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PostPosted: Mon Sep 07, 2015 4:27 pm 
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Posts: 11
Okay, I'm starting this over. The first exercise gives me a good opportunity to think about this workshop.

LESSON 1
A. 1)Actively commiting yourself to change. This sentence is interesting:
"When you have made an active commitment to change, you will come to hate your compulsive behavior."
This is a thing I talked about with a coach yesterday, we were mostly talking about gaming addiction. I'm not sure if I hate my compulsive behavior. Whenever I commit to not masturbating and not watching porn, after a few days, or even the same day, I just say "oh, screw this, I don't care" and do it anyway. It's a bit better with gaming - when I lunch a game, I instantly get this thought: what the hell am I doing? But with porn, I just choose to watch it.

Still, I want to start the recovery. I want to at least do something, even if it isn't 100% geniune.

2)Guilt/shame - I don't think I feel any of those in relation to my addiction. I don't want anyone to learn how much time I spend gaming and that I actually watch porn. But when I go to an SLAA meeting, I don't feel any resistance against talking about it.

3)Time to change - I'm not sure. I want to get out of this shit as soon as possible.

B. 15 reasons to change my life:
1. I want to have this freedom in choosing what I want to do with every hour of every day of my life.
2. I want to be able to be completly honest in any relationship I even find myself in.
3. I want to have great sex and feel great in every future relationship.
4. I want to get satisfaction from everything I do in life.
5. I want to feel pride from all activities I choose.
6. I want to concentrate on myself, and not compare myself to others.
7.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2016 4:33 pm 
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Posts: 11
I came up with a vision for myself, a life purpose that really pulls me towards itself, empowers me. But the rest of this program seems so terribly hard. Why do I have to write 10 reasons for why I want to quit porn? Why do I need 50 values in lesson 3? I have to strain myself to write those. And in the end, the only criteria by which I write them down is whether they "feel good".

I don't know if this is for me. Maybe I should just keep journaling and embracing my life purpose and it will somehow deal with the addiction.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 02, 2016 8:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
hello dreams
its been a while?????????????????????????????


Quote:
I don't know if this is for me. Maybe I should just keep journaling and embracing my life purpose and it will somehow deal with the addiction.


yes maybe, however it would not appear to be the reality, changes dont happen unless we make them happen
perhaps ask yourself what is your life purpose?

Quote:
the rest of this program seems so terribly hard.

not if you take it step by step


Quote:
the only criteria by which I write them down is whether they "feel good".


does acting out feel good?

Now you have many choices but in choosing to be here and participating what do you have to lose?
try it, jump in
you might never know what can you gain

the format is proven

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 09, 2016 5:06 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
Okay, I'm ready to write my vision. It took me a long time to develop it, it was frustrating that I couldn't create anything. But suddenly it came to me. I've been convinced to go back to this program by some things I have heard from recovered addicts in my 12 step group. I don't follow the 12 steps, but they basicaly said: I envy the people who started working on the program right from the bat, instead of waiting for a better moment like I did.

That's why I'm gonna start this program and continue doing it with sincere effort. I already have a vision, now I just have to write it down. Thanks, Kenzo, for the reply. I'm not sure how to make it personal, but I'll se what I can do.

My Vision

I'm fascinated by psychology. I'm going to make it my goal to understand its mysteries. This will be the central theme of my life. Partly I want to do this for pure knowledge, as this is something I'm deeply fascinated by. Besides that, I'd like to be the person my friends recognize as "the guy who knows so much about psychology". I'd like to be that in the eyes of my friends, and any possible future girlfriend, which I currently don't have.

I'm not sure who I want to be after I finish college, that's in five years. I'm sure that once I learn more about psychology, I'll be able to find a way to use it create financial stability, and maybe even help others. A therapist, a coach, a business psychologist, a researcher, a teacher? A writer? A youtuber? All of those speak to me in some way. That doesn't matter for now. For now, the central goal is to learn as much as possible, and I want to organise my life around it.

I want to be physicaly fit. I hate exercising, but I love its effects. Currently I've developed a program for losing weight, but that's only because it keeps me from mastering harder types of strength exercises. Strength is my goal. Especially as a wise training of certain body parts can keep you from pains, injuries and other unhealthy effects later on in life. This is what I'm striving for: long lasting health, even more than strength and physical fitness. A body that energizes me, feels good to be in and empowers my motivation and confidence.

