Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Sun Dec 17, 2017 2:31 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 14 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 8:24 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 1

After several lapses within passive recovery on my own, I'm starting the recovery workshop to become a different person.
(A)
1) actively committing yourself to change
- I believe that I commit to change, yet often I find that I commit to change in ways that are easy/convenient for me.

2) not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
- I feel that I often allow guilt or shame to sabotage my commitment. Even if I don't totally lapse, I let my negative train of thought dictate my feelings and attitude.

3) allowing yourself time to change.
- I feel like I expect to be different NOW, in every sense of the way, I'm very frustrated that I've been 'recovering' for a year and have made great leaps in some areas, but have not had consistent growth or change.

(B)
1. I want to be faithful to my wife in body and mind.
2. I want to be a good role model for my children.
3. I want to have respect for other people
4. I want to understand how my actions affect others.
5. I want to be empathetic.
6. I want to be productive with my life.
7. I want to contribute to my family in a positive way.
8. I want to be a better son/brother.
9. I want to be patient, compassionate, and kind.
10. I want to put in more effort to my endeavors.
11. I want to become more self aware/develop a better understanding of my purpose.
12. I want to become more responsible.

(C)
When I looked at a few of my childhood pictures, I was really struck by the fact that when the photo was taken, I didn't seem to have the weight of any of the traumatic instances I had experienced in my later life. I couldn't even remember a time when I hadn't hated myself, or didn't really care if I died. It also came to me that just because I never received love and support from my parents, that I don't need to try and project that onto everyone else in my life. I want to make it better, I'm afraid, but I know where I want to go.

Edit 7/22/17
I've also realized that I have some issues regarding my parents and them being toxic.


Last edited by duran93 on Sat Jul 29, 2017 9:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 07, 2017 7:46 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 2

Life Vision

I want to be a good husband, father, son, and brother. I want to contribute to my family in positive ways. I want to love my life to best serve my wife and children, to live them unconditionally, support them, provide for them, and protect them. I want to be close to my wife and children, I want to share experiences with them and make good memories. I want to make the right choices despite my sense of pride. I want to be a man of my word and to have integrity. I want to be a successful at my job, have a long term financial game plan, while being able to spend more time developing myself and my nurturing my family. And for myself I want to be an adventurer, by my own standards, to conquer my fears and insecurities. I want to see things that people don't usually see, and discover interesting places. I want to become a builder, and make things with my hands, and be proficient with tools, so that way I can have a fulfilling hobby in addition to being better able to serve myself and my family. Most of all I want to be free of the broken way I've lived my life. I want to respect others, and be respected myself.


Last edited by duran93 on Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:23 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jul 08, 2017 7:34 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3387
Location: UK
Hello Duran
and welcome to the programme

I see that you signed up months ago but have only just started posting


Quote:
I feel like I expect to be different NOW, in every sense of the way, I'm very frustrated that I've been 'recovering' for a year and have made great leaps in some areas, but have not had consistent growth or change.


I believe full participation will help you to solve this

Quote:
I'm starting the recovery workshop to become a different person.


great but this alone does not suffice, you need to work at change
RN will guide but you need to do


Quote:
I feel that I often allow guilt or shame to sabotage my commitment. Even if I don't totally lapse, I let my negative train of thought dictate my feelings and attitude.


many of us do this when starting out
making excuses is easy for us we are well practised at that skill


take your time but be consistent
learn and embrace what you learn
good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Jul 12, 2017 12:55 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 3

