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 Post subject: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2017 12:07 am 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 1 Exercises

A.
1) This is my fourth kick at the can. (i.e. this program). I refuse to stop coming back. I know deep down I can’t not fight to recover. I know the longer I wait to start the more joy I lose. I know actively pursuing recovery is necessary to achieve my goals, and I cannot affect the world in a positive manner unless I first fix my own problems.
2) I am over feeling any shame over my actions and compulsive behaviours. I know they are just a symptom of a lack of emotional management and life management skills.
3) Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I will not become the man I want to be tomorrow. Change takes time, and change is hard. But the work is worth it, it has to be. There is no way that this state of mind is the best I can achieve. It is all about building skills, and skills take time.

B.
1) I want to achieve my goals in all aspects of life, and I don’t want to fail knowing there was more I could have done to succeed. Better to fail at giving your all, than have everything given to you. There is beauty in the struggle.
2) I want to reach my physical potential in my chosen sport.
3) I want to fall in love.
4) I want to have great sex.
5) I want to be a great father.
6) I want to experience all aspects of life more fully and completely.
7) I want to appreciate people for who they truly are not look at them as objects.
8) I want to be able to continue to grow intellectually, unhindered by the haze of compulsive behaviour.
9) I want to be able to actually learn who I really am without compulsive behaviour.
10) I want to be able to enjoy the perfect simplicity of a basic, average life.
11) I want to be capable in all aspects of my life, to be able to give back to my community.
12) I want to be able to develop depth in all aspects of my life. If I continue to choose compulsive behaviour, I will severely stunt my progress.
13) I want to be able to appreciate the beauty of the world around me without a clouded mind.
14) I want to become a more spiritual person.
15) I want to be capable of being a rock for my family and friends in hard time.

C.
I look at the child I use to be, and wonder where it all went wrong. I suppose it doesn’t matter, I am where I am now. I got myself here, all I can do is walk myself out. I was always a shy kid, an introvert I suppose. I felt more comfortable fantasizing in my own head than trying to get people to like me. I suppose that is a sign of low self esteem., but its tough when you are young with poor social skills. I suppose what I need then is what I need now, some discipline to develop proper skills and some small wins to boost my confidence. Both can come with hard work. So here we are back to building myself up from the base. Let’s get to work young man.


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Wed May 31, 2017 11:48 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 2: Establishing a Healthy Vision for your Life


Its late so I will just get a very rough draft down. Over time I feel this is a direction I want to take my vision. I will continue to add to it.

I have always seemed to be drawn to law enforcement, but I now realize that with compulsive behavior as part of my life it is not and option. Even in health that role could risk pushing me back to old ways. I have come to decide I am completely fine with living a perfectly average life. I also realize that I want to give back in some way to the world.

I love strength. Raw strength. I basically just love picking up heavy shit and putting it down. It is straightforward, its hard, but most of the time it pays off. And when it doesn't, it means you didn't work hard or smart enough for it. I hope to one day be able to take the lessons I have learned and impart them to people who need them. This is likely some kind of coaching role.

But first I need to get my own life in order, before I can possibly find a way to improve the life of someone else.

My Vision for a Healthy Life

Physical: Healthy body, healthy mind. If I take care of my body, my body will take care of me. Effectively taking care of my body means training it in a variety of ways, depending on what my needs are. I think this is accomplished by listening to my body, to determine WHAT my needs are. Being self-aware will be very important, and I will accomplish this through mindful training and meditation. Once I determine what my body needs, I will put aside my ego and move in that direction. Directions are determined by setting goals. I may not always achieve them, but it is still important to have them as benchmarks. Goals will also serve to have something to push myself towards, and the challenge will build character that will bleed into the other areas of my life. I will also prioritize rest and nutrition as these are the most important ways to accomplish my goals. The mind cannot recover if the body cannot recover.

