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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Tue Jun 26, 2018 6:36 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
Thanks for the support Anon,
You asked some excellent questions:

What healthy activities/goals/values excite you?

As I've recently taken a leap from employee to self employment I find it difficult to think of anything else than work/ career related values at the moment as I've so much riding on the success of the next few months.
I do like the Gym and am starting today recording my weights in an effort to record (in a notebook) getting stronger and have that as a goal to work towards...
I'm excited at the tought of the business taking off and fearful of it not.

What's a SMALL way to evolve your daily monitoring to include one?

I could record each day in my work diary if I met my workout goals.

How might you evolve your daily monitoring to "freshen up" the meaning you're getting out of your day to day life?

To be honest even thinking about doing that seems to 'freshen up' the whole idea of daily monitoring.
I am lucky enough to be going on a sun holiday in approx 30 days, I could certainly keep a daily diary for the next 30 days recording my progress on my business plan and my workout regime.

How might your daily monitoring incorporate prevention of getting BLASTED?

GREAT question! Keeping an awareness of the day, how I'm feeling, getting hungry? Tired? fed up? having an awareness of what format I have for the day. Take today for example, I'm at the computer and had loosely arranged in my head to take time out for a workout but the 'looseness' has meant that the day is starting to drag on and as it does I notice unhealthy thoughts surfacing in my head to spend the time enaging with those instead.....I need to be more disciplined and treat this time at home in front of the pc more like an office job where there are certain events (meetings, lunchtimes etc.) which dictate when I can get certain jobs done. Being at home the day can be long yet never long enough to get done what I want.

I need some work goals and some life/ balance goals.

I'll start now! (at the risk of boring anyone if they even read others posts)

Time Now :12.30pm
Post office 30 mins
Gym 1.5 hrs
Sort Stock 1hr
Investigate Website 2 hrs
Prepare for interview 1 hrs

If I keep (roughly) to that schedule it brigs me to 6.30 pm when I can enjoy a family dinner and feel good about the days accomplishments.

Note: I think I feel a bit better/ more focused already!

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Wed Jun 27, 2018 6:13 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
This is a timely lesson because I just did something that I havent done in weeks (which is progress for someone who used to do it several times per day).
I just spent 20 mins searching escorts and massage parlours etc. in my locality. I did'nt take the next step to then search porn sites or mb for which I am glad but dissapointed as the door to those behaviours has now been opened and I know the next few days will be harder because of it.

So what happened?

II. Choose a real-life example of EVERY major sexual ritual that you engage in (these should be compulsive rituals, not healthy) and break each down into their smallest elements (based on the elements identified in your wheel of sexual compulsion).
Most people will identify two to four such Major Rituals. If you can identify with more than five such rituals, just list the most common five.
To be successful in your transition to health, you will need to master your ability to identify not only these elements, but also to recognize the role that they play in stimulating you. Don't settle for anything less than mastery here.


RITUAL: Bored at work, search escort sites.

1. At my office desk trying to get certain 'work' things done. Start to feel despondent. I had a very good day yesterday but I am a little lost today, without focus. The mind wanders.
2. I find myself thinking about an attractive co worker who I met on Monday. I imagine a scenario where we meet and enjoy amazing sex. It is exciting and adventurous and dangerous. My emotions are heightened.
3. I know that these thoughts are dangerous and could lead me to relapse or to engage in many unwanted behaviours BUT they make me feel good, its a drug.
4. This has set the tone. Work seems to become harder, I am less interested in it, there is an underlying feeling of being a failure, not good enough, I need an escape.
5. I am concious that it has been a long time since I engaged and that I don't want to ruin my streak BUT I am drawn to the excitement that awaits on my phone.
6. I begin searching and am 'in the funnel' its unlikely I will escape without consequence, teh moment has passed. I feel excited and dissapointed at the same time. I wish I did'nt have this craving.
7. I browse different escorts and imagine different scenarios based on geography, how long would it take to get there? what would happen? (I notice that I over exaggerate the good feelings that would come with any meeting and underestimate the bad, I notice that I notice this and it helps me keep some degree of control, what I am imagining is'nt real, its a falsified misrepresentation of an event that carries destructive consequences for me and my family).
8. I am dissapointed in myself for being like this. I try and keep afloat by reminding myself of that but its like the 'addictive' part of me does'nt want to know about the reality, the fantasy offers so much more relief.
9. I search other escort/,massage sites searching for 'the one' but Thank fully do not find it.
10. My brother messages me. I clean my phones history and call him back. I am distant but relieved that I did not engage further.
11. I sit back at my desk and think about what I need to do for the rest of teh day to (1) reduce the risk of any more such behaviours step one could be remove teh phone from my office and (2) reach a sense later today of 'accomplishment' in that I have done what I set out to do.

