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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:01 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:46 am
Posts: 40
lesson 29 response:

A. Describe the emotions that you experienced and the thoughts that triggered them.

#1 Things that are important to me
my family-->sadness, loneliness

#2 Values
values-->love, motivation to become like that

#3 regrets/traumas
childhood experience-->sadness,loneliness

#4 wonderful moments
being with my father-->happy, calm, sadness(i miss him)

#5 mild compulsive behaviour
watching tv--> restlessness, confusion (about what are the alternatives if I stop it)

B. In assessing your own anxiety, describe the extremes of your personal experiences with anxiety. What has been the least anxious state you have experienced and the most extreme anxious state you have experienced?

# least anxious situations: talking to my family, watching tv, drinking
# extreme anxious situations: giving presentations, interviews, talking to a group of people, standing up for myself


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 23, 2018 4:38 pm 
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lesson 31 response:

In learning to effectively manage your life (e.g. maintain relative emotional balance), it is important to develop an ongoing awareness of where the majority of your energy is being exhausted and where it is being derived. In your Personal Recovery Thread:

A. Make a list of all identifiable stressors that have affected your emotional health over the past week. For each, document whether it is a mild, moderate, severe or extreme stressor. Example: 1) Facing Possible Divorce: extreme; 2) Lost respect among friends and family: moderate

job search - moderate
fight with a friend - extreme
work - mild
porn and masturbation- extreme

B. Return to your values list created earlier in the workshop. In a healthy life, the majority of energy being drained (e.g. stress) should be related to the pursuit of your highest prioritized values (top fifteen or so). Do you see this pattern in your life? If not, what do you think this means in terms of the way that you are expending your energy?

I'm spending less amount of energy on the things that I have to do (my responsibilities and my dreams) and more energy on little things (as I'm unable to manage my emotions). This means that I'm losing the sight of important things in my life ( I should start prioritizing)

C. Likewise, in a healthy life, the majority of meaning and stimulation that you gain should also be related to your highest values. Do you see this pattern in your life? If not, what do you think this means in terms of the quality of life you are living?

majority of the stimulation derived in my life are not related to the highest values but from unhealthy sources. this means that my life is not in alignment with the values.( I should make changes in my current lifestyle)


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 28, 2018 12:08 pm 
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Posts: 40
lesson 32 response:

Early in the workshop, you created approximately fifteen 'proactive action plans' that were intended to list specific steps to take to strengthen certain values that are important to you. Return to these action plans and for each, review your progress. Summarize your progress on your recovery thread.

1. Unwavering
progress: I'm listening to motivational audios and meditating whenever I get a chance. I'm also practising values, I think made a little progress in this value

2. Courageous
progress: I'm learning to stand up for myself and I'm also giving time to improve myself

3. Hardworking
progress: I'm working hard to learn values than before

4. Happy
Progress: although I'm making meaningful conversation with the people I love, I don't think I have made any progress in this value

5. Committed
progress: my commitment to have a healthy life increased

6. Sharing my true self with the world around me
progress: I think I have made some progress in this value as I'm learning how to have a conversation with others.

7,8. Self-esteem & confident
Progress: I think I have made some progress in these values

9. Value time
Progress: no improvement

10. Mindful
progress: I think I have made more improvement in this value than others.on an average I'm meditating 4 days a week and I have also learned how to observe emotions ( listened to an audio programme on audiodharma on how to recognize and deal with emotions)

2. Update your Proactive Action Plans as needed.
As of now, I feel the action plans that I have now are enough and I will update them later if needed


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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 1:47 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 323
Hi S Man,

This lesson presents the opportunity to reflect back and see what progress you have made to date. From your response I would suggest that you have made a lot of progress and you should take pride and encouragement from that. There are a couple of areas that you have identified where perhaps little or no progress has been made yet, and the object of the exercise is also to bring this to your attention so you can be more aware of those areas which I am sure you will now make a point of doing.

Keep it going!

