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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 4:06 pm 
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LESSON 12

This third group tends to work through the lessons with sincerity and passion, taking breaks every now and then to deal with "life"...but they never seem to lose that initial commitment that they have made to themselves.
Agree, moving forward in a positive way. :-)
If a lesson doesn't make sense, or they feel as if they have not put forth their best effort, they go the extra mile to ask questions, or to return to previous exercises and update them.
YES, going back to reveiw, and if-needed, seek out a coach to ask questions to (still not sure how to do this)
Their initial enthusiasm with the workshop is transitioned into a developing confidence in their recovery...and this confidence then produces the motivation to continue with the lessons. At some point, an epiphany occurs, and they realize that it is not the workshop that is changing them, but their own decisions and actions. It is at that point that recovery becomes an inevitability in their life, rather than a dream.
Agreed - I made the DECISION in my heart, mind, & soul, then found this site to help support my decision & never go back
They will have begun to focus heavily on the lessons that apply to them, and passively skim over those which don't.
I would agree
Some at this stage, feel that they no longer have the need to continue with the workshop, as they are anxious to "get on with their life"...and believe that they have laid the foundation for doing just that. Others remain not because they think they have to, but because they want to continue the momentum that they have built. Both approaches can be healthy.
I wish to finish - i have stopped for long periods before, although they mostly felt like "white-knuckling" this is different, i know i am done - so i committed to the entire process just say i completed it (someday)
Finishing this workshop is not critical to your recovery. It will be what you do with the information that you gain from not only here, but all available resources that will determine your fate.
correct - i expect i will use this to help others also
People in this group will recover. Whether they continue with the workshop or not...they will find a way to overcome their addiction.
Praise the LORK
And, barring any major traumatic event, will remain relatively healthy throughout the remainder of their lives.
Looking forward to it..... :-)

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Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Thu May 03, 2018 1:39 am 
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Hi BMN,

You seem to be progressing well through the lessons so far, well done.
Quote:
YES, going back to reveiw, and if-needed, seek out a coach to ask questions to (still not sure how to do this)
If you have any points that you are unsure of and need to ask a question then please post it into the Community Forum and a Coach or Mentor will pick this up and respond with some guidance. In the meantime we are keeping an eye on everyone's threads and if anyone makes statements that demonstrate that they appear to have missed the point in a particular area then we will post to your own thread in those circumstances too.

Keep up the good work!

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PostPosted: Sat May 12, 2018 5:03 am 
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OUCH. :ni:
week long slip
friday 5.4.18 to friday 5.11.18
TIME to get back on track - I will work on and submit the slip worksheets next...

so dissapointed in myself

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Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Mon May 14, 2018 5:15 am 
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Hi BMN,

Quote:
week long slip

So was it worth it? You've come back to RN so I suspect not.

Quote:
so disappointed in myself

Just disappointed or annoyed enough to actually do something about it now?

No-one will judge you at RN but you need to make these important decisions for yourself if you do truly want to change. You will achieve little by beating yourself up about having gone off the rails but you do need to learn from your experiences. Think about what caused it and why. Think about how you could avoid getting dragged back into that again the next time when temptation calls because you will be tempted again. You are still early in the lessons and do not have all the tools yet to make healthier decisions moving forwards but for now you need to avoid the temptation if you can. I suggest that you re-read your first post on RN which stated:

Quote:
Lesson 1
1) Actively Commit to Change. YES – I am tired


The first of your Top 10 motivators was:

Quote:
1. I want to be transparent and honest with my wife

If you don’t resist the temptation whilst you are learning the tools then you are putting a lot at risk. Avoiding temptation can be uncomfortable for a short time but it is not painful and you will be left with a feeling of achievement afterwards. You have choices to make and you need to start making some good ones otherwise your situation could quickly change. You can't use coming back to RN as a Get Out of Jail card each time otherwise you will never recover.

So, start again and let's get it right this time. Keep working through the lessons and try and take everything on board. If you have to use a little willpower to stay on the straight and narrow whilst your learning progresses then so be it. If you really want to get this right and recover then it needs to come from you. The tools are here waiting for you my friend. Let's start making some good choices.

