Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:44 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 31 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2018 7:05 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
I have reached a point where I value superficial pleasure rather than hard earned rewards. I am irrationally sacrificing every chance, every possibility that I have to better myself and the world around me due to addiction, compulsion and irrationality. Yet, another summer is coming by and I haven't achieved 1% of what I 'planned' to achieve.

I came to the realisation that excessive planning and theorising is useless without action. Basically I talk the talk but don't walk the walk. The planning and theorising part gives me some sort of an emotional high, it gives me a false sense of accomplishment. I've fallen into a deep, dirty and slippery hole. The amount of mistakes I've made is uncountable. I think it's time we better change. I know I suck at changing and action. But everyone has to start somewhere I guess? Babies have more commitment than me! Why, you may ask? Because they don't have the capability or even verbal ability to make self-destructive excuses for themselves.

Goals that I want to achieve by the end of this workshop:

  • Live a normal genuine life without addiction, dependency and compulsive behaviours.
  • To recover all the damage that I've done to my brain and myself in general.
  • Currently, to my mind, the only pleasure in my life is sex-based. I want to start enjoying the normal and natural pleasures of life.
  • To recover from continuous and obsessive thinking about sex.
  • When I see something sexual, yes I will get a strong urge, but if I direct my thoughts elsewhere it should fade into the background. Not run into the bathroom and rub one out like a pathetic monkey!
  • To finally have that teenage youthful energy I should be having. Currently I am: constantly aroused and horny, tired and exhausted, lazy, lack of motivation and will to do anything, strong constant urge to sleep and lye down. All of this is abnormal, I want to start achieving my goals and making noticeable change in my life; I want to transform into the person I've always dreamt of being.
  • I want my optimal sexual health which I've never had back. I never had a wet dream, never had a natural erection, had very little morning woods. My sexual health is at stake.
  • The genres I've delved into recently are extremely perverted and messed up and they give me high highs when I orgasm, it is literally reprogramming my brain to become f***** up (no wander they called some of the categories: 'Mindf***. Will not list them as I'm super embarrassed of myself.
  • Just want to get rid of my nagging urges, obsessive sexual thoughts which never leave my mind, compulsive relapses (10 - 30 orgasms a day, is that bloody normal?) which leaves me weak, tired, leeched and feeling super guilty. I just feel abnormal. I feel like a zombie.
  • I want to get my natural confidence back and develop myself and most importantly my character. No more feeling insecure. No more doubting. No more feeling like a zombie.
  • I want to be action oriented, putting theory into practice. I want to be socially intelligent and develop my defined values and live by them.
  • I want to achieve my goals and dreams, and I don't want myself to be an obstacle in achieving my dreams.
  • I want to use every second of my time, to improve myself and my life. I want to become channel my current addiction to becoming addicted to do whatever it takes to achieve my goals.
  • I want to start a new, more fulfilling and empowering chapter in my life, where I start to exactly become the person I've always craved to be.
  • I want to teach myself (through the crazy urges I will be expecting to experience throughout this recovery journey) that I have to 'let go' of this addiction. Let go of it with all my might.
  • I want to value myself, love myself and deeply believe in myself.

Just to remind myself, I have to commit myself, fully and completely. My highest priority must be recovery. Nothing else.

My first step to successful recovery is trigger avoidance. Simple yet difficult, but possible.


Last edited by DefenceWarfare on Mon Apr 22, 2019 8:17 am, edited 20 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2018 10:10 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 293
Hey DW,

Quote:
Nevertheless, patience and full commitment is the key.


Couldn't have said it any better myself. So let's do this thing and welcome to RN!

You cannot unknow what you now know—that your life has come to a point of dissatisfaction and that you’ve been managing it with unhealthy decisions. The circumstances which bring you here may indeed be unique, but the path you will take to recover from them is not. What am I saying? You’re not alone and recovery is possible.
Your firm commitment to your life beyond addiction will make all the difference—don’t forget that it is your choice. So if health is what you want, then commit to yourself with conviction and complete the exercises with absolute honesty. The path is long and hard, but it has been done countless times before you.
Although we recommend completing around 3 lessons a week, we encourage you to read or post daily. That being said, recovery is not a race and it’s important to go a pace with which your body and mind can safely handle—many believe recovery to be a journey, not a destination.
If you find yourself challenged or have questions with one of the lessons, utilize the help forum as help is readily available.
Coaches and Mentors are likely to drop by occasionally. If they don’t, no worries, it’s generally a good sign that you’re on the right path.
So, do you accept this invitation to your new life? The choice is yours.
May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease,

Anon


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2018 12:11 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Addiction Diary -

Previous streak: 21 days


Last edited by DefenceWarfare on Mon Nov 12, 2018 5:58 am, edited 24 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 19, 2018 5:43 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 384
Hi DW, welcome back.