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:08 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
My last post was 2 weeks ago. It seems I have an excuse for not doing a little bit in recovery every day and now I find myself having struggled more in the last two weeks than in a year.
Is it a coincidence that when I stop daily monitoring and investing time into 'recovery' or 'better life management' every day that I slip? Obviously not.
L2R has changed his sign off with Jons advice
Quote:
"Should you fail to permanently recover from your addiction, it will be due to your inability to fully commit to recovery"

When I read that phrase the hairs stood up on the back of my neck, I recognise that I have NOT fully commited to recovery and as dissapointing and shaming as that fact is, it also gives me hope that If I DO fully commit to my recovery then these cravings will fade into teh distance or even dissapear.
I like it so much that I might also borrow it as my sign off meaning that I will have to write it out each day to remind myself of not so much how I got here but certainly why I have stayed Stuck for so long.

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:56 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
Lesson 25 Exercise:
I. Develop your own compulsive ritual. Make this relatively simple. List the primary elements in a similar fashion as exampled above in Compulsive Ritual: Exhibitionism. Post this ritual and its elements in your recovery thread.


Compulsive Ritual : Using my phone while at my work desk to search escorts sites and then porn and mb.

#1 Feeling low, afraid that I may not succeed in this business enadeavour
#2 Fear the future - what if things do not work out
#3 Notice I am feeling uncomfortable - I want to feel better - The thougfht of accessing the escort sites floods me with excitement and teh knowledge that it will allow me to 'escape' from these negative feelings into a fantasy world in which I am in complete control and consumed by
#4 Feel sense of conflict, I have promised myself not to engage in those sites
#5 Quickly begin to convince myself that a quick look wont kill me - its not as if I am actually meeting any escorts - I am using the sites for relief, everyody does it....
#6 More conflict as I know that this is not true, also I know where viewing those sites leads....
#7 Feel shame and dissapointment with myself which increases my need to seek escape
#8 Imagine what it would be like to log onto my favourites sites and what new stimulation can be found just a few clicks away
#9 Feel the compulsion and pain of not acting out
#10 Pick up my phone and enter the address
#11 Feel the rush of adrenaline as the pages load and anticipation, notice the guilt is still there but I feel out of control
#12 Notice and enjoy teh physical stimulation that I feel
#13 To heighten that feeling I will most often begin to mb searching for 'the one'
#14 My problems are behind me I am focused/ consumed by the images and the fantasy
#15 Mb to completion - enjoy teh feeling of accomplishment and intense physical stimulation and escape
#16 Immediately feel regret and dissapointment, I have failed again, I am not strong enough, I am going to be cursed with this compulsion or worse for the rest of my life and it is going to end very badly
#17 Clean up, clear history, feel spent and lost
#18 Try and get back on track with work or another event
#19 Notice teh addictive part of myself attempting to convince me that I now have a 'clear head' and can focus better on what I need to do
#20 Know this is a lie and am frustrated that this compulsion is trying to convice me otherwise to set me up for 'next time'

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:43 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3856
Location: UK
Ace
Quote:
it also gives me hope that If I DO fully commit to my recovery then these cravings will fade into teh distance or even dissapear.


Why IF?
just do it
addiction and acting out provide us with nothing but negatives
recovery is not easy but it is actually easier than the ducking and diving brought about by addiction
Choose , Choose wisely and commit
what do you have to lose

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2018 5:49 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
Thanks for the input Kenzo

Why IF?
just do it
addiction and acting out provide us with nothing but negatives


I think that is part of the problem for me, as much as I recognise that these behaviours ultimately leave me feeling isolated, depressed, upset, fatigued and ashamed I also know that they do provide short term relief and escape.

Escape from what? Is my life so bad? No but I do recognise that they do provide me with something.
Perhaps teh further my Values are developed the less those behaviours will seem to 'offer' me and the more obvious it will be how much they take from me.