I look forward to seeing you get back on track soon.

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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 1:54 pm 
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Quote "You can't use coming back to RN as a Get Out of Jail card each time otherwise you will never recover.

So, start again and let's get it right this time. Keep working through the lessons and try and take everything on board. If you have to use a little willpower to stay on the straight and narrow whilst your learning progresses then so be it. If you really want to get this right and recover then it needs to come from you. The tools are here waiting for you my friend. Let's start making some good choices."


I agree - thank you for the honest and strong accountability (much needed & appreciated)

onto the next lesson (with willpower only just for now)

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Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Wed May 16, 2018 2:41 pm 
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LESSON 13:

In early recovery, they tend to explore many different trigger situations to see how well they can handle themselves. To see "how far they have come". This is a behavior that is often witnessed in adolescent wound care — where the adolescent almost compulsively tears open their bandages to "check the wounds". Of course, just like with addiction, such behavior is often problematic — as it opens the individual up to additional infection. But it is a behavior that provides comfort to the adolescent — no matter what stage of healing the wound may be in.

Wow, I think this described my relapse to a “t”. I “tested” how far I’ve come by getting a massage (in a safe, non-sexual, no HJ establishment) – I did (ok) I got through, but then several days later, found myself going back to the old-familiar place and completing the “deed”, this was followed up by a week of internet surfing & MB self-abuse (1x per day)… I broke (free) to come back and work harder, but it seems I have deeper work to do.

Middle Recovery : "Actual Recovery"
• They have accepted that they have struggled with certain immoral behaviors that contradicted their values, but realize that what matters is what they are doing, not what they did. They realize that no successful recovery ever took place by changing the past, only by changing the present.
• Their motivation to recover comes from the desire to live a life that they can be proud of, rather than a desire to create the illusion of a life that they can be proud of.
• They make decisions based on what they believe is the right thing to do, rather than on what they think they can get away with. They know that whether these decisions end up being the right ones or not is irrelevant. That all that matters is that they were made with the right intentions in mind.
• They are not focused on controlling/ending their past behavioral patterns, but on developing new patterns that will take the place of those related to the addiction.
• They perceive "powerlessness" as a temporary term that more accurately describes their lack of skills in managing their urges.
• Relapse triggers are experienced not as a threat, but an opportunity.
• They recognize failure as a learning experience — but only when that failure occurs with on-the-spot sincerity, as opposed to pre-planned deception.
• They recognize that the feelings that they are experiencing are the same feelings that others deal with every day in many different situations. That they are not "defective", but "deficient".
• They identify their future with a healthy person that once used addiction to manage their life; not as an addict that is managing their life with healthy behavior.
• They see their lives as a continuous process of growth and development, rather than an episodic book of starts and stops. (e.g. "When I was addicted" "After I recovered").
• They will take a long, hard look at anything associated with their destructive past, and will voluntarily make the decision to remove these objects from their life. This refers to pornography, internet accounts, etc. It does not necessarily refer to affairs where real feelings were experienced/exchanged.


Very Cool. This is my goal, my dream, my hope. I am (again) committed to get to this place as soon as I can, realizing how many years it took for me to Actively commit to a healthy life.

Lesson 13 Exercises:
I. Identify those patterns that you currently recognize in yourself in relation to a healthy recovery. Post these observations into your Recovery Thread and/or Recovery Manager.
II. Consider the values that surround both your healthy and unhealthy patterns. Are they consistent with your current prioritized values? If yes, wonderful. If not, how might this awareness alter how you are currently perceiving/managing your recovery? Share your thoughts in the community forum.

Awareness Exercise:
Identifying with Early recovery: I experienced doubt when I relapsed last week. In fact I did not attempt to identify my values and evaluate what I was planning – I just did it. I wanted to, I enjoyed the pleasure (but hated the immediate feeling right after)
I experienced hopelessness
I “tested” the waters and failed (as I opened with)
I was all across the board and not sure how to apply or use this material to help? (I need to continue strong, in order to reprogram my mind, my thought patterns, and fully understand what I’m learning from RN.