I was interested in your first post saying:
Quote:
Decision: "I commit to end the destructive patterns of compulsive behaviour that I'm currently suffering from, no matter how hard the journey to freedom and health will be. I failed too many time to count, partly due to lack of resilience. I am going to fight these damn urges and compulsions, I will use every tool in my arsenal and defeat and conquer them very agressively before they take full control of my life and before it gets too damn late. It's time to escape this madness and get a new stronger grip on life! It's time to get aggressive and merciless with this shit!"

and
Quote:
Couple of things to remind myself:

Never give up!
Finish what you've planned no matter how crap you feel; motivation will come after your achievement
Set a near impossible goal, forget it, and develop an indepth process to achieve that goal.
Work hard
Ask yourself better questions to redirect your thoughts

3 months on you are now back. We are pleased to see you again but I hope that your reasons for returning are that you want to do what you said back in July and do something about your addiction. Whilst a diary can be helpful to maintain, and I know that I often record thoughts on a particular day in my own thread, I sense that you will be more likely to be headed in the direction of recovery if you start with the lessons. If you are ready to get going then I would strongly recommend starting with the last part of the exercise in Lesson 1 in relation to a photo of yourself as a young child as this will set you up for the lessons that follow.

Good luck and I look forward to following your thread. Help is on hand if you need it, just post to your thread and coaches and mentors will stop by to help.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2018 4:06 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
learningtorun wrote:
Hi DW, welcome back.
3 months on you are now back. We are pleased to see you again but I hope that your reasons for returning are that you want to do what you said back in July and do something about your addiction. Whilst a diary can be helpful to maintain, and I know that I often record thoughts on a particular day in my own thread, I sense that you will be more likely to be headed in the direction of recovery if you start with the lessons. If you are ready to get going then I would strongly recommend starting with the last part of the exercise in Lesson 1 in relation to a photo of yourself as a young child as this will set you up for the lessons that follow.

Good luck and I look forward to following your thread. Help is on hand if you need it, just post to your thread and coaches and mentors will stop by to help.

The thing I lack now is the time, I'm writing this while I'm having my breakfast. I'm planning to do the lessons three times a week. Huge exams are coming up, but you're right, I must start now. I'll be doing the diary part daily as long as I don't relapse. Relapse really gets me; if I relapse I feel like I've lost all of my progress, chaser effect kicks in, I lose hope, stop studying, start procrastinating and I just need to get the thing outta my system (which is bad). That's why I'm planning to put 'resilience' as my number one value. Thanks for the reply!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2018 6:33 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Lesson 2 - Establishing a Healthy Vision for My Life

From this lesson I realised that one of the biggest reasons why I wasn't fully committed to recovering permanently from addiction was because of mortality; thinking that I have forever to overcome this addiction. So it's time to acknowledge the fact that time and experience is no longer infinite, which means I have to change now.

My vision:

Version (1.1):

To have the ability to work hard and respond resiliently to failure. To constantly improve, and to be more resilient and adaptable whenever I'm facing hardship and failure. To forget my goal and develop a system on 'how to achieve that goal', and to religiously follow through with it no matter how hard or tough it is. To stop making excuses for doing less and to start giving excuses for achieving more. Not allowing disapproval and scorn to stand in my way. To focus on improving myself by 1% everyday (that's being 37 times better in one year). To stop allowing fear from holding me back from what I want to achieve or pursue. To increase self-control by avoiding 'temptations'. To finish what I've planned to do; to be a finisher. To take pride in my work. To wage an aggressive war on procrastination, laziness and 'giving up'. To achieve small consistent successes everyday. To keep a personal journal and write in it everyday. To keep my goals and processes a secret. To act more than talk more. To stop preaching. To treat people with respect and know how to deal with people. To improve my communication skills. To be a good leader. To finish my work properly and with speed. To excel in physical fitness. To become independent and not rely on anybody for support. To avoid being a pessimistic and negative person. To learn how to talk effectively with people. To use every single second of my life to my advantage and reach my potential. To be respected by my family and friends. To develop a good personality. To improve my social skills. To live life with passion.