Emotional: Emotions are what give life color. They are how we share great experiences with other people. I wish to connect more deeply with my family and my friends. Emotional stamina is a great tool when accomplishing goals, when paired with discipline. With compulsive behavior as part of my life, I am constantly emotional drained. I have nothing left to give. My vision for a better life has me spending that valuable resource on things that will in turn replenish it. I no longer waste my passion on fruitless endeavours. I work towards goals that will be truly fulfilling.

Intellectual: A healthy mind will lead to a healthy life. Just like my body needs to be trained, so does my mind. Behind the haze of compulsive behaviour there is little room for focus and growth. To truly master new concepts, I must be able to focus. I also want to share my ideas with others, but I must ensure my perception is clear so I can deliver those ideas properly. I also would like to be able to be open to ideas from others. These things are much more difficult when choosing to act out my compulsions.

Spiritual: I currently am not very spiritual, but it is an aspect of my personality that I would like to explore. I feel meditation is a good route to take with this process. I feel I should get in touch with myself better initially, and meditation will allow me to become more self aware. I must learn more about myself, before trying to grasp the nature of the very reality I live in.

Concepts I will Use to Improve Aspects of My Life

Discipline:
Emotions are useful in accomplishing goals, but too much emotional instability can lead me back down the road to compulsive behavior. Discipline will sustain me in accomplishing my goals when emotional motivation can no longer hold that place. I will build discipline by creating a system of organization to track small goals on a day to day basis. I will work towards my goals 1 small step at a time.

Self Respect: This concept can be used in a variety of ways. I must show myself respect in how I treat my body. I should not overindulge in foods that are hard on my body or in physical activities to feed my ego. My body is my only real vehicle in this world, and I need to make sure it is reliable over the course of my life. I should also practice self-respect by not allowing others to dominate me, or put me down. I must stand up for myself and my beliefs. I will stand firm for my place in this world.

Self Awareness: I must make sure I am aware of how my body and mind feel as much as possible. Using meditation and mindfulness, I will not be overwhelmed by emotion or a lack of emotion and let compulsions dictate how I act.

Organization: It’s great to have goals, but it’s also great to have goals with a plan to achieve them. I will break down by goals down to the day, whatever they may be.

Realism: It’s great to dream, but not when it gets you know where. You have to be realistic about capabilities and timelines. If I only have 45 minutes a week to put towards a goal, its better than nothing. Rather make small steps than just keep telling myself that I will “start next week”.


Last edited by IAMHUMAN on Thu Jun 29, 2017 11:27 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Thu Jun 01, 2017 12:52 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3351
Location: UK
Hello I AM
and welcome back

Quote:
This is my fourth kick at the can. (i.e. this program). I refuse to stop coming back. I know deep down I can’t not fight to recover. I know the longer I wait to start the more joy I lose. I know actively pursuing recovery is necessary to achieve my goals,


correct but pursuit alone will not guarantee achievement


Quote:
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I will not become the man I want to be tomorrow. Change takes time, and change is hard. But the work is worth it, it has to be. There is no way that this state of mind is the best I can achieve. It is all about building skills, and skills take time
.

Again correct it does take time and effort and strength, it is not a race but please be guarded against the possibility of using time as an excuse

Quote:
Let’s get to work young man.


Lets do just that, no reprise lets do it , do it right and do it for you but do it now

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Wed Jun 21, 2017 6:24 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3351
Location: UK
Walking, at what pace?
Quote:
I will continue to add to it.
:pe:
are more words required???????????????????????????/

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Fri Jun 30, 2017 6:42 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 3 Exercise
1) Intellectual development
2) Physical development
3) Self improvement
4) Spirituality
5) Being successful
6) Staying disciplined
7) Being reliable
8) Being a great brother
9) Starting my own business
10) Becoming a coach
11) Having integrity
12) Being mindful
13) Physical health
14) Developing emotional maturity
15) Feeling appreciated
16) Feeling masculine
17) Being a protector
18) Making the world a better place
19) Organization
20) Sexual intimacy
21) Pressure to accomplish
22) Realistic
23) Self discipline
24) Competition
25) Taking care of myself
26) Being playful
27) Being tenacious in my pursuit of health.
28) Honesty
29) Competency
30) Enhancing my spiritual awareness.
31) Being reliable
32) Being dependable
33) Being dedicated
34) Sharing my true self with the world.
35) Showing appreciationg towards others
36) Feeling content
37) Intellectual growth, debate, and communication
38) Building things
39) Friendship
40) Forgiveness
41) Personal growth, development
42) Embracing change
43) Love
44) Strength
45) Fatherhood
46) Problem solving
47) Conflict resolution
48) Health
49) Balance
50) Anonymity
51) Martial spirit