_________________
L2R

"Should you fail to permanently recover from your addiction, it will be due to your inability to fully commit to recovery"


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 01, 2018 11:35 am 
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Posts: 40
lesson 33 response:

1. While you have no doubt already deepened the awareness of your emotions...you now want to begin the process of mastering them. You want to make it a goal of yours to turn what was once a debilitating fault into one of your greatest strengths. That can't be done by reading. It must be developed in your day-to-day life. And so, that is your assignment. To take this next week to seek out opportunities to deepen an awareness of your emotions — both as they occur and as they can be anticipated. Each day, find at least five opportunities to assess your emotions. Don't do this retroactively...as in, you are about to go to bed and so, you review the day's activities and how you felt about them...this must be done in the here and now.

Additionally, add a few opportunities for developing this awareness by anticipating, role playing common rituals surrounding your past behavior. Or possible future behavior. Consider your emotions at the height of a compulsive urge. On the death of a loved one. On the experience of a child's birth. Think of the extremes.

The insights you are searching for throughout this exercise will be in relation to the finite qualities of emotion; the lack of fear/anxiety that comes with developing confidence in being able to anticipate emotional intensity; and the confidence that comes with the same.


I'm having a hard time doing this exercise & I have tried it for 2 weeks now. I'm able to recognise the emotions that I'm experiencing while meditating and while thinking about future situations but I'm unable to recognise them while they are happening and how they are affecting my actions. I want to give it a serious try once again and I will post my insights daily

DAY:1
It was hard but I was able to catch myself in the act. I observed that while rating the emotional intensity, I always exaggerate them but after thinking rationally most of them didn't even cross 40. In some situations (other than the five opportunities ) I was not sure or I was not able to recognise what I was feeling. While thinking about possible future behaviour, I was confused and I'm not sure whether I will be able to control myself or not

DAY:2
day 2 was easier than day 1. my ability to recognise emotions improved and I was able to catch myself in the act a lot more than day 1. confusion and doubts remained while considering future behaviour.

DAY:3
most of my emotional intensity levels were around 40 and I have observed that this emotional intensity is what drives my daily actions.


2. Each day over the next three, share a few insights relating to these topics in your personal thread. Insights that you have gained from that particular day's focus.

Q1 response


3. At the end of the week, assess the level of effort you put into this task. Did you remember to consciously seek out such developmental opportunities each of the seven days? Post your assessment in your thread.

my effort to seek opportunities decreased from day 4 but I was able to find at least 3-4 situations to asses my emotions. Most of the time during this week I was able to asses my emotions as they arose. I would give myself B- or c+ for my effort.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 08, 2018 4:04 pm 
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Posts: 40
lesson 34 response:

A. Describe a time in your life when the "Immediate Gratification" principle has come into play:

Most of my decisions related to emotions were based on immediate gratification. I always try to avoid uncomfortable situations by opting an easy way out.

example: last year I was able to manage my compulsive behaviour without relapsing for around 110 days. On the last day (it was my birthday), I was feeling lonely and sad as I was away from my family and friends. I thought I should make myself happy and reward myself for all the hard work. I relapsed and got myself into old habits without thinking about the future.

B. As best as you can, describe the anxiety you feel when you are trying to NOT ACT on a compulsive sexual thought or behaviour. Be specific. Compare it to other feelings of anxiety that you experience. The purpose of this exercise is to begin to define the limits of your emotions — and where your compulsive urges stand within those limits.

while trying to not act on compulsive behaviour, I will lose my focus on a particular task. daydreaming and sexual thoughts would increase with time. I will not be able to sleep and I will wake up in the middle of the night with an urge to masturbate. restlessness increases and sometimes I will open porn sites without even thinking, I will close it after realising whats happening. This cycle will repeat many times until I lose control and relapse.

things experienced in other anxiety situations are a lot similar to that in compulsive behaviour, like unable to focus, restlessness, unable to sleep. The difference between them is, in normal anxious situations I will be hyper-alert while I will be zoned out most of the time during compulsive behaviour.

C. As best as you can, describe the feeling that you experience while you are engaging in a certain compulsive sexual thought or behavior. Is it a trance-like feeling? Is it a hyper-alert feeling? If someone could get inside your mind as you were experiencing such a ritual, what would they find?

trance-like feeling, curiosity, calm, blank mind (not thinking of anything except porn), pleasure are some of the feelings that I experience while engaging in compulsive behaviour.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 09, 2018 4:55 pm 
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Posts: 40
lesson 35 response:

1) Evolve your daily monitoring as outlined above. Post the first thing you will be monitoring in this way in your thread for feedback and, share where you will be placing the reminder. Do not wait for feedback to begin.