Identifying with Middle recovery: I accepted that I struggled with immoral behaviors that contradicted my values. – I am growing & learning it’s not what I’ve done, but what I’m doing (now). My motivation comes form my desire to live a life I’m proud of. I am making decisions based on what I believe is right… My focus is beginning to shift to building new patterns (I am slowly letting go of “controlling or ending patterns” but I admit this is hard, because that has been my “short-successes in the past”) My failure last week was an opportunity to learn…. I am a healthy person, who once used addition to manage my life. And I am changing my perspective to see my life as a continuous process of growth and development, especially at my age where “wisdom” should be a goal. (58). I have ALREADY removed everything destructive (accounts, internet bookmarks, etc…) harder; are the old physical “stops” that I made (even though only 1x/month) I still drive past most today… Significant other’s are still outside my secret (this is a next step to discover how to safely bring them into my recovery & a transparent conversation without hurting)…

All these I am sensing and experiencing as described. Looking forward to living in “Late Recovery” as I continue.

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BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Thu May 17, 2018 6:54 am 
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Exercise Fourteen
I. Develop your Daily Monitoring list.
II. For the next two weeks, review this EVERY MORNING right when I get up.


MY Daily Monitoring LIST:
(built from my values)
1. Did I Complete 1/2hr or more in a Daily Time with God yesterday? (reading, study, journaling, prayer, etc.)
2. Did I Engage in a quality conversation with my Wife yesterday?
3. Was I completely truthful in EVERYTHING I shared with my Wife yesterday?
4. Did I engage in any behavior that I am attempting to STOP yesterday?
5. (if YES): what behavior, and did I engage in? & What went through my mind as it progressed from the ability to stop to fully engaging?
6. (if NO): was I “tempted” and what was the process or catalyst for my success in Stopping?
7. Did I exercise yesterday? (What was the most strenuous effort I made & for how long)
8. Did I do something significant that will last beyond one-day yesterday?
9. (if YES): what; memorizing, writing, leading, generosity, investing, etc…
10. Did exercise my values of: Respectful, Responsible, Dependable, Challenging, Encouraging, Forgiving, Compassionate, Charitable, & Wise?

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Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2018 2:47 pm 
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Lesson 15:
A Healthy perception of Addiction

I do not believe I had a traumatic experience.
I can remember more that a few early childhood examples of pleasure for pleasure prioritizing.
Very young (5 or 6yo) I remember sliding down the pole of my bunk bed and enjoying the feeling. So much so, I would hang there for several minutes until an overwhelming feeling of warmth and comfort flooded my body – often with shivering and some bucking of my hips… I never knew this was an orgasm (but I knew I should keep it a secret) and I did. Later I used the end of doors, hanging on the door knobs, and the banister and rail of our stairs, and the pole for our laundry in the back yard. Small sapling trees did the trick too. I remember the first time That I came - around 11yo, a gooey mucus substance came out while hanging on a small tree & became afraid that something was wrong...
Another memory (when 6 & 7yo) is watching the teenage sisters next-door getting ready for bed at night. After their bath, they would be naked in the bedroom just 16’ from my bedroom window and I’d secretly watch them put on PJ’s every night until I got caught by them and they closed the blind (but only after about a year of catching them several nights each week.)
I also discovered I enjoyed looking at the Penny’s and Sears underwear ads, and naked natives in the national geographic magazine my dad got. A few years later, and in my early teens, I discovered several playboy magazines under the cushion of my grandfather’s chair. I would tuck one in another magazine and take it to the bathroom to study. Later-on (mid-teens) I discovered a jack-pot of penthouse, and much more graphic magazines when we did paper-recycling runs in our local town, I kept and hid many in my bedroom, school book bag, and neighborhood fort.
I believe I began needing the behavior for comfort sometime in my late-teens or early 20’s. As I began dating (and wanting, but not getting sex, because of my values) I would begin using porn and masturbation after dates to “complete the evening", to remove or release stress and tension.
Over my adult years, I have only “managed” the behavior, and never removed it. While I had many years without using porn, there are many more where I did it habitually (even addictively). Also, My habit for the first 30 years was mostly visual, but progressive from photo’s to video, to style and material. Then in 2000 it manifest in the first affair. I confessed and ended the affair in 2002, but kept the porn a secret from my wife. Later, When the porn again manifest into massage parlors and even more in my mind… I confessed both the porn & massage parlors to my wife 2-years ago. (I am struggling with aggressive management & accountability) But not yet free.

