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PostPosted: Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:47 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Lesson 15

In the last few weeks I have learned that I can change my behavior and that I can recover from my addiction. But I have to put a lot of effort into it. I have realized that it is important to have a vision for my future. This vision and its corresponding values are the foundations that should govern my actions. Every time I am not motivated to do something fulfilling and am close to relapse I think about my vision and my values. This helped me a lot becoming my better self.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2018 10:24 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 361
Hi User1234,

That's a positive realisation to come to. I see that you got into a good rhythm during the summer of doing regular lessons and working your way through. If I might suggest that you try and get back into that sort of routine again then I think you would really benefit from the momentum you would gain as the workshop will start to come to together whilst the various lessons are all still fresh in your mind.

Keep up the good work!

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 16, 2018 3:53 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Lesson 16

Positive Role of Addiction

The addiction helped me to not deal with my emotions and problems. While acting out I forgot every thing around me and was just focused on porn, youtube, etc. When I was sad or very happy the addiction was there to get me to a neutral state which felt more familiar.

The addiction helped me to kill time when I was bored or waiting for a special event.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 05, 2019 12:34 pm 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Hello,

I failed again. And will restart the workshop for a third time. To put it short: I failed because I did not fully commit.

Lesson 1

A
1) I commit to change.
2) I will not allow guilt or shame to sabotage my commitment to change.
3) I will allow myself time to change.

B (Motivation)
  • I want to be productive at work
  • I want to finish my part time studies with very good grades
  • I want to be available for my family
  • I want to be a balanced person
  • I want to be completely honest with my partner
  • I want to spend time programming
  • I want to be in control of my actions
  • I want to prove to myself that I can permanently change
  • I want to spend time reading books
  • I want to finish my PhD with very good results
  • I want to be a role model to my nephews


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 07, 2019 6:55 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3793
Location: UK
Hi user
Quote:
I failed again. And will restart the workshop for a third time. To put it short: I failed because I did not fully commit.


starting over is a good plan
but asking yourself why you failed, why you did not commit is a fundamental requirement
you choose not to commit, hence you chose to fail, why?

what in you is saying what?
Is it:
I,m not that bad?
I can control my emotions?
I am not hurting anyone?

ask and answer yourself with total openness and honesty

choose what life you really want, choose recovery or believe me you will slide deeper into the addictive abyss
there is no easy fix but the roadmap is right in front of you
choose your path and choose wisely, but please do choose now

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 14, 2019 4:00 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Hello Kenzo,

thank you very much for responding!

I was thinking about why I failed for a long time. I think the problem is that I did not really read "What to Expect in an Early Healthy Recovery Process". Therefore, I did not know what crises to anticipate. This lead to thinking that everything was going great while I felt good and I did not actively continue this workshop. However, as soon as the first crisis appeared I was not prepared and, therefore, could not react properly. I relapsed quite badly and now I am back here.

I feel like I really want change. But right now it feels extremely difficult to really commit. The comparison with climbing Mount Everest in the first lesson is quite fitting. Last time I stopped training after the first few lessons and was then surprised how difficult the actual climb became. The logical consequence was to fail.

Moreover, I think I did not completely understand the lessons last time I tried to recover. I just tried to finish the tasks without really trying to understand the details or spend enough time on the topics. This time it will be better.

I commit to change! I want to live a more fulfilling life.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 14, 2019 8:17 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Lesson 2

My vision

It is important to me that I live a fulfilling life. This is achieved by the following

1. I have three major hobbies: programming, road cycling (including competitions), studying mathematics. They all take a lot of effort but are extremely rewarding in the long run. Furthermore, I am open-minded to learn new skills and try out new sports with my partner.

2. My family plays an important part as well. Spending quality time with my partner is very fulfilling and makes me happy. Regularly seeing my parents, brothers and watching my nephews grow up is very important for me. In the near future I would like to have a child or two too and be a good father figure: giving love, teaching about life, helping to develop.

3. My career is currently not as important as my hobbies and my family. But it still plays a major part in my fulfilling life. First I want to finish my PhD with excellence. Then I want to continue to deliver an excellent job wherever I will work. I want to be a nice colleague and help others achieving their goals.