Vices

1) Shame
2) Guilt
3) Lust
4) Selfishness
5) Laziness


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Sat Jul 01, 2017 5:12 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 4 Exercise

1) Intellectual development
2) Developing emotional maturity
3) Intellectual growth, debate, and communication
4) Feeling masculine
5) Martial spirit
6) Self-discipline
7) Physical development
8) Self-improvement
9) Personal growth, development
10) Spirituality
11) Being successful
12) Staying disciplined
13) Being reliable
14) Being dedicated
15) Starting my own business
16) Becoming a coach
17) Having integrity
18) Being mindful
19) Physical health
20) Organization
21) Making the world a better place
22) Being a protector
23) Sexual intimacy
24) Pressure to accomplish
25) Realistic
26) Competition
27) Taking care of myself
28) Being playful
29) Being tenacious in my pursuit of health.
30) Honesty
31) Competency
32) Enhancing my spiritual awareness.
33) Being reliable
34) Being dependable
35) Being a great brother
36) Sharing my true self with the world.
37) Showing appreciation towards others
38) Feeling content
39) Building things
40) Friendship
41) Forgiveness
42) Personal growth, development
43) Embracing change
44) Love
45) Strength
46) Fatherhood
47) Problem solving
48) Conflict resolution
49) Health
50) Balance
51) Anonymity


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Sun Jul 02, 2017 1:23 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 5 Exercises

1) Intellectual development
2) Developing emotional maturity
3) Feeling masculine
4) Realism
5) Self-discipline
6) Physical development
7) Self-improvement
8) Personal growth, development
9) Organization
10) Being successful
11) Staying disciplined
12) Being reliable
13) Being dedicated
14) Starting my own business
15) Having integrity


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Mon Jul 03, 2017 8:53 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 6 Exercises

1) Self-Discipline
a. Being more mindful and focused.
i. Meditate at least 10 minutes a day.
ii. Make sure to follow morning and nightly checklists
iii. Keep schedule and To-do list updated.

2) Integrity
a. Being realistic about commitments.
i. Do not commit to doing things you can do.
ii. If I do commit to something I CAN do, make sure to do it.
iii. Don’t make excuses when I choose to not do my work, embrace/recognize it was me and learn from it.

3) Organization
a. Manage time better
i. Do work early and often.
ii. Follow daily checklists.
iii. Keep up to date To-do list.
iv. Make the morning the most productive time of day.
v. Get at least 8 hours of sleep per day.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 20, 2017 10:19 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 6 Exercises: Value Action Plans

1) Self-Discipline
a. Being more mindful and focused.
i. Meditate at least 10 minutes a day.
ii. Make sure to follow morning and nightly checklists
iii. Keep schedule and To-do list updated.

2) Integrity

a. Being realistic about commitments.
i. Do not commit to doing things you can do.
ii. If I do commit to something I CAN do, make sure to do it.
iii. Don’t make excuses when I choose to not do my work, embrace/recognize it was me and learn from it.

3) Organization

a. Manage time better
i. Do work early and often.
ii. Follow daily checklists.
iii. Keep up to date To-do list.
iv. Make the morning the most productive time of day.
v. Get at least 8 hours of sleep per day.

4) Personal Growth

a. Path to Health
i. Did I spend time working towards recovery today (lessons, RN forum, or Nofap subreddit)?
ii. Did I ensure I was not doing any behaviours that are not condusive to recovery? If I was, what were they and how can I be more aware of
them in the future?