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Mon Jul 16, 2018 7:06 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
Quote:
Lesson 26 Exercise:
In the previous exercise, you were asked to label the elements involved with a particular ritual. In this exercise, you will be delving deeper into your awareness of that ritual. Here, you are asked to 'map out' one of your rituals. Make sure that you choose a specific ritual that you have engaged in (as in, last Thursday before work, I looked at porn); rather than a general compulsive behavior (as in, in the past, I looked at porn).


1. Last Thursday during work, recognised that I was going to stay teh night in a hotel away from home, alone and the possibilities for acting out that gave me.
2. Notived a pull to stsrt thinking compulsive thoughts such as phoning a massage parlour , escorts etc. who I coiuld meet, what an adventure it would be both emotionally and physically exciting.
3. Recognised that I would begin deveolping these ' fantasies' and attempt to pull myself away from them back to my values, luckily it was busy so I did'nt have much time for fantasy development.
4. Noticed that I never truly let the fantasising take control of my thoughts the way that i have done in the past, that felt good. Maybe I could get through the night without any massage or escort visits, porn or masturbation. Reminded myself that I have done it before recently and how accomplished it had felt,
as I had spent years of acting out while away in the past.
5. Left work and used my phone to search massage parlours and escorts in the area. Felt excited, out of control, torn between my values and te escape/ fantasy/ adventure that acting out would provide.
6. Noticed the sense of physical excitement in my body. Noticed my thought processes reminding me of Recovery Nation and 'always having a choice'.....recognised that at a particular point I could either pull teh car over and search again for escorts and contact or search porn and mb or keep to my values and action pland and go to the local Gym.
7. I searched for the gym on sat nav and then followed the route. I felt teh 'craving subside'. I hoped that this action of going to teh gym would lead to continued value based decisions for the evening. Tried to put any thoughts of fantasy out of my mind and focus on my workout which I did successfully.
8. Noticed that it felt good to keep to my action plan/ values and by doing so it helped propel me forward to keep to my plan which was to go to the pub and have a healthy dinner.
9. Went to the pub, had a pint and a healthy high protein dinner. Listened to interesting podcasts during dinner. Again it felt good not to be 'pulled' towards searching compulsive behaviours
10. Left the pub and thought of going to the hotel but instead went to grocery shop for supplies in case I was hungry later. Pulled into shopping centre. Felt the desire to search for massage parlours. Felt the usual conflict between wanting to search and wanting to keep to my values. Searching was easy with just a few clicks on my phone and searched for 30 mins deliberating whether I should phone / contact a service provider. All the time feeling torn. I don't want this but here I am, away from home, no one will know, it will be incredibly stimulating.......Conflict continues..
11. I made the decision to go straight to the hotel (teh fact that it was getting close to 9pm and I was afraid that the doors may close (its a very small hotel/ b and b) Sense of relief when I made that decision
12. Arrived to hotel and prepared for the evening started to read a book and phoned home to say Goodnight to family. Played around in my head the idea of heading out on teh town again to 'search' for escorts / massage parlours but being tucked up in bed by 10pm and having to leave the hotel knew that it was unlikely.
13. Considered mb as I had done 'so well' by not acting out, hearing teh familiar encouragement from self 'everyone does it' 'when you are away from home its nearly expected' 'no harm in giving yoyrself a little relief' 'it will help you sleep'
14. Did'nt want to sully my 'clean streak/ successful evening' so went to sleep instead.
15. Woke up in morning after blissful sleep. Very happy that I did not engage in any compulsive behaviour other than fantasy/ preperation.
16. Recognise that this is the second time I have been away from home and NOT acted out (the last time was a couple of months ago) which is an incredible achievement as I don't think I have EVER done that before now. Is that due to RN assisting my efforts in Recovery? At least partly Yes.