Version (2.0) - Revised and Updated

To become relentless in achieving my goals. To transform my body into a power machine. To achieve step 10 in all the steps in CC and fly beyond them. To develop a powerful physique. To achieve the body that I’ve always dreamt of having. To reach a low body fat percentage and maintain it permanently. To achieve perfect grades in my exams. To master my mathematics and physics to an excellent level. Do develop a proper English accent so I can communicate confidently and express myself freely and properly. Do develop eloquence and become skilled in social situations and master reading people’s body language. To become fearlessly confident and deeply believe in myself. To become fully responsible of everything that goes on in my life. To starve the doubt which has been killing my progress and start having faith in my abilities. To put extraordinary effort into achieving my goals. To become myself, value myself, respect myself, love myself. To achieve things which I've previously perceived impossible. To completely reprogram myself from ground up into the person I want to become. To become independent, independent of other people praising, approving and hating me.

Didn't realize the power of having a vision up until now.


Last edited by DefenceWarfare on Mon Apr 22, 2019 9:29 am, edited 5 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Oct 21, 2018 6:42 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3815
Location: UK
Hello DW
you wrote
Quote:
The thing I lack now is the time,


sorry but from the shoulder that is bullshit
however do not be offended by my bluntness all addicts make that same excuse
we all have all of the time in the world to act out , to feed the need
but we never have tine to recover to live healthily

you do have the choice choose wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 1:28 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Kenzo wrote:
Hello DW
sorry but from the shoulder that is bullshit
however do not be offended by my bluntness all addicts make that same excuse
we all have all of the time in the world to act out , to feed the need
but we never have tine to recover to live healthily

you do have the choice choose wisely

Not offended. I needed this 'wake up call' anyway. I found time yesterday which means i'll find time in the upcoming days. When I relapse do I continue with the lessons? Will I still have the life skills that I have developed from the lessons? The biggest thing that puts me off is me relapsing. Anyway, thanks for pointing that out.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 2:29 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 384
Hi DW,

Quote:
Not offended. I needed this 'wake up call' anyway. I found time yesterday which means i'll find time in the upcoming days.

I have been on the receiving end of similar bluntness and, like you, realised that I needed it.

Quote:
When I relapse do I continue with the lessons? Will I still have the life skills that I have developed from the lessons?

The lessons hold the key to recovery so if you don't continue with them you will never learn how to recover.

Quote:
The biggest thing that puts me off is me relapsing.

So is it better not to risk doing the lessons in case you relapse? The only thing that is certain is that if you do not do the lessons then you will not gain the necessary knowledge to recover.

Something you should ask yourself is whether it is that are scared to relapse or perhaps the thing is that you are scared to let go of your addiction? I would suggest the latter is more likely and I can tell you that every person that has recovered has felt exactly the same way. I remember reaching that point and the thought of letting go of what made me feel good was terrifying, but I had to let go of it in order to free myself of the addiction. If you think about Lesson 1 where you set out your vision and what you want your life to be about there was no mention of wanting to hold on to those things that brought you here in the first place and that is because you know you don't want them in your life. So trust your instincts and let go and you will be on your way to recovery.

The other point I would make is that every addict fears failure. If you do everything you have learned in the lessons but still slip up then you need to learn from why that happened and then get back up and keep going. No-one in recovery gets it perfectly right first time. The only ways you will fail is if you give up completely or you decide not to try in the first place for fear of failure. It takes courage to do this but you wouldn't have signed up if you weren't prepared to do that.

Give this the time it needs which means "regular" work on RN. It is up to you how often that is but however often or infrequent it needs to become a habit so you don't lose the momentum. As Kenzo rightly points out, we all used to find all the time we needed to act out so you can find the time if you think your recovery is important enough to warrant it. The choice is yours so please choose wisely.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2018 3:45 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Lesson 3 - The Role of Values