This is it. Perhaps something about making music, but this is more of a leisure activity for me. I don't associate that with my future. But the thing that seems very nice, would, again, be, to be "the guy who plays guitar and sings so well".

Women - not that important. If I ever form a relationship, I'll want to give her everything I've got. And I would enjoy it very greatly. I also don't plan not to have children, in fact I'd like to have them some day. But until that happens, even the woman isn't going to be more important than my primary goal.

There. There's a lot of miscellaneous stuff around, but that's not important for the fulfillment part.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 09, 2016 7:36 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
FD
:g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g: :g:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 10, 2016 9:18 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
MY VALUES
  1. Gathering pure knowledge of psychology.
  2. Understanding psychology.
  3. Being fascinated by psychology.
  4. Learning psychology with passion.
  5. Understanding the applications of psychology.
  6. Being able to talk about psychology in an interesting way.
  7. Learning.
  8. Curiosity (of psychological facts).
  9. Creating financial stability.
  10. Helping others.
  11. Having respect in the eyes of my friends, family, and hypothetical girlfriend.
  12. Being respected as a professional (once I become one).
  13. Being focused on goals.
  14. Doing excelent work.
  15. Having personal discipline.
  16. Being passionate about life.
  17. Creating/securing long lasting health.
  18. Strength.
  19. Physical fitness.
  20. Having lots of energy.
  21. Developing and keeping a healthy day-night, sleep-awake cycle.
  22. Developing sustained friendships.
  23. Creating a romantic relationship with a certain someone I like.
  24. Bonding with said person.
  25. Strengthening the bonds with my parents.
  26. Strenthening (creating) the bonds with my brothers.
  27. Taking a more active role in the friendship with my best friend.
  28. Developing skill with guitar.
  29. Creating music.

    For the future (at least after 5 years; opportunities may not arise at all, hence less important at the moment):
  30. Creating life with a woman I love.
  31. Having children.
  32. Creating a bond with my children.
  33. Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children.

By the way, I understand the smiling faces, but what does FD stand for? ;)


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 11, 2016 11:29 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
PRIORITIZED LIST OF VALUES
  1. Understanding psychology.
  2. Being fascinated by psychology.
  3. Understanding its applications.
  4. Learning.
  5. Being focused on goals.
  6. Doing excelent work.
  7. Helping others.
  8. Being passionate about life.
  9. Having personal discipline.
  10. Having respect in the eyes of friends, family, hypothetical girlfriend.
  11. Long lasting health.
  12. Creating and keeping a romantic relationship.
  13. Strengthening the bond with my parents.
  14. Developing sustained friendships.
  15. Strengthening (developing) a bond with my brothers.
  16. Bonding with loved one (future).
  17. Taking a more active role in the friendship with my best friend.
  18. Strength.
  19. Physical fitness.
  20. Developing and keeping a heatlhy night/day cycle.
  21. Having lots of energy.
  22. Being able to talk about psychology in an interesting way.
  23. Gathering pure knowledge of psychology.
  24. Learning psychology with passion.
  25. Being respected as a professional.
  26. Curiosity.
  27. Creating financial stability.
  28. Developing skill with guitar.
  29. Creating music.

    Future, hence least important
  30. Creating a life with a woman I love.
  31. Having children.
  32. Creating a bond with my children.
  33. Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children.



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PostPosted: Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:06 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
Revised, prioritized list of values:

    TOP FIFTEEN
  1. Understanding psychology.
  2. Being fascinated by psychology.
  3. Taking responsibility for myself and my future.
  4. Inner development, personal growth, learning.
  5. Being focused on goals.
  6. Doing excelent work.
  7. Being passionate about life.
  8. Having a strong, valuable romantic relationship.
  9. Having personal discipline.
  10. Sustained friendships.
  11. Having respect in the eyes of friends, family, girlfriend.
  12. Long lasting health.
  13. Strengthening the bond with my parents.
  14. Strengthening (developing) a bond with my brothers.
  15. Having a deep connection with my partner.

