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PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2018 8:05 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2018 2:29 pm
Posts: 4
Lesson I Exercises -

This has been a long time coming, and I have tried a number of attempts at recovery from porn addiction and other behaviors I know are unhealthy and self-destructive. So here goes.

A – Reflecting on three keys to establishing a successful foundation for permanent change:
1. I am actively committing myself to change by putting sexual compulsion behind me and seeking a more values-centered approach to life. For too long and too frequently, I have allowed myself to use pornography, sexual massage, and other “bottom-line” behaviors to consume me. The thrill of short term self gratification is alluring and the dopamine rush that comes from masturbation have become a drug that I am using to medicate my pain, loneliness, sadness, and shame. But it is a vicious cycle as the behavior only brings about more shame, loneliness and pain. It’s time once and for all to interrupt that vicious cycle, and this process holds promise of being the way to do that, restoring myself to a healthy path.
2. I can not allow guilt and shame to sabotage my commitment to change as it has in the past. The compulsion to PMO is strong and insidious, and it uses my guilt and shame to tell me that I am not worth any more than my worst fears about myself. Those voices tell me that I don’t deserve a happy, fulfilling life, and that efforts to lead a happy life, efforts to leave PMO behind are doomed to failure. I can no longer listen to those voices. They are voices coming from a place of guilt, shame, insecurity, and loneliness. My life will not change if I continue to give these forces the control.
3. This will take time, and I commit myself to taking the time to follow the Recovery Nation road-map. I have been diverted from the road map before, and I know that I am sometimes prone to procrastination. The voices of my compulsion will support procrastination and put roadblocks in my way. There will be nights when I am tired, and don’t want to do the work. But I am going to have to power through those moments if I want to have the happy fulfilling life that I know is on the other side of this process.

B - 10+ reasons why I seek to permanently change my life.
    1. I want a happy, mutually beneficial, supportive, and fulfilling relationship with a life partner, and I will not be able to achieve that important goal unless I make this change.
    2. I want to be open and transparent in my dealings with friends and family, and not feel like there is a part of me I am always trying to hide.
    3. I want to improve my mental health
    4. I seek to be more at peace with myself and who I am
    5. I want to be more present and attuned to my surroundings
    6. I want to be proud of myself
    7. I want more energy, motivation, and vigor in my life
    8. I want more joy and laughter in my life.
    9. I hope that I can channel the negative energy I have expended in to sexual compulsion in to positive energy that will motivate me to become more physically healthy as well as mentally healthy
    10. I want to experience healthy, positive sexual intimacy with a partner – free of shame and self doubt
    11. I want to improve my self esteem and confidence
    12. I want to nurture my self

C - Reflecting on my childhood self.
A picture of myself at 6 or 7 has a faraway look in his eyes and a light smile. I took such pride in being a good kid, always cleaning my room and doing what I was told. I helped take care of my little brothers, and I felt responsibility for them. The trauma I experienced when we moved from the suburbs to inner city Chicago is still seared in to my brain. I was 9 at the time, and the shock of moving from Suburban Milwaukee to inner city Chicago was so jarring – represented vividly by the crash of a beer bottle at my feet as I stood in the alley behind our building waiting to unload the moving truck on our first night there. I can remember how painful that was, how sad I was to be living in this industrial setting instead of having a room to myself in our old house, my parents having taken a vow of poverty. But I tried to hide my pain, because I had to be the responsible one, the oldest of 3. And I got pretty good at hiding pain, not telling people what was really going on in my child mind. No one was asking anyway, so it didn’t take much effort to hide it from anyone. Eventually I adapted to the new environment. Our lives were pretty Spartan, and we got hand me down clothes, and ate donated food. Different adults supervised the evening meals on our floors each night, a job they were assigned to in rotation, never happily. One guy caring for us had an epileptic fit while caring for us and started literally knocking kids heads together randomly. It hurt. I was desperate for compassion and love, and sometimes got it from my parents or other caring adults on our floor. But it was often not available to me when I needed it.