Values to derive emotional stimulation from:
Resilience
Productivity
Fearlessness
Risk-taking (danger)
Self-Control
Success
Taking pride in my work
Secrecy, to grow and become the person I want without anyone noticing
Speed
Independence
Optimism
Passion
Activeness
Adaptability
Aggressiveness
Awareness
Attractiveness
Being the best
Developing emotional maturity
Calmness
Being challenged; overcoming challenges
Charm
Clarity
Commitment
Competition
Completion
Confidence
Consistency
Cunningness
Eagerness
Efficiency
Endurance
Energetic
Excellence
Financial independence
Fitness
Fluency
Flow
Freedom
Guidance
Health
Taking care of myself
Intelligence
Introversion
Kindness
Leadership
Logic
Marriage
Motivation
Mysteriousness
Neatness
Being organized
Patience
Peace
Persuasiveness
Power
Pragmatism
Privacy
Proactivity
Rationality
Self-reliance
Self-respect
Silence
Skillfulness
Trustworthiness
Uniqueness
Vision
Youthfulness
Willingness
Being dedicated
Enhancing my spiritual awareness
Providing quality in my work
Establishing competence in my field
Meekness
Being respected
Developing patience
Personal independence
Experienced in conflict resolution
Personal growth, development

The 'Dark-side' of my values:

Visualizing women as sexual objects
Laziness
Procrastination
Exhaustion
Deceiving
Idleness
Lying
Energy drainage
Guilt
Shame or embarrassment
Disrespecting myself
Immorality
Depression
Instant gratification
Immobility
Sexual Fantasy
Dissatisfaction

Can't think of anymore...


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:38 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Lesson 4 - Prioritizing My Values:

Resilience
Success
Secrecy
Self-respect
Productivity
Speed
Self-Control
Competition
Completion
Activeness
Aggressiveness
Adaptability
Challenge
Intelligence
Patience
Being organized
Efficiency
Endurance
Fitness
Silence
Energetic
Consistency
Developing patience
Experienced in conflict resolution
Providing quality in my work
Establishing competence in my field
Confidence
Self-reliance
Health
Taking care of myself
Awareness
Meekness
Fluency
Independence
Fearlessness
Risk-taking (danger)
Skillfulness
Calmness
Cunningness
Freedom
Clarity
Commitment
Personal independence
Trustworthiness
Eagerness
Pragmatism
Rationality
Uniqueness
Developing emotional maturity
Taking pride in my work
Personal growth, development
Optimism
Proactivity
Passion
Being the best
Vision
Excellence
Willingness
Being dedicated
Attractiveness
Charm
Persuasiveness
Power
Motivation
Peace
Privacy
Youthfulness
Trustworthiness
Financial independence
Flow
Guidance
Introversion
Kindness
Leadership
Logic
Marriage
Mysteriousness
Neatness


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:49 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Lesson 5 - Identifying Incongruent Values:

Note: I'm really not sure whether my values are idealistic or realistic. Nevertheless, I'll give it a go...

Top 15 values I wish to develop:
Relentless
Confidence
Resilience
Responsibility
Speed
Calmness
Persistence
Self-respect
Secrecy
Fitness
Independence
Being Organized
Intelligence
Courage
Meekness


Last edited by DefenceWarfare on Tue Apr 23, 2019 12:49 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Oct 31, 2018 4:01 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Fitness:
  • Muscle and strength training twice weekly.
  • Track progress.
  • Daily active stretching.
  • Perceive food as energy only and only eat when very hungry.
  • Keep stomach empty for most of the time.
  • Learning to channel excess [WHATEVER] energy into fuel for achieving.
- Points for the future:
  • Daily eye training
  • Kegel exercises
  • HiiT workouts
Being Organized
  • Taking at least 15 minutes a day to organize my stuff.
  • Putting unused items back to their place.
  • Organizing everything in my life.
  • e.g. Keeping my papers, books, socks, devices, thoughts all organized.
Secrecy
  • To refrain from talking about myself too much.
  • Being completely secret about my goals and my systems.
  • Exposing my goals and plans makes me less likely to achieve them.
  • Minimizing talking about my goals and plans.
  • Keeping my very personal and paranormal experiences to myself.
Meekness
  • To avoid entitlement and victimhood like the plague.
Independence
  • I do not need a woman nor sexual release in my life; I don't need women, I only need myself.
  • To avoid neediness around people and especially around women.
  • To deeply believe in myself.