  16. Companionship in a relationship - equality.
  17. Personal independence - mostly from parents.
  18. Being active in a relationship, giving it direction.
  19. Honesty - being and reciving in a relationship.
  20. Fidelity, strict monogamy.
  21. Feeling masculine.
  22. Waiting with sex - forming a relationship first.
  23. Great sex and lots of it.
  24. Feeling sexually desired.
  25. Having a sexy girlfriend/wife.
  26. Helping others (I'm not gonna lie: it's less important than sex).
  27. Being admired by others.
  28. Being an inspiration to others.
  29. Taking a more active role in the friendship with my best friend.
  30. Being active.
  31. Strength.
  32. Physical fitness.
  33. Developing and keeping a healthy night/day cycle.
  34. Having lots of energy.
  35. Learning psychology with passion.
  36. Understanding its applications.
  37. Being able to talk about psychology in an interesting way.
  38. Being creative.
  39. Establishing my legacy (writing maybe, science work, or popularization - all come later)
  40. Gathering pure knowledge of psychology.
  41. Being respected as a professional - future.
  42. Curiosity, of most everything.
  43. Creating financial stability - as means, convenience, to benefit other areas.
  44. Creating music
  45. Developing skill with guitar.

    FAR FUTURE, HENCE LEAST IMPORTANT
  46. Creating a life with a woman I love.
  47. Having children.
  48. Creating a bond with my children.
  49. Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children.
    (There two will be in top three once they happen).


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:54 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
I feel like this is a bit... forced? Maybe these values are too idealistic, because I can't write any action plan that works for them.

Here's a new, shorter list, making in progress. I'd appreciate some feedback.

-Good grades – feeling smart?
-Good understanding of psychology
-Friendships – having any? I don't have any.
-Romantic relationships, love. Of all things, this one is the most scarce one in my life.
-Bond with parents – I see some potential, but seems very hard.
-Bond with brothers – non-existent.
-Focusing of goals – mostly on the two ones on top, and the ones below, as they are realisitc and workable.
-Discipline – mostly with day/night cycle and time management – workable.
-Health – by eating right, exercise; this one is easy, I'm already on the way.
-Strength – I know a lot about training, currently working on losing weight, this will be straightforward in six months or so.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 20, 2016 6:43 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
Revised once again, and prioritized list of values:

    TOP FIFTEEN
  1. Understanding psychology.
  2. Being fascinated by psychology.
  3. Taking responsibility for myself and my future.
  4. Having a direction.
  5. Creativity, creating things, and sharing my creations with people.
  6. Being focused on goals.
  7. Doing excellent work.
  8. Being passionate about life.
  9. Romantic relationships and romantic love.
  10. Having personal discipline.
  11. Sustained friendships.
  12. Long lasting health.
  13. Strengthening the bond with my parents.
  14. Strengthening (developing) a bond with my brothers.
  15. Inner development, personal growth, learning.


  16. Having a deep connection with my partner.
  17. Companionship in a relationship - equality.
  18. Personal independence - mostly from parents.
  19. Being active in a relationship, giving it direction.
  20. Honesty - being and reciving in a relationship.
  21. Fidelity, strict monogamy.
  22. Feeling masculine.
  23. Waiting with sex - forming a relationship first.
  24. Great sex and lots of it.
  25. Feeling sexually desired.
  26. Having a sexy girlfriend/wife.
  27. Helping others (I'm not gonna lie: it's less important than sex).
  28. Being admired by others.
  29. Being an inspiration to others.
  30. Taking a more active role in the friendship with my best friend.
  31. Being active.
  32. Strength.
  33. Physical fitness.
  34. Developing and keeping a healthy night/day cycle.
  35. Having lots of energy.
  36. Learning psychology with passion.
  37. Understanding its applications.
  38. Being able to talk about psychology in an interesting way.
  39. Establishing my legacy (writing maybe, science work, or popularization - all come later)
  40. Gathering pure knowledge of psychology.
  41. Having respect in the eyes of friends, family, girlfriend.
  42. Being respected as a professional - future.
  43. Curiosity, of most everything.
  44. Creating financial stability - as means, convenience, to benefit other areas.
  45. Creating music
  46. Developing skill with guitar.

    FAR FUTURE, HENCE LEAST IMPORTANT
  47. Creating a life with a woman I love.
  48. Having children.
  49. Creating a bond with my children.
  50. Guiding, teaching, role modeling for my children.
    (These two will be in top three once they happen).

This is the last version. I've given a huge amount of thought into this last revision. The top fifteen are all almost all practical. I can now move on to writing the proactive action plans, finally.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 21, 2016 12:49 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
PROACTIVE ACTION PLANS

    LONG LASTING HEALTH:
  • Sweat at least once every day.
  • Keep working out in the morning with the program developed earlier.
  • Stretch before workout, especially legs to secure knees and lower back.
  • Continue eating with the current diet.
  • Never go to the isle with potato chips while at the store.
  • Research into more simple and healthy reciepies, to enjoy practicing.
  • Go to the dentist right away when teeth hurt.
  • No eating after 7pm.