I am Anxious to learn “why I keep acting this way”

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BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2018 2:34 am 
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Hi BMN,

Quote:
I am Anxious to learn “why I keep acting this way”

You are about to enter a set of lessons which will do just that. At times the lessons can feel a bit slow in getting you to where you want to go but that is quite intentional. They set the scene and take you through it all slowly so that you have time to understand and digest it all. I can assure you that it will be worth it in the long run when it all starts to fit together. You are doing well, keep it going!

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A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Tue May 22, 2018 1:27 pm 
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Lesson 16

That you are now faced with orchestrating a transition that will mark the end of your addiction and the beginning of the healthy phase of your life
woohoo, I am ready!
That your compulsive behavior/addiction has served a useful purpose in your life, but that there are more efficient ways to satisfy that purpose
Once the pattern of using a specific behavior as a stress-relieving tool develops, you become more and more adept at using this behavior to manage your stress. You become a master at this particular behavior and usually expand your mastery into other similar behaviors (or similar patterns with unrelated behaviors). Let's take the behaviors of masturbation/fantasy. Masturbation and fantasy have many healthy roles to play in a healthy person's life: self-exploration; self-awareness; stress-management (yes, stress management...there is nothing wrong with managing your stress — even through "addictive behaviors"; the key is to manage your stress through a balanced approach that does not include behaviors with destructive consequences);
It's not quite as simple as that, but imagine: an endless supply of mind-altering chemicals, with unlimited access, available to you with nothing more than a thought or by viewing a single image.

Once your behavior is fused with your identity — that is, once the behavior itself has taken on the illusion of being a value in your life — the process for using that behavior becomes much like baking cookies.

Share a few positive aspects of your addiction in your recovery thread.


Actually I’ve known for a long time that I used porn, masturbation, and massage parlor’s for my stress. When I felt depressed, when a business deal I was counting on fell-through, or finances were not where I needed them to be, or I felt like i needed sex from my wife and she wasn't available, the anxiety was relieved (all so temporary) with an orgasm fix. Even though I fully understood this, I’m not sure I was aware how I got here, or that through a “process” a “reprograming change” could be realized. I am ready to say… Thank you porn & orgasm for easing my stress in the past, but I am now ready to learn a healthier way to deal with these emotions. (PTL)

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Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Wed May 23, 2018 12:28 pm 
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Lesson 17 Exercise:
I. Consider a particular compulsive ritual that you have engaged in. Identify the elements of this ritual and post them in your recovery thread.

My most common Ritual would be to open a laptop of tablet and search for porn. I often let the mood-of-the day guide me:
Sometimes: (single girls in various stage of undress, sometimes younger, sometimes older) Sometimes girl/girl couples, or Older men w/younger women, or MMF threesomes or MFF threesomes, etc…
What ever grabbed my attention is what I would focus on and search out – spending a lot of time (upwards of an hour or more each time) – progressing from still-photographs, to animated gifs, to short or full-length videos, typically collecting the files (.jpg, .gif, .flv, .mov, etc…) on my computer in a hidden folder…
My mind would definitely fantasize that I was involved with the person, I would usually be naked, alone, and continually stimulating myself – but refusing to orgasm right-away. After the required amount of time passed, I would Orgasm (accomplishment) and begin cleaning everything up. (usually deleting all the files I collected too).

