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PostPosted: Thu Jan 31, 2019 2:51 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Pornography:
Elements of a single compulsive ritual I’ve engaged in:
Comfort, familiarity, stimulation (visual, tactile), orgasm, fantasy, relief, curiosity
Walkthrough of ritual:
1. Decision to knowingly seeking content that I know has a chance to arouse me. (BEGINNING)
2. Try to rationalize away the peeking behavior
3. Conflict on whether to continue (this is where a break should occur by replacing self defeating self talk with self affirming. Repeating as necessary over the course of the next few days_)
4. Decide that the peeking behavior guarantees eventual relapse even if I stop
5. Begin to engage in ritual in earnest/engage with content.
6. Sift through a select genre of porn, picking out the most arousing content
7. Edge
8. Open up new window and repeat with another genre/theme
9. This might be done as many times as needed to achieve what I perceive to be enough (time filter management)
10. Narrow down choices
11. Arrive at final choice
12. Climax
Ritual chains:
1. Engage in ritual above or variation.
2. Rest
3. Festering of negative self talk
4. ‘’Nothing to lose’’ rationalization
5. Repeat ritual
6. Engage in entertainment activity (TV, music, games, etc.)
7. Negative emotions associated with relapse require relief
8. ‘’Nothing to lose’’ rationalization
9. Repeat ritual
This might happen over the course of several days to a week, broken up by useful activity.

In conclusion, I have a tendency to enter downward spirals where I feel bad about my compulsive actions and medicate with more of the same. I have an emotional tendency towards pessimism even though I know it is self destructive in a recovery context and that often manifests itself as feelings of hopelessness that fuel compulsive behavior.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 5:58 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Hey, just a quick update for anyone still reading. I'm still in the game, I'm still recovering and I've gotten to lesson 43. I don't really feel confident in one of the prerequisite skills (creating breaks). So that's what I'll be focusing on this week. I think that should be sufficient for starting the lesson. Sorry for the slow updates, but life has a way of getting in the way.
Felix out.


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2019 8:00 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 391
Hi Felix,

Thanks for your post. Of course no-one is keeping you on the time clock, you can work at the pace that suits you best. As you suggest, it is better to take your time to fully digest a lesson before moving on rather than racing through just to tick boxes.

You won't be the first person to have struggled with the concept of creating breaks so please be sure to post to your thread if you are struggling with anything and coaches and mentors will stop by to offer comments.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2019 9:31 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesson 44
My core identity allows me to embody my values. To strive to be the best I can be, to allow me to be content with myself, to make it so my actions words and values act in accord.
Value based experiences allow me to feel pride in what I do and who I am. They are the emotional fuel of a healthy life
I am in tune with my core identity and acting against it causes strong feelings of discontent. These feelings are stronger then the pride I feel for being in accord with my values. This is something I wish to rectify.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 5:40 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesson 46: Healthy chains

Original chain:
1. Exposure to novel stimulus
2. Fantasy based on novel stimulus continues to plague me for several days
3. Rationalize and negotiate safe ‘’peeking’’ that doesn’t involve actually seeing explicit content
4. Breach negotiated boundaries
5. Begin to masturbate (point of no return)
6. Enter database of various fetish specific web spaces
7. Browse and make note of the best ones
8. Narrow choices
9. Narrow down to a single picture
10. Climax

Revised chain:
1. Exposure to novel stimulus
2. Fantasy based on novel stimulus continues to plague me for several days
3. Rationalize and negotiate safe ‘’peeking’’ that doesn’t involve actually seeing explicit content
4. Breach negotiated boundaries
5. Catch myself engaged in slipping behavior
6. Take a few deep breaths, isolate myself from the emotions I’m feeling
7. Recognize that my desire to explore content further is a result of years of dependence, not anything natural or inherent to me
8. Recognize that without years of self conditioning, I would be able to clearly see that the cons of continuing far outweigh the pros
9. Re-read my values
10. Allow myself to feel pride in my choice
11. Proceed to keep busy with a productive activity, redirecting the emotion charge elsewhere


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 7:33 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesoon 47:
Ritual break example:
I might have a spontaneous thought concerning porn or anything erotic related. Because I know something associated with the urge is being thought about, I naturally anticipate the appearance of bargaining behavior. Once that’s begun, I know I the ritual has as well.
I anticipate the emotions involved would be lust, frustration and perhaps doubt. I would take the opportunity to distance myself from these emotions and allow myself pride in the fact that I will ignore.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 7:51 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Hi FN
Quote:
I would take the opportunity to distance myself from these emotions

I would? or I do and will?
remember that all and every emotion is finite and cyclic
dea with them in "BITE" size pieces

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 19, 2019 5:53 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
I now feel confident in my ability to anticipate, visualize and seek opportunity.