List of Values

1- strengthening role as a husband
2- strengthening my role as a father
3- strengthening my role as a son/son in law
4- strengthening my role as a brother/ brother in law
5- living with integrity
6- develop a better connection to my emotions
7- feeling happy and content
8- developing intimacy with my wife
9- developing patience
10- intellectual growth
11- developing confidence in myself
12- being dedicated
13- becoming better at loving others
14- effectively managing my anxiety
15- developing emotional maturity
16- develop superficial and sustainable friendships
17- being more vulnerable
18- maintaining my physical health/eating healthily
19- staying active
20- enhancing my spiritual awareness
21- defining a sense of purpose in life
22- becoming more organized
23- becoming more clean (home, work, car)
24- improving my social interactions
25- being reliable
26- develop more healthy/constructive hobbies
27- becoming more optimistic
28- being more considerate to others and myself
29- encouraging my wife's independence
30- becoming more financially stable/secure
31- providing quality in my work
32- being recognized as a professional in my career
33- building things
34- becoming a better cook
35- having a sense of adventure
36- be daring
37- developing wisdom
38- being punctual
39- be a positive role model to my children
40- establish a legacy for myself that I'm proud of
41- being kind to others
42- become an effective debater
43- developing my musical skill
44- following through on projects
45- validate myself and gain validation through those that matter
46- not feel guilty about the person I am
47- accept that I cannot change things that didn't go my way
48- being attentive
49- speak out and do the right thing
50- bringing joy to others
51- being competent in my field
52- being considerate of others feelings and needs
53- living others
54- living myself
55- being playful
56- being humble
57- being charitable and giving
58- being trustworthy
59- having a sense of humor
60- physical beauty
61- appreciating natural beauty/nature
62- respecting others
63- being fair

List of Values from Addictive Behavior

1- instant gratification
2- numbing/coping
3- escape route(boredom, discomfort)
4- euphoria
5- manipulation/power trip
6- physical stimulation/pleasure
7- sexual gratification
8- feeling desired


Last edited by duran93 on Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:26 pm, edited 6 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 12:28 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 4

Prioritized Values

1- strengthening my role as a husband
2- strengthening my role as a father
3- strengthening my role as a son/son in law
4- strengthening my role as a brother/brother in law
5- live with integrity/stand by my word
6- develop a better connection to my emotions
7- be a better role model for my kids
8- respect others
9- effectively manage my anxiety
10- enhance my spiritual awareness
11- validate myself and gain validation from those that are important to me
12- be reliable
13- maintain my physical health/eat healthily
14- stay active/exercise
15- provide quality in my work
16- become more organized/clean
17- experience intellectual growth
18- establish greater financial security
19- build things
20- feel happy and content


Last edited by duran93 on Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:05 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 5

1- strengthen my role as a husband
2- strengthen my role as a father
3- living with integrity(the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles/moral uprightness)
4- maintaining physical health, diet, exercise
5- being organized and clean
6- enhancing my spiritual awareness
7- develop a better connection to my emotions
8- being financially secure
9- validate myself appropriately
10- building/fixing things and landscaping
11- strengthen my role as a son/son in law
12- excelling at work
13- being mindful/content
14- being dedicated
15- manage my anxiety effectively


Last edited by duran93 on Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:24 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Jul 19, 2017 11:34 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 6

SIMPLE PROACTIVE ACTION PLANS

1- be dedicated
-have a good attitude about recovery
-be consistent in recovery(learn, work, put in effort)
-re read lessons if you feel confused



2- be more clean/organized
-clean up messes I make
-keep bathrooms tidy
-do dishes once a day if needed


3- be reliable
-keep Savannah in the loop w/ recovery
-keep promises (think big and small)


4- maintaining physical/dietary health
-stretch/exercise once a day
-make good eating decisions
-do an some sort of active activity twice a week(walk, bike, kayak)


5- excel at work/work efficiently
-wake up on time
-focus on the task at hand
-move quickly
-don't make excuses


Last edited by duran93 on Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Jul 23, 2017 12:47 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 7

PROACTIVE ACTION PLANS 1-10

PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 1

Strengthen my Role as a Husband to Savannah

--speak/interact respectfully with Savannah
/be sure to use appropriate language(no swearing)
/address her as an equal(she is your partner)
/use respectful body language
/make sure you don't interrupt her
--maintain absolute honesty with savannah
/make sure you update savannah on slips and urges you think she should know about(maybe notate things)
--have meaningful/emotional conversation with savannah at least once a day
/talk about things that you like/want to do
/ask savannah about her day/what's going on in her life
/create talking points around shared interests
/make sure you respond/don't be a bump on a log
--do things with savannah that she would enjoy or like to try
/take her out on a creative date(not custom/DIY, just put thought into it)
/surprise her
/make the most of your alone time together
--do good deeds for savannah
/physical favors(massage, hugs, non sexual touch)
/work favors(chores, errands, getting kids ready/taking them places)
/make thoughtful things or even buy thoughtful gifts
--learn to express your emotions in a healthier way


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 2

strengthen my role as a father to the girls (Mackenzie, Lily, and Harlow)