Elements of this ritual:

Sensory – visual, and self given stimulation
Fantasy – always putting myself in the story, sometimes searching local massage parlors, and/or private provider’s in their homes – (acting out in the future)
Suspense – letting the images guide the direction
Accomplishment – collecting pics, searching & finding a theme, organizing the saved files, etc… (Accomplishing the time & alone-time required to enjoy the experience) Accomplishing the climax – orgasm in the end (ultimate accomplishment)
Other Elements: (not on wheel)
Perfectionism – searching for the most aesthetically pleasing pics (& ranking them)
Learning – Seeking out new information (practices, ways to pleasure)

_________________
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BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2018 4:19 pm 
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Lesson 18
Time, Intensity, Habituation

II. Consider one of your own compulsive rituals. Identify circumstances when each of the three filters (time, habituation and intensity) have come into play. Make sure that you understand each filter to the point where you are able to identify them as a ritual is being performed

Finding a massage provider:
I usually made up my mind to indulge in a massage with happy ending a day or two before going… (it was never an instant decision without planning)

I often would peruse advertisements on backpage, rubmaps, or craigslist, for providers.
I had a list of filter’s in my mind that I searched for:
1. private – in home, or walkup parlor in a shopping center
2. Her age (I prefer older 40yo +) for experience
3. Attractiveness
4. How much detail of the session is given (more=better)
5. Will she remain dressed or undressed during the rub?
6. Price (I searched for value – most contact for least expense) but not always the cheapest
7. Location – not too close, but not to far – Evaluating how long could I be unreachable while being massaged?
8. Schedule – morning was always better for me (never an evening)
9. Email (or only phone) my preference was to setup via email – I did not like calling
I often spent a couple hours doing the research for the right person. Just the fantasy with pictures was enough to begin easing the tension and stress, I actually enjoyed the process of selection almost as much as the event it-self.

Once I made the appointment – It was set in-stone for me, I always followed through and showed up on-time. In her apartment, or studio, I did NOT have a ritual, it was now on-her, she set the time, led the process and completed the deed – my only request while in her care was my answer to “what type of-a-massage” hard or soft & I always asked for hard…

After the massage – I typically am a generous tipper (not sure why, but always wanted the provider to “like-me”) and have her hope I would return.

Elements:
1. Fantasy – the search phase gives me satisfaction as I imagine how each different provider would be, I make this a ritual type search with my filters
TIME/ searching – research – hours
INTENSITY/ study – evaluate – perfect list (to me)
HABITUATION/ same routine every time
2. Sensory stimulation – the pleasure received from looking at options – the attractiveness of the ones kept on my list
TIME/ it’s ok to take as-long-as it-takes to make the right decision
3. Suspense (anticipation) of the decision to make a call, schedule a session & commit to a visit.
INTENSITY – a sense of anxiousness when she answers, excitement in fulfilling the task (appointment)
4. Accomplishment #1 – making a decision on who & making an appointment
INTENSITY – I am excited for my time-slot
HABITUATION – repeat the same pattern (occasionally choose a person for a second or third time, but only after the same habit of finding the right person)
5. Sensory stimulation – the feeling of the massage while naked on her table, the feeling of her hands & sometimes body on mine…
HABITUATION – enjoying the togetherness (habit forming) relaxing
6. Orgasm – the HJ finish
TIME – commit to an hour (or sometimes 90 minutes) longer is better
INTENSITY – always better than myself, and always better after the hour long connectedness and touching
HABITUATION – always a happy finish – this is the main purpose
7. Accomplishment #2 – completing the act.
HABITUATION – the pattern has been successfully completed.

_________________
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BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Tue May 29, 2018 2:08 pm 
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Lesson 19

there is only a call to deepen your awareness of how you go about deriving stimulation in your day-to-day life

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Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 28, 2018 2:20 pm 
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Lesson 20:

“with a practical understanding of the role that addiction has played/is playing in your life...how logical it really is...how functional it really is...you will have laid enough of a foundation to begin isolating that addiction and eliminating it from your life.”