Current areas that require more attention:
1) Career
2) Health

The first thing that I will be monitoring:
career: Today I will actively seek out opportunities to advance my career through the day.
reminder: Placed it on the wall near my bed so that its the first thing I would see when I wake up.

2) Create your weekly agenda. Post it in your Recovery Thread.

Question #1: Over the past seven days, from what areas of my life did I derive the majority of my meaning and fulfillment. Think specific actions you experienced, not general ideals. "On Tuesday, I took out my guitar and just played for my kids. Took the time to teach them a few notes. It was meaningful to me." This, as opposed to...'music, kids...'

Question #2: Over the past seven days, where did the majority of my energy go? As in, was there chronic stress/pressure I had to manage? Were there any major traumatic events? Any intense emotional events?

Question #3: Given the meaning that I derived this week and the events I had to manage — how well did I do in maintaining emotional balance through healthy means? Were there times when my life management skills were inadequate and I ended up turning to artificial means (e.g. compulsive behavior)?

Question #4: Over the past seven days, which situation didn't turn out as planned? what did I do or not do to create that results? what do I need to do differently next time to get the result I want?

Question #5: Looking ahead to the next seven days, are there any significant events that I need to prepare for, so that I am not caught off guard? Deadlines, reunions, holidays, dates, etc


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:56 am 
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Posts: 40
lesson 36response:

I. Describe a scenario from your past where not having a well-defined set of boundaries has prolonged and/or intensified the personal consequences that you have experienced.

I never had any set of well-defined boundaries in my life. I have always based my decisions on how I was feeling at that moment. Because of this, I have made many choices that prolonged my compulsive behaviour.

example (lesson 34 response): last year I was able to manage my compulsive behaviour without relapsing for around 110 days. On the last day (it was my birthday), I was feeling lonely and sad as I was away from my family and friends. I thought I should make myself happy and reward myself for all the hard work. I relapsed and got myself into old habits without thinking about the future.

II. Describe a situation in your life where having solid boundaries will assist you in managing the event in such a way as to protect your value system.

considering a scenario where I have an opportunity to masturbate for dealing with uncomfortable situations/ from escaping reality. I think having solid boundaries would assist me to choose a healthy way rather than depending on compulsive behaviour.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 16, 2018 1:45 pm 
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Posts: 40
lesson 37 response:

I. List three of your highest values (values prioritized within the top five).

1. Unwavering
2. Courage
3. Hardworking

II. For each value, list at least five concrete boundaries (rules) that you will use to protect that value.

1. Unwavering
Rule # 1: I will give my vision a highest priority in each and every situation of my life.
Rule # 2: I will not allow myself to be pressured into changing my mind.
Rule # 3: I have the right to say no in engaging in any behaviour that affects my vision.
Rule # 4: There is nothing wrong with making the wrong choice but resting on indecision is unacceptable.
Rule # 5: I will not feel guilty for saying no or if things didn't turn up the way I want.

2. Courage
Rule # 1: Instead of victims mindset, I will take the position that I always had the power to make a difference.
Rule # 2: I will do what needs to be done, instead of backing out because of fear/ any uncomfortable feelings.
Rule # 3: In any situation, if I have given any excuses I will take the responsibility to not repeat it again and rectify it if possible.
Rule # 4: I will openly face the consequences of my actions in the past & present.
Rule # 5: I will face my emotions(deal with them) instead of numbing or escaping from them.

3. Hardworking
Rule # 1: whatever the job may be, I will always try to do it as best as I can.
Rule # 2: I will always work in order of priority.
Rule # 3: I will follow my values and successful principles to achieve my goals.
Rule # 4: If I lost the track of my priorities I will align myself to them again.
Rule # 5: Hard work doesn't always pay if I feel lost I will use other values to manage my emotions.

III. Absolute boundaries are those boundaries that under no circumstances will you ever cross. These must be realistic AND you must hold them in reverence. Typically, everyone should have at least three such absolute boundaries. List three that you will use to help manage your life.