I was innocent and certainly vulnerable. And that kid certainly experienced trauma. I don’t think about it much, but it is a part of me now. The task is to guide this person, me, back to health.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2018 4:25 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3771
Location: UK
Hey Oliver
Welcome to RN, hopefully you will celebrate the fact that you are here

Quote:
The task is to guide this person, me, back to health.
:g: :g:
so lets make the changes required for this to happen, you can do this and will do this so long as you choose to
Choose wisely

if you really do want to improve your life and to recover from your addiction then you are at a good place to make that wish reality
Commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting and reading
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

your reasons for change are generally solid as they are positive and about you
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2018 9:17 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2018 2:29 pm
Posts: 4
Lesson 2 - Establishing a Healthy Vision for Your Life

    C. Write out your vision. Use any format you would like. As a general rule, the more personal, the better. Post this vision in your Recovery Thread. There is no right or wrong to this vision...though it should be comprehensive enough for a stranger (such as a coach or mentor) to read it and have a pretty good idea as to what you value and the life that you want to live.


I want to be remembered as someone who was a good friend, compassionate, reliable, trustworthy, kind and honest. I went to live a life of authenticity, which means being free to be my authentic self. I want to be more compassionate and loving of myself, appreciating myself for who I am and more capable of accepting and celebrating who I am. I want more confidence and self-assuredness as I go about my days. I want to have made a difference, whether through professional achievement or communicating about things that are important. I want to have a long-term, committed, relationship that brings joy, humor, and intimacy to my life with some one who complements me and with whom I can enjoy the joys of life. I want to be a good uncle to my niece and nephew, to be supportive of their growth and development as good and globally engaged young people.


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2018 2:39 pm 
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Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2018 2:29 pm
Posts: 4
Lesson 3 - The Role of Values

B. Your goal for this lesson is to create a single, comprehensive list that involves all of the primary ways that you derive stimulation from your life.

1. Myself
2. Being known as reliable
3. Compassion
4. Trustworthy
5. Authenticity
6. Confidence in identity
7. Professional accomplishment and achievement
8. Comfortable with intimacy
9. Supportive of others
10. Friendships
11. Communication skills
12. Make a difference
13. Self love
14. Sense of humor
15. Self-respect
16. Health - mental and physical
17. Living with integrity
18. Strengthening my role as a son
19. Strengthening my role as a brother
20. Strengthening my role as an uncle
21. Strengthening my role as a dog owner
22. Establishing competence and talent in my field
23. Humility
24. Social justice
25. A peaceful world
26. Resourcefulness
27. Knowledge about the world
28. Financial stability
29. Connectedness to purpose and meaning
30. Principled leadership
31. Being charitable / altruism
32. Show appreciation and love towards others
33. Taking care of myself
34. Honesty
35. Staying active
36. Sense of adventure and curiosity about the world
37. Creativity
38. Music
39. Feeling challenged
40. Being a good listener
41. Self discipline
42. Forgiveness
43. Accuracy
44. Dedication to service
45. Hard work
46. Logical reasoning
47. Attention to detail
48. Gratitude
49. Fun
50. Communication
51. Equality
52. Recognizing the light in others


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 30, 2018 5:47 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3771
Location: UK
Hello O
remember posting
Quote:
This will take time, and I commit myself to taking the time to follow the Recovery Nation road-map. I have been diverted from the road map before, and I know that I am sometimes prone to procrastination. The voices of my compulsion will support procrastination and put roadblocks in my way. There will be nights when I am tired, and don’t want to do the work. But I am going to have to power through those moments if I want to have the happy fulfilling life that I know is on the other side of this process.


what do you have to lose compared with what you can gain
its a no-brainer
lets get on with recovery asit has been a while

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2018 10:35 am 
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Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2018 2:29 pm
Posts: 4
Lesson 4 - prioritizing values

1. To take care of myself mentally, physically, and spiritually
2. To act in the world with compassion, authenticity, forgiveness, honesty, curiosity, and humor
3. To work and strive for a more just, peaceful, and equitable world
4. To seek connectedness, meaning, and knowledge
5. To value relationships with friends, family, and colleagues
6. To have a deep relationship with intimacy, love, mutual respect, and support


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