In general I find it very fulfilling to follow through with my goals. To do so I have to be focused, patient, in control of my actions, and productive.

I want to be a calm, balanced, mature and kind person.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 30, 2019 2:39 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
I did not work on the workshop for the last days. It was very difficult to fully commit. I do not really know why. I seriously want to change. I think the problem is that I already failed a couple of times with this workshop. This realization does not help me to stay motivated. Anyway, here are my values.

Lesson 3

My values (in no particular order)

  • I want to be physically fit to compete is three cycling events in 2020
  • I want to be productive at work by not browsing on the internet unnecessarily
  • I want to be a good family member by staying in contact with my family and giving support when necessary
  • I want to live in a clean apartment
  • I want to spend my free time pursuing my hobbies and not wasting my time on the internet
  • I want to finish what I started
  • I want to be patient and understanding with others
  • I want to be focused in my studies and finish them with very good grades
  • I want to be open-minded to try new things and learn about other cultures
  • I want to take control of my actions
  • I want to be reliable to others
  • I want to live a meaningful life
  • I want to be a role model for others

  • Living with integrity
  • Being dedicated
  • Developing intellectual depth
  • Providing quality in my work
  • Establishing competence in my field
  • Being respected as a professional by others
  • Being playful
  • Staying active
  • Humbleness
  • Sense of responsibility
  • Being considerate of others
  • Being considerate of myself
  • Taking care of myself
  • Being challenged; overcoming challenges
  • Developing emotional maturity
  • Creativity
  • Striving for excellence
  • Establishing financial freedom
  • Experiencing fatherhood
  • Physical health
  • Sexual intimacy
  • Feeling appreciated
  • Passionate about life
  • Being recognized as an expert in my field
  • World-wide recognition
  • Being respected
  • Being judged trustworthy
  • Developing patience
  • Being known as reliable
  • Curiosity
  • Improving my social interactions
  • Self-discipline


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 31, 2019 2:13 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Lesson 4

Prioritized values (at this moment)

  1. I want to be focused in my studies and finish them with very good grades
  2. I want to be a good partner
  3. I want to be productive at work by not browsing on the internet unnecessarily
  4. I want to be physically fit to compete is three cycling events in 2020
  5. I want to spend my free time pursuing my hobbies and not wasting my time on the internet
  6. I want to finish what I started
  7. I want to be a good family member by staying in contact with my family and giving support when necessary
  8. I want to live in a clean apartment
  9. I want to take control of my actions
  10. Taking care of myself
  11. I want to be reliable to others
  12. I want to be patient and understanding with others
  13. I want to be open-minded to try new things and learn about other cultures
  14. I want to live a meaningful life
  15. I want to be a role model for others
  16. Living with integrity
  17. Being dedicated
  18. Developing intellectual depth
  19. Providing quality in my work
  20. Establishing competence in my field
  21. Being respected as a professional by others
  22. Being playful
  23. Staying active
  24. Humbleness
  25. Sense of responsibility
  26. Being considerate of others
  27. Being considerate of myself
  28. Being challenged; overcoming challenges
  29. Developing emotional maturity
  30. Creativity
  31. Striving for excellence
  32. Establishing financial freedom
  33. Experiencing fatherhood
  34. Physical health
  35. Sexual intimacy
  36. Feeling appreciated
  37. Passionate about life
  38. Being recognized as an expert in my field
  39. World-wide recognition
  40. Being respected
  41. Being judged trustworthy
  42. Developing patience
  43. Being known as reliable
  44. Curiosity
  45. Improving my social interactions
  46. Self-discipline


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 2:02 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 112
Hi user,

Quote:
I did not work on the workshop for the last days. It was very difficult to fully commit. I do not really know why. I seriously want to change. I think the problem is that I already failed a couple of times with this workshop. This realization does not help me to stay motivated.


It is good to see that you have restarted the workshop and it is good to see that you have set out your values & goals.
Your statement above needs to change though. With a mindset of "I have failed twice already" you will fail again, you must be as positive in your head as you are telling yourself in the workshop.