5) Developing Intellectually

a. Learning
i. Did I read a book today?
ii. Did I learn any new skills today?
iii. Have I worked on my coding projects today?

6) Physical Development

a. Was I supposed to train today? Did I? Why or why not?
b. Did I train in an intelligent and non-ego driven manner?
c. Did I do my assigned PN lesson today?
i. What about my daily nutrition habit?
d. Did I pack my lunch?

7) Being Reliable

a. Housework
i. Did I help out around home today?
ii. Did I do what was asked of me?
iii. Did I volunteer some free time?

b. Career
i. Did I, meet my goals/deadlines at work?
ii. Did I put time into my side projects?

c. General
i. Did I fail to meet any expectations? If so, why?

8) Developing Emotional Maturity

a. Was I mindful of how I was feeling today, and the causes of how I was feeling?
b. Did I act out any compulsive behavior because of how I was feeling?
c. Did I meditate today to promote mindfulness.

9) Starting My Own Business

a. Did I put any work into either becoming a coach or starting the app company today?

10) Discipline

a. Meditate at least once a day.

11) Realism

a. Remind myself every day that change takes time.
b. What did I do today that was at least “1%” better than yesterday.
c. Are my expectations the same as my reality?

12) Family

a. Did I spend time with my family today?

13) Friends

a. Did I spend time with friends this week?


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Mon Aug 21, 2017 7:32 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3351
Location: UK
Hopefully
Quote:
Being more mindful and focused.

includes your commitment to yourself in your recovery

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 1:38 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 10 Exercises

1) I am not sure. I don’t feel I am deceiving anyone. I have discussed this problem with some of my friends and some family. In general no one seems to really be affected by my issues but myself. However I have lied in the past about my activities to avoid awkward conversations with people. I these cases I honestly think the people involved would have preferred me lying rather than full disclosure as it was more of a social boundary that would have made things weird. However in the past my actions have led to me underperforming at a past job, but this was a complex situation where my compulsive behavior was not the only factor. To sum it all up, at this current stage and situation of my life I really don’t feel there is anyone I need to “come clean to”. That being said, if my behaviours in the future do affected others I will need to be honest about the negative consequences and take full responsibility for my actions and the destruction they cause. Currently I think making a commitment to be more honest with myself is a much more important goal, as I seem to tell myself thing every day that aren’t true.

2) I am single.

3) I am working without a dedicated coach or professional.

4) Compulsive materials, places, and people.
a. Internet on the computer in my bedroom to surf porn.
b. Surf porn on my phone laying in bed.
c. Surf porn on my phone in the bathroom at work when bored.
d. Surf porn on my phone at my desk as work.
e. Surf porn on my phone in my truck.
f. Fantasizing about girls I see on dating websites.


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:21 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Behavioural Assessment
1) Fantasy
a. Fantasizing about someone I know in a seductive or sexual manner.
b. Usually occurs when bored.
2) Masturbation
a. Self stimulation with hand
b. Almost always accompanying porn or fantasy
3) Pornography
a. Using the internet to find sexually explicit material.
b. I can “trigger” myself with images in my head leading to fantasy and acting out.
Overall I will tend to “plan” to act out in a compulsive episode if I know I will be alone. This episode could then last days or weeks until the compulsion in satisfied.

I usually will end of acting out a compulsive chain when bored, stressed, or dealing with uncomfortable emotions.


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Wed Sep 06, 2017 10:03 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 12: Assessing Unhealthy Recovery Patterns

• I notice several aspects from all the groups that match with my situation, but for now I will focus on what I think are my main recovery patterns that I have noticed over my recovery attempts.

1) My main issue I feel is I focus on perfection and not progress. I stumble and use it as an excuse to fall back into old patterns.

2) I tend to want to rush my recovery. I will set unrealistic goals, fail in achieving them, get discouraged, then want to make a new plan and start over. The new plan is also unrealistic so the cycle continues.

