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PostPosted: Thu Oct 18, 2018 9:25 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
What Am I Monitoring?

For your weekly monitoring, there are four key questions that you must ingrain — as they will be used down the road in helping you to regain balance should that need arise.

Question #1: Over the past seven days, from what areas of my life did I derive the majority of my meaning and fulfillment. Think specific actions you experienced, not general ideals. "On Tuesday, I took out my guitar and just played for my kids. Took the time to teach them a few notes. It was meaningful to me." This, as opposed to...'music, kids...'

Question #2: Over the past seven days, where did the majority of my energy go? As in, was there chronic stress/pressure I had to manage? Were there any major traumatic events? Any intense emotional events?

Question #3: Given the meaning that I derived this week and the events I had to manage — how well did I do in maintaining emotional balance through healthy means? Were there times when my life management skills were inadequate and I ended up turning to artificial means (e.g. compulsive behavior)?

Question #4: Looking ahead to the next seven days, are there any significant events that I need to prepare for, so that I am not caught off guard? Deadlines, reunions, holidays, dates, etc.

Beyond that, monitor anything that is important to you. Your relationships, your health, your progress towards certain goals. Anything can go on your Weekly Monitoring as long as it is consistent with your emerging value system.


Lesson 35 Exercise:

1) Evolve your daily monitoring as outlined above. Post the first thing you will be monitoring in this way in your thread for feedback and, share where you will be placing the reminder. Do not wait for feedback to begin.
2) Create your weekly agenda. Post it in your Recovery Thread.


Monday thru Friday, I will Walk 20-30 minutes first thing in the morning. Followed by reading & journaling. (if I have time, I will do this on the weekend too)
Monday thru Friday, when I come home from work, I will spend time with my wife – in-the-moment, talking with her, learning about her day, and what she’s feeling.
Date times with my wife, I will focus on getting to know her: Tuesday evenings, Friday dinner, and Saturday Breakfast, every week.
I will Eat healthy (Mon-Friday) and focus on loosing about 1-lb/week from now till the end of the year.
I will continue in recovery nation, 2-3 lessons/week.
I will work on mindfulness exercises when feeling stressed.

This is my current monitoring LIST: struggling with what to ADD?

Need to exercise – visit the Gym minimum 2-days/week for a 300+ calorie burn
Need to develop a Life-time-goals LIST (begin with 25 goals on the list by the end of vacation
I have a 100-day (porn-free) Goal (today is day 6), monitor this till the end of the year.
Call my parents each Sunday evening. To keep in-touch and catch-up on the family
Connect 1x week with each of our Kids/Phone call, meal together, or just hang out (1hr or more)

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 18, 2018 9:57 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
Lesson 36 Exercise:

I. Describe a scenario from your past where not having a well-defined set of boundaries has prolonged and/or intensified the personal consequences that you have experienced.
II. Describe a situation in your life where having solid boundaries will assist you in managing the event in such a way as to protect your value system.
III. Share these in your recovery thread.


I. I have eroded my personal boundaries over the years. I have removed and found ways to get around the blocks and alarms on my computer, phone, & tablet blocking software. (to view porn). I have walked into massage parlors (that I know can & will provide happy endings). I have searched out escort opportunities and made the visit. I have gone into adult shops and stores to “explore”
II. My VALUES, require me to put my old boundaries back in-place. (i have walked away from all of these)
1. Keep blocking software & monitoring software on all devices (with Jim as accountability)
2. Never go into a massage parlor (never) good or bad
3. Stop looking at escort adds (look leads to action) – block it from my mind
4. Never go into adult shops (never) there is no good reason
5. Never drive alone with another female
6. Bounce my mind quickly when lustful thoughts come into it.
7. Do not make or have any secret email accounts.
These will keep me in a “safe zone” – do not violate, consistently.

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 06, 2018 11:09 am 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
Lesson 37

Identifying personal boundaries:

Value: Build a close relationship with my God
I will daily: read, pray, & journal
I will daily pray together with my wife (morning & evening)
I will weekly attend church with my wife
I will continually read encouraging books
I will be responsible for the thoughts in my mind
I will continue to counsel and help other couples (together with my wife)
I will continually have accountability with a few close men

Value: Build a close relationship with my Wife
I will not say anything I can not openly tell my wife about
I will not do anything I can not openly tell my wife about
My wife can ask anything, anytime & I will answer honestly
I will encourage and build up my wife with words daily
I will weekly have a planned, engaging date night
I will regularly be emotionally intimate with my wife
I will regularly be physically intimate with my wife

Value: Physical health, activity and weight management
I will not have a physical relationship with anyone other than my wife
I will maintain a weight range that is considered healthy
I will minimize eating junk-food
I will walk over 2 miles every morning
I will go to the gym at least 3x/week for 20 minutes of cardio (min)

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 28, 2018 4:35 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
Leaving myself a quick note.
It's been weeks since i have engaged in thoughts or behavior that i wish to end.
I need to finish this course! - & will find time to continue until 100% complete.
It has given me the success I currently enjoy.

I have discovered through these exercises that where my mind goes, my actions follow. For the past 3-4 weeks (specifically) I consciencly change my thoughts when temptation comes. I consider the vaules that i listed, and the boundries I've put in place. I then change the direction my mind is headed in. I have also established some lofty goals (a bucket list) and I redirect my thoughts and energy to making progress on those goals. I realize that the number of days without a poor-action-choice is growing and I want to keep it growing, (knowing a one-minute-slip is not a "give-up-and-quit" excuse just a bump on the path.) But long-term I finally believe this a part of my past (and not a part of me). I can acknowledge it without feeling the shame and embarrasment. I have learned other ways to handle stress, depression, and previous triggers that sent me surfing for a lust-high with an orgasm. I have put up a boundry that basically states "my wife is my only vent for any and all sexual energy or expression" - This changes everything. (there is no acceptable alternative) Meaning i invest in her more, care for her more, nurture her more, spend time with her more & enjoy sex with her (i think more than any other time in our 38 years of marriage)

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 10, 2019 4:52 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
Wow, I just read what i posted on 11/28 - today is 1/10 and i don't know if i've ever experienced this kind of relief from my addiction for this long in the past. I said i would finish this (just to complete it) - I'm not sure i will.

I am hoping to say (for the rest of my life) - that i struggled with porn up-to 2018. Then God & I got serious and removed it from my life. I can say, if you need help like it did - try recovery nation. (While the program did alot, and helped me think differently, the GREAST SUCCESS is "my conviction and belief that it's over", it was in my past, and today - even when tempted, i have the ability to change my mind (thinking) before i go "down a wrong path" - I know me. I cannot even "think it" or i'm falling.

I am FREE.!
PTL :g:

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2019 3:50 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 55
Lesson 38 Exercise:
I. Review the boundaries created to protect the values listed in the previous lesson.
II. Consider at least two situations where this value may be threatened. Are the existing boundaries enough to protect against this threat?
III. If not, evolve your boundaries so that they are capable of allowing you to manage those situations.

Share your work in your recovery thread.

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 11, 2019 2:50 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 112
Hi Beingmadenew,

Glad to read that things are going well for you, I know that feeling.

You posted in Nov.
Quote:
I need to finish this course! - & will find time to continue until 100% complete.


I would suggest that you definitely finish the course, there are still many lessons to go.
It only becomes a complete picture when you have finished and gives you so much more understanding.

Keep up the good work.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 11, 2019 3:09 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 112
Hi Beingmadenew,

It has been awhile since you posted, I hope your commitment to recovery continues to grow?

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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