3. Finding a life-partner for sexual & emotional intimacy
Result: Sense of making a positive difference
Write pros and cons of getting back with M
Discuss outcome with M and agree way forward

4. Showing love to others; kind, caring, compassionate
Result: More vitality. More energy.
Look for opportinities to be kind to strangers; smile more
Listen more carefully and empathise with people
Take time to acknowledge and talk with homeless people
Voluntary work - homeless shelter

5. Improve & maintain my health and fitness
Result: Sense of making a positive difference
Get Xray and discuss with Physio
Light run in park every other day
Attend Gym twice a week; Sun am & Thurs pm
Daily yoga to stretch and strengthen problem muscles
Eat well and on time, prepare and cook in advance
Make healthy snacks and treats. Cut out sugar
Take vitamins, minerals daily
Moderate alcohol consumption
Increase water intake

6. Being nurturing, encouraging & supportive
Result: Reduce procrastination. Achieve more.
Offer to help / be there for friends with difficulties
Confide and share experiences to show solidarity
Plan activities for when working with E & S

7. Having a clear purpose for daily activities
Result: Raising self-esteem
Establish & maintain work routine
Create and monitor to-do lists and habit tracker
Mentally set morning, afternoon, evening tasks
Allow for, but recognise down-time

8. Finding my next career move
Result: Integrity, stability and growth
Consider alternative careers; NGO, Care, Online, Advocate
Formulate post PhD plan

9. Create financial abundance
Result: Momentum in life. Sense of accomplishment
Develop plan to pay off debt
Look at pension plans with financial advisor

10. Being sexually free & expressive
Result: Reduced stress. Greater physical enjoyment
On hold till PMO reboot complete & discussion with M

11. Being loyal, dependable & reliable to friends & family
Result: Sense of making a positive difference
Bi weekly call to Mum
Monthly call to Sister
Answer calls from friends or ring back within 10 minutes
Answer texts from friends within 10 minutes

12. Being friendly and approachable
Result: Sense of making a positive difference
Get more friends. Attend first Meetup outing
Smiling at strangers, sending loving kindness
Practice seeing Self in others
Practice seeing Mother / Sister in females
Be more willing to make the first move

13. Being truthful, honest, authentic & transparent
Result: Raising self-esteem
Remain true to my values
Express my feelings more openly
Consider SLAA / Buddhist Mens Group sessions

14. Being spiritually self-aware; in touch with emotions
Result: Emotional stability. Spot early warning signs.
Meditate first thing every morning
Update NoFap journal at the end of each day
Attend Sangha on Wednesday evening

15. Showing gratitude to others
Result: Sense of making a positive difference
Look for opportnities to thank people more often
Keep daily gratitude blog going


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 29, 2018 4:06 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 319
Hi OF,

I have found your thread interesting to read and you have certainly got off to a solid start. By way of an observation, as part of Lesson 2 you were able to identify a number of values that are important to you which all appear appropriate and relevant to you. As part of that lesson it is also looking for you to formulate a vision for yourself. As the lessons go on you will come to see that your Vision and your Values form key roles in the recovery process as we move from making decisions based on those rather than based on our emotions. As such, I feel you might find it helpful to have another think about that and see if you can put something together that will give you a target for your life moving forwards. You may find that this needs to be developed and fine tuned as you move forward and your understanding grows, I can certainly say that mine has changed considerably since my first effort but I now have this to hand and find it helpful to refer to on a regular basis.

You may find it helpful to look at the Vision "How To" Exercises: Part 1 posted by CoachMel at the top of the Self-Help Recovery Threads which gives some helpful guidance on how to formulate a sound Vision. The best of luck with your journey and keep up the good work, I look forward to reading your future threads.

_________________
L2R

"Should you fail to permanently recover from your addiction, it will be due to your inability to fully commit to recovery"


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 5:14 pm 
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learningtorun wrote:
Hi OF,

I have found your thread interesting to read and you have certainly got off to a solid start. By way of an observation, as part of Lesson 2 you were able to identify a number of values that are important to you which all appear appropriate and relevant to you. As part of that lesson it is also looking for you to formulate a vision for yourself. As the lessons go on you will come to see that your Vision and your Values form key roles in the recovery process as we move from making decisions based on those rather than based on our emotions. As such, I feel you might find it helpful to have another think about that and see if you can put something together that will give you a target for your life moving forwards. You may find that this needs to be developed and fine tuned as you move forward and your understanding grows, I can certainly say that mine has changed considerably since my first effort but I now have this to hand and find it helpful to refer to on a regular basis.

You may find it helpful to look at the Vision "How To" Exercises: Part 1 posted by CoachMel at the top of the Self-Help Recovery Threads which gives some helpful guidance on how to formulate a sound Vision. The best of luck with your journey and keep up the good work, I look forward to reading your future threads.


Thanks for your comments learningtorun. I will indeed work on a vision statement. I didn't deliberately skip it, I think that I just instinctively wrote a list of the values that I aspire to instead. I guess that a vision needs to be more descriptive; detailing the kind of life I wish to live in the future i.e. more specific in terms of where, how, who I live with, what I'll be doing etc. Funnily enough, this very subject came up in my counselling session this week :) I'll give it a go. Thanks again.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 5:17 pm 
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Lesson 10 Exercise: Absolute Honesty

1. Who I am deceiving
I’m not currently in a relationship, and haven’t been for several years, so the issue of being dishonest to a partner doesn’t really apply to me. My most recent episode of sex addict behaviours - uncontrolled and escalating porn, fantasy and masturbation – came about from a failed relationship hell that I lived through. I use porn and/or hook-ups as of means to trying to dull the pain and depression I was living with. I guess the person I was deceiving for years was myself, in that I wasn’t willing to really question my behaviours, instead I accepted it and revelled in it, even though I knew I was becoming more isolated, more dysfunctional, with less and less chance of finding a new quality relationship.

2. N/A

3. Deceiving professional coaches
I have ‘come out’ in various settings so far – at SLAA meetings, in online forums and with my new counsellor – all to varying degrees. So think I have started on the path of authenticity, I’m no longing living in denial of my addiction and deceiving myself and others. I just want to be as open and honest as possible from here on in.

4. Places I have items stashed
I don’t have any items stashed any more to feed my porn addiction. About a year ago I deleted all my porn pics, vids, fetish images, erotic selfies, online accounts (adult dating sites, webcam sites, Tumblr, Reddit, Kik). All deleted. I have reverted to using some of them once or twice during two relapses over the past 18 months. But currently my home and laptop are clean. I do confess to owning one box of sex toys and equipment etc. but those are for use with a partner so I don’t classify them as ‘addiction items’.

5. People I objectify
For the past year I have been banishing sexual fantasising from my mind as best I can. This used to be my biggest problem, adding fuel to the fire, especially chat sites where I could let my imagination run wild. I now deliberating stop all fantasy thoughts as soon as I’m aware of them. Literally within 3 seconds I just cut them off. Most of the time successfully. Apart from hardcore sexual fantasy I do also tend to develop romantic intrigues with real life people occasionally - there’s one particularly flirty friend I’ve seen a few times over the last month or two even though I know she’s totally inappropriate for me. I also easily getting caught up in checking out certain female actresses or musicians online – it’s nothing serious but I know that its counterproductive.

6. Places I go for compulsive behaviour
I mentioned above, all the places I used to frequent were online – adult dating sites, webcam sites, chat sites, special interest sites – and I used to only access them from home in my bedroom. I've deleted all these accounts many months ago and turned off adult content on my browser.


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