“you can choose to build a life around this weakness — build a life around the misguided belief that addiction is a part of who you are — but it is unnecessary. The healthy choice is to build a foundation without cracks. One based on an evolving value system”


Exercise:

1) Examine your addiction and the role(s) that it has played in your life to date. Look across your life span and identify the progression of the addiction, the sustainment of it, the absence of it and/or the stifling of it. Look at the major transitions that you have experienced (childhood to prepubescent teen; prepubescent teen through teenager; teenager through young adulthood; young adulthood through adulthood; explore also any major traumas that you have endured (parental divorce, sexual abuse, moving to a new school or neighborhood, etc.) and identify the role that addiction (or the rituals that eventually developed into an addiction) played in helping you through that time period.
Your goal is to develop a fluid understanding of just how these patterns progressed from early sparks (harmless fantasy, etc.) to an eventual wildfire (e.g. addiction).

2) Look to future transitions in your life. Divorce. Death of a partner. Death of your parents. Death of a child. Loss of a job. Retirement. Having another child. Empty-nest syndrome. Consider many different situations that you will possibly face in the remaining years of your life. Situations that could potentially cause major instability to an otherwise balanced, fulfilling life. Explore the role(s) that addiction could play in helping you to manage these times. What would it feel like for addiction to come back into your life? Would it be a rapid collapse or a subtle progression? What signs would you look for? What actions would you take?


Wow, May 29th to June 27th (a “lost” month) ouch.
I “fell” for the last 4-weeks.
Progression, I stopped my daily monitoring, I stopped my daily QT (reading & journaling), I replaced it with viewing images and videos on Tumbler (somehow, I learned that my accountability software is NOT TRIPPED by this site – and I took huge advantage and started using and exploring a new venue of my addiction) – Sadly, when I view, I desire and I discovered that craigslist and back-page are both gone. – This led me to AMP’s. (3) different ones, and multiple times to two. All with happy endings (a very expensive habit)

Today – just an hour ago, I walked out – for what I hope is the final and last time I will use this form of my habit. (or any form lord willing).


#1 Examine
Addiction role in my life – dates back to 5 or 6 when I discovered the “feeling” of an orgasm (even-though too-young to know anything) bunk-bed-post, railing banister, clothes-line poles, etc… I did this multiple times a week until my teens, where I learned easier methods. The need to masturbate has stayed in-my life since this age, even when I did-not use porn to enhance. In-fact I was 16yo, before porn came into the ritual. (it obvious increased the intensity & shortened the duration) so it has played a major role for the past 40-years.

Progression: Childhood, no visual help (only physical) adolescence (added still-photo visual help) magazines, late-teens & early 20’s discovered the road behind the adult-drive-in and added video, this progressed to securing some VHS & DVD discs before the internet took off and made it virtually everywhere. (progression & sustainment) As early as 1986 – discovered the occasional home-visit escort & the rub-n-tug massage (but extremely reserved) like 1x every couple of years. I have always observed my ability to remain free-from-all for periods lasting several month to a year or-more, based on my activity and connection to the church. While doing; QT, journal, teaching, coaching, attending, and staying active – the desire actually would decrease and/or leave totally. (But always came back as soon as my focus and activity shifted) much like the past month. – from 1999 to 2002 I was in-an-affair, and unfortunately was sneaking around with a woman (younger) who had very similar addictions to myself (this was like “heaven” for the season, but it needed to end) and I had a very difficult Discovery Process with my wife which resulted in a year-long counseling & reconnecting phase – followed by 5 years without Sexual Temptation Issues, but it came back about (11 years ago). Been Struggling off-and-on for the past decade and ready to STOP.

Interesting, I never experienced any of the “trauma” items listed… I would really like to know what caused the development of the rituals I have come to be addicted to. I did move to a new school/neighborhood at 5th grade (10/11yr old) but much of this pattern was already with me by this time. (5+ years), I remember (after moving) using some trees in the back yard to “hang-on” and masturbate. But this was already a regular pattern in my life before moving. Is it really necessary to “KNOW” the beginning – the “early sparks”?

