Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Mon Oct 23, 2017 11:50 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 10 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: espania5/333
PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 8:04 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:09 pm
Posts: 7
I am a recovering sexual addict. I have since stopped from going with women, since getting married 3 years ago, however I was still looking at online porn which I had been doing for a long time. I have told many lies to my wife befor I seeked help. I have just started the Self Help Programme and completed the My Values section. My marriage is very close to ending as my wife is struggling with all the deceit I had inflicted on her. I am pretty much backward on posting my work on here could anyone help me with this? Thank you.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Sun Sep 10, 2017 11:03 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3355
Location: UK
hello Espania and welcome to RN note that you have been a member for some good time but that thisis
I note that you enrolled some good time ago but that this is your first post


Quote:
I am pretty much backward on posting my work on here could anyone help me with this?



what help do you need, simply just do it, you have nothing to lose and believe me everything to gain

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Mon Sep 25, 2017 9:24 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:09 pm
Posts: 7
A very big thank you for your reply, I feel I am getting somewhere but I will definitely not get complacent, and thankfully my wife believes in me and things have improved quite a bit. I am enjoying this work and yes, it is hard but it is my journey to the freedom I seek from my past life. Thank you again.

espania5/333


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Tue Sep 26, 2017 1:23 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3355
Location: UK
Hi
Quote:
I feel I am getting somewhere but I will definitely not get complacent


just wondering why you are not posting your lessons
of course you dont have to but the benefits of doing so are worthwhile
good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:38 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:09 pm
Posts: 7
I have just completed 8 and 9 in the couples recovery zone, my wife reading it too and read the exercise in 8. The reply from her was that she felt and still does bitter and angry that when we met on February 3rd 2012 I told her nothing about my addiction or the two women still in my life, both ex'es but I was no longer having sex with them. Lies about this situation and the use of another phone I had. The porn I was watching when my wife went out, every opportunity I had I would use to look at it and masturbate. Our sex life was poor even after a few weeks. We married in 2014, despite Angie and her then 19 year old daughter knowing I had lied previously about things. Now on completing this exercise I listened. My wife feels she was cheated into marrying me and did so simply because she loved me and things would improve. She also has told me she is bitter because she felt she did not know me or have the opportunity to make her own mind up. My own family covered for me and this is another thing she has to deal with. Her family here in Spain where we live has made it clear they want nothing more to do with me, now or in the future, this is her mum, dad who wants to give me a chance but cannot, her sister and her husband and their 18 year old son. Her daughter is fine with me but just puts up for the sake of her mum, her fiance is for me and stood by me. Most of my wife's friends on this large complex cannot stand me but put up with me for my wife. But, I am going thru with this programme and my wife despite all I have put her thru is standing by me, That is despite her own pain and bitterness and mistrust is the woman she is. I owe it to her and myself to get well and get thru this despite the negativity towards me, I feel I am very lucky and blessed to have met my wife or I probably never would have addressed this terrible addiction.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:00 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3355
Location: UK
Hi
Quote:
she is bitter because she felt she did not know me or have the opportunity to make her own mind up.


and that is a fact
my own situation was exactly the same

the relationship going forwards is truly out of your hands
all you can do is recover, dont harm, support, love, empathise, be honest and prove that you do deserve her love and support

hope all pans out well

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Wed Oct 04, 2017 1:24 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:09 pm
Posts: 7
Indeed, she is being very patient with me but also frustrated and down and she tells me she knows she is very attractive as at this moment in time I am struggling to have some sexual relationship, I find myself struggling to
want sex and it hurts her, is this normal with this situation. The problem I face is she wants and says she needs sex.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Thu Oct 05, 2017 11:30 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3355
Location: UK
Hello Espania
Quote:
is this normal with this situation. The problem I face is she wants and says she needs sex.


is anything related to addiction Normal?
we are all different yet similar as are our loved ones

does she need sex?
perhaps she needs love and intimacy?
perhaps she needs to feel valued?

I suggest that you give her the things that she asks for bearing in mind what you took from her
you do not need to "perform"

simply satisfy her needs and be very grateful that she still wants you to bethe one doing so

finally do not allow this issue to hamper your recovery

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 1:38 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:09 pm
Posts: 7
Communicating with my wife and being able to be truthful and honest has been successful in the fact that yes, she still gets angry, resentful but nothing like she did. Yes she wants sex but we have very recently spoke about this now and we have worked something out where the pressure has been removed from me. It will not affect my work on here at all as we both agree it has done me good and that I have also found out more about how and why I became an addict. My emotional imbalance and my mature life skills were very questionable. My compulsive behaviour has receded but I tread carefully. I am completely honest with my wife and at this present time realise that if I were to do anything wrong I would have to either lie, which I am not prepared to do or be honest with her and then loose my wife and the life I have here. On to lesson 12.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: espania5/333
PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 2:39 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 17, 2017 3:09 pm
Posts: 7
Identifying my patterns or thoughts on the list i had read thru in lesson 12 in the Unhealthy Recovery Patterns
I can identify 2. I fear controlling my past behaviours but I indeed wish to go on to learn new behaviours and I need to keep this positive thought and act upon it. The second one is on how I would feel if I were to act out again and my honest answer here is that I would feel guilt, failure and be back to having very low esteem.

I had gone back to reading this all again and how addicts can and do leave or do not continue with their recovery. Well I truly believe in this recovery workshop and have always been afraid of failure. My desire to get thru this and to be not only a healthy good and honest person but to be a much better husband to my wife. All my faith has gone into this recovery site and I put a lot of work into it and at this time I can feel the change in myself as can others around me.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 10 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider] and 4 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group