    HAVING PERSONAL DISCIPLINE:
  • For sleeping patterns: turn off the PC at 9pm. tops, and turn off the lights at 11pm tops.
  • Get up right away when I'm no longer going to sleep.
  • Continue all good health habits.
  • Clean apartment, including room, every Sunday.
  • Always do the minor thins, like cleaning up or washing clothes, immediately.
  • Be able to prioritize short-term goals/activities and always choose the most important first.
  • Practice working in one-hour or 30-minute blocks without distracting myself.
  • Accept that developing these habits will take a long time, but continue reinforcing them anyway.
    Basic prioritization of short-term goals and activities:
    1. Doing this recovery workshop.
    2. Ongoing matters from college etc.
    3. Studying psychology on my own.
    4. Training and stretching.
    5. Writing in journal.
    6. Music.
    7. Reading novels.

    CREATIVITY AND SHARING:
  • Developing guitar skills: learning new songs.
  • Developing guitar skills: exercises.
  • Working on my own songs, in the 30-minute blocks instead of only 5 minutes.
  • Try writing lyrics for songs.
  • Try to record with camera and put on youtube.


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 04, 2016 7:45 am 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
Damn it, I can't do this. What good is this workshop if I can't even abstain 80% of the days?


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 31, 2016 9:24 pm 
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Joined: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:24 pm
Posts: 11
I'm gonna start over.

So I'm reading the "what to expect" article from the top of the workshop list, and... none of that relates to my situation! None of that! I've commited to recovery for the 100th time already. I have no euphoria or natural motivation. I don't know about expectations, right now I only expect that the minute I go to bed, I'm gonna relase as hard as possible. It's only been three days and I already have strong thoughts and urges, which I have no idea how to deal with. "Because you have achieved several weeks of relative success" - no, it's been two or three days.

Also, as for the crisis, I don't think anything like that is the case in my situation. I don't know why I decided to stay clean. Almost three days is very long for me. Usually I would just decide to stay clean and then watch porn even 20 minutes later. I've been trying on and off for 7 years, and this is just one of the times when I'm suddenly clean for longer than a day. And so far it's always ended with relapse and a relapse cycle that very rarely lasts less than a week.

The problem that I have with this workshop is that I don't see any way in which it can help me abstain. That's why I stopped doing it the last time - because I didn't see the point of doing it while I'm in a relapse cycle 90% of the time. This time I read a little from the "Understanding the addiction" and "healthy/unhealthy patterns" parts, and I saw something there that I think helps me a little. I compared the different patterns from various stages of recovery and I realised that the biggest thing I have been doing wrong was that for me "Relapse triggers are seen as opportunities to act out." And I'm experiencing this very thing right this moment. And so I know that I have to somehow break out of this pattern, preferably into the "Relapse triggers are experienced not as a threat, but an opportunity." No idea how to do that though. But at least I have this seed planted for now, that I just have to keep fighting and not look at triggers as an opportunity to give up, which I've been doing for the past 7 years.

Then I tried to read the part about urge control, but I have no way to understand any of that without doing all of the previous lessons. Shame, because I thought that could somehow help me in the current situation.

That's it. Also, I always felt like everything I was writing here was forced. With every reason why I want to quit my compulsive behavior, with every value etc., I felt like this isn't really sincere and I'm doing it only because I want to finish the lesson and move on to the next one. Also, why does it have to 15 reasons? Why does it have to be 50 values?

Okay, I'll go on and read the next part of the workshop. I'd appreciate a reply.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 01, 2017 9:15 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
Hello dreams and welcome back

Quote:
I'm gonna start over.

are you ?????????????????????????????? :pe:


Quote:
I have no natural motivation.


so you like being an addict? I dont think so



Quote:
The problem that I have with this workshop is that I don't see any way in which it can help me abstain.

the workshop is designed not for abstention, sitting on your hands does that, the workshop is designed to show you that real change and hence recovery is possible, if you really do want it and are prepared to work at it


Quote:
I stopped doing it the last time - because I didn't see the point of doing it

what do you have to lose?, open yourself up to yourself, examine who you are and where you want to be be honest with yourself then choose but do choose wisely

Quote:
I've been trying on and off for 7 years,


have you really been trying?

lets start really trying now and find that euphoria and natural motivation.

believe in RN and believe in yourself, as said change is inevitable but you do have the choice of in which direction

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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