#2 Future Transitions:
What would it feel like for addiction to come back into your life? Would it be a rapid collapse or a subtle progression? What signs would you look for? What actions would you take?
Hmm, today, now it would be a “rapid collapse” If my wife left, or passed away – I know I would fall deeply into using sex for comfort. Today she is the MAIN reason I stay away, she keeps me accountable without even realizing. Without her companionship & my desire to meet her needs, I would no longer be cautious, and careful, and reserved. I may even develop a pattern of regulars… i.e. Girl A comes over the first Saturday every month, Girl B the second, C the third, etc… - I would go-to the same AMP every 1st &3rd Monday and an alternate on the 2nd & 4th – Then host cheating wives every Wednesday or Thursday during the day?

I could have this cycle put-together in a matter of a few months, and when I got tired of it – after about a year, Quit, cold-turkey, to get my life back-together and back-on-track. Wow, my values are weak, and I have been living outside of them for too long. In addition, I need to find a way to make (enjoying sex naturally, normally, and as God would have) a healthy and needed, regular part of my life. Signs (loneliness, needing comfort, reassurance, feeling needed, companionship, love, care, affection) all are triggers for my current and un-checked behavior.

Keep moving forward – knowing it’s the right direction and will ultimately lead to health & a different behavior-response to life.

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 29, 2018 3:25 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 26, 2018 10:23 am
Posts: 54
Lesson 21:

“Should you pursue a policy of absolute abstinence of all destructive compulsive behavior? Absolutely. Especially in early recovery, when the foundation for your life management skills are being developed.”

“Otherwise, after a certain amount of behavioral abstinence, the pressure to act out in one way or another begins to build, and from that moment on, it's just a matter of time before some compulsive behavior breaks through.”

That’s exactly what happened – after a couple months of “not-blinking” my compulsive behavior broke through… OUCH.

“There is no mystery about addiction, or for that matter, addiction recovery. The only real mystery is why so many people continue to struggle needlessly. Why so many continue to remain stuck. And even that isn't a mystery. It is because their primary focus is on stopping their behavior.”
Wow


Exercise:

A. What large goals have you attempted in your life and failed? Why do you suppose you failed?
- I wanted to give $60K to our church building program (large-goal) failed, I psychologically convinced myself that I was un-worthy because of my addiction and I did not achieve it (lack of faith) obvious lack of work, because if I had the money I would have given it.
- I wanted to buy land and build a home for ourselves in Delray, I failed. I blame the owner of the land who waffled back and forth, then said no after 3-years, so we went out and bought a home instead.
- I thought about a design/build company with my Son, but bailed on the idea for fear of having a strained-relationship with-him instead of an encouraging one.
- I have a HUGE goal to end my addiction to lust, porn, masturbation, and HE massage parlors. (but as of last month, I still failed at that too.

Why did I fail? – I think I never REALLY believed I would succeed (self-fulfilling prophecy?) my own doubts became the experience I had…

B. What large goals have you attempted in your life and succeeded? Why do you suppose you were able to succeed?
- I became an Eagle Scout at 17
- I got my dream-job in my career choice at 18/19
- I married my high-school sweetheart at 20
- We had a son at 26
- We had a daughter at 30
- I became licensed in my profession at 31
- I started my first company at 33
- I moved 1,000 miles away and reinvented my career at 42
- I started my second company at 55

Why did I succeed? I believed in me, I believed I would do them, I never doubted, never looked back, never gave-myself an option.

C. List one recovery goal that you have and break it down into as many smaller, measurable tasks as necessary for you to manage it successfully. If you find this difficult, then you are probably starting off with too general of a recovery goal. Make it specific.

ONE RECOVERY GOAL: Spend ½ hour or more, every morning with God in my quiet time. This is my single greatest motivator to keep my recovery on-tract.! (my hardest, and often my failed days, are when I bypass this one-thing)
1. get up by 5:00AM everyday
2. do not start any other task (other than going to the bathroom)
3. Immediately sit down and read my Bible, and Book(s)
4. Immediately journal what I believe God is speaking to me
5. Follow up with prayer.
End of steps – First Thing EVERY DAY (regardless of what is planned, or how I feel, or where I am.)

_________________
>>>
BMN

Proverbs 28:13
Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.


Last edited by beingmadenew on Wed Jul 11, 2018 12:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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