Absolute boundary #1: Results are secondary.whatever the situation may be, I will always put 100% effort into doing it without being concerned about the results.
Absolute boundary #2: I will not go back to my compulsive behaviours when dealing with uncomfortable situations.
Absolute boundary #3: I will always use healthy methods to manage my stress.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:48 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:46 am
Posts: 40
lesson 38 response:

I. Review the boundaries created to protect the values listed in the previous lesson.

reviewed

II. Consider at least two situations where this value may be threatened. Are the existing boundaries enough to protect against this threat?

most of my values are threatened when I'm going through emotional stress and when I have an opportunity to engage in sexual behaviour.

my existing boundaries are enough to protect me from making bad decisions when I'm going through emotional stress.
If I have an opportunity to engage in any sexual behaviour, I'm not confident enough whether my decisions are correct or wrong. I think I'm emotionally immature to make the decision (at least right now).


III. If not, evolve your boundaries so that they are capable of allowing you to manage those situations.

Absolute boundary #4: I will not indulge in any kind of sexual behaviour (even visiting sexual explicit websites) until I complete recovery workshop (I'm planning to complete it by Jan 1, 2019). Till then I will solely concentrate on improving myself.


Last edited by a.shivaraman on Wed Aug 22, 2018 1:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2018 1:14 pm 
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Posts: 40
Lesson 39 response:

Step 1: Take Inventory of Your Current Sexual Values
1. masturbation is healthy as long as doesn't effect other parts of life
2. I don't like porn in which people are sexually assaulted
3. I don't like child abuse/ pornography
4. sexually assaulting someone is unacceptable
5. Sex is something personal between two people
6. sex can be for entertainment/love/ intimacy
7. manipulating someone into sex is not okay
8. I'm insecure about the way I look
9. sex with an escort for physical intimacy is okay if you are single.
10. threesome is okay if your partner is interested in it.
11. listening to erotic audios is okay
12. forcing someone to do something sexual is not okay
13. objectifying women is not good
14. shouldn't have sex without consent
15. just because you paid for the sex it doesn't mean she has to do everything you hoped
16. revenge sex is unacceptable
17. commenting on others sexuality is unacceptable
18. making fun of others performance is not okay
19. cheating on the partner is unacceptable
20. recording sex without partners knowledge is unacceptable
21. it's okay for my partner/me to stop sex if she/me feel uncomfortable
22. It's unacceptable to take advantage of someone who is under the influence of alcohol
23. shouldn't have unprotected sex
24. Its okay for everyone to have a preferred body type
25. Its okay to have kinks unless you are hurting someone
26. I want to be intimate with someone
27. sex involving domination or humiliation is not good
28. incest is not okay
29. women are attracted to confident personality
30. shouldn't stalk others
31. I like pleasuring myself
32. I like to receive oral sex
33. I want to have sex with model
34. I want to have sex with a pornstar
35. I like redheads
36. I like to look into the eyes while watching porn
37. I like the moans in porn
38. I like erotic audio
39. I like to look at nude people
40. a persons sexuality doesn't depend whether he is in a relationship or not
41. like to look at the facial expressions of the female while having sex
42. I don't like BDSM but if two individuals are doing it with consent its okay
43. I don't like if my partner disrespects me
44. one should be faithful to their partner
45. I don't like hardcore sex like gangbang
46. I don't like public sex/ someone who exposes in public
47. one shouldn't neglect their partner's sexual needs
48. I don't like complicated relationships (affairs)
49. I want to experience threesome
50. in a sexual relationship one should respect each other.
51. I want to have a healthy masturbation
52. I want to have sex with the person I like/love
53. getting lost with someone you love is sexy
54. sex in car sounds fun
55. sex near lake sounds fun
56. sex in a grassy landscape is hot
57. blowjob is erotic
58. doggy while holding breasts is hot
59. hfo audios are arousing
60. asmr/hypnosis are sexy
61. it’s okay to do Kegel exercise
62. I like petite girls
63. blondes are sexy
64. brunets are sexy
65. blue/green colored eyes are sexy
66. girls are sexy
67. I love when girl smiles
68. I like women with casual dress
69. I like women who are lively
70. I’m attracted to hard working women
71. women wearing my shirt is sexy
72. women dressing me up is intimate
73. I like women without make up
74. I like girls with glasses
75. lesbians are hot
76. teasing is hot
77. sucking balls is simulating
78. I don’t like girls with abs
79. I like to be close to the partner while having sex
80. giving oral sex is hot
81. kissing on neck is hot
82. licking female body parts is hot
83. DFK is sexy
84. father-daughter –yuck
85. mother son – yuck
86. girl calling daddy – turnoff
87. kissing woman’s parts is sexy
88. sex with animals- yuck
89. I want to have sex with escort
90. sex under stars is hot
91. I feel sad and jealous when I see other couple
92. piercings are not sexy
93. men are not sexy
94. being intimate scares me
95. watching porn is okay unless you are using it compulsively
96. I like feeling aroused
97. I like orgasms
98. one should have fun while having sex
99. spooning is intimate
100. hugging is intimate
101. my partner should experience pleasure while having sex
102. visual porn is too distracting to me
103. visual porn is simulating
104. for me, objectifying women increased because of visual porn
105. I spent a lot of time on visual porn
106. I don’t feel happy after masturbating
107. feel guilty after masturbation most of the time
108. one should be happy exploring their bodies
109. porn is addictive if you are immature
110. I don’t like degrading women
111. masturbation is addictive if you are immature
112. taking picture/videos without someone’s knowledge is not okay
113. posting picture/video without someone’s knowledge is not okay
114. should not involve in sexual behavior that puts my partner/family in danger
115. it’s okay to be aroused watching a girl
116. it’s okay to think of being intimate with someone
117. building sexual fantasies is not okay
118. thinking that women don’t like you is not okay
119. belittling myself is not oaky
120. thinking women should have sex with you is not okay
121. thinking of sex all the time is not good
122. fantasizing sex with every woman you meet is not good
123. porn is not real
124. it’s scary to talk to women
125. I don’t know how to flirt
126. it’s scary to be intimate with someone
127. I’m immature