There are still obviously areas for improvement but if I look at what worked well for me (so that I can include those in my next night away and areas where I was weaker/ more vulnerable to slipping)

What worked well:

1. An awareness that this night away was going to have some difficulties/ obstacles to overcome. By keeping 'aware' (including aware of my emotional balance) I was not 'blind sided' by anything I was instead constantly making choices.
2. I had blocked certain websites on my phone and by doing so it gave me a moment to 'pause' and reflect on what i was doing/ choice I was making. (this is far from foolproof I just need to disable the app which I have done in the past BUT it helped)
3. I had a plan, I had the Gym booked in my head and also a reward of a good healthy meal and pint afterwards.
4. The fact that I spent an evening alone without any form of acting out a few months ago wa PROOF that it can be done (up until then I had always succumbed to temptation ingraining teh thought pattern that sobriety while away was not possible)

What could work better / add to my success next time

1. Visualise often acting in accordance with my values and remember how good it felt to be consistent with my values.
2. Have a written plan and keep to it.
3. Read and digest the quotes from RN that I a have found inspirational.
4. Think about how much better my life will be when I no longer devote time to wasteful thoughts and compulsions.

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 7:34 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3856
Location: UK
Hi Ace
Quote:
What could work better / add to my success next time

Now that thought should always be at the forefront of ALL of our thinking
strive to be the best that we possibly can be :g:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Tue Jul 17, 2018 11:34 am 
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Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
Thanks Kenzo

Well it looks like I will be putting the plan to the test sooner thanI expected.
Historically I would stay away from home only 2 or 3 nights per year usually on work events.
Historically I have ALWAYS acted out a sexual behaviour in some shape or another. If I 'just' watched porn and mb I would nearly consider that a success.
Two months ago I was abroad and the choice of visiting strip clubs, massage parlours, escorts were at the tap of my smart phone but I kept to my plan of action and returned home without ANY (Other than fantasising) acting out. That was a real success for me.
Then last Thursday I ended up away on business again and although I did come close to engaging in compulsive behaviours I did not and woke the follwoing day refreshed and releived.
Now I will be staying away again, in the same place as last week but already the feelings of excitement at the thought of 'acting out' are blurring my vision of staying within my boundaries/ values.
That is very dissapointing and upsetting. I wish that I did'nt crave the excitement but I do.
I just read in Learning To runs post something that resonated with me

Quote:
Thinking back, there were a lot of instances acting out where the situation itself was not particularly appealing (e.g. escort not attractive) but I still felt the compulsive buzz. Looking back, the buzz was coming not from the attractiveness of the person but from the power/control/danger of the situation and those cookie elements are what came out of my responses to the lessons first time around. That is a massive realisation. If you are able to isolate that and then follow through that the buzz/shot of emotion for acting out is followed immediately by a real low from guilt/shame/remorse then it seems somewhat easier to contemplate avoiding it in the first place. I wouldn't dream of snorting a line of coke even if it did give me a temporary high as I know that I would feel horrible for doing it afterwards, risk addiction and would therefore not see the point of doing it in the first place. So what's the difference with sex, why would I act out if all that I am really getting out of it is a brief buzz from gaining some power/control/danger followed by feeling horrible about it. I had always envisaged that the difficulty with stopping the compulsive behaviour was the difficulty in giving up something that seemed so appealing - the seeing someone naked or having sex with them.


The difficulty for me is giving up something that gives me such a chemical rush - physical and emotional - the danger, the excitement, my heart racing its a drug.
The after math is indeed terrible, the dissapointment, the shame, the fatigue the fear of where will this all end....BUT is'nt it amazing how my brain is able to decompartmentalize those 'result of acting out' emotions and bury them away while I bathe in the thoughts of excitement, escape etc.

I'll need a very good plan to get through Thursday and I'll need to write down the above end of funnel emotions and keep them with me as a constant reminder.
3 nights away without acting out could signal that things can change, a slip could signal that I may never.

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2018 6:18 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3856
Location: UK
Ace

Quote:
3 nights away without acting out could signal that things can change, a sip could signal that I may never.


remember that
Quote:
last Thursday I ended up away on business again and although I did come close to engaging in compulsive behaviours I did not and woke the follwoing day refreshed and releived.


make that plan and carry it out
remember that you are making choices, make them based upon values not emotions
emotions just come and go they are cyclic and finite

what would you get from acting out?
Guilt , Shame,
You can do this alternatively you can choose not to but in doing so you would be choosing that life of despair and disappointment, and all for what

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2018 5:31 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
I did not keep to my action plan (in fact I did not write out an action plan like I have done in the past to great success) and so slipped on my night away.
My modus operandi is this:
1. Feel bored, lonely, tired, hungry, afraid of the future, afraid of failure or just 'blah'.
2. Seek Relief/ escape in a familiar way (by viewing escort/massage sites and porn)
3. Fight with myself about betraying my values and how this is not a good choice
4. Give in and enjoy the intense emotions of suspense, danger, fear, power, risk, and satisfaction.
5. Feel depressed and sad afterwards, I stopped promising myself a long time ago that it will never happen again as it always did, try and move on with my life.