--be involved(plain and simple)
/talk to the girls(ask them about their day in detail, their likes and dislikes)
/play with them/hang out with them
/be helpful(not overbearing, keep in mind they won't be little forever)

--show them yourself(honestly, this ties in to sharing yourself with the world honestly)
/be yourself(easier said than done, but baby steps, share your honest likes and dislikes)

--be a good role model/provide a moral map
/make good decisions and explain them if needed
/educate them on situations that they observe
/ask them questions about situations they're in, or that they witness

--be patient
/observe clearly before acting


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 3

--living with integrity

/slow down and think(decisions rarely go anywhere)
/being honest with people(as much as possible, people that aren't close obviously don't need to know certain things, this also entails not using 'little white lies')
/living general life in line with your values
/develop positive habits
/keeping promises(big and small)


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 4

--Maintain physical health, diet, and exercise

/exercise at least 3 times a week
/stretch and practice yoga
/take walks, bike ride, kayak, rock climb
/make good eating decisions(cut back on sugary foods, and keep eating within appropriate hours)
/drink plenty of water(cut back on soda)
/don't eat out of boredom(think about what you're eating and why)
/take care of your psoriasis
/practice good hygiene(skin, hair, nails, and teeth)
/make the appropriate appointments for your health(general and dental


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 5

--be organized and clean

/pick up messes that you make(sooner the better/easier)
/be proactive with laundry
/do dishes at least once a day
/keep bathrooms tidy
/pick two areas of the house a week to deep clean
/set out work clothes and have breakfast and lunch prepped the night before
/clean out cars once a month


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 6

--enhance my spiritual awareness

/look up a list of theologies and belief systems
/research all of your options
/write down what you end up being comfortable with and remind yourself of it throughout the day
/tell people that you are close to what you believe in
/become proficient at explaining what you believe in
/apply your purpose to your daily life


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 7

--develop a better connection to my emotions

/look up and emotion wheel and incorporate it into your daily life
/think before you act or fall into a feeling intensely(say aloud what it is that you're feeling)
/be aware of what you're feeling(and feel it in its entirety)


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 8

--be financially secure

/keep track of the budget
/don't make unnecessary purchases(food, coffee, look out for small purchases)
/pack your lunch
/have coffee at home
/set money aside every month
/pay off small things on credit report


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 9

--validate myself appropriately

/name 3 things I like about myself every morning in the mirror
/write down 3 things I'm great full for every day


PROACTIVE ACTION PLAN 10

--strengthen my role as a son/some in law to my Mom, Kim/Tim

/do nice things for these people(chores, thoughtful gifts, etc)
/call my mom once a week
/visit or invite my mom out twice a month
/start having conversations with them(on a meaningful basis)
/realize that I may encounter frustration/irritation when talking to my mother


Last edited by duran93 on Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 11:33 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 10

I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving. Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.

-My mom, mother in-law, and my children are the only people in my life that don't know of my addiction. I'm not sure if this constitutes as lying, but they're people i care about and wish i could share myself honestly with. The reason my kids don't know is because of their ages (way too young to have any knowledge of my issues). My mother doesn't know because i don't think she would respond well to it, maybe I'm wrong, i may tell her one day. (worst that could happen is she would think i was disgusting, i don't think she'd disown me exactly) And my mother in-law is very religious, it may very well affect our family dynamic in a negative way.

II. If you are involved in a partnership, choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving them in certain areas. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are willing to jeopardize the future of that relationship by maintaining the deception; AND, admit to yourself that you are intentionally sabotaging your own healthy foundation by allowing such a huge crack to remain.

- I'm not will to deceive my partner now or in the future.

III. If you are involved in professional coaching (or outside counseling), choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving those whom you are working with. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are not fully commited to ending your addiction. Acknowledge that you are choosing to 'go through the motions', rather than actively pursue real change.

- I am not involved in coaching.

IV. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread. If you are uncomfortable sharing this in the forum, email or PM the list to a Coach.

- I do not have any sexually compulsive material stashed.

V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.

- I do not use any particular person for such an object, although my largest trigger is strangers, something i want to work hard on "desexualizing".

VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.