Step 2: Define an Ideal Ending
1. I will only engage in sexual behavior that doesn’t deviate me from my vision
2. I will learn to love and accept my body through healthy masturbation
3. I will only engage in sexual activity with a person who is interested in me

Step 3: Define a Beginning
1. masturbation is healthy as long as doesn't effect other parts of life
2. I don't like porn in which people are sexually assaulted
3. I don't like child abuse/ pornography
4. sexually assaulting someone is unacceptable
5. Sex is something personal between two people
6. sex can be for entertainment/love/ intimacy
7. manipulating someone into sex is not okay
8. I'm insecure about the way I look (irrelevant)
9. sex with an escort for physical intimacy is okay if you are single. (contradicts)
10. threesome is okay if your partner is interested in it.
11. listening to erotic audios is okay
12. forcing someone to do something sexual is not okay
13. objectifying women is not good
14. shouldn't have sex without consent
15. just because you paid for the sex it doesn't mean she has to do everything you hoped (contradicts)
16. revenge sex is unacceptable
17. commenting on others sexuality is unacceptable
18. making fun of others performance is not okay
19. cheating on the partner is unacceptable
20. recording sex without partners knowledge is unacceptable
21. it's okay for my partner/me to stop sex if she/me feel uncomfortable
22. It's unacceptable to take advantage of someone who is under the influence of alcohol
23. shouldn't have unprotected sex
24. Its okay for everyone to have a preferred body type
25. Its okay to have kinks unless you are hurting someone
26. I want to be intimate with someone (irrelevant)
27. sex involving domination or humiliation is not good
28. incest is not okay
29. women are attracted to confident personality (irrelevant)
30. shouldn't stalk others
31. I like pleasuring myself
32. I like to receive oral sex
33. I want to have sex with model (irrelevant)
34. I want to have sex with a pornstar (irrelevant)
35. I like redheads
36. I like to look into the eyes while watching porn
37. I like the moans in porn
38. I like erotic audio
39. I like to look at nude people
40. a persons sexuality doesn't depend whether he is in a relationship or not
41. like to look at the facial expressions of the female while having sex
42. I don't like BDSM but if two individuals are doing it with consent its okay
43. I don't like if my partner disrespects me (irrelevant)
44. one should be faithful to their partner
45. I don't like hardcore sex like gangbang
46. I don't like public sex/ someone who exposes in public
47. one shouldn't neglect their partner's sexual needs
48. I don't like complicated relationships (affairs)
49. I want to experience threesome (irrelevant)
50. in a sexual relationship one should respect each other.
51. getting lost with someone you love is sexy (irrelevant)
52. sex in car sounds fun (irrelevant)
53. sex near lake sounds fun (irrelevant)
54. sex in a grassy landscape is hot (irrelevant)
55. blowjob is erotic
56. doggy while holding breasts is hot
57. hfo audios are arousing
58. asmr/hypnosis are sexy
59. it’s okay to do Kegel exercise
60. I like petite girls
61. blondes are sexy
62. brunets are sexy
63. blue/green colored eyes are sexy
64. girls are sexy
65. I love when girl smiles
66. I like women with casual dress
67. I like women who are lively
68. I’m attracted to hard working women
69. women wearing my shirt is sexy
70. women dressing me up is intimate
71. I like women without make up
72. I like girls with glasses
73. lesbians are hot
74. teasing is hot
75. sucking balls is simulating