The good news is that I have not gone outside my boundaries of looking up escorts sites and porn and mb. I always push the boundaries to their limits (like over the last two weeks I actually phoned an escort provider but there was no answer) I hav'nt done that in years.
Years ago I could have spent hours phoning different escort providers in different parts of the city arranging multiple visits which of course was impossible as you cannot be in two places at once but I did it for the buzz. Each time the phone would beep beep with an new text I would feel a shot of dopamine rush through me. I hav'nt done it in years so why twice in the last two weeks?
Is it because I am getting a little further away from my addiction? and it is trying to draw me back in?
Am I fooling myself - am I getting further away? If I havent done that in years and yet did it twice in teh last 2 weeks surely that means that I am getting deeper not away from it?
A point to note that each time I did not view porn and mb (the usual conclusion to hours searching escorts and massage parlours)
That is definitely different.
Why did'nt I view porn and mb after viewing the escort sites?
I thinkit was because I had more of an 'awareness' about what i was doing, I was dissapointed in myself that I had viewed escort sites and even more dissapointed that I had actually phoned one but I remember a lesson in RN advising that it is never too late - there is always a choice and at that point when I would usually choose to seek relief with mb I choose instead to go to sleep and start afresh teh next day.

I read something in L2R's post that resonated with me where he talks about recognising that (my interepretation) the buzz comes not from the woman/ sex act but the feeling of Power that it gives.
I can relate to that.
When I was younger I felt powerless and full of fear - my Father was an alcoholic and that fact caused chaos in our home, the financial strain, the reluctance to talk about the elephant in the room, who may find out our secret? the fear of what the future may hold....
When I discovered porn magazines and mb I discovered a world of escape and fantasy and it took me away from the bad feelings, it gave me a certain 'power'.
In my teenage years and throughout my twenties (even today but less so) I suffered major panic attacks that would manifest in blushing or profusely sweating particularly when I was the centre of attention (or at least I believed that I was!)
I read books, did courses and attended hypnotherapits to try and deal with this issue but it was never resolved. Reading L2R's post makes me consider how porn as an escape gave me a certain 'power' where I was in complete control, I could decide what I watched, for how long and how perhaps I search for this 'power' over sexual stimuation.
I know logically that each time I engage in sexual fantasy or sexual acts I am in fact weakening my 'power' as those acts and thoughts erode away at my sense of self esteem - they are never anyting to be proud of - they are shaming and soul destroying.
I have tried to view my fantasies (thats what I call it when I notice my mind starting to wander to a sexual nature) as a search for 'power' rather than a search for sexual fulfillment though the perfect image or person and it has helped.
When I find myself starting to fantasise or consider looking up porn on my phone I stop and consider that I am actually seeking a feeling of power that I was missing when growing up. The similarities are interesting.
I wanted to take control of the family situation as I was the eldest male I felt that it was part of my 'role' to solve the problems of a mean alcoholic and throw him out on the street or lay down the law but i never did. I was afraid and then ashamed that I was not brave enough. (In fairness I was a kid)
Porn and sexual behaviour gave me that escape, that power to control things the way I wanted but ultimately it left me feeling even more powerless and ashamed.
Now when I think about acting out, seeking porn/escort sites/mb for relief or escape I remind myself that what i am REALLY looking for is a sense of power and those behaviours do not provide that - they masquarade as if they do but knowing what I now know, they just chip away at my sense of self worth adding to the feeling of powerlessness.
The last few weeks have been particularly difficult as my new business (self employed since February) has been a real struggle and each rejection has been a hammer blow. Thus my sense of 'power' has been weakened also.
I am trying to recognise the connection and then ask myself - what other choice do I have to regain my power?
If I am feeling vulnerable and powerless because business is bad and all the connotations around self worth that that suggests, What can I do right now to Increase my sense of Power?
The answer is usually to return to my values and either invest time with my wife and kids or do as I am doing now (or was doing) and invest time at the pc on the growth of my business.