3) I believe I am in the fourth group. I do the work but need to go the extra mile to apply it. This attempt at recovery I started a workbook that I write out notes and thoughts in while I read the lessons. I then do the exercise in the book first. Then go over it again as I type it out and then post it to the forums. I hope this means I look over the material as it applies to me more so I focus on how it applies to my life.

4) I need to stop just doing the lesson and moving on. I will make more time to apply them to my life. There really is no more need to “start over” either I do it or I don’t.


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Wed Sep 20, 2017 10:11 pm 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 13 Exercises

I) I feel I identify with a lot of behaviors in “Middle Recovery”. However, I feel a good part of it is in Early Recovery as well. I accept that I struggle with certain behaviors, but I still seem to keep viewing my life in the “episodic” manner of starts and stops.
I have been following a nutrition program that focuses on a growth mindset. To sum it up they just tell you to be 1% better than yesterday. I really need to cut this “all or nothing mindset” out of my life. If I focus on being a little bit better each day it’s a good thing. I need to stop telling myself I have someone to impress by being perfect in everything I do.

II) I feel my values are solid and correct. They reflect the person I want to become. Though perhaps I should add “consistency” to it as it seems to be what I lack throughout my recovery attempts and in general through my life. If I can show up 2-3 times a week, rather than planning for 7 but doing nothing I would probably reap great benefits. Oddly, it all comes down to the title of my thread, just take it one small step at a time.

I think I should reflect further on how these behaviors affect me on a day to day basis so I can identify them as they arise.


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 Post subject: Re: Walking My Way Out
PostPosted: Sun Sep 24, 2017 11:36 am 
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Joined: Fri May 20, 2016 12:04 am
Posts: 37
Lesson 6 Exercises: Value Action Plans

1) Self-Discipline
a. Being more mindful and focused.
i. Meditate at least 10 minutes a day.
ii. Make sure to follow morning and nightly checklists
iii. Keep schedule and To-do list updated.

2) Integrity
a. Being realistic about commitments.
i. Do not commit to doing things you can do.
ii. If I do commit to something I CAN do, make sure to do it.
iii. Don’t make excuses when I choose to not do my work, embrace/recognize it was me and learn from it.

3) Organization
a. Manage time better
i. Do work early and often.
ii. Follow daily checklists.
iii. Keep up to date To-do list.
iv. Make the morning the most productive time of day.
v. Get at least 8 hours of sleep per day.

4) Personal Growth
a. Path to Health
i. Did I spend time working towards recovery today (lessons, RN forum, or Nofap subreddit)?
ii. Did I ensure I was not doing any behaviours that are not condusive to recovery? If I was, what were they and how can I be more aware of them in the future?

5) Developing Intellectually
i. Did I read a book today?
ii. Did I learn any new skills today?
iii. Have I worked on my personal projects today?

6) Physical Development
i. Was I supposed to train today? Did I? Why or why not?
ii. Did I train in an intelligent and non-ego driven manner?
iii. Did I do my assigned PN lesson today?
iv. What about my daily nutrition habit?
v. Did I pack my lunch?

7) Being Reliable
a. Housework
i. Did I help out around home today?
ii. Did I do what was asked of me?
iii. Did I volunteer some free time?
b. Career
i. Did I, meet my goals/deadlines at work?
ii. Did I put time into my side projects?
c. General
i. Did I fail to meet any expectations? If so, why?

8) Developing Emotional Maturity
a. Was I mindful of how I was feeling today, and the causes of how I was feeling?
b. Did I act out any compulsive behavior because of how I was feeling?
c. Did I meditate today to promote mindfulness.

9) Starting My Own Business
a. Did I put any work into either becoming a coach or starting the app company today?

10) Discipline
a. Meditate at least once a day.

11) Realism
a. Remind myself every day that change takes time.
b. What did I do today that was at least “1%” better than yesterday.
c. Are my expectations the same as my reality?

12) Family
a. Did I spend time with my family today?

13) Friends
a. Did I spend time with friends this week?


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