[Exercise not complete]


Last edited by DefenceWarfare on Tue Apr 23, 2019 1:19 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2018 10:53 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Building a Proactive Plan II:

Resilience:
  • To stand up and face that hardship I am currently having with more power and force after experiencing the so called ‘failure’.
  • To NOT see ‘failure’ as failure, but as a learning experience that can better my life.
  • To acknowledge that somethings actually does classify as a failure (such as killing someone and landing in prison xD).
  • To transform the negative emotions and thoughts I experience after failure into positive, ‘power’ emotions to overcome failure and grow in the process.
  • Adopting the "Porn and women are not an option in my life now" mentality or mindset.
Awareness:
  • Keeping a speed / progress journal to track my progress and try and beat my previous records.
  • Daily personal journaling (writing little things about myself every day).
  • To be aware of my slacking’s and negative behaviour.
  • Developing realistic systems for my goals.
  • Being honest to myself about my shortcomings.
  • Being aware of my procrastination (or any other negative) rituals and stopping them dead cold in their track).
  • Developing a pre-routine or pre-task ritual to get myself ready.
Completion:
  • To complete my tasks no matter what.
  • Again, to start and finish a task properly when I’m NOT bothered or NOT in the mood (increases mental strength, I believe).
  • To take completion and efficiency very seriously.
Calmness:
  • To be very calm and relaxed around people and myself.
  • To be mentally relaxed.
  • To be calm in stressful and dangerous situations.
  • To avoid panicking.
Endurance:
  • To be able to go through prolonged hardship (and reap the rewards).
  • Being patient and moving forwards no matter what.
  • Falling in love with boredom.
  • Not feeling like doing something = the perfect time to do something!
  • Pushing myself hard and achieving my full potential.
  • Pain is weakness leaving my body and mind.
  • To be able to concentrate on things for prolonged periods of time.
Intelligence:
  • Speed reading.
  • Memory training
  • Visualization – to be able to produce vivid images and “videos” in my mind.
  • To be skilful and useful.
  • To be fluent and eloquent in my speaking.
  • Accent improvement would do too.
  • To be able to express myself efficiently and confidently.
  • Researching skills.
  • Critical and logical thinking over emotional thinking.
  • Laser sharp Concentration .
Self-respect:
  • Avoiding complaining to others.
  • Not annoying others.
  • Avoiding being rude; to be respectful.
  • Thinking carefully before letting something out of my mouth.
  • Avoiding mocking others.
  • Respecting people’s privacy.
  • To avoid invading people’s personal space (or bubble as they say).
  • Keeping my hands and legs to myself ;)
  • Keeping my problems and sadness away from other people (to avoid worrying; my family).
  • Less talk and significantly more action.
  • Winning an argument through action more than through talk (talk is cheap).
  • Avoiding speaking like a roadman.
  • Acting like I’m constantly being watched or like I’m being outside in the public (embarrassing actions are not to be done even when I’m alone).
  • Being an asset instead of a liability.
  • Being friendly and nice.
  • Not tolerating rudeness and disrespect from anyone.
  • If I’m suffering or facing hardship then I don’t make other people suffer with me.
Courage:
  • Never showing any of my weaknesses to anyone.
  • Facing and confronting my problems.
  • Not allowing fear to stop me from getting what I want.
  • Avoiding fearing change.
  • Acknowledging that I am scared, absorbing it and then, facing my problems.
Taking care of myself:
  • Being physically fit and being lean.
  • Eating clean and healthy.
  • Making sure to brush my teeth.
  • Clipping my nails on a regular basis.
  • Making sure I’m clean (physically).
  • Not wasting money on useless things (like junk food).
  • Building good habits.
  • Making sure to develop these values properly.
  • Being super organized.
Confidence:
  • Achieving big things in life (currently feel worthless to be honest).
  • Improving my social skills.
  • Improving my body image.
  • Taking pride in who I am.


This exercise is NOT complete. Will be adding more things soon (if needed).


Last edited by DefenceWarfare on Mon Nov 05, 2018 12:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Nov 05, 2018 11:07 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:03 am
Posts: 23
Lesson 10:

This lesson was one of the reasons why I relapsed the last time I got serious about recovery (3 months ago?). The prostitutions and escort part really got me shaking and trembling uncontrollably xD. Seriously though, sexual addiction is really a messy thing.

  • Plastic gloves in a cupboard (Used them as a masturbation aid with a tissue roll to represent an artificial vagina (triggering word!).
  • My phone.
  • My laptop (Not much though).

Places where I relapse:
  • Bathroom
  • Bedroom (only if I have a tablet or a good phone at night).


Last edited by DefenceWarfare on Wed Nov 07, 2018 10:42 am, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 31 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group