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2018 10:14 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 305
Ace,

Lapses and slips are frustrating. We can't condone them. But I commend your willingness to understand what occurred.

In particular, I'm impressed with your self inquiry:

Quote:
If I am feeling vulnerable and powerless because business is bad and all the connotations around self worth that that suggests, What can I do right now to Increase my sense of Power?
The answer is usually to return to my values and either invest time with my wife and kids or do as I am doing now (or was doing) and invest time at the pc on the growth of my business.


If you have a moment, take a quick look at the first 2 paragraphs of Lesson 2. It reinforces your findings in addition to pointing out what you are beginning to do: gain control, power, and choice in leading your life. Keep going.

Be well,

Anon


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2018 10:14 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 305
Ace,

Lapses and slips are frustrating. We can't condone them. But I commend your willingness to understand what occurred.

In particular, I'm impressed with your self inquiry:

Quote:
If I am feeling vulnerable and powerless because business is bad and all the connotations around self worth that that suggests, What can I do right now to Increase my sense of Power?
The answer is usually to return to my values and either invest time with my wife and kids or do as I am doing now (or was doing) and invest time at the pc on the growth of my business.


If you have a moment, take a quick look at the first 2 paragraphs of Lesson 2. It reinforces your findings in addition to pointing out what you are beginning to do: gain control, power, and choice in leading your life. Keep going.

Be well,

Anon


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Mon Jul 23, 2018 12:36 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
Quote:
Lesson 27 Exercise:
Provide an example of two compulsive chains in your life. The first chain should be where multiple rituals are engaged in simultaneously — thus enhancing the overall amount of stimulation derived from the behavior. The second should be an example of how you have strung together several rituals back-to-back and thus, extended the stimulation you were deriving. Post these examples in your recovery thread.


Compulsive chain with Multiple Rituals:

Wife and family are away - I am - 'Home alone'

1. Know that my wife and family are away for a night or two and that I will be left to my own devices.
2. Feel immediate sense of excitement..I am free, I can do whatever I want, I can engege in 'my ' sexual behaviours, become excited at the possibilities
3. Feel torn, this is not what I want - it is against my values, wish that I did'nt have this craving for 'escape', hope that I will be strong and not act out but historically I will the only question is in what form
4. Feel a sense of despair, of futility and if it is going to happen I may as well delve in and enjoy it
5. Find myself 'pre loading' the possibilities
6. Feel dissapointed in myself that I am drawn more towards the excitement of 'acting out' than investing time in creating Action plans which may help me keep to my values but my Actions plans and keeping to my values give me an immediate emotional return of a 4 while acting compulsively can give me an immediate emotional intensity of a 10. There is no contest. Particularly if I do not allow there to be one.
7. Notice I am becoming fidgety as the day, hour approaches. As soon as I am able I log onto my phone and see where it takes me - visiting escort sites, massage sites etc. after a number of hours I am tired it has been a struggle - I have looked up tens of escorts possibly messaged them back and forth and my eyes are sore from looking intently at the phone screen and my brain is taxed from teh constant struggle of 'should I or should'nt I'
8. I order some takeaway food usually enough for two people, It is heavy and carb/fat laden to give me an insulin hit. I gorge on it and continue seeking stimulation and fantasy on my phone. I then over eat, feel the rush of blood to my stomach and then throw up - as if purging myself of this behaviour.
9. 15 mins later I have the phone in my hand and am searching again, usually at the options I considered before. I spend another couple of hours dancing around the edge of the funnel - will I wont I engage? eventually usually just before I make a commitment to engage with an escort / massage parlour I mb and feel relief.
10. The relief is that the epsiode is over without making any major mistakes that I cannot recover from but I am filled with dissapointment in myself, despair for the wasyed hours and what teh future may hold. This cannot go on....but it does.

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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 Post subject: Re: Ace's Recovery Forum
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2018 11:50 am 
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Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2018 11:50 am
Posts: 151
Location: Ireland
Thanks Anon, I took your advice and read over Lesson 2 again.
I will put its teachings into practice.

_________________
"Don't judge each day by the Harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you plant"
"If you do not succeed, make sure it is not because you did'nt try hard enough"


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