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 Post subject: Mindful recovery
PostPosted: Sat Jul 01, 2017 10:14 am 
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Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:28 am
Posts: 4
I'm Alex, 30, and this is my recovery journal.

‚ÄčLesson 1.
A.
1) I feel apathetic and anesthetized due to failures to recover because I've been in a recovery/relapse cycle for a long time. I'm exhausted and depressed. My motivation now stems mostly from detrimental consequences like PIED, loss of libido and bad mood. Exacerbated by not liking my job and not understanding what exactly I want to do in life while being already not very young.
But underneath this, I genuinely want to change my life. I remember time of true sexuality and magnificent sex, thrill of interaction with new people, taking risks, challenging myself and using 100% of my strength to achieve my goals.
2) Guilt and shame are not big problems. It's more like apathy and self-doubt. I need to achieve small victories along the road to gain confidence again.
3) I have the whole summer and more. I understand that changing/developing one's core traits is a continuous process.

B.
1. I want to have genuine sexual relationships with people and explore this realm of life extensively.
2. I want to feel confident and strong.
3. I want my parents to be happy for me.
4. I want to use my time efficiently.
5. I want my body to be healthy, especially my cock, my brain and my back.
6. I want to help other guys recover after I gained my own positive experience.
7. I want inspiration from relationship with girls to write music.
8. I want to become emotionally mature.
9. I want to think more clearly, improve concentration.
10. I want to impress people who know me with my progress and get reputation of an achiever and a purposeful person.
11. I want morning boners.
12. I want girls to like me and give me attention feeling my sexual vibes.
13. I want to learn how to manage my emotions mindfully and courageously.
14. I want to find my place in life in terms of work.
15. I want to have closer and more sincere relationship with my parents.
16. I want to be financially secure.
17. I want to experience love and devotion.


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 Post subject: Re: Mindful recovery
PostPosted: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:25 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3387
Location: UK
Hello PW and welcome to RN

Quote:
My motivation now stems mostly from detrimental consequences like PIED, loss of libido and bad mood. Exacerbated by not liking my job and not understanding what exactly I want to do in life while being already not very young.


your motivation is very negative and this is quite normal, however as you progress it should become positive and thus supportive so perhaps in circa 4 and then 8 weeks from now you should take time out to reflect as to where you are then compared with
where you are now, remember recovery is a process and processes require progression

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you however when I completed the programme the first time around I then slipped
I realised that many of my reasons were sexual and recovery is so much more than just about sex and that thing between our legs
so be aware of putting too much focus on
Quote:
1. I want to have genuine sexual relationships with people and explore this realm of life extensively.
5. I want my body to be healthy, especially my cock, my brain and my back.
11. I want morning boners.
12. I want girls to like me and give me attention feeling my sexual vibes.




remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Mindful recovery
PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 12:21 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 30, 2016 1:14 am
Posts: 14
Welcome, and good luck. I am the same age as you. It's nice to see someone at the same stage of life going through this. Be well.

_________________
Ever tried. Ever Failed. No Matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail Better.
- Samuel Beckett


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 Post subject: Re: Mindful recovery
PostPosted: Sat Jul 29, 2017 3:13 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:28 am
Posts: 4
I took quite a bit of time for Lesson 2. It caught me unawares. Vision of my future is still a difficult question to me but I will go with what I have.

How should I live my life to be proud of the person I am?
The main thing is courage.
I'm a coward and I am afraid of life and I am ashamed of myself because of that. I want to face anything that comes in my life with courage, without running away, hiding it from myself. I want to be a man who is daring, taking risks, stepping outside of his comfort zone. I want to do what frightens me but what internally feels to be the right thing to do. Being courageous has many implications in many areas of life like revealing my desires in sex, standing up for myself in social situations, being honest with my parents and friends, taking risks in job. Those are all the things I am lacking because of fear (to fail, to be ridiculed, to look stupid) and I am ashamed of my cowardliness. I feel a "small" person.

Another big thing for me is working for a BIG IDEA, something I believe in and am passionate about, not just for the money. I want to do something real, what the world needs. I'm not sure yet what it should be though. But at least I need to actively seek for such thing and, again, when I find it, be courageous enough to go for it. I want to be passionate about what I am doing.