- I don't have anywhere that i go to compulsively act out.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jul 27, 2017 11:33 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 10

I. Consider those lies that are still being perpetuated in your life. Who you are deceiving. Why you are deceiving them. Consider the 'risks' of coming clean. No need to do anything about these thoughts...just have an awareness of them.

-My mom, mother in-law, and my children are the only people in my life that don't know of my addiction. I'm not sure if this constitutes as lying, but they're people i care about and wish i could share myself honestly with. The reason my kids don't know is because of their ages (way too young to have any knowledge of my issues). My mother doesn't know because i don't think she would respond well to it, maybe I'm wrong, i may tell her one day. (worst that could happen is she would think i was disgusting, i don't think she'd disown me exactly) And my mother in-law is very religious, it may very well affect our family dynamic in a negative way.

II. If you are involved in a partnership, choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving them in certain areas. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are willing to jeopardize the future of that relationship by maintaining the deception; AND, admit to yourself that you are intentionally sabotaging your own healthy foundation by allowing such a huge crack to remain.

- I'm not will to deceive my partner now or in the future.

III. If you are involved in professional coaching (or outside counseling), choose now whether or not you intend to continue deceiving those whom you are working with. If the answer is yes, acknowledge that you are not fully commited to ending your addiction. Acknowledge that you are choosing to 'go through the motions', rather than actively pursue real change.

- I am not involved in coaching.

IV. Make a list of all the places where you have items stashed for sexually compulsive behavior. List these items and their locations in your Recovery Thread. If you are uncomfortable sharing this in the forum, email or PM the list to a Coach.

- I do not have any sexually compulsive material stashed.

V. Make a list of all the people that you use as compulsive sexual and/or romantic object. Post this in your thread.

- I do not use any particular person for such an object, although my largest trigger is strangers, something i want to work hard on "desexualizing".

VI. Make a list of all the places where you go to act out your sexually/romantically compulsive behavior. Post this list in your thread.

- I don't have anywhere that i go to compulsively act out.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:39 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 12

I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to an unhealthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.

- I feel that I consistently look for proof that what I'm doing, and it most likely contributes to the 'through the roof' anxiety levels I experience throughout the course of my work day. I feel as if I worry constantly that I'm in an unhealthy recovery. I also have trouble remembering everything that I've learned and putting it into play consistently.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Jul 29, 2017 10:52 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LEASON 13

I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.

- I display a lot of anxiety about recovery, I enjoy the understanding of my behaviors and getting to the bottom of them. I sometimes try to 'dive in' and test what I have learned, although sometimes I fear triggers.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Jul 30, 2017 12:07 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 14

DAILY MONITORING 1

DAILY HEALTH MONITORING

1- did I carry myself as a person worthy of respect today?



2- did I engage in any compulsive behaviors today?
- If yes, did I maintain an awareness of the elements involved?


- Did I create a break as soon as I became aware of that ritual?


- If no, did I role play a past or possible future compulsive ritual to ingrain confidence in my ability to manage these rituals?


3- did I manage my anxiety effectively today?
-

4- was I honest with the world as I experience it today? (Absence of secrecy)

5- did I spend quality time with my children today?
- what was the activity?
- Which kids?
- Was the focus on their needs as opposed to mine?

6- did I pick up after myself and do something productive for the household today?
- What did I do?

7- did I have meaningful conversation with my wife today?
- about what?

8- did I engage in strenuous activity or exercise today?
- What was it?

9- did I respect savannah today?
- 3 examples of conscious decisions to respect her

10- did I eat healthy foods today?
- in appropriate quantities?
- At appropriate times?

11- did I attempt to improve communication with my children today?
- which kids?
- what was the topic of conversation?

12- did I work professionally and with efficiency today?
- did I show up to work at a decent time?
- did I work quickly?
- was I accurate with delivery?
- did I provide good customer service?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2017 11:24 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2016 9:29 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 15

I. Take a minute to review what you have learned over the past two weeks. Of what you have learned so far, think of one example of how you have actively integrated that information into your day-to-day life. Share this in your personal thread.

- over the past few weeks I've learned what my values are, and have gained multiple insights into my addiction and my recovery. I've broken down my remaining urges into almost easily explained bits and pieces. I try my best to fulfill my values in my health monitoring(need to work harder with anxiety and work). I've also made great strides in honesty., with myself and my wife.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 14 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group