Stick with it, it is worth it :w:

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:00 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Lesson 5

Prioritized value list

  1. I want to be focused in my studies and use this chance to really learn something
  2. I want to be a good partner
  3. I want to be productive at work by not browsing unnecessarily on the internet unnecessarily
  4. I want to be physically fit (to compete in three cycling events in 2020)
  5. I want to spend my free time pursuing my hobbies (programming, reading, cycling,...) and not wasting my time on the internet
  6. I want to finish what I started
  7. I want to be a good family member by staying in contact with my family and giving support when necessary
  8. I want to take control of my actions
  9. I want to be patient and understanding with others
  10. I want to be open-minded and try out new activities
  11. I want to live in a clean apartment
  12. Leaving the comfort zone from time to time
  13. Being honest


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 02, 2019 9:19 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Lesson 6

Proactive action plan I

I want to live in a clean apartment
  • clean the kitchen table after every meal
  • make the dishes directly after a meal
  • put laundry in closet as soon as it is dry
  • bring out the trash immediately when noticing that it is full
  • expect the apartment to be more untidy when partner is around
  • don't be too critical with partners tidiness

I want to be productive at work by not browsing on the internet unnecessarily
  • be at work before 8:30 am
  • make a list with work-related things I could do that day in the morning
  • expect that not everything on the list will be finished at the end of the day
  • while taking a break look out of the window instead of at the monitor
  • put the mobile phone in the backpack and not on the desk or in the pocket
  • expect to get funny web links from coworkers; do not click on the links, instead tell them that you are busy working

I want to be physically fit (to compete in three cycling events in 2020)
  • when studying: go cycling once a week (Tuesday)
  • when not studying: go cycling 2 to 3 times per week
  • stretch after every workout
  • do strength exercises at least once per week at home
  • expect to have not a lot of time for training multiple times each week
  • have fun during the events and during training


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 03, 2019 2:47 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Lesson 7

Proactive action plan (continued)

I want to be focused in my studies and use this chance to really learn something
  • try spending at least 60 min. per day to study
  • don't expect to have the time every day
  • take short breaks after 45 min.
  • communicate to partner when I need time to study
  • do not listen to music while studying
  • turn on the computer only when needed
  • expect some topics to be boring and not extremely interesting

I want to spend my free time pursuing my hobbies (programming, reading, cycling,...) and not wasting my time on the internet
  • when alone at the weekend make a plan in the morning on how to spend the time
  • when bored take a look at a prepared list with things I actually like doing instead of going on the internet
  • expect to have not a lot of time for minor hobbies

I want to finish what I started
  • have a clear motivation
  • make a clear plan in advance
  • split big projects into smaller ones
  • set realistic and well defined goals
  • expect small setbacks from time to time


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2019 2:03 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Proactive action plan (continued)

I want to be a good family member by staying in contact with my family and giving support when necessary
  • call/see parents at least once every three weeks
  • call/see grandma at least once every three weeks
  • call/see brother from time to time
    • expect the conversation to be a little stiff
    • expect him to be busy
    • let him pick a date for the conversations
    • try to visit him when in the area
  • try to connect with nephews
  • be present at birthday parties etc.
  • send postcards from vacation
    • write down addresses in advance

I want to be a good partner
  • tell her about my addiction
  • let her be part of my honest thoughts
  • tell her about my future plans and goals
  • have quality time with her every day
    • this might be a conversation
    • just laying on the couch
    • sitting in the sun
    • reading together
    • having lunch/dinner together
    • have a short conversation on the phone
  • communicate before trips/events what expectations are
  • take her seriously
  • try to support her achieving her goals without to much pressure
  • be open-minded to try new things she suggests
  • let her decide on what to do from time to time
  • help doing the housework


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2019 1:47 am 
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Joined: Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:41 pm
Posts: 48
Proactive action plan (continued)

Leaving the comfort zone from time to time
  • when an opportunity presents itself:
    • do not say no immediately
    • think about what can be gained from participating (experience, new friends, improve friendships, new professional contacts,...)
  • expect not every opportunity to be great

I want to be patient and understanding with others
  • think before acting
  • try to see things from the viewpoint of the other person
  • understand that not everyone sees things the same way


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