76. I don’t like girls with abs (irrelevant)
77. I like to be close to the partner while having sex
78. giving oral sex is hot
79. kissing on neck is hot
80. licking female body parts is hot
81. DFK is sexy
82. father-daughter –yuck
83. mother son – yuck
84. girl calling daddy – turnoff
85. kissing woman’s parts is sexy
86. sex with animals- yuck
87. I want to have sex with escort (contradicts)
88. sex under stars is hot
89. I feel sad and jealous when I see another couple (irrelevant)
90. piercings are not sexy
91. men are not sexy (irrelevant)
92. being intimate scares me (irrelevant)
93. watching porn is okay unless you are using it compulsively
94. I like feeling aroused
95. I like orgasms
96. one should have fun while having sex
97. spooning is intimate
98. hugging is intimate
99. my partner should experience pleasure while having sex
100. visual porn is too distracting to me
101. visual porn is simulating
102. for me, objectifying women increased because of visual porn
103. I spent a lot of time on visual porn
104. I don’t feel happy after masturbating
105. feel guilty after masturbation most of the time
106. one should be happy exploring their bodies
107. porn is addictive if you are immature
108. I don’t like degrading women
109. masturbation is addictive if you are immature
110. taking picture/videos without someone’s knowledge is not okay
111. posting picture/video without someone’s knowledge is not okay
112. should not involve in sexual behavior that puts my partner/family in danger
113. it’s okay to be aroused watching a girl
114. it’s okay to think of being intimate with someone
115. building sexual fantasies is not okay
116. thinking that women don’t like you is not okay
117. belittling myself is not oaky
118. thinking women should have sex with you is not okay
119. thinking of sex all the time is not good
120. fantasizing sex with every woman you meet is not good
121. porn is not real
122. it’s scary to talk to women (irrelevant)
123. I don’t know how to flirt (irrelevant)
124. it’s scary to be intimate with someone (irrelevant)
125. I’m immature (irrelevant)


Step 4: Define Your Existing Vulnerabilities

1. Emotional stress
a) Job stress
b) Loneliness
c) Sadness
d) Anxiety

2. Boredom

3. Having opportunity
a) Of going to escort
b) to watch porn
c) to experience pleasure (guaranteed)
d) to get away from uncomfortable emotions

4. Lust
a) Finding a new pornstar

Step 5: Ask for Feedback
Your feedback is highly appreciated

Step 6: Select Initial Value for Development

1) porn is addictive if you are immature (selected this because I think my porn habits are the first thing that should be managed)


Step 7: Define the boundaries that will protect the selected value
1) I will not view any sexual content/ fantasize at work
2) I will only engage in sexual activity after I complete my daily schedule
3) I will manage my everyday sexual thoughts by meditation
4) I will only engage in audio porn as the visual porn is too distracting for me
5) I will only engage in sexual activity if my emotional intensity is above 60 (i.e. if I am unable to manage my work because of my thoughts)
6) If I were to engage in any sexual activity, the session will not last more than 10-15 min

Step 8: Observe Others
From the people that I have observed till now, their view of healthy masturbation is to never let it interfere with their life and work. Some of them have set aside some time for themselves to indulge in sexual activity such that it doesn’t effect their work, errands and social life. Some people just do it when they feel it’s right and didn’t have any restrictions for masturbation.