To sum up, I am comfortable to committing to becoming a man who is true to himself. This means to do what internally feels the right thing to do.


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 Post subject: Re: Mindful recovery
PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:19 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3387
Location: UK
PW

Quote:
I took quite a bit of time for Lesson 2. It caught me unawares. Vision of my future is still a difficult question to me but I will go with what I have.


perhaps you could read coach Mel's "how to "
it can help when preparing a vision
it can be found at the top of this forum

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Mindful recovery
PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2017 7:40 am 
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Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:28 am
Posts: 4
Kenzo wrote:
perhaps you could read coach Mel's "how to "
it can help when preparing a vision
it can be found at the top of this forum

Thank you, Kenzo. It did help.


Lesson 3.
THE LIST OF MY VALUES
Courage, daring
Honesty to myself
Openness with partner as to sexual desires
Standing up for myself in social situations, conflicts
Close, warm relationship with parents
Being loved for my true self within a group of friends
Proactive in work
Pursuing a big, inspiring goal in my work
Making positive change in the world
Igniting others to become better

FROM THE COUCH MEL'S HOW-TO (many overlap)
Acknowledgment
Accomplishment
Activeness
Adventure
Ambition
Articulacy
Assertiveness
Audacity
Authenticity
Autonomy
Awareness
Beauty
Boldness
Bravery
Candor
Challenge
Change
Character
Civility
Clarity
Clear-mindedness
Coaching
Competition
Completion
Concentration
Conscientiousness
Contribution
Courage
Creativity
Curiosity
Daring
Decisiveness
Dedication
Depth
Desire
Directness
Discernment
Discipline
Discovery
Dreaming
Drive
Eagerness
Elegance
Emotional maturity
Evolution
Exceptionality
Experience
Experimenting
Expressiveness
Fame
Fitness
Flexibility
Flow
Focus
Fortitude
Generosity
Guidance
Health
Honesty
Humor
Hygiene
Imagination
Impact
Individuality
Indulgence
Ingenuity
Initiative
Innovation
Inquisitiveness
Insightfulness
Integrity
Intelligence
Intimacy
Intuitiveness
Learning
Likability
Logic
Longevity
Love
Magnanimity
Making a Difference
Mindfulness
Passion
Perceptiveness
Perseverance
Playfulness
Proactivity
Purpose
Reason
Recognition
Resilience
Sagacity
Self-actualization
Sensuality
Sexuality
Spontaneity
Status
Strength
Systemization
Timeliness
Transcendence
Transformation
Vitality
Wittiness
Zeal
Zest

FROM THE EXAMPLE VALUE LIST
Developing intellectual depth
Establishing a partnership w/someone
Physical health
Physical beauty
Being a teacher/mentor
Feeling sexually desired
World-wide recognition
Indulging in creative inspiration, development
Experiencing the forbidden
Intellectual growth, debate, communication
Forgiveness
Self-discipline

DARK-SIDE VALUES
I don't think any of the chosen above values are the "agents" of my compulsive behavior. But I can think about what the addiction gives me. Why I needed it.

Prevention from failure and the associated negative emotions (safety, stability)
Medication of negative emotions (easier than thinking about the root of the problem and taking action)
Substitution for actively managing my life, changing something (easier than thinking about my values and changing my life according to them)
Physical pleasure that is always accessible (easier than relationship)


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 Post subject: Re: Mindful recovery
PostPosted: Sun Sep 03, 2017 12:23 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:28 am
Posts: 4
Lesson 4
Prioritizing my values. I read through my initial list and took what felt right, rearranging some of the values since many overlap or are just synonyms.

1. Being proud of a man I am
2. Acknowledgement, being the best in what I do
3. Social courage, daring
4. Integrity, honesty to myself and people
5. True sexuality
6. High status
7. Being proud of what I do as a job (purpose, meaning)
8. Establishing a deep, close, warm partnership
9. Sharp mind and stable conscience
10. Physical beauty
11. Health
12. Transcendence
13. Warm and honest relationship with parents, grandma
14. Being a role model (inspire and teach others)


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