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 20, 2019 5:37 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesson 50
1. What consequences do I anticipate for positive, value-based response to an urge?
I anticipate, pride and peace of mind. I also anticipate momentary frustration
2. What consequence do I anticipate for an emotional response to an urge?
I anticipate momentary euphoria and relief. I also anticipate doubt, stress, emotional drain, shame and exhaustion.
3. What long term consequences do I anticipate for each?
High-self esteem and peace of mind for value-based approach and shame, low self esteem, sexual deviancy, impotence, increased anxiety and stress for the emotional approach


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2019 6:06 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesson 51
Ritual analyzed: procurement of prostitutes
1. Initial trigger experienced
2. Possibility of engagement in ritual is brought up in my mind
3. Fantasy experienced
4. Bargaining behavior occurs
I typically create a break between step two and three.
The options to consider are:
‘’Go online, make choice, complete ritual’’
Pros: Psychological and physical benefits of sex; possibly a fond memory; momentary entertainment.
Cons: Money and time; cross-contamination, exposure to highly sexualized content increasing the risk of porn use; possibility of a bad experience; habituation of bad sexual habits,
Cons significantly outweigh pros, not an option
‘’Go to a brothel’’
Pros are the same
Cons same but lack danger of cross contamination, but now there is an element of a lack of pre selection
Cons significantly outweigh pros, not an option
Long term consequences of both options
Pros: N/A
Cons: Danger of dependence, danger of sabotaging future long term relationships, mounting financial burden
‘’Simply continue on with your day’’
Pros: Piece of mind, relief of not having to go through all of the logistics
Cons: Momentary frustration
Most appealing option by far
Long term consequences:
Pros: Evidence of ability to change self
Cons: N/A


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 24, 2019 6:27 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesson 52
Example of situations where isolation of emotions from rationality can prove beneficial:
Lessening the pain of a rejection (‘’ Anxiety and pain are unproductive and not useful. Consider them as a impetuous for action and self reflection. It’s possible that you where rejected for external reasons with no fault of your own at play. If the fault is within you it’s very likely remediable.’’
Effectively managing stress (‘’You’re under a lot of pressure and there’s a lot at stake, but if you ignore how much you’re worried and focus on the task at hand, it will be easier. The distraction provided by your work will counterbalance the stress and dwelling on your trouble can only increase your chance of failure’’)


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2019 9:07 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesson 54
A couple of days a guy I work with breached a personal boundary of mine. I felt somewhat uncomfortable for bringing it up.
I came across a show, referencing prostitution. I kept watching even though it reminded me of something I no longer do, as it conflicts with my values. I felt momentarily exited by the atmosphere that was created, I felt free and adventurous.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 21, 2019 9:08 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesson 53
Situation in which masturbation would be against my values:
I’m about to go to be cast for a role. If I masturbate I will feel emotionally ‘’pacified’’ and therefore, I won’t be able to perform to the best of my abilities.
Situation in which masturbation would be congruent with my values:
It’s been a while and my stress levels are high. In this case masturbation would relax me and help me rest more effectively
Value conflict I might find myself embroiled in:
Conflict between boundary of not soliciting sexual services with wanting to experience something novel, sexually.
That’s really the only one I can think of


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 23, 2019 6:47 am 
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Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2018 8:43 am
Posts: 76
Lesson 50:

1. Prior to expected trigger:
Watching film, etc. featuring nudity or adult themes, increased stress, particularly worries about the future. Review ‘’on experiencing an urge’’. Apply as needed.

Time abroad with family that results in a lot of staying indoors in unfamiliar environment. This causes boredom and restlessness which increases the risk of acting out. A good counter to that would be consciously seeking out activity that would get
me out of the house/hotel more often.

2. Prior to spontaneous trigger event:
Fantasize two or more times a day, with different trigger situations, resolution is to follow action plan.
Examples of trigger situations: thought chain leading to sexual fantasy, content appearing on facebook feed, content being messaged by friend, casual mention of content in conversation, loneliness or frustration thoughts leading to inappropriate fantasy. Will expand list as time goes on. Roleplay more likely scenarios more often.

3. On experiencing an urge:
Follow action plan. ‘’Why engage in something that causes you so much pain.’’ If ineffective go to more thorough action plan execution. Isolate emotion, consider pros-cons, starting with cons, if urge still present after pro consideration, pull up values and think on the effect of acting out on each one, also read through ‘’personal notebook’’ file.

4. On being ‘’off track’’:
Review values and look at how each one has been affected by behavior or otherwise neglected out of complacency. Anticipate ‘’aftershocks’’, follow up destructive behavior that feeds off negative feelings of failure, be aware that it’s just a strongly embedded emotional reaction, not unavoidable fate. Analyze reason for behavior and set 3 day goals based on it. For example: complacency resulting in inappropriate fantasy, value neglect, neglected roleplay. Get back to regular roleplay (first 3 days), return to daily value monitoring (next 3 days). Review all action plans and update accordingly, based on what you’ve learned.

5. Do ‘’check ups’’ on the last day of each month. Look over values evaluate how well you’ve satisfied each one. Engage in action plan or 3 day goals if some of them have been neglected. Evaluate if any slipping behavior has occurred. Analyze why and how behavior occurred if it did, adjust goals to shore up weaknesses in recovery strategy.


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