Step 9: Look for Opportunities to Apply Your Values
I’m still not sure about indulging in masturbation even if my boundaries are met. I still have doubts whether its right to do it or not, but I will try my best to apply my values.

Step 10: Evaluate the Consequences

Step 11: Continue to Ask for Feedback
Your feedback is highly appreciated

Step 12: Redefine Values/Boundaries

Step 13: Update Your List of Vulnerabilities

Step 14: Return to Step Seven


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2018 4:39 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
Hello aSM
You are now at an important junction in your journey
You should now be in the position where you are really believing that recovery is yours and that you are now thinking seriously about your life , a life that does need some rebuilding post addiction
This takes time and of course effort
I took 10 days over this exercise (on my second turn around) so believe me when I say that this is worth dwelling on and dwelling on for some considerable time, that said it is not a reason to not press on with the other lessons

Remember also that here we are looking beyond addiction so there will be many areas having little or nothing to do with the addiction still in need of attention. Remember recovery is not abstinence it is change

THECOACH Jon said,
Quote:
to live a healthy life, our goal must be to naturally incorporate ALL experiences into our lives, as opposed to avoiding them through abstinence.


In doing so we need the willingness to examine ourselves openly, to our their current sexual identity "as is", to put forth the effort to learn new things, to be vulnerable during this learning process, and in our willingness to LET GO of our past sexual identity.

One of the first tasks in rebuilding a healthy sexual identity is to identify the sexual boundaries that currently exist. That is what you have started to do and started well

You have entered a rebuilding phase in your life and requested feedback
Your ending should be socially accepted sexual values that match your own belief system.
Does it?
Quote:
Step 2: Define an Ideal Ending
1. I will only engage in sexual behaviour that doesn’t deviate me from my vision
2. I will learn to love and accept my body through healthy masturbation
3. I will only engage in sexual activity with a person who is interested in me


I would have hoped to read

1. I will only engage in any behaviour that doesn’t deviate me from my vision, my values nor cross my or others boundaries

3. I will only engage in sexual activity with a person who is of interest to me and is interested in me

your beginning
III.
Quote:
All remaining values on your list should now represent your current healthy sexual values; and all should be related to helping you achieve your immediate developmental goals.

Do they?
You already annotated some why not simply take them and some others which obviously go against your values out
You did a good job now lets do it better

Do not forget that progress requires continuation :sat:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 28, 2018 9:44 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 07, 2017 8:46 am
Posts: 40
Lesson 40 response:

I. Choose someone in your life that you feel close to. A spouse. A child. A parent. A friend. Rather than assuming what boundaries they have; or what values they want protected...take some time to step into their lives. Refresh those perceptions that you have.

These are the major boundaries that I think are very important for each and every individual.
1) Shouldn’t touch without consent
2) Shouldn’t abuse
3) Shouldn’t be made fun of their sexuality.
4) No illegal photography, videos
5) Shouldn’t be manipulated
6) Shouldn’t take advantage of the opportunity

Consider how you can HELP THEM reinforce those boundaries:
1) Shouldn’t shrug off when someone’s boundaries are crossed.
2) Helping them in therapy if required.
3) Taking precautions or helping them to take precautions so that it will not happen again.
4) Should be honest with them.
5) Respecting their boundaries and values

II. Consider what you could do should YOU become aware that you have violated a boundary of theirs.
1. Telling them sorry for what happened
2. Asking for forgiveness
3. Leaving the decision to them
4. Taking care that it will not repeat again

III. Consider your reaction should they tell you that you have violated a boundary of theirs. Think beyond defensiveness...keep working until you grasp a healthy reaction.
First: I will ask them what I did wrong.
Second: If I find that I was wrong I will apologize and ask for forgiveness
Third: I will take care that it will not repeat again.

IV. Share your thoughts in your recovery thread.
There were some incidents which came to my mind where I crossed the boundaries of others. Even though it didn't create a big problem, I will take